The Senselessness of Suffering

September 23, 2020 — Leave a comment

Two other men, both criminals, were also led out with [Jesus] to be executed. When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals – one on his right, the other on his left. Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.’ And they divided up his clothes by casting lots. The people stood watching, and the rulers even sneered at him. They said, ‘He saved others; let him save himself if he is God’s Messiah, the Chosen One.’

Luke 23:32-35

At the peak of Jesus’ exposure and humiliation, he still had compassion for his persecutors. Jesus was stripped and mocked, yet his response was care and compassion. How is this possible? How was he able to hold onto his humanity while everyone around him was trying to strip it away?

There is a strength and power that none of us will ever be able to fathom. This was God in flesh who held both vulnerability and empathy in each hand, in all situations. Jesus experienced pain after pain before he endured this finale: rejection from friends, betrayal by those closest to him, poverty, pressure, the inability to save everyone. He surrendered so fully into his purpose and love for the people, that his present pain was also wrapped into the future renewal.

How do we keep our hearts open and tender especially in the midst of suffering? How do we still pursue the goodness of others even as we are being destroyed? Your pain may not make sense; when does pain ever make sense and feel fair? If we cannot make sense of the suffering, we could instead sow compassion and forgiveness because those do make sense. Compassion helps us see the thread of brokenness in all of humanity. Forgiveness helps us to stay vulnerable and open to renewed connection. These two may not take away your suffering, but they might help you find community and love in unexpected ways.

Reject Me Not

September 22, 2020 — Leave a comment

Then seizing [Jesus], they led him away and took him into the house of the high priest. Peter followed at a distance. And when some there had kindled a fire in the middle of the courtyard and had sat down together, Peter sat down with them. A servant girl saw him seated there in the firelight. She looked closely at him and said, ‘This man was with him.’

But he denied it. ‘Woman, I don’t know him,’ he said.

A little later someone else saw him and said, ‘You also are one of them.’

‘Man, I am not!’ Peter replied.

About an hour later another asserted, ‘Certainly this fellow was with him, for he is a Galilean.’

Peter replied, ‘Man, I don’t know what you’re talking about!’ Just as he was speaking, the rooster crowed. The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: ‘Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times.’ And he went outside and wept bitterly.

Luke 22:54-62

Why did Peter stick so close to the friend he kept rejecting? Why did Peter still stick around as he kept denying his affiliations with Jesus? Peter wanted to know what was going to happen to Jesus without experiencing the consequences himself. Peter still felt drawn to the Lord, but seeing what was happening to the Lord, felt it safer to keep a distance. How can we sometimes be so close to someone yet actually be so far away?

Regardless of his overt verbal rejections, Peter was already recognized and labelled as someone who knew Jesus. People saw him frolicking with Jesus. People knew Peter’s background. People knew that there was something between Peter and Jesus regardless of what he was saying in this fearful dark moment. I am both comforted and anxious about this . It gives me comfort because no matter how much I verbally reject God or distance myself from other Christians, I am and will forever be marked as a child of God. The experiences with God, the experiences of God and the experience of God with me are forever mine and continue to shape me. I may reject God in moments, but I am always his and he is mine. This also makes me anxious because no matter how much I try to run and hide, people may see and smell the Jesus on me. There’s a standard and a way of being that I feel an account. There’s a relationship that still takes up room in my heart. I always know when I am deviating from that standard and relationship.

People think much about the person who gets rejected, but there is a pain in being the person who rejects. Psychopaths aside, rejecting someone can come with it guilt, bitterness and brutal self-reflection. If you have been rejected, may God sit with you in that sorrow and wash away any notions of unworthiness. If you have rejected, may God sit with you in that sorrow as well and wash away the grip of guilt.

Blinding Lights

September 21, 2020 — Leave a comment

Meanwhile, Saul was still breathing out murderous threats against the Lord’s disciples. He went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues in Damascus, so that if he found any there who belonged to the Way, whether men or women, he might take them as prisoners to Jerusalem. As he neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, ‘Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?’

‘Who are you, Lord?’ Saul asked.

‘I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,’ he replied. ‘Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.’

