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Day 30: Conflict Resolution

January 15, 2019 — Leave a comment

Leviticus 1-4; Psalm 30

Burnt. Grain. Peace. Sin. That’s the order of offerings given to God to approach him. It starts with hospitality and thanksgiving. It starts with gratitude and welcome. It starts with laying our defenses down. Then it gets into the nitty gritty of offenses and wrongdoing. The ways of this book may seem laborious and over technical, but it’s also a way of repetition that can make this mindset of gratitude and humility second-nature. In these offerings, God isn’t demanding sacrifices because he thinks he’s so damn good and humans are so damn lucky to even gain access. What if God is showing us, his character requires a mirroring in us of gratitude and humility? He only wants to be on the same playing field as us. No defenses. No pretenses. Meeting at the food table. And then, let’s get into it.

Can we take this same approach to our relationships? How can we begin with gratitude and peace? A second to explain peace: This is not a ways of ignoring offenses and acting Kumbaya as if all things are good. No. It’s a dropping of defenses to actually hear each other! Back to peace. Can we welcome everyone into our time and space with vulnerable and open hospitality before we get into the nitty gritty messy? Wouldn’t the messy and ugly feel more rooted if we know off the bat, we are here for the good of each other, of the other? Couldn’t this actually bring about better conflict resolution?

Acknowledge with gratitude. Drop our defenses. And let’s get into it.

Day 29: Brought out to be set apart

January 14, 2019 — Leave a comment

Exodus 35-40; Psalm 29

The people are to give according to how their heart is stirred. How do we measure that stirring? How do we straddle sacrifice and generosity? How much do we give to exhibit our commitment?

God’s laws set us apart. We are to be known by God’s law. God’s law should make us attractive in order to fulfill the covenant of multiplying our numbers. God’s law isn’t only to shape us in the present, but to remind us of what’s to come. I like this concept of his law. It’s the training, the discipline, the way to move that transform us. When you follow something long enough, it becomes second nature. I don’t have to walk around a store and constantly remind myself not to steal. If you are living and breathing love and compassion, you shouldn’t need to pray about giving our compassion and love. It should be second-nature. Your heart should naturally stir for you to give.

Goodbye Exodus. It’s been real and bits boring. It’s been upsetting and scary watching God be that angry and sad. It’s been patient to journey with the Israelites in the wilderness. Exodus,you are tiredsome and specific, but it all points to a long suffering grace that is God.

Day 28: Unconscious coloring

January 13, 2019 — Leave a comment

Exodus 32-34; Psalm 28

I just listened to an interview between a NY times reporter and an Arizona sheriff who works in a border town. The sheriff is a nice, informed, Christian man who sees dead people in the woods, families trying to seek asylum and more daily. He is in support of Trump. He was dissenting how he heard Trump’s address, and he zoned in on what he thought mattered and everything else, while not 135% aligned, supported his argument. He didn’t seem bigoted. He really cared and he painted the immigration policies in our country with greater clarity and in need of reform. But we listened to the same address, and my ears are colored, as much as I want to think I’m not prejudiced and educated, and the moment I hear that prez’ voice my body cringes.

How colored are we when we read the Bible? Have we been desensitized to not see the ick of God and people in the OT? Do the killings not alarm us anymore? Or are they just stories we can skim, but then for other parts, we hold really tightly?

When we talk about this passage in Exodus (golden calf passages), do we forget that God wanted to kill all these people who created a calf? Did we forget that he did send the Levi’s into town to kill over 3000 men? Oh, but then we focus on God saying he’s a slow to anger and compassionate God. What the hell is going on here? Is this the God I worship? This God who loses it when he loses control over his people and needed Moses to calm him down. Is this the God that allowed Moses to kill the men? Goddamnit. Reading the Bible makes me question my faith more and more; if that doesn’t happen to you, you’re not reading carefully.

Lord help me not lose sight of who you are.

Day 27: Smell Good

January 12, 2019 — 1 Comment

Exodus 30-31; Psalm 27

This morning I woke up to the smell of bacon. It was heaven. It was as if I was both getting hungry and getting full at the same time. I’m still thinking about the bacon even though it is now long been eaten.

