when my heart feels stacked with lamentations, i reach for the salve of your psalms, the refuge and the mirror, i have permission once again to demand and expect revelations and proverbs that crack me, the parables can transform to new meanings once again, the good news can penetrate the spaces in me no letter no song no commandment can reach, in the beginning and till the end it is your quiet hovering spirit that lit up the dark
Bible
The Four Agreements
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4:29-32
Did The Four Agreements just rip off these verses?
1. Be impeccable with your word. Only speak what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. How often do we speak for OUR benefit, not the audience? How often do we speak thinking of the person we are speaking to, and their needs? Be impeccable with your word — speak truth, speak love, speak grace and encourage with your words!
2. Don’t take anything personally. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. How often do we harbor what’s done or said to us and allow it to eat us a live? How often do we make another’s projections a reflection of ourselves when that only harms our sense of worth? When you catch yourself getting bitter, rageful, slanderous and malicious, check in with your ego. Is it bruised? Can you not react from that hurt, but rather first give yourself kindness and then enter into the next conversation with vulnerability and kindness still?!
3. Don’t make assumptions. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. How can we see each other from the best intentions? How can we see each other with more grace than feels “deserving”? Would you want the same for yourself?
4. Always do your best. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit. There is GOD in YOU! Live up to that potential. Let it live you! Let it shine through you! You were made to shine and do your best. Surrender to that truth.
The Undeniable Pleasure of God’s Ways
That, however, is not the way of life you learned when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self; created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.
Ephesians 4:20-28
It’s not enough to tell someone not to do something without giving them what to do. It’s not enticing enough to tell someone to let go of their former ways without presenting new ways that are magical and mindblowing. Without what’s possible and what’s waiting on the other side of no, we don’t have the fuel and hope to keep going when things get hard. Without the yes and renewal that are our greater possibilities, it feels like mere muscling and work to keep turning away from the former ways that make our minds smaller and our dreams dimmer. I need to be turning away INTO something that takes my focus and expands me. I want to be looking at, feeling, grasping the way of God that feels so much yummier than my old ways that force me to armor up, wall up and separate from others.
It is not enough to tell someone to be vulnerable, trust, feel safe, think of something greater. We must also make connection, community, unity, intimacy, hope, renewal, righteousness, the ways of God undeniable. The ways of God lead to a purpose that is beyond words. They lead to a peace that throws everyone off in times of suffering. They lead to a grounded place that is surrounded by shaky circumstances. The ways of God are possible and beautiful, and by the Spirit, we have access to these renewing, grounded, free ways of being. I pray that we stop doing the former ways because we can’t help but do the new ways. I pray for an opening of our hearts and our minds for a healing and a togetherness that are beyond anything we can make up in our minds. It has to be from God!
Soften Our Hearts
From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work. So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.
Ephesians 4:16-19
When I think of a hardened heart, I think of the Pharaoh that refused to let the Israelites go even though there was sign after sign of God’s power. The Pharaoh insisted on his oppressive ways and his ego, rather than the safety of his own people and the well-being of those he held captive. I always tripped up over the part where it says God hardened the Pharaoh’s heart, so wasn’t it God’s fault that the Israelites were held captive because God was the puppet master behind Egypt’s cruel systems? God allowed for the Pharaoh’s heart to be hard and allowed for Moses to have the power and might to lead the Israelites into freedom. God can allow for both sides — the cruelty and imperfection of the world and God’s redemption and grace. What the Pharaoh demonstrated is a harm and ignorance that comes out of a hardened heart and unwillingness to take in what is happening which leads to an inability to change.
Sometimes life darkens our thoughts and perspectives so much that we cannot see the grace of God or how God can take this current situation and bring out good. Life can be cruel. Life often is cruel. And over time, this can actually desensitize us, moving us from feeling the pain to feeling that pain is simply reality. This can either happen when we put up walls to not have to feel the world so much. This can happen when we take active steps to disconnect from the world and pain: addictions, unhealthy codependence, survival tactics. When we disconnect from the heartache of the world and the reality that things in this world are not right, we also disconnect from God’s grace and redemption. You need both. They are two sides of the same circumstance. Grief makes room for joy. Incompletion makes room for unity. Longing makes room for fulfillment.
