CBG: Integrity

May 15, 2020 — Leave a comment

I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me, he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.

John 15:1-11

When I pass by a tree or a plant, I see the beautiful flowers or the ripe avocados. The flowers and the avocados are extensions of the whole tree, even if my focus is specific. All of the tree had to work together for that one bit of miracle at the end. Fruit can only come from a whole system working together, in line with its purposes. Fruit can only come from integrity. Integrity is the state of being whole and undivided.

Paul often talks about this push and pull that exists in us. We often do the things we don’t want to do and don’t do the things we ought to do. We feel this. We know this. Even if you don’t believe in Jesus or the Holy Spirit, I think most of us have a meter for integrity. Integrity is where things are aligned — where the body and the mind — are aligned with something greater than us. For us in Jesus, it’s the Holy Spirit. This is not to dismiss the fact that the mind loves to outspeak the body and makes us ragged exhausted. We live in a culture where we put more emphasis on the mind as well. If we adhere to the Spirit in us, which is guided by peace and joy, the body falls into place, and the mind will follow suit. Integrity is a swelling from within and up — from the Spirit to the body to the mind. I think you can even see it in a person, in the way they stand, in the way they are open, in the way they are rooted.

Integrity is something that we hear a lot about, preached everywhere. We all seem to want it, but we rarely practice it to make seem like a true priority. I’ve been thinking a lot about integrity, how much I want it and how hard it is to always choose. The fruit of integrity is freedom, openness, peace and a rooted power. But the path of integrity is lonely, awkward, uncomfortable and requires much faith. It can lead to pruning relationships and habits, and often does if we allow it. It can lead to doubt when we focus on the worldly results instead of the centered compass inside. It can feel antiquated. Remember the fruit of it and its fruit that draws people in. Remember the power we have that fuels our integrity. Remember that you will sleep better at night.

Prayer: God I pray to be a person of my word. God I pray that I will take responsibility for my actions. God I pray that I would choose alignment with the Spirit over my own comfort. God I pray that you would show fruit to give me the motivation to keep choosing you.

Character: What emotions tell you when you are misaligned? Where does freedom rest in your body?

Grace: What was the last hard decision that gave you a lightness after you did it?

CBG: Savior

May 14, 2020 — Leave a comment

So Boaz took Ruth, and she became his wife. And he went in to her, and the Lord gave her conception, and she bore a son. Then the women said to Naomi, “Blessed be the Lord, who has not left you this day without a redeemer, and may his name be renowned in Israel! He shall be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age, for your daughter-in-law who loves you, who is more to you then seven sons, has given birth to him.” Then Naomi took the child and laid him on her lap and became his nurse. And the women of the neighborhood gave him a name, saying, “A son has been born to Naomi.” They named him Obed. He was the father of Jesse, the father of David.

Ruth 4:13-17

I hope we never leave reading Ruth only thinking that Boaz was the redeemer. He was literally the kinsman-redeemer for Naomi’s line, and he played that out in a noble, compassionate and reputable way. Ruth is the true miracle here who pulled Naomi out of the depths of her own bitterness. Ruth didn’t lack a lover; she pursued Boaz because this was what Naomi wanted. Ruth who has proven to be better than 7 seven sons. Ruth who defies the engrained gender inequality in most cultures, including this. Ruth who gave birth to a son and gave Naomi hope again. This fairytale started with Ruth’s sacrifices.

Don’t fall prey to the narrative that someone will save you. You simply walk with integrity and love sacrificially; that is the only part you are to play in this life. Jesus saves, not in this human kind of way. He saves us from ourselves, our own suffocating narratives, our self-reliance, our need to protect our ego. He saves us so we can become like Ruth’s, and live with wide surrender and faith. God is the only one who “saves” us without needing anything in return. He “saves” us so that we can feel completely worthy and live from that place of love instead of our natural instinct of lack. If there is a human out there who declares they can save you, flee immediately!