I love the imagery and sensation of aroma of the sacrifice. An aroma spreads. It draws in. It hooks people. Most of the goodness of food is in the smell. If you couldn’t smell, the flavor dissipates. Is that what we do with our works and sacrifices? Does it attract? Does it repel? In Romans it says we are to be living sacrifices. Are our lives making people interested in what we honor or do our lives make people hate who we uphold? Do our lives make others curious? Are you bringing people near just by being? Aromas don’t make themselves fill the air and give off scents. They just are by the burning. We make ourselves attractive by the thing we focus on to honor what and who we love the most.

To whom do you dedicate the most time to? To what do you focus on most? What is the response of those who are in your space? Smell good friends. Smell good and make people interested in what you’re consuming.

Day 26: What it takes to be with the Holy

January 11, 2019 — Leave a comment

Exodus 28-29; Psalm 26

From clothes to how to use every part of the animal sacrifice, God knows. It’s as if God is trying to put language to the complexity of his holiness. This is what it took to be in the presence of pure goodness. This is what it required. But God trusts that we could follow these steps and wants us near. Doing all this is a daily reminder for Aaron and the priests that there is a distance between humans and God. Our relationship has been severed and it can feel like work to get near to God again. Imagine from the kindest most loving parent, I want you near, but do remember how much you’ve hurt me, for your sake so you remember the depths I went, but I want you. But without that parental guilt. You know what I’m talking about.

In comes Jesus who bridges this, who reminds us daily, minute to minute, that God has gone to the depths for us and when we remember that we are one with God again. When we trust that God wants our good, has our good, has proven he wants that, we are aligned with God. We trust his kingdom. We trust his commandments, because they don’t tell us what to do, but more illuminate what we know is good. God’s heart of good is our heart. If we can trust that God is for us, we can give it all up.

I’m not into selfish rich privileged Christians toting the prosperity gospel exclaiming God is for us! God is for us means you are willing to sacrifice everything material, emotional, mental, spiritual, relational that has filled the places of I’m good enough. I’m enough. God is for us means we are already fully loved.

Day 25: Move your body

January 10, 2019 — Leave a comment

Exodus 25-27; Psalm 25

The tabernacle is REAL specific. Parts have to be an exact length. Materials need to be of a certain kind. It’s like building the Star Wars or Harry Potter sea of LEGO’s. The place where God dwells isn’t a haphazard place. It’s a unique, specific, sacred space that requires awareness, care and a vision of what’s to come. Thank Jesus we don’t have to make tabernacles to have the presence of God among us. Because of Jesus and his love, we get to have the Holy Spirit that can dwell in us because we are the temple.

Do we treat our temple with as much care, awareness and vision of what’s to come? Is our temple in constant process? Is it already perfect for God to dwell? It’s both. We are already holy to host God in us, yet have room to keep becoming the holy place where God dwells. How can we treat our bodies, our minds, our souls with a celebration of what is present and a desire for growth to what will come? May we know our bodies, all its specifics and sacredness. May we honor our bodies and see its power and beauty. May we bring our temple to places to make them radiant and not make the place worst. We don’t do that by doing, but by being whole and loved without pushing the place where we’re at to love us. If we can act and live as if we are already enough and holy and loved, how much less will we take and demand of everyone and everything and how much more will we simply want to give of ourselves?

Treat your body like a temple. Nothing that comes in it will defile it. But don’t be taking that for granted. Don’t devalue it by disrespecting it. You know that ick feel when you do that. Or when others so unjustly do that to you. But what can your body do for others?

Day 24: Wild wild country

January 9, 2019 — Leave a comment

Exodus 22-24; Psalm 24

The Israelites were in Egypt under oppression with rules created by the Pharaoh. Here they are in the wilderness and God sends them commandments and a way of living. Being in the wilderness without boundaries and direction would not have been freedom. God needed to be so specific on relational and moral issues as if the Israelites didn’t know these things. His specificities with animals and money and people reveal an intimate God who knows what our daily dealings are like. God cares about those day to day things because those all connect to the 10 commandments which in turn connect to loving God and trusting God.

