Day 4: The birth of the prosperity gospel

December 20, 2018 — Leave a comment

Genesis 12-15, Psalm 4

I used to praise Abraham for leaving everything behind and going because God said go, but let’s be real — God promised him BLESSINGS and he also took ALL his possessions with him. He took his comforts and continued forth because of promised additional comforts. Prosperity gospel much? And then how selfish and patriarchal for Abraham to allow his wife to be raped for his own safety? He’s disgusting. How many of us are like him? We disguise our hoarding and desire for riches with faith in God. We sacrifice the wellbeing of those around us for the sake of protecting our riches. This smells like American Christianity. Then lest we forget what else God also promised Abraham: that his descendants will be sojourners and servants in a land not their own for 400 years. So please don’t be alarmed when your riches don’t pan out for you. Don’t get mad that this obstacles and challenges are also part of the plan. Maybe this hard part is the blessing as well. Why does God include these parts and choose people like Abraham? Who knows! He chooses imperfect, selfish people not because of anything they have done but because God will work. So don’t be ALL HONORED if you’re chosen to bring forth God’s plan; it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with God’s bigger plan.

God help me to trust you even when/if I am in those 400 years of slavery, but know that because of Jesus no bondage on earth is truer than the freedom of being Whole and 100% in Christ. Please remove the prosperity gospel from my heart. Help me to trust that all this is part of your plan of redemption.

Day 3: The backdrop of God’s actions

December 19, 2018 — Leave a comment

Genesis 8-11, Psalm 3

When God kicks us out of Eden, curses Cain, destroys the whole world except for Noah and disperses us at Babel, how do we see him? Do we see him as a nervous wreck afraid we would usurp his power? Is he a jealous man shocked his creation can get to his level? Do we see him as an angry aggressive destroyer? On the surface, yes. According to my standard of good and evil, God doesn’t seem too great– maybe even evil. Like he’s out of touch and acting out of fear.

It’s not a simple, “tell yourself that’s not true; God’s good,” that will change my view of God. How I see God’s core character color his actions? Did he act out of fear or did he act out of love? Honestly at this point I don’t know. Unless I take into account Jesus, which is also part of this story. If I take into account Jesus, I know God is good and compassionate and unrelentless about getting us back to him. Can I trust that the God of the OT and the God of the NT are the same? If yes, how can I see all this actions from the beginning as ways of compassion, mercy, an enduring covenant love to remind us, he wants us back.

God help me to know you act out of love and compassion even though my heart wants to blame you for all the bad in this world, and in me.

Day 2: It’s his fault.

December 18, 2018 — Leave a comment

Genesis 4-7; Psalm 2

Often when I don’t get what I want or the fruits of my labor are not as abundant as I had expected, I blame everyone except myself. It’s not my fault. I get angry at someone who’s doing well even though their success has NOTHING to do with mine. It’s easier to take out my own negativity and bad mood on some one else who is thriving. It’s easier to blame circumstances and declare I would obviously be a better person if my circumstances were better.

It’s damn convicting. When does a disappointing reflection of myself humble me and make me draw closer to God? When does a real look at myself that I don’t like draw me into bitter unproductive comparison? The latter makes me bitter and angry. It distances me from others. The former is uncomfortable and vulnerable.

God doesn’t compare me and others. He has enough space and enough love for all of us. Can I trust that?

Day 1: Is God withholding?

December 17, 2018 — Leave a comment

Genesis 1-3; Psalm 1

Eve and Adam have everything in the garden. They lack nothing. They frolic naked before God, before all of creation and before each other. There is no hiding, no separation of possessions – what is yours is mine is God’s is mine is yours. Eden is a place of generosity, unity, continuity, diversity and intimacy. So what happened? How did a little lie and thought seep in to their minds to cause them to do the one thing they were asked not to do? For a moment, they thought God was withholding, that God didn’t have their best interest at heart, that God was hiding something from them. It’s just a moment of questioning God’s character of good. It wasn’t straight up malicious. It was a moment of wanting more when they already had it all. How often do I miss the garden of abundance I’m in — the friends who love me, the food I get to eat at the table, the experiences I daily get to have? How often do I think God is withholding something good for me because he’s not good? Where am I hiding? Where do I want to be God and decide my life? And is that really that bad?

a goal before the new year

December 16, 2018 — Leave a comment

…because why wait for a calendar to start a new goal. I’m tired of waiting and I’m tired of asking for permission. I’m over trying to get it right and having the perfect vision/tag line/proposal before I do something. These are the things I know and that’s why I am choosing to do this new 365 challenge. I’m going to read God’s word every day and write a little something about it. I did this this past August and it was the hardest and most spectacular. It forced me to meditate on God’s word and how it really affects me and those I love and those I want to love better. I didn’t grow up in the church. I didn’t go to Bible college. I don’t know where I stand theologically on every single damn topic, and if there’s a person out there who “has the answer to everything,” you’re wrong; you’re not God. God allows for mystery and questioning, for expansion and discovery, for curiosity and for change. This year has been a rollercoaster in my faith. Some days I love Jesus and want to tell everyone about him and I really do think that saving myself for marriage is like the DUH thing to do because Jesus makes it worth it. Other days I want to say fuck Jesus because God is in everything and that is so damn unfair that gross selfish comfortable racist homophobic bigoted people “will go to heaven” and others don’t. It’s stupid. Most days I’m trying to love God and trying to love others, and I’m failing at both. Most days I’m failing, yet I know I’m loved and those days bring me back to the ground. I recognize that when I’m focusing on my circumstances and instead of my steady unchangeable worth, I become an awful presence to be around. I’m my most steady unchangeable worth when I’m in conversation with God. He/she reminds me evil does not have the last word and that love and hope prevail. If I doubt that, I can look at the cross. So for my sake and for those around me, I want to be a presence that empowers those around me with love, hope and redemption. God please speak to me in a way that makes me listen and know? Thanks non-binary beyond-my-comprehension God.