CBG: 26

April 15, 2020 — Leave a comment

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all the mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Lover never ends.

1 Corinthians 13:1-8

This passage is so beautiful and so damn convicting. Who can love in this manner? It seems impossible. Love in this manner demands a constant need for God, for God’s forgiveness, help and presence. Is it not this that reminds us that without Jesus’ hope and redemption, we are unable to fully love.

Love softens the corners. Love is quiet strength. Love is a breath. Love responds rather than reacts. Love is physical and mental and spiritual and emotional. Love is not finite. While we think much about how we can love others — keep that going, we need that — can we extend this kind of impossible love to ourselves?

Can we be patient and kind with ourselves? Can we not compare ourselves with what we think we should be? Can we withhold judgment on our bodies that are doing its best? Can we listen to the whispers of the gut and intuition that are guided by the Spirit, instead of running with the timeline of the world? Can we rest when our body and mind and heart say they are tired? We are imperfect in our self-love and self-compassion, and again, come back to Jesus and how much he loves you. He fills in the gap.

Prayer: God show me how to love instead of prove. God show me how to love without borders while honoring my boundaries. God remove the limits of love. Grow our capacity to receive and to give.

Creative: Love your body — dance? food? move?

Brave: Where do you need to forgive yourself?

Generous: To whom have you given so sacrificially yet maybe haven’t loved without expectation…? What does it look like to shift?

CBG: #25

April 14, 2020 — Leave a comment

Then he said to me, “Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel. Behold, they say, ‘Our bones are dried up, and our hope is lost; we are indeed cut off.’ Therefore, prophesy, and say to them, Thus says the Lord God: Behold, “I will open your graves and raise you from your graves, O my people. And I will put my Spirit within you, and you shall live, and I will place you in your own land. Then you shall know that I am the Lord; I have spoken, and I will do it, declares the Lord.

Ezekiel 37:11-14

What do we need of God’s promises? Renewal and restoration? To come up for breath from the exhaustion and the uncertainty. To feel the lightness of new mercies and bright morning hope. To see that rainbow over New York City and declare, that is for me as well. Intimacy? To release the heaviness of loneliness and a need for survival. To not fall prey to the lies that I can only do what I do with my gift of singleness so I guess I should be content…To still believe that being seen, understood and held are good, good desires. Belonging and purpose? To quiet the restlessness and stand confidently exactly where you are. To not feel like a waste of space because we are wrapped up in the world’s measurements. To know that what you do for the least of these, you do for God.

What part of your soul do you need God to prophesy over? What promises and reminders do your part of the world need? God has really promised. He proved it. He will not walk back on his words.

Prayer: God you have new mercies for me every minute. Help that truth to shape the way I am brave and generous to those around me. Help me to see your work all around me. Help me to extend new mercies to things and to people around me.

Creative: Write a bunch of lies and heavy things on paper and rip it up.

Brave: Live in your power.

Generous: Live out your abundance.

CBG: #24

April 13, 2020 — 1 Comment

Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus. But seeing the man who was healed standing beside them, they had nothing to say in opposition. But when they had commanded them to leave the council, they conferred with one another, saying, “What shall we do with these men? For that a notable sign has been performed through them is evident to all the inhabitants of Jerusalem, and we cannot deny it. But in order that it may spread no further among the people, let us warn them to speak no more to anyone in this name. So they called them and charged them not to speak or teach at all in the name of Jesus. But Peter and John answered them, “Whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you rather than to God, you must judge, for we cannot but speak of what we have seen and heard.”

Acts 4:13-20

A well-received response is not evidence of an effective act. Peter and John have done something clearly undeniably marvelous. In response, they are told to stop and do it no more. They are threatened and intimidated by those uploading the system. In light of Peter and John’s miracle, the priests and the elders focus on Peter and John’s ordinariness and meager resume. Peter and John offended those in charge without those in charge able to find a wrongdoing.

How do we offend without wronging? How do we act in a way that is undeniably good while making the system uncomfortable? Where can God do the most work? Where do you find yourself saying: I’m not trained enough. I don’t have enough experience. Everyone already knows how to do that — those areas are exactly where God wants to show miracles. Because it’s your confidence and faith within your inexperience that makes the world pause and think it might be a work of God, not a human striving. It will be your lack that forces you to say like Carrie Underwood sings, Jesus take the wheel.

Prayer: Lord where have my fears of comparison and commonality made me shrink back.

Creative: Write 8 things you wish you were better at. And at the end of each, write, I’m good enough.

Brave: Of the 8 things, showcase one of them.

Generous: Call a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while.

CBG: Easter

April 12, 2020 — 1 Comment

But on the first day of the week, at early dawn, [the women] went to the tomb, taking the spices they had prepared. And they found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they went in they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were perplexed about this, behold, two men stood by them in dazzling apparel. And as they were frightened and bowed their faces to the ground, the men said to them, “Why do you seek the living among the dead? He is not here, but has risen. Remember, how he told you, while he was still in Galilee, that the Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men and be crucified and on the third day rise.

