community

Lent Day 7: I give up Half-Ass Change

February 23, 2021 — Leave a comment

Is this the kind of fast I have chosen, only a day for people to humble themselves? Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed and for lying in sackcloth and ashes? Is that what you call a fast, a day acceptable to the Lord?

Isaiah 58:5

I give up management strategies. I give up tacking on more To Do’s and Best Practices to live my Best Life. I give up the never-ending search for self-improvement. I give up the kind of change that exists mostly on the outside. I give up changes that mask the bigger issues I’ve been too scared to address. I want real transformation. I want transformation that sticks. I want transformation that expands how I see myself, how I see others and how I see the world. I want transformation that could not be fashioned by human ways; the divine and the community had to come into play. I want divine transformation. I give into divine transformation that stops me in my tracks. I give into divine transformation where I know, without a doubt, God is at play.

Lent Day 5: I give up Neat & Cute Crying

February 21, 2021 — Leave a comment

Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here I am.

Isaiah 58:9

I give up trying to figure it out on my own. I give up trying to figure it out in a neat and cute way. Screw you neat! Screw you cute! Screw you there’s just one way to shout. I give up screaming on the inside and being scared of shouting on the outside. I give up looking neat and cute in my need for help. I give up not wanting to be needy. I give up not wanting to cry. I give up not asking for help. I give up seeing my outward expressions of need as burdens. I give up the lack of trust that when I call, someone will answer. Someone will answer. People answer. God answers.

The Revolution of Unity

February 2, 2021 — Leave a comment

Surely you have heard about the administration of God’s grace that was given to me for you, that is, the mystery made known to me by revelation, as I have already written briefly. In reading this, then, you will be able to understand my insight into the mystery of Christ, which was not made known to people in other generations as it has now been revealed by the Spirit to God’s holy apostles and prophets. This mystery is that through the gospel the Gentiles are heirs together with Israel, members together of one body, and sharers together in the promise in Christ Jesus

Ephesians 3:2-6

What is it about unity and togetherness that it is so revolutionary and radical? A whole new faith (the gospel of Jesus) was needed to complete the story of Yahweh, to bring Gentiles and Jews together. Today people still protest and march for unity and call for a reality of oneness.

The concept of separation and unity go all the way back to the beginning, to the Garden of Eden — humanity was kicked out of paradise and separated from God and disconnected from their created purposes. There is a natural proclivity for us to group and separate — find our tribe, stick with our own, us vs. them. On the healthier side of the spectrum reasons might be safety and solidarity. On the darker side of the spectrum the reasons we group and separate might include hierarchy, white supremacy, justification for oppressive means.

It is radical and new to see another as part of the same body. It is revolutionary to see unity as the goal and that we all share the same promise of God. This reality of unity is immediately accessible and also a work in progress to live into. By the Spirit of God we can trust that there already is a desire in us for connection and togetherness, and by that same Spirit we must keep growing our ability to see every person as our own. We all share in the same promise; the sooner we recognize, embrace and work towards that, the more revolutionary your life will be.

Four Best Friends

September 30, 2020 — Leave a comment

A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. They gathered in such large numbers that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. Some men came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them. Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, ‘Son, your sins are forgiven.’

Mark 2:1-5

These four men, dug a hole on the roof, to interrupt Jesus so that their friend might be healed. Can you imagine the scene? The place is crowded, overflowing to the brim, (very not covid-19 friendly). This paralyzed dude and his friends do the most insane to drop dead center into the party. People who were waiting patiently outside might have been annoyed. People who waited for hours and did get a front row seat might think it’s unfair. Jesus saw this as faith. The man wasn’t going to wait. He saw the opportunity to be healed and be seen by God and he jumped even if it meant acting a fool or making others around him mad. People might have judged him for cutting corners but he was desperate. His life was already at such a low that what was getting a little lower. His faith — his throwing himself into the deep — gave him a new life, one that was upright and moving.

And let’s not forget the four men who did the work on behalf of their friend. One, they stuck by their paralyzed friend. Do you have people who stick by you when you think you are useless? Do you have people who stand by you even if it could ruin their reputation? Two, they did work so that their friend could get healed. Do you have people who toil with you so that you can reap the benefits? Do you have friends that care for your well-being just as much as they care for their own? Finally, they were part of this healing story. Do you have friends who are part of your healing journey? Have you invited people into your pain, your desires, your wins and your future? It doesn’t have to be a gang of people: four friends is plenty. Four friends can lift you up and lower you down gently. Four friends can hold you accountable and make sure you are not forgotten.

The Senselessness of Suffering

September 23, 2020 — Leave a comment

Two other men, both criminals, were also led out with [Jesus] to be executed. When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals – one on his right, the other on his left. Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.’ And they divided up his clothes by casting lots. The people stood watching, and the rulers even sneered at him. They said, ‘He saved others; let him save himself if he is God’s Messiah, the Chosen One.’