Without this recognition that there is a God that is good, that is on your side, that is looking out for you, that will pull you through, (unsure how), we can seek after other things that do more harm. We can fill up with these things that don’t fully satisfy yet keep returning for more hits. We can have so much, yet feel empty.
Acknowledge the heartache and set backs. Acknowledge the anger and injustice. Acknowledge that you have desires and longings that are not fulfilled. It takes faith and courage to acknowledge and be vulnerable to our humanity. Here, God can do his magic. Here, God can rain down his grace and reminders. Here, God can show you a way that requires patience and faith and a greater purpose that satisfies and connects you with the whole.
Uniquely Individual, Together
There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. This is why it says” ‘When he ascended on high, he took many captive and gave gifts to his people.’ (What does ‘he ascended’ mean except that he also descended to the lower, earthly regions? He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe.)
Ephesians 4:4-10
Diametrically opposing forces do not work against each other; opposing forces demonstrate the diverse expanse and wholeness. There is one body and each of us have unique mediums of grace. There is one faith, one Lord, one God and each of us are individual children who choose and reflect specifically. Christ ascended because he was with us. We are here and we will also ascend. These two views, global & individual, are important depending on where we are right now.
Are you feeling lost in the crowd? Feeling unseen? Feeling like the world is too big and you cannot grasp all of it? Come back to your unique and specific calling and purpose. Come back to your relationship with God and how your journey, passions and curiosities reflect the parts of God that we need in this world. The whole would not be the same without you. The whole needs you.
Are you feeling concave, drowning in your present circumstances and feeling overwhelmed by your emotional attunement? Do you feel like all you are experiencing within feels too much and you don’t know how deep the well is and if you were to release it, would it stop and would others be able to hold you? Feel your feet and feel the sky. You are held by the world and there is safety beyond your body. There is a love and understanding that permeates around you and it will catch you if you allow them to hold you. You are not alone. It’s okay to stop gripping so tightly to yourself.
We have access to both these perspectives at all times. It’s the balance of the two that allows us to exist in the present yet have hope for a better future. Like Christ who went to the pits of despair and rose to newness, we, too, have access to that spectrum.
Please Welcome…
For this reason I, Paul, the prisoner of Christ Jesus for the sake of your Gentiles —
Ephesians 3:1
And next we have joining us from [origin place], a [identity] who has [what obstacles they’ve overcome], [things they’ve accomplished] and [the rest of the reasons why this person is special.] Please welcome to the stage…
Ephesians 1 and 2 were Paul’s introduction.
How do people intro you? How do you intro yourself? In this world, we list off our credentials, our achievements, our education background and our LinkedIn network. The introduction gives people all the evidence that we are worth being heard and we are worth your time. The introduction gets people amped on how we can potentially change their lives with this encounter with us. The introduction is key to making the person introduced extraordinary and separate, while the rest of us lay folks hold onto that glimmer of hope that we, too, can traverse into that next tier of space.
There are other areas in the Bible were Paul does do exactly these things. He lists off how he’s extraordinary, smart, admired, qualified, and so forth. He takes a different approach here. Instead he uses Ephesians 1 and 2 to talk about us and share all the ways that he and we are really the same, and that this next part is only going to make sense and work if we believe in that unity and community. Ephesians 1 and 2 were treasure troves full of our past, our future, our identity and our relationship to self, each other and God.
How can we take this and revamp how we enter new spaces and new relationships? Instead of looking for all the proof that we deserve to be in this new space and new relationship, simply take that as reality. You deserve to be there. You deserve to be here. Instead can we look for evidence of how we, the people right in front of us and this space we are currently occupying, share the same heartbeat, heartache and hope. How can this relationship, this space and this time teach you more about our shared humanity — needs & desires? We are not so different; we just have different times to speak.
Breaking down the Wall
For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of two, thus making peace, and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.
Ephesians 2:14-18
What is the dividing wall of hostility made of? The law with its commands and regulations. Where is the hostility destroyed? On the cross. The dividing wall of hostility isn’t just between us and God; it is here amongst humans. Jesus’ demonstration of love on the cross bridges the gap between us and God, and it should also reconnect us humans. Because of Jesus we have one Spirit. We are linked. We are interdependent. We no longer need to identify ourselves by our specific commands and regulations that separate rather than stabilize. Instead we are marked by this same sacrificial love, whether we actively believe it or not. Jesus’ love is for everyone, near and far, aware or yet to believe. For those of us who claim Jesus, we should be the best examples of the unity and reconciliation. We should not seek to separate what has already been brought together. We should not reemphasize commands and regulations when, we, of all people know that it is now the Spirit that we live with.