Luke 24:1-7

Just like how quickly sorrow can overtake our lives, hope, too can upend it. Hope and rebirth, resurrection and wholeness violate our unbelief and forgetfulness. Welcome this intrusion! Let the dazzling newness and unimaginable truth overcome you. Fall to your knees. Come to your feet standing on the solidest of grounds, to again, walk on the renewed path that your name is written on.

  1. How have you engaged with heartbreak, pain or suffering?
  2. How have you embraced joy?
  3. How are you uniquely made for this time?
  4. How have people shown up for you?
  5. How have you shown up for others?
  6. What reminder can you take with you into this coming week?

Oh may we celebrate and rejoice as much as we mourn and hurt! Jesus is risen and that means the sun always rises, that we are not alone, never was and never will be. Love you.

CBG: Holy Saturday

April 11, 2020 — Leave a comment

Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of Jesus saw where he was laid.

Mark: 15:47
I imagine the quiet gray permeating from dusk to dawn.
The numb sweeping up and down your body 
Hope marred and crushed 
You are crushed
Love dead and locked away
All you have left is a cold stone reminder of everything you lost
How did we get here?
Your fragile heart is too afraid to lift its eyes
For fear of connecting with another heartbroken soul
Who will see you in your unarmored self
All you want is to be held and comforted
But will that even be enough?
It's a nightmare
Wake up
Rewind
Reset. Please. Please. I promise--
Negotiating in the waiting
Replaying those times when it didn't feel so heavy
Trying to be anywhere but here
Anything to not feel the powerless, the helpless, the human in us
The quiet gray ambient grief that is unable to utter any words to soothe 
Words are shit
Shut up
Stop trying to make this okay
Stop moving!
You don't even have the energy to scream or release
You hold it in to hold on 
Now what
Where do we go from here
When here was where we were meant to be

Prayer: Look up.

Creative: What message does your former self need?

Brave: Look in.

Generous: Look out.

CBG: Good Friday

April 10, 2020 — 1 Comment

And when they had sung a hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives. Then Jesus said to them, “You will all fall away because of me this night. For it is written, “I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered. But after I am raised up, I will go before you to Galilee.” Peter answered him, “Though they all fall away because of you, I will never fall away.” Jesus said to him, “Truly, I tell you, this very night, before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times.” Peter said to him, “Even if I must die with you, I will not deny you!” And all the disciples said the same.

Matthew 26:30-35

Prayer: You knew. You knew and you still chose to sing. You knew what was to come and still you were patient. You knew we were going to betray you and still you were kind. You knew the pain and sorrow and heartbreak of this world and still you chose to enter into it, know it so you can know us. You knew that you would be rejected. You knew you were going to be wronged, humiliated, misunderstood, forgotten, abandoned, killed. You carried your own death and our death on your back as each step was unbearably hard. You knew. I wish all I had in my heart was 100 percent faith and gratitude. I wish I had the level of patience, love and kindness that you showed me. I wish I wouldn’t hurt when I’m hurt. I wish I wouldn’t reject when I felt scared. I wish I wouldn’t deny your love and presence when I feel like it doesn’t even matter. Yet you still went and you forgive and you hold me still, and love me still. You know me. And I lay before you all the parts of me that you want to nail on the cross. Quiet my need for you to speak loudly. Grow my faith that you are right here, in me, saying, “I know. I know. And I’m with you to the end.”

Creative: Nail to the cross the thing(s) causing you fear and resentment.

Brave: “Sit” with someone in despair without fixing them.

Generous: Is there a relationship needing forgiveness? Can you give it?

CBG: #20

April 9, 2020 — Leave a comment

“I am your brother, Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt. And now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life. For the famine has been in the land these two years, and there are yet five years in which there will be neither plowing nor harvest. And God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant on earth, and to keep alive for you many survivors. So it was not you who sent me here, but God.”

Genesis 45:4-8

One summer night when I was in college, I drove 12 hours through the night from Annapolis, Maryland to Martha’s Vineyard to surprise my boyfriend. He was vacationing with his family and had mentioned several times in our phone calls that he wanted me to join them. It was a long drive through torrential rain. Thankfully very few cars were on the road and there is coffee, though shitty still coffee, at gas stations. When I finally arrived the next afternoon in MV, my boyfriend said he couldn’t come pick me up from the dock because he was playing golf with a mutual friend of ours. I. Lost. It. Imagine the whitest happiest place on earth and smack in the middle of that joy is a sobbing Asian girl. I did not give a f*ck who heard me, who saw me and where I was. I was so angry and hurt.

Today while I was journalling that memory rushed into my mind. It often does when I need an example of how I had a shit boyfriend. As I was reminiscing on that time, it hit me that I had crashed my boyfriend’s summer vacation. I had crashed his family’s — a family that did not allow us to sleep in the same room whenever I stayed over at their house — long standing vacation. I sprung all of me — dramatic, expectant, pouty — onto his quiet calm vacation. Um. Oh. Ooops. A revelation a decade later isn’t too late, right?

Are we drowning in our side of a story because we are hurt and we have expectations? Are we unable to see the other perspective because one, we can’t, like Joseph pre-famine or two, because we don’t want to see our culpability? It is easier to put on the armor and view life through our hurt and our needs. I am not saying to be a door mat and never consider your own perspective. What I am encouraging myself and you to do is expand the story. Expand the plot so that you’re not the only main character. No good story revolves around one player, and your beautiful tapestry of a narrative involves everyone, their hurts and their needs as well.