Prayer: God I pray for an openness to you and whatever you have for us. God I pray for faith to walk in truth and integrity. God I pray that you help us love those around us more. God I pray that you make me a relief for those who are in pain or bitterness.

Character: Where can I replace lack with love? What feelings come from acting out of lack? What feelings come out of moving with love?

Grace: Where have you felt as equal as other genders?

CBG: Love Story

May 13, 2020 — Leave a comment

And [Ruth] replied, “All that you say I will do.” So she went down to the threshing floor and did just as her mother-in-law had commanded her. And when Boaz had eaten and drunk, and his heart was merry, he went to lie down at the end of the heap of grain. Then she came softly and uncovered his feet and lay down. At midnight the man was startled and turned over, and behold, a woman lay at his feet! He said, “Who are you?” And she answered, “I am Ruth, your servant. Spread your wings over your servant, for you are a redeemer.” And he said, “May you be blessed by the Lord, my daughter. You have made this last kindness greater than the first in that you have not gone after young men, whether poor or rich. And now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you all that you ask, for all my fellow townsmen know that you are a worthy woman.”

Ruth 3:5-11

We read this passage, with its context and trust that Ruth and Boaz are people of good character. Can we always do that with all the passages of the Bible so that we don’t inappropriately misinterpret and in doing so judge and harm?

Boaz is a man worth lying at his feet for. He saw Ruth’s insane actions in their best light. He knew that this woman was but following orders of her mother-in-law. He saw her kindness in choosing him and not other people who might be better. He called her daughter, recognizing his boundaries and making sure to honor her most present identity. He gave her barley so that she would go back home, reputation and integrity upheld.

Find yourself someone like Boaz: one who sees you through best intentions, one who cares about your integrity & reputation, one who assuages your fears, one who is humbled by your presence, one who makes sure you leave better than you came. Be a Ruth: one who loves sacrificially, one who is honest and vulnerable, one who has integrity in her words.

Prayer: God I pray to be like both Ruth and Boaz, full of hope and integrity. God I pray for an openness in my heart for you to provide a love that is so insane and so funny.

Character: How am I not trusting God with my desire to be loved and wanted?

Grace: How have I been shown recently that I am loved and wanted?

CBG: Identity

May 12, 2020 — Leave a comment

Then [Ruth] fell on her face, bowing to the ground, and said to [Boaz], “Why have I found favor in your eyes, that you should take notice of me, since I am a foreigner?” But Boaz answered her, “All that you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband has been fully told to me, and how you left your father and mother and your native land and came to a people that you did not know before. The Lord repay you for what you have done, and a full reward be given you by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge!” Then she said, “I have found favor in your eyes, my lord, for you have comforted me and spoken kindly to your servant, though I am not one of your servants.” And at mealtime Boaz said to her, “Come here and eat some bread and dip your morsel in the wine.” So she sat beside the reapers, and he passed to her roasted grain. And she ate until she was satisfied, and she had some left over. When she rose to glean, Boaz instructed his young men, saying, “Let her glean even among the sheaves, and do not reproach her. And also pull out some from the bundles for her and leave it for her to glean, and do not rebuke her.”

Ruth 2:10-16

There are so many take away’s from this passage, depending on your need and want. This is the set up to an incredible love story as we anticipate upcoming obstacles and the imminent rescue. This is a parable of God’s provision and goodness demonstrated with such swoon by Boaz. This is a reminder that we are but a character in a more magnificent story of moving parts and cast members. This is proof of hope that what we do in secret will come to light. (Or warning if you’re doing nasty things in secret.)

What struck me reading this was the difference in how Ruth saw herself and how others saw her. Ruth identified herself as a foreigner. That was her leading understanding of herself. Boaz, on the contrary, saw a brave and loyal woman. He was moved and inspired by Ruth, and she didn’t even know it. Then again, part of Ruth’s appeal and beauty is her ability to not lord all she’s done on others. She doesn’t walk around with a chip on her shoulder, like she’s entitled to goodness.