The men traveling with Saul stood there speechless; they heard the sound but did not see anyone. Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing. So they led him by the hand into Damascus. For three days he was blind, and did not eat or drink anything.

Acts 9:1-9

Are we imprisoned by certainty & anger? Are we set and determined down a path of destruction, thinking others will get hurt when the resentment is only killing us? Are you being called to let all that shit go?

Saul had all his armor: his achievements, his purpose, his status, his community, his resume on paper. God needed to blind him, to set his eyes on something new. God needed to make him helpless and dependent in order for him to starve out the toxins that were in his body. What will it take for you to let go of your armor, detox and drop whatever is making you tense and tight?

What is your anger covering up? Where do you feel injustice? How would you like the world to be? Why? Who would benefit if you got this world? Would it make you more vulnerable and empathetic? If you got this world, would it bring people together or tear communities apart? I hope that under our righteous anger is a compassion for humanity and a hope that renewal is possible & coming. I pray that you can let the anger point to the compassionate fragile beautiful heart inside that God wants to use, and actually, can only use. Be caring. Be fragile. Let go of that armor.

Hide & Seek

September 20, 2020 — Leave a comment

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden and in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, ‘Where are you?’

Genesis 3:6-9

What makes me so sad in this passage is the need to cover up exposure and nakedness. Wisdom robs us of an innocence that allows us to be free and naked, unafraid to trot as we are with everything we have out there. Wisdom somehow made our nakedness and another’s nakedness something that was not appropriate for the public. Somewhere between innocence and wisdom, shame snuck in. And I hate shame.

The shame that causes us to hide from each other. The shame that causes us to hide from God. The shame that causes us to hide from ourselves. Shame put barriers between us and other, us and God and within ourselves. Because this shame can be planted in us so early, it’s hard to know what life feels like without it. What does life feel like without shame? What will it take to reclaim a sense of innocence and openness? What “wisdom” is helpful and gives us a way to draw boundaries and separate from that which is evil? But what “wisdom” only seeks to separate and cover up because it gives you an impression of “safety” even if underneath that is shutting in/shutting down? I hope we can hold to wisdom without anger and guilt because truth is we are post-Garden of Eden and we have access to wisdom now. So while you hold to your wisdom, how can you also find the early seeds of innocence that allowed you to be open, to trust, to feel so connected to another, you didn’t ever need to hide or curate?

Imogen Heap – Hide & Seek: Isn’t that our life anthem? Can we shift to more of a Keala Seattle – This is Me soundtrack?

RBG

September 19, 2020 — Leave a comment

Again the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the Lord, not that Ehud was dead. So the Lord sold them into the hands of Jabin king of Canaan, who reigned in Hazor. Sisera, the commander of his army, was based in Harosheth Haggoyim. Because he had nine hundred chariots fitted with iron and had cruelly oppressed the Israelites for twenty years, they cried for the Lord for help.

Now Deborah, a prophet, the wife of Lappidoth, was leading Israel at that time. She held court under the Palm of Deborah between Ramah and Bethel in the hill country of Ephraim, and the Israelites went up to her to have their disputes decided. She sent for Barak son of Abinoam from Kedesh in Naphtali and said to him, ‘The Lord, the God of Israel, commands you: ‘Go, take with you ten thousand men of Naphtali and Zebulun and lead them up to Mount Tabor. I will lead Sisera, the commander of Jabin’s army, with his chariots and his troops to the Kishon River and give him into your hands.’ Barak said to her, ‘If you go with me, I will go; but if you don’t go with me, I won’t go.’

‘Certainly I will go with you,’ said Deborah. ‘But because of the course you are taking, the honor will not be yours, for the Lord will deliver Sisera into the hands of a woman.’

Judges 4:1-9

Women lead and women decide. Women prophecy and women protect. Women watch over and women take charge. Women are chosen by God to watch over nations and are chosen by God to overthrow nations. Deborah the prophet, the judge, was no exception. She was but an example of where women belong.

