Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Hebrews 4:12-16

We are encouraged to draw near to God, with confidence, in order to confess our weaknesses, our temptations and our needs. We are encouraged to hold fast to our confession, to always be self-critical of ourselves, but in the presence of God, before the throne of grace. If we are self-critical apart from the presence of grace, we won’t receive the mercy for ourselves or the grace to help others. We cannot be self-critical apart from the unending grace of God that says, still we are worthy, still we are clean, especially in our vulnerable confession. We cannot be of service without this openness and vulnerability. Because otherwise we might become bitter or self-loathing. It is at the place of experiencing mercy for ourselves that we can approach others not to help but to draw them to the throne of grace where there they will receive help just as we have. Our vulnerable and humble approach, at the feet of the throne, is the best position for us to extend to others who are also in need.

I have been very self-critical, bordering self-loathing. I had let myself go down rabbit holes of loneliness, inadequacy and triviality. My unhealthy thoughts and self-pity made me shrink and sleep more so I had fewer waking hours to face. Then I approached the Lord and I was healed. No, silly. I didn’t want to approach the Lord, or I thought I had been, but nothing was changing, so that made me weary. I had to keep approaching the throne of grace and keep confessing. This wasn’t a one time kind of confessing and a one time kind of mercy-gift that took all the pain away. I am still in the process of vulnerability and confession while also speaking over myself the promises of God, of all the things s/he says I am. I am worthy. I am enough. I am a daughter. I am a beloved child of God. I am an instrument. I am good. It’s in the midst of these I AM that I can also say all the things I am afraid to admit to anyone but God. My confessions in the presence of I AM leads to a quiet strength to go another day.

Prayer: God help me to hold my worth, my vulnerability and my responsibility all before you.

What would give you the confidence to approach the throne of grace?