From this short encounter, I ask you, how do you see yourself? Don’t be so quick to judge whatever you come up with! Be gentle with how you see yourself. When does that identification lead you with humility and when does it hold you back from taking up space? Remember, humility requires confidence. It demands that you know your worth without needing to prove it. Trust that when you lead with character, it inspires and it impacts those around you and those far away. And even when you don’t feel it, God is watching and looking after you. Your story and journey are not experienced in vain.

Prayer: God I pray for a bravery to see myself clearly. God I pray that you would provide compassionate and kind people to reflect parts of me that I don’t dare think about myself. God I pray to live humbly, a moment at a time.

Character: Where am I not trusting who God says I am?

Grace: What former ways of seeing myself have been redeemed?

CBG: Bitterness

May 11, 2020 — Leave a comment

So [Naomi and Ruth] went on until they came to Bethlehem. And when they came to Bethlehem, the whole town was stirred because of them. And the women said, “Is this Naomi?” She said to them, “Do not call me Naomi, call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went away full, and the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi, when the Lord has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?” So Naomi returned, and Ruth the Moabite her daughter-in-law with her, who returned from the country of Moab. And they came to Bethlehem at the beginning of barley harvest.

Ruth 1:19-22

You are Naomi. You left your homeland in hopes of a better future. Instead, you lost your husband and your sons. You come home with a stranger-to-the-land. People are stirred up by your presence. You are so bitter, you tell people to see you only by your current feelings. Circumstances, really God, have changed you forever.

You are Ruth. You gained a family and then lost most of it. You give up your hometown, everything you know, to follow a woman you feel you’re supposed to follow. You come to this new land where everyone is staring at you. When people come up to you and your mother-in-law, she doesn’t even acknowledge you. You are part of the empty she is in right now. If anyone should be bitter at this moment, it should be Ruth, right? She gave up everything and the woman she gave up everything to wouldn’t even acknowledge it. But where can she go? She already left her hometown. She might have already broken ties back there. She can’t go back.

Ruth and Naomi are both in situations where there are no other options. Naomi/Mara who is so bitter, so wrapped up in her past and present grievances, she misses the best thing right next to her. Ruth who is in a new land with new rules, unacknowledged, questioning if her loyalty and integrity had indeed led her down the right path.

Are you a Mara or a Ruth right now?

Prayer: God I pray that any bitterness and resentment we are allowing to grip us would be released. I pray that you would give us more room to be soft and an ability to see beyond our losses and grievances. God help us to acknowledge the things we have gained whether physical, mental or emotional. God help us to lean into our loyalty and integrity.

Character: Where in my life is the story I keep replaying, woe is me?

Grace: How have you grown as God as brought you “back home” or “full circle”?

CBG: Restoration

May 10, 2020 — Leave a comment

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions.
Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin!
For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment.
Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me.
Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation and uphold me with a willing spirit.
Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you.
Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, O God of my salvation, and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise.
For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I will give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
Do good to Zion in your good pleasure; build up the walls of Jerusalem; then will you delight in right sacrifices, in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings; then bulls will be offered on your altar.

Psalm 51

You can only live in this verse if you trust in God’s compassionate presence and recognize your own transgressions. What God desires is a humbled heart that is brave enough to see oneself and desire and believe in an imminent newness. Refreshment and restoration with God are prerequisites to restoration in our relationships, actions, self-image, speech and purpose. Seek God first and everything else will fall into place. Will you give yourself a moment now to do that?

  1. How was this week hard?
  2. How was this week clarifying?
  3. What relationships were tested this week?
  4. What relationships gave you hope?
  5. What did you discover about God’s character?

CBG: Intimacy

May 9, 2020 — Leave a comment

As soon as [David] had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. And Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father’s house. Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt. And David went out and was successful wherever Saul sent him, so that Saul set him over the men of war. And this was good in the sight of all the people and also in the sight of Saul’s servants.