Rest in power RBG. Thank you for how you set an example for all of us women and warriors to do what is right and to lead a life that is marked by integrity and dissent. Thank you for fighting hard for us even while you were fighting hard to stay alive. We will honor you by choosing to live our lives in a way that bring others together and elevate the integrity of humanity. We will honor your legacy by stepping in even when we are exhausted, even when it feels so late in the game, even when we know our time is coming to an end. You showed us how to keep going and you showed us no is a good answer. We love you. We honor you. You are marked by God and as you rest in Shalom, may you continue to preside over this nation. We need your vibes.

My fellow sinners & mockers

September 18, 2020 — Leave a comment

Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither — whatever they do prospers. Not so the wicked! They are like chaff that the wind blows away. Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous. For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked leads to destruction.

Psalm 1

Some of these TikTok stars will stay; many will fade away as the trend shifts to another platform of #hashtag #viral sensation. Some who have thrown up black squares and #BLM have forever shifted their lives for the cause; many will go back into daily life hoping they won’t be called out for any deep seated microaggressions. Who becomes like a John Lewis or a Gloria Steinem? Who becomes rooted in the work till death at 100 like Grace Lee Boggs? How does one become committed to their purpose and stay the course regardless of the fading trends and crashing waves?

Our roots grow depending on what we feed them. Are we feeding our souls with words and company that prune, uproot, disrupt the bad to make room for the better? Are we meditating on truths that make us feel more grounded and whole? Are we set on the long game, trusting that fruit WILL SHOW UP, if we stay in the game? When we are set on the presence and purpose of God for our lives, we will prosper. Yet be careful of how you measure prosper. To prosper is to have an abundance of enoughness & peace.

We sin when we are so keen on our own ways regardless of what the voice of God urges for our good. We all sin because being rooted and patient are hard to do. We sin when we deny that God has our best interest. We all sin. We mock when we are skeptical of the good and the hopeful. We mock when we let our own bitterness and pain get in the way of experiencing renewal and refreshment. We mock because it feels safer than opening our hearts up again. We all mock.

I hope that even as we see our propensity we can also keep in mind the possibility and beauty of being people who are planted with purpose. I hope that the latter curbs the propensity so that we all create new patterns to slow down, desire for big things and seek a life for the long game. I pray that closets and closed doors open up for the healing of God and for the goodness of his voice. I pray that even if/when we see the wickedness in us, it only points to the possibility of being something other.

YOLO guarded by the Spirit

September 17, 2020 — Leave a comment

For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. So do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner. Rather, join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God. he has saved us and called us to a holy life – not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel. And of this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher. That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know when I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day. What you heard from me, keep as the pattern of sound teaching, with faith and love in Christ Jesus. Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you — guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us.

2 Timothy 1:6-14

What gets me is the see-saw I experience in life. One moment I am determined to live my life to the fullest, have a DGAF attitude and live in my power by doing things where after I can say, No one can judge me, but God. The next I’m reading this Word and there’s another kind of power that makes my life moments dim and the purposes of God so bold. Here Paul makes living for the gospel, living a holy life so worthwhile, so much bigger than us. And aren’t we all at least a bit drawn to living a life that exceeds beyond our little life?

It’s the marrying of these two moments — the DGAF, only God can judge me energy of being in this world WITH the big purpose, living for the gospel hope that makes every interaction, every word, every action meaningful. How does this play out in our daily thoughts, relationships, pursuits and paths?

In church, they always encourage us to measure all life by the Scriptures, but instead of leaning into a one way street where the Word of God sometimes halts all our behaviors and actions, make it more of a conversation. Yes, before acting and speaking let it filter through the bigness & goodness of the Word of God. But you have to come back to this world, too. What does it look like to still pursue those actions and honor those desires but with the refreshed & renewed sense of bigness, goodness and power of God? It doesn’t always have to mean, don’t do it anymore, give up your hopes. It could mean, boundaries, coming back to your immutable worth and not doing things just to please others and the world, or realizing that the standards the church has used to tried to shame you into a “holy life” may actually not align with the Word of God. Live a YOLO kind of life that honors the gospel.

The calm before the fill

September 16, 2020 — Leave a comment

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

Genesis 1:1-2

God resides in the emptyness and in the creation.
God is there for the formless and for what will take shape.
God is there for the empty and for the filling.