Luke 23:32-35

At the peak of Jesus’ exposure and humiliation, he still had compassion for his persecutors. Jesus was stripped and mocked, yet his response was care and compassion. How is this possible? How was he able to hold onto his humanity while everyone around him was trying to strip it away?

There is a strength and power that none of us will ever be able to fathom. This was God in flesh who held both vulnerability and empathy in each hand, in all situations. Jesus experienced pain after pain before he endured this finale: rejection from friends, betrayal by those closest to him, poverty, pressure, the inability to save everyone. He surrendered so fully into his purpose and love for the people, that his present pain was also wrapped into the future renewal.

How do we keep our hearts open and tender especially in the midst of suffering? How do we still pursue the goodness of others even as we are being destroyed? Your pain may not make sense; when does pain ever make sense and feel fair? If we cannot make sense of the suffering, we could instead sow compassion and forgiveness because those do make sense. Compassion helps us see the thread of brokenness in all of humanity. Forgiveness helps us to stay vulnerable and open to renewed connection. These two may not take away your suffering, but they might help you find community and love in unexpected ways.

Blinding Lights

September 21, 2020 — Leave a comment

Meanwhile, Saul was still breathing out murderous threats against the Lord’s disciples. He went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues in Damascus, so that if he found any there who belonged to the Way, whether men or women, he might take them as prisoners to Jerusalem. As he neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, ‘Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?’

‘Who are you, Lord?’ Saul asked.

‘I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,’ he replied. ‘Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.’

The men traveling with Saul stood there speechless; they heard the sound but did not see anyone. Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing. So they led him by the hand into Damascus. For three days he was blind, and did not eat or drink anything.

Acts 9:1-9

Are we imprisoned by certainty & anger? Are we set and determined down a path of destruction, thinking others will get hurt when the resentment is only killing us? Are you being called to let all that shit go?

Saul had all his armor: his achievements, his purpose, his status, his community, his resume on paper. God needed to blind him, to set his eyes on something new. God needed to make him helpless and dependent in order for him to starve out the toxins that were in his body. What will it take for you to let go of your armor, detox and drop whatever is making you tense and tight?

What is your anger covering up? Where do you feel injustice? How would you like the world to be? Why? Who would benefit if you got this world? Would it make you more vulnerable and empathetic? If you got this world, would it bring people together or tear communities apart? I hope that under our righteous anger is a compassion for humanity and a hope that renewal is possible & coming. I pray that you can let the anger point to the compassionate fragile beautiful heart inside that God wants to use, and actually, can only use. Be caring. Be fragile. Let go of that armor.

Unmasking with Friends

September 15, 2020 — Leave a comment

Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.
Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips.
Stone is heavy and sand a burden, but provocation by a fool is heavier than both.
Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?
Better is open rebuke than hidden love.
Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
He who is full loathes honey, but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet.
Like a bird that strays from its nest is a man who strays from his home.
Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel.
Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father, and do not go to your brother’s house when disaster strikes you — better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.
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Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

Proverbs 27:1-10, 17

There is nothing like crisis or the stripping away of routines & busyness to examine the health of our lives. We examine by looking truthfully at our relationships. Our relationships reflect what we care about, how we handle community and how we grow, and don’t grow. Every relationship is a mirror of us. Why are you connected to this person? Why are you still connected to this person? How do you care for this person? How does this person care for you?

This time is hard not being able to meet up with friends with the same ease and convenience like we once experienced. Even in those few times I do get to see my friends, it either feels heavier or so precious that after separation I sit with a depression hangover. I pray that still we push through and fight for those precious moments, and be honest with each other. There is little room and energy to keep being armored and masked. The world has stripped us of that so can we do that in our relationships. Can we be vulnerable and kind and honest? Can we truly, truly desire the good of those we love by showing up fully and showing up fully for them? Iron sharpens iron. This moment feels like a deep sharpening and that is painful. May we in this process experience the deep intimate love of true relationships.

Faith with no Doubt

September 11, 2020 — Leave a comment

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not supposed that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

James 1:5-8

Let him ask in faith with no doubting.

Think of a time when you were in such desperation and lack. When you asked God or, when you were so exhausted and downtrodden that you simply through your needs out there in an informal, messy, uncurated manner, there was no room for disclaimers or caveats. You asked, you begged, you cried out for help because you were already so broken and down, a crumb from the sky would have been a miracle. Those are moments of faith with no doubting.

Asking in faith with no doubt isn’t only in a move-mountains strength.
Asking in faith with no doubt is a vulnerable and surrendered posture. Asking in faith with no doubt isn’t simply reciting God’s word back to God.
Asking in faith with no doubt is an intimate and honest blurt of your need. Asking in faith with no doubt isn’t always pretty and brings up congregation AMEN’S.
Asking in faith with no doubt is quiet, desperate and gray.