For as long as the son of Jesse lives on the earth, neither you nor your kingdom shall be established. Therefore send and bring [David] to me, for he shall surely die. Then Jonathan answered Saul his father, “Why should he be put to death? What has be done?” But Saul hurled his spear at him to strike him. So Jonathan knew that his father was determined to put David to death. And Jonathan rose from the table in fierce anger and ate no food the second day of the month, for he was grieved for David, because his father had disgraced him.

And as soon as the boy had gone, David rose from beside the stone heap and fell on his face to the ground and bowed three times. And they kissed one another and wept with one another, David weeping the most. Then Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, because we have sworn both of us in the name of the Lord, saying ‘The Lord shall be between me and you, and between my offspring and your offspring, forever.” And he rose and departed, and Jonathan went into the city.

1 Samuel 18:1-5, 20:31-34, 20:41-42

“The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David.” David and Jonathan were soulmates. Jonathan sacrificed his own standing, his protection, his safety, his everything for David. What did David give up for Jonathan? I think David was so distraught and afraid that having the undying support from Jonathan gave him the courage to keep going. His own endurance and perseverance was the parallel response to Jonathan’s everything. They both gave their everything to what the relationship needed: Jonathan, his support and resources, and David, he fulfilling his calling. They needed each other void of guilt, obligation, tit for tat’s, comparison and jealousy.

These relationships of sacrificial love can seem so fairytale like in a world that encourages us to be self-reliant, self-seeking and legacy-building. When you look at Jonathan and David, they found their destiny through each other. Intimate relationships give our lives purpose. Jonathan found the boldness and courage to give up his place in the kingdom and gained the highest of integrity, good nights of sleep and a forever friendship. His son eventually sits at David’s table. David found the encouragement and support to keep on the scariest of paths and to go against the evil system and he gained a future no shepherd boy had ever imagined. On the outside, the friendship might seem unbalanced but for those who are in such a friendship, there’s no formula for the intimacy. It simply is that deep.

Prayer: God I pray that you would reveal the areas where I am led only by self-reliance, self-seeking and legacy-building. God I pray that you give me opportunities to love sacrificially. God I pray that you put more people like Jonathan’s and David’s in my life, and that I can be those for others.

Character: Examine a hard friendship. What are your expectations? What are you giving? What is the friendship based on?

Grace: Examine a friendship that’s been a gift. What are your expectations? What are you giving? What is the friendship based on?

CBG: Hardened

May 8, 2020 — Leave a comment

Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap steadfast love; break up your fallow ground, for it is the time to seek the Lord, that he may come up and rain righteousness upon you.

Hosea 10:12

I wish integrity could always be felt. I want to feel genuinely and act from there. It’s as if an action can only be authentic if it’s motivated by a genuine felt experience. How often is this prerequisite an excuse for not doing, an excuse to skip out on things that make me feel uncomfortable, a justification for lazy covered up in the notion of “boundaries” and “self-care”?

Side: I am the biggest advocate for boundaries and I think it’s brave to draw them out. Do your boundaries honor your sense of worth or do they seek to make you feel more worthy? These are very close neighbors. Boundaries stemming from self-worth may feel uncomfortable, racked with thoughts of, “I feel bad,” “What if they think I’m…” However your self-worth will not be contingent on the response. On the other hand, boundaries that aim to impress your worthiness have whiffs of ego-building, self-centeredness and imminent fear of the recipient’s response.

Back to integrity of our actions: sometimes we cannot wait to feel before we act. What if our hearts are built on fallow ground? Are we going to wait for the ground to magically soften? Wait for someone else to tend to the plot of heart? Sometimes the only way to release our hearts from hardness is to act in love and do right. It’s refusing to let a hardened heart dictate your life. It’s taking action because even if you don’t feel the Holy Spirit at work, s/he’s at work. It’s a greater integrity than alignment between actions & feelings; it’s an integrity between actions & God in you. Break up your fallow ground! Throw down the rake hard. See cracks form. The season of tenderness is around the corner.

