death

Love is Offensive

January 16, 2021 — Leave a comment

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us.

Ephesians 1:7-8

I used to so buy into this idea that Jesus’ blood washed away my sins. That through Jesus’ sacrifice, my transgressions are forgiven and my propensities to turn from God are not held against me. Thank you JESUS!

Many people I love find the above so offensive. The idea that we have sin makes them angry. The idea that God had to kill himself to redeem us is horrifying. The idea that I need someone to forgive my transgressions means there’s a “right way of being,” and who is to say what that is?

I haven’t swung so far to the other side that I have scraped Jesus’ blood and sin. I simply have more questions. How can the idea of sin be healthy and loving? How can the sacrifice of God lean more into the meaning than the actual act? How can a right way of being and living also have room for inclusion, diversity and tolerance?

What is sin? This is where I’ve landed so I feel integrity in my body and in what I believe God to be. Sin is a way of living that doesn’t honor our highest selves. I believe our highest selves is divine and in alignment with God. I believe our highest selves is attuned and in step with the Spirit of God in us. Anything outside of that divine integrity is sin. God created us with this wholeness, fullness, nakedness, full of purpose and connection. That was what was lost when sin entered. We are either moving towards our wholeness & divine connection, or moving away from it. The beauty is, each step allows for the pivot, the choice to move in the path towards connection.

Jesus’ death is offensive. Capital punishment and the death penalty are wrong, and often committed against innocent humans. Why would God use such a horrible image to showcase his love? Because death and love are but two sides of the same coin. LOVE is offensive. It requires a dying of self for another. It requires a dying of self-interest to include another. Often we love because we think we’ll be loved in return or it’s the right thing to do. While we may never take it all the way to the edge like Jesus did, his death was a kind of love that doesn’t ask for anything in return besides belief. I think Jesus’ willing death just so we can experience God doesn’t commute in our minds that have been knocked down by this cruel world. Jesus truly loves us that much, that it doesn’t quite make sense.

Nothing angers me more than Scriptures that are vehicles for intolerance, exclusion and hate. It is the OPPOSITE of God, God among us, God for us, God in us. The right way of living cannot be defined by any man in this world. The right way of living…I’m not sure. It’s a daily, moment-to-moment choosing. It does no harm, to self, others or God. It’s more colorful than we could ever imagine and full of healthy and freeing boundaries.

A Journey in the Valley

September 1, 2020 — Leave a comment

I was in the middle of rehearsal when the notification of Chadwick Boseman’s death flashed across my screen. In the pause when my heart was on hold, I hoped it was all an error, a cruel tabloid by some evil prankster who had nothing better to do but ruin the world’s Friday night. For a decent, honest, kind hero like Boseman to be taken so soon felt like the purest evidence that life can be so unfair and that death is not right. Death on earth is inevitable for each of us, but it still feels wrong, like it really was never meant to be. Something went wrong. In my culture, death is not the end.

This year has been relentless with its full display of loss, grief and injustice. The black lives taken this year, and the many lost in the past but only now surfacing because we finally believe and care. The hundreds of thousands of lives ravaged by illness, many that could have been saved if it were not for the unjust health care system that disenfranchises black and brown and the poor, and if we didn’t have a president who cared more about his ego than the country’s wellbeing. The Lebanese lives affected by manmade mistakes. The lives upended by natural disasters and climate change. The lives taken because assault weapons are still allowed in public hands. It’s not that death, loss, injustice and grief bloomed this year; we’re just finally paying attention and feeling it in our bones and schedules and social media.

God, what are you doing? God what are you trying to say? What is here to hold and honor, under this blanket of exhaustion, anger, sorrow, rage, depression and anxiety? Why do you often use grief and sorrow to straighten us and slow us down to the present moment, to display the priorities buried in our purpose? What does it mean to experience the fullness of this pain and moment for our own good, for the sake of others, for the sake of the world? What does it look like to walk in power embracing grief and sorrow? Chadwick did that. The greatest leaders who put it all on the line did that. Jesus did that.

It’s been a while since I’ve read the Word. God feels present, but very quiet. The Word feels unpredictable and I’m afraid to open my Bible and feel anger towards voices of past teachers evading my space. But God is present and their still small voice says, trust me, hold the faith, I’ll show you a better way. So, today is a step. Tomorrow will be a step.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:1-4