Can anyone spot you in the crowd if you weren’t allowed to blatantly identify as someone who believes in Jesus’ powerful reconciliation and love? Can people sense your truest belief that humanity is one? Can people see your active and tangible work to break down the wall of hostility and build others up in love and unity? Asking for a friend.
The Balance tips towards the Inevitable
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Therefore, remember that formerly you who are Gentiles by birth and called ‘uncircumcised’ by those who call themselves ‘the circumcision’ (which is done in the body by human hands) — remember that at that time you were separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far way have been brought near by the blood of Christ
Ephesians 2:10-13
Living by faith and living in God is living in the gap of remembering where we come from and believing where we are going. Each side balances the journey so we don’t fall too deep into despair or get sucked into naive hope. Our hope and our impact in this world are destined. They are inevitable. We were created to make impact, to demonstrate beauty, to be the light in this world. The past and the realness of disconnection and separation that we have experienced, even currently experiencing, keep us grounded and keep us rooted in the why that is bigger than our individual self. This why is rooted in our ancestry, our upbringing, our experiences, our pains and heartaches and gives each of us a specific calling and community. We are drawn to different causes, to reconcile certain relationships, to bring healing to specific aspects of society.
But if we don’t also hold onto the inevitability of our good words and of our beautiful inherent nature — God’s handiwork — we might cave into despair when we are discouraged, sink into self-hatred when we are rejected or give up when we are momentarily disappointed. If today, right now, this moment, you know without a doubt your calling has been prepared, and it is beautiful, unshakeable and about to explode out for all to be affected, what would you do differently? How would you speak to yourself differently? How would you see the successes around you differently? How would you engage with others? How can you ease your mind, soul, heart and body and keep on your path, one step and one breath at a time?
Your Riches
But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions — it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God — not by works, so that no one can boast.
Ephesians 2:4-9
What comes to mind for you when I say rich, incomparable riches? A West Village Townhouse? Real Housewives of Orange County? Beyonce?
Mercy? Grace? Kindness?
Mercy, grace and kindness are the only wells that keep overflowing and never run out. They are the investments that grow exponentially and are not swayed by the swings of the market. They live above, beyond, transform circumstances. To be rich in mercy demands you know your own worth and see another with hope. To be rich in grace means you know your own overflow and want to invite another into that hope. To be rich in kindness is to see your worth is inextricably linked up to another’s worth.
I pray we are rich in mercy, grace and kindness — that we first experience those gifts from God and know we are now owners of those riches. Be generous and share that mercy, grace and kindness. It’ll come back tenfold.
Living by Flesh
As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath.
Ephesians 2:1-2
Building on Ephesians 1, we have to keep in mind God’s purpose: unity of heaven and Earth, unity of Jesus and the church, unity of head and body. This sense of connection and alignment must be the guide for parts of the Bible that mention words like flesh and body. The trap is to create a separation — flesh is bad and mind is good — a binary way of understanding that is engrained in humanity. With this in mind, I can see the above passage with more softness and compassion.
Zooming in on…to follow the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air…gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. To follow the ways of this world is to not live from a place of connection and unity where we tend to forget our purpose and how redemption. To follow the ruler of the kingdom of the air is to live creating fleeting results. And the mention of flesh here is a flesh that is again, disconnected with that divine hope and reality. That flesh and its desires and thoughts do not lead to unity and connection.
This passage is not to neglect our flesh and its desires. This reductive way of understanding God’s word has created so much harm. This is how shame and stigma have over and over again penetrate the church. This is why overarching rules and structures created from fear, white supremacy and patriarchy have been upheld, while faithful moment to moment living where each human has their agency is tossed aside. God does not want us to neglect our flesh and its desires. He gave us flesh, a living and breathing part of us, as an extension of the divine on earth and as a landscape to demonstrate unity and connection. It is how we use the flesh and why and for what reasons. This is where its gratification can do more harm than health. All of us chose this way of living once upon a time, and some of us now, simply have the awareness that there is another way.
Are you there God? 