…because why wait for a calendar to start a new goal. I’m tired of waiting and I’m tired of asking for permission. I’m over trying to get it right and having the perfect vision/tag line/proposal before I do something. These are the things I know and that’s why I am choosing to do this new 365 challenge. I’m going to read God’s word every day and write a little something about it. I did this this past August and it was the hardest and most spectacular. It forced me to meditate on God’s word and how it really affects me and those I love and those I want to love better. I didn’t grow up in the church. I didn’t go to Bible college. I don’t know where I stand theologically on every single damn topic, and if there’s a person out there who “has the answer to everything,” you’re wrong; you’re not God. God allows for mystery and questioning, for expansion and discovery, for curiosity and for change. This year has been a rollercoaster in my faith. Some days I love Jesus and want to tell everyone about him and I really do think that saving myself for marriage is like the DUH thing to do because Jesus makes it worth it. Other days I want to say fuck Jesus because God is in everything and that is so damn unfair that gross selfish comfortable racist homophobic bigoted people “will go to heaven” and others don’t. It’s stupid. Most days I’m trying to love God and trying to love others, and I’m failing at both. Most days I’m failing, yet I know I’m loved and those days bring me back to the ground. I recognize that when I’m focusing on my circumstances and instead of my steady unchangeable worth, I become an awful presence to be around. I’m my most steady unchangeable worth when I’m in conversation with God. He/she reminds me evil does not have the last word and that love and hope prevail. If I doubt that, I can look at the cross. So for my sake and for those around me, I want to be a presence that empowers those around me with love, hope and redemption. God please speak to me in a way that makes me listen and know? Thanks non-binary beyond-my-comprehension God.