Where doubt can seep in to destroy the faith and surrender you had is after you receive from God. How often do we get the thing we asked and we start questioning our worth for receiving said gift? How often do we get handed the exact thing we needed and start doubting that we deserve to be getting it? How often does doubt destroy the worship we would have given back to God?

I have been honest about feeling lonely and lacking in community. Yesterday I had the most incredible repetition with a friend that showed me the depths of intimacy and family. Yet during it, I felt so guilty for laying my truest self on my friend. Later that night, I received an email about an acting scholarship. I was floored that I actually received it and immediately started to doubt that I should be getting it. They certainly made a mistake. If not, I needed to do everything to prove that I deserve the scholarship. My mind went spiraling that I couldn’t even enjoy the gift. So to me and to you:

You received because you had faith and you have a good God. Your worth was the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Receive it humbly, praise without bounds and show up fully as your gift in return.

Ready to Mingle

September 10, 2020 — Leave a comment

And they devoted themselves to the apostles teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God, and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.

Acts 2:42-47

What a fellowship! What a community! How do we have any of this now when the kindest and wisest thing is to limit gathering? Moreover, how do we have this kind of community when our hearts are discouraged, hurt and distrusting of the church? What is my part to play?

I will never forget my first year in Los Angeles. It was in my community group that I met my first & best friends, reopened my heart to God and ate a lot of delicious free food. When my grandma passed away, my community group rallied around me to pray for my family’s healing and for my time back home. It was in that fellowship that I came to know the tangible power of Jesus, the presence Holy Spirit and the provision of the Father. Fast forward to now, I feel very disconnected and disheartened by the church. Like with any group of people, I have experienced judgments, relationship fall outs, disagreements that seem to divide more than show diversity and distance. Some in part because I pulled away with the expectation that someone would come get me, and didn’t. Some because I no longer tolerate the wrongs I once allowed because I didn’t want to make others uncomfortable. So here I am, feeling separated and distant from the thing that once upon a time brought me so much healing, joy and belonging.

So with my heart bruised and weary, I read Acts 2 knowing that, yet still, it is a community of vulnerability, generosity and joy that I need. Where can I be more vulnerable, generous and grateful? With whom can I exhibit more of these to build this Acts 2 community? And this is the hardest: what will it take for me to still have faith and hope that it is worth it to be surrounded by people who love God? Can past memories and miracles propel be back into that space of faith? Can letting go of resentment and judgment bring me back into the fold of relationships that are actually ready for me? Who can I invite into this process of rebuilding my trust in church?

I read Acts 2 with such jealousy and longing. I miss and need so much of what it talks about. The devotion to learning together. The breaking of bread together. The prayer together. The generosity and gladness experienced together. The growth in friendships. These things without the together, feel lacking and sad. Virtual fellowship falls short. Podcasts come and fade. I wish I had the solution for you, for me. I’m here acknowledging that I miss these things and I want these things, and we need to do that first. God, open my heart to see where opportunities for safe community lie in today’s landscape. I’m ready.

The Days In Between

September 4, 2020 — Leave a comment

And they told Mordecai what Esther had said. Then Mordecai told them to reply to Esther, ‘Do not think to yourself that in the king’s palace you will escape any more than all the other Jews. For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who know whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this? Then Esther told them to reply to Mordecai, ‘Go, gather all the Jews to be found in Susa, and hold a fast on my behalf, and do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my young women will also fast as you do. Then I will go to the king, though it is against the law, and if I perish, I perish.’ Mordecai then went away and did everything as Esther had ordered him.

Esther 4:12-17

After Mordecai’s prompting, Esther decided what she was going to do. Well, Mordecai’s prompting is, you’ll potentially either die with us now or definitely die with others later, your choice. Death and destruction were inevitable; what mattered was which side Esther was going to die fighting on. Between her decision and her action, she called in her community and closest confidantes to fast. She didn’t fast to decide what to do; she fasted to ready her heart for what she is about to do. She knew the consequences of her actions. She needed the strength for the possible worst.

Esther was specifically selected for this time and place, but she was not alone in the process. You are specifically selected for this time and place for the specific actions you are called to enact. Can you have both certainty and flexibility with your plans? You may want to do such, but can you allow for how it will pan out to shift? Who benefits, besides you, for the decisions you are about to make? Who can keep you accountable in that gap between decision and action? Who can you tell that you’re scared, you feel ill-equipped, you feel like you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place?

I hope that you have such a person or peoples. I pray that beyond that you know you already have a posse in the Trinity. The Trinity always roots for deliverance, hope and renewal. I’m rooting for you to cross to that action, too!