Prayer: God show me the balance between perspective and presence.

Creative: Where are you wrestling between mind & heart, rationale & gut? Let them have a conversation.

Brave: What’s one thing you can say no to that you’re afraid to turn away?

Generous: Tell someone their testimony of redemption means a lot to you.

CBG: #19

April 8, 2020 — Leave a comment

Truly, truly, I say to you, you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice. You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn into joy. When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world. So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you. In that day you will ask nothing of me. Truly, truly, I say to you, whatever you ask of the Father in my name, he will give it to you. Until now you have asking nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive that your joy may be full.

John 16:20-24

We must give as much room to the pain and sorrow, as we do the celebration and the joy. Each gives the other meaning. Within the conversation between sorrow and joy is the presence of God. In the presence of God we can hold things loosely, give generously and express vulnerably. Our worth is not in question and out of this worthiness our asks are legitimate. It’s difficult to ask from hurt because it can further make us feel small and guilty. We might not ask when we’re feeling abundant because we lose our sensitivity to our fallibility and humanity. When we exist in a place of enough-ness and whole-hearted worth, it sifts our asks through gratitude and humility. These asks don’t involve a need; they are for connection.

Prayer: Grow my sensitivity to the world and to you. Grow my capacity for joy. Renew it. Restore it. Help me trust that there are times for sorrow and times for joy. Help me not to judge wherever I’m at.

Creative: Meditate on a strength and create from there!

Brave: Share how God has been at work in your life this week with anyone.

Generous: Is there someone we may have “forgotten” because they’re “probably fine?” Reach out.

CBG: #18

April 7, 2020 — 1 Comment

So the woman left her water jar and went away into town and said to the people, “Come, see a man who told me all that I ever did. Can this be the Christ?” They went out of the town and were coming to him…Many Samaritans from the town believed him because of the woman’s testimony, “He told me all that I ever did.” So when the Samaritans came to him, they ask him to stay wit them, and he stayed there two days. And many more believed because of his word. They said to the woman, “It is no longer because of what you said that we believe, for we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this is indeed the Savior of the world.”

John 4:28, 39-42

What is a testimony? What is its purpose? When is it “successful”?

Whenever I share about how amazing someone is, I usually try to hook my audience with how amazing that someone is. He’s SO KIND. She has this ability to make you feel like you’re the only person in the room. They are a social justice warrior! That’s the hook. The centerpiece of our story. Then, if they need context on why we are talking about kindness, attention or social justice, I might share parts of who I am to showcase again why the person of my affections is that amazing. The goal isn’t to have the attention end up on me; I want it to illuminate person I’m talking about. How we contextualize God is already built in because the words we use, the way we express will showcase how we perceive. Give God the spotlight.

Right now, the world needs the parts of God that ripped you out of a lesser way of being, may it be despair, pursuit of worthless things, loneliness, resentment, anger…Let the world see and know God’s hope, the radical purposes of God, God’s enduring presence, God’s unceasing forgiveness, God’s justice. The way we share God is the way we share ourselves.

Prayer: God help me testify of you in my words, in my thoughts and in my actions.

Creative: Doodle.

Brave: Where have you been afraid to share who God is? Step in.

Generous: Pray for Health Care Workers. Reach out.

CBG: #17

April 6, 2020 — Leave a comment

When the Jews, who were with her in the house, consoling her, saw Mary rise quickly and go out, they followed her, supposing that she was going to the tomb to weep there. Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, he fell at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept. So the Jews said, “See, how he loved him!” But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?” Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. Jesus said, “Take away the stone.”

John 11:31-39

Mary cried because her brother died. Mary cried because she imagined what could have happened if Jesus arrived in time. Mary cried seeing Jesus cried. And Mary probably cried when the impossible happened, a miracle that was beyond her imagination. Where are you in this crying timeline? Are you crying seeing the reality of death and pain? Are you crying replaying what could’ve happened, what we could’ve done, why God is allowing this? Are you crying because you know God is crying and heartbroken? Are you crying because you’re experiencing unexpected joys that you knew you could not have if you were not in this situation? In a day, my reason for crying shifts. I’m sad. And on top of that, I had felt so guilty for being so sad: bursting into tears over an article, over a soul-wrenching song that has nothing to do with current events, receiving a text where I feel misunderstood, the list goes on. I need not justify why I am sad. I am sad because of the reality, because of our need for God, because I know God doesn’t want this either, because I’m hopeful for what will happen and have experienced the sparks of hope. We are sad. It’s okay.

Prayer: You bottle all my tears. You bottle all my tears. You make me soft through heartbreak. You make me strong with your hope. Help me release any guilt for knowing how things ought to be and what your heart desires, and therefore am really fucking sad right now. Help me to not wallow in sad, but accept and engage it so to move.

Creative: Listen to the rain.

Brave: Forgiveness.

Generous: What’s something you’ve wanted to do to serve, but have made excuses in the past?