Prayer: God I pray for a tender and soft heart. God I pray for a dependence on the Holy Spirit when I feel paralyzed in my actions. God I pray for an integrity that is aligned with who you have called me to be: a child full of worth and purpose.

Character: Where are you seeking worth?

Grace: What does a tender heart feel like?

CBG: Pain

May 7, 2020 — Leave a comment

After this, Jesus knowing that all was now finished, said (to fulfill the Scripture), “I thirst.” A jar full of sour wine stood there, so they put a sponge full of the sour wine on a hyssop branch and held it to his mouth. When Jesus had received the sour wine, he said, “It is finished,” and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

John 19:28-30

Jesus was going to die. What would a sip of hydration going to do? He’s dying. He’s thirsty. He gets sour wine.

There are some days, like today, when you hear about another innocent black man who is murdered by white supremacists who are not held accountable for their hate, that there is nothing that can quench the pain and suffering. No words. No amount of money. No justice that will bring back Ahmaud’s life.

What can quench the anger? What can quench the injustice? What can salve the pain? What can make us believe, again and again, that we are progressing? What glimmer of hope is now?

God’s justice doesn’t seem to break through. God’s eventual reign doesn’t seem to break through. I somehow find comfort in Jesus’ death and pain. That he suffered till the very end. That he suffered because of a friend’s betrayal. That he suffered for us, who forget, who often don’t give a shit. Jesus suffered hard. My greatest hope is that Jesus’ sacrificial love moves our anger to sadness to love to the most faithful and courageous action.

Prayer: God I pray for justice. I pray for comfort. I pray for your light to break through the darkness.

Character: Where can I redirect my anger more in the direction of love?

Grace: Where in your body can you make room for God’s grace?

CBG: Rejoicing

May 6, 2020 — Leave a comment

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Romans 5:1-5

Tell someone who is suffering to rejoice and when they punch you in the face, I wouldn’t be surprised. Tell someone that their suffering produces character so that they get perspective also merits a punch in the face. Tell someone in the throes of their suffering that it will eventually culminate in hope isn’t salve. It can feel like lemon juice on a paper cut.

Rejoicing is an internal reminder between you and God. It should not be an unrequested reminder from someone on the outside looking at someone’s pain. It can be a prayer for you to have for another, that they will experience relief and purpose and hope in the midst of suffering. Pray so that they will know their suffering is not in vain. Pray that for yourself.

When I am in pain, I am not celebrating with tambourines or animal balloons. When I am in pain, it is not helpful to put on a smile and have some perspective. That will lead to untimely blow ups and deep rooted resentment. When I am in pain, in Christ and in patient small steps, I have access to former moments of peace and to future promises of healing. Will these recollections remove my pain? Not necessarily. However it might pull your mind and body out of circumstances and into a greater reality untouched by circumstances, like God’s character and presence. It might for a brief moment transport you to a quiet and still moment where you can hear God’s whisper that he’s right there with you. It might for a moment remind you, you are not your circumstances or your pain; you are the character and the worth strong enough to still exist in the pain and circumstances. Rejoicing isn’t a party. It’s the act of separating what’s real and what’s forever truer. It’s glimpses of clarity between the unchangeable goodness and the current details. It’s the ability to breathe, hold space and not react, just be. We can rejoice if we have once experienced wholeness. In Christ, that will always be available for us.

Prayer: God I pray for a sensitivity and a courage to face suffering, in myself, in others and in the world. God I pray that I would not cease praying for relief and hope for those in pain. God I pray that if there are actions not due to my own discomfort but resulting from generosity and justice, I will execute them.

Character: Where do you less need plot and more character building?

Grace: Recall the last time you were in heartbreak and pain. Even if you are in a different one today, you are not in the former one and that is victory. What does that mean for you?