But I can’t imagine life in the wilderness like this. Was this better than being in Egypt? Free but not sure what the next day would look like? Is freedom and faith better than living in a society where I know what each moment will look like? If yes, then why do we often live in the latter? We choose pain over the potential of fulfillment/disappointment. We choose settling over the potential of loss/gain. We choose knowing over possibility. Is it the control? Is it fear? I’m trying to figure this out so I choose the scary hope over the unhappy secure!

Day 23: Rules, Rules, Rules

January 8, 2019 — Leave a comment

Exodus 19-21; Psalm 23

Here comes the rules. Rules are a imperfect manifestation of wisdom and social justice and goodness. It’s a way of making sense of a less tangible sense of holiness and right way of living. It’s an asymptote to living for God. If we follow all the rules but without consent and knowing the heart behind them, it’s not love. It feels like prison and a system of trying not to cross the line. I’m not saying rules are bad. If you look at the rules and commandments and understand this helps us prioritize God before self, this helps us trust our provision, this teaches relational goodness, and you agree with the foundation of these said commandments, then you’re not following out of obligation but rather living according to a good way. So don’t fall pray to a need to follow 10 commandments and 52 other ones to be a “person of God.” What do the commandments say about God, you and people? How does each commandment help us live in just relationship with God, others and ourselves? Because when Jesus comes he revamps these rules, not by abolishing them but actually by revealing the impossible-like heart of God’s way. Do not lust? Damn that covers a lot of ground and makes us really think through our ideas of intimacy, relationship and love. Forgive fully? Damn that makes us rethink reparations, revenge, Grace, mercy and endurance. Those ideas are big and broad and require wisdom and freedom and a continual conversation with God. I can follow rules; now living a life where each moment is surrendered to God’s wisdom and freedom? That requires faith.

Day 22: EMO Woe

January 7, 2019 — Leave a comment

Exodus 16-18; Psalm 22

There are days that you are given the double portion in order to have a day of rest. We are given abundance in order to allocate well and plan for the future. That is as much a part of the story as trusting God for daily manna. We need to both trust daily, and take just as much as one needs daily, not more and not less, while being prepared for days when we cannot work and toil. Do we toil sometimes and never enjoy the fruits of our labor on rest days? Let rest exist. Let hard work exist. Let daily trust exist. Let interdependence exist.

Psalm 22 is super emo and desperate sounding. It’s often how I feel inside but I’m afraid to be that open about it. How can one be truthful with how one feels without feeling needy? As I’m typing this I’m in an emo mood. When you’re self-conscious about coming off too desperate or needy, you second guess asking every show of emotion. Or at least I do. Then I just become a bottled up bitter mess. So how can I be present in my feelings such as being forsaken and abandoned without making others eye roll? Do I need to care? Or is it presenting where you’re at in a certain place without needing anything from a human listener? I mean the best thing anyone can do when you’re so stuck and entrenched in your feelings is just listen. Because as you listen, you help unravel the blinders around me and pull me out of my woe is me. I never want to be in my woe is me phase but sometimes I’m there and your clarifying questions and care can help pull me back to the surface.

Day 21: How to read without discarding God

January 6, 2019 — Leave a comment

Exodus 13-15; Psalm 21

I don’t like this God of war. I’m not sure how to receive all that he does here. Unless, one I discard this story, which Bible people say you can’t. You can’t just pick and choose stories in the Bible because in essence you are creating the God that fits YOU. And how much can we really trust ourselves? There should be a level of discomfort when we make ourselves better, more in line with wholeness, goodness, compassion, kindness, all the above that God is from the beginning. So this God of war and God who hardens the Egyptians are really messing with me. I either have to take this story or throw away the God. Can I interpret this story in light of God’s character? A God of war that fits into a God of compassion… Can this tale be a metaphor? Does it remind us how prisons and past lifestyles grip us and don’t want to let us go? Does it tell us to keep signs of how God has freed us? What have we been freed from? What’s a sign of that, that we can bring up time and time again so we don’t lose sight of that redemptive God? Does it also show us how quickly we forget all that God has done for us? How quickly we see the power of God and go back to complaining about the little things and doubting?

Seeing this more as a metaphor of God’s power and love instead of taking it so literally help me make sense of it. It still doesn’t sit 100% well with me. Is that because the wars and revenge of my current world really suck? I’m part of the oppressive nation. In my current world, we are the Egyptians.