God is there when you feel like you’re in a void, when you’re at the beginning, when you’re feeling lost and spent. God hovers over his creation with purpose and creates and forms in stride. More than that, the Spirit of God is in you. So even when you feel separated and empty, the Spirit of God is stirring inside ready to create a masterpiece. Well, more than that, God has already created a masterpiece and is simply waiting for our minds to catch up to that truth.

Where in your life do you feel empty? Where are you feeling anxiety to fill what feels like a lack? Sometimes in the beginning, insecurities, fears and crushing expectations flood in to take up the space of God’s intimacy and quiet. Can the longing instead point to a truth of God — that he provides, that he is good, that he is wise in timing, that he creates for good? Can this start of something new be filled with joyful anticipation and hope instead of exhausted pre-filled disappointment? Yet how do we get from that place of lack and dark to a place of openness and faithful expectation?

By embracing and acknowledging the empty and the longing. By looking back at examples whether in the Bible or in your life when Jesus pulled through. By praying so hard that there is no time and room for fears to take hold. By filling your mind with songs of praise and worship and promise. By embracing the empty and filling it with the Spirit of God and trusting that as that filling takes place, it will manifest into a fullness you can experience on this side of heaven.

Unmasking with Friends

September 15, 2020 — Leave a comment

Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.
Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips.
Stone is heavy and sand a burden, but provocation by a fool is heavier than both.
Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?
Better is open rebuke than hidden love.
Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
He who is full loathes honey, but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet.
Like a bird that strays from its nest is a man who strays from his home.
Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel.
Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father, and do not go to your brother’s house when disaster strikes you — better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.
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Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

Proverbs 27:1-10, 17

There is nothing like crisis or the stripping away of routines & busyness to examine the health of our lives. We examine by looking truthfully at our relationships. Our relationships reflect what we care about, how we handle community and how we grow, and don’t grow. Every relationship is a mirror of us. Why are you connected to this person? Why are you still connected to this person? How do you care for this person? How does this person care for you?

This time is hard not being able to meet up with friends with the same ease and convenience like we once experienced. Even in those few times I do get to see my friends, it either feels heavier or so precious that after separation I sit with a depression hangover. I pray that still we push through and fight for those precious moments, and be honest with each other. There is little room and energy to keep being armored and masked. The world has stripped us of that so can we do that in our relationships. Can we be vulnerable and kind and honest? Can we truly, truly desire the good of those we love by showing up fully and showing up fully for them? Iron sharpens iron. This moment feels like a deep sharpening and that is painful. May we in this process experience the deep intimate love of true relationships.

The Focus in Faith

September 14, 2020 — Leave a comment

Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, ‘Lord, who is going to betray you.’ When Peter saw him, he asked, ‘Lord, what about him?’ Jesus answered, ‘If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.’

John 21:20-22

Peter was literally brought back into the fold of Jesus, the most intimate and vulnerable of recommitments, before he quickly turned his focus to the other disciple John. Peter was ready to be called into deep responsibility — to feed the sheep — yet when he got word of how he was going to die, he needed to turn his focus elsewhere and get away from whatever feelings he was having in the moment. Fear? Insecurity? Unworthiness?

We may be down for Jesus’ purpose in our lives until we experience the depths of intimacy and specificity it has on each of us. It is so exposing and vulnerable, that it can push us to quickly turn the focus away from our hearts. It can sound so intense and unreal that we need to hear what it’s going to be like for others, to simply not feel alone in our fears or inadequacies.

When do you catch yourself thinking, what about them? When do you fall prey to comparison and getting wrapped up in where others will end up? When something feels unfair and overwhelming, how do you cope? Do you address those feelings or do you look out and point the finger at things/people that are not even part of your issue?

I pray you know that God has a special and particular calling for your life. If you know this, then you might be scared. You might have all kinds of feelings. Come back to the intimacy of God, to his gentleness and continual mercies. Focus on your beautiful journey. Don’t let the devil make you feel small or bitter for having a purpose and place that is hard and uncomfortable. That place is where you require the most faith and focus.