How long, Lord? Because no one really knows how long this will take…weeks? months? Will you forget me forever? Literally feel alone How long will you hide your face from me? I get this is supposed to “bring us closer to you” and “reveal our humanity” and “you’re in control, and you’re good so, like, rest in that” but DUDE, can’t you just for once show up in a fireworks show so I know it’s you?! How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? Because I’m having some nasty AF thoughts and I’m jumping through all the emotions in a much quicker cycle than I normally do. How long will my enemy triumph over me? Like covid, and the damn president, and the irritating harmful ways people around me are trying to “fix” me and “give me solutions” because they don’t know how to wrestle with their inability to change and make me feel better Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Waiting. Literally not busy and available for your answer. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. I don’t know. I’m not trying to win. I just really need your kindness and love and your overt intimacy to be here. I miss those days when I KNEW you were right next to me and speaking to me. I miss being in an environment witnessing firsthand your presence. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. What else can I do? What else do I have? I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me. I’m alive. I’m breathing. I know it will work out. Eventually.

Psalm 13 (WITH MY LIZARD BRAIN WAY OF PRAYING)

Creative: Be kind to yourself.

Brave: Be kind to yourself.

Generous: Be kind to yourself.