endurance

The Effort of Living

February 8, 2021 — Leave a comment

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

Ephesians 4:1-3

A life worthy of God’s calling requires humility, gentleness, patience and effort to keep the unity by living though the bond of peace. This takes effort. This takes work and heavy lifting. Sometimes who you have to bear in love feels heavier than you have the strength to take on. To live a calling is to choose it in every moment, in every relationship and every circumstance. Within that choice are moments when you choose otherwise; that does not remove your blessing or calling. Each moment and choice is a reminder that there is always a way worthy of your calling, and God encourages you to step in the direction of that bigness.

A word on peace. Peace is not hushing injustice. Rather it is taking action against injustice that seeks to disturb our bond of unity and alignment with God. Peace is not passive. It is a constant recalibration to God’s heart that all of humanity is honored and have access to God. Peace is not smiles and empty sayings. Peace is not the absence of conflict; conflict is a reflection of where we need to come back into alignment with God. Peace is here and not yet. We are constantly living in that tension because this world is not always living up to the calling its been called to exist within.

I pray that we are peace creators and upholders, and when that means we need to step into areas of conflict, dissonance and disturbance, we do that with humility, gentleness and patience. Our hearts desire peace, and if we want a genuine lasting kind that permeates our space and our body, we need to address what is not right and not simply ignore and pretend everything is fine.

Remember that Pivotal Moment

January 11, 2021 — Leave a comment

Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you endured in a great conflict full of suffering. Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult and persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated. You suffered along with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions. So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For, ‘In just a little while, he who is coming will come and will not delay.’ And, ‘But my righteous one will live by faith. And I take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back.’ But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.

Hebrews 10:32-39

Remember when you were a kid and jumped four monkey bars because you had to and because you really believed you could make it? Remember when you were a kid and skateboarded and scraped your knees real bad, yet got back up and dared to get back on it? Remember when you first came to know God’s love? Where you were? Who you were with? What God said exactly to your aching, desperate heart? Remember how nothing of this world could pop that hope and joy of feeling so loved, seen and on mission? God had you. God saw you. God was pushing you onto a path that required insane faith and courage.

Remember those moments during the pandemic when you were so grateful you could connect with a friend, even though it was on shitty wifi over Zoom? Remember that first hug after months of not having hugged anyone? Remember that moment when you thought, oh even through this I can come out better and God is with me? Remember when you got so angry over the racism and killings? Remember when you vowed to give your life to a cause greater than yourself? Remember when you were on fire to protest even if it meant you might be called out for not knowing enough or not having done enough up till now? Remember when despite that fear, you went anyway because you trusted that these incremental steps of change were the most important? Remember when you pulled all those resources to make a difference for the elections? Remember when you felt that all this current pain is worth it?

As each day passes and explosive events evolve into daily occurrences that we are desensitized to, and our first impression fervor fades into acceptance or perhaps apathy, I pray we come back to that initial faith and fervor. I pray that we go back to that moment when God called you, God saw you and demanded that you know with all your being that you are called for something huge. I pray that we go back to that moment when we really believe that our actions and our words really matter and can impact in huge ways. I pray that acceptance of evil in the world and apathy in our hearts never have time to settle. I pray that we do the small incremental acts that change the community around us, and mostly change the heart within us. Let us remember who we have been called to be and persevere till we receive the prizes full.

Hope is a Habit

January 6, 2021 — Leave a comment

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Romans 5:1-5

First forget inspiration. Habit is more dependable. Habit will sustain you whether you’re inspired or not. Habit will help you finish and polish your stories. Inspiration won’t. Habit is persistence in practice.

Octavia Butler

Before ALL else, we have to come back to our justification in Christ — that through the death and life of Jesus, we all have access to God. There is nothing we need to do besides believing that there is a God that loves us beyond our minds can comprehend. God loves us so much that he displayed a tangible example for our humans minds to comprehend. Because we are justified, we have faith and we have grace. Because we are justified, we have hope and we are marked by the last word of God, which is that good triumphs evil and love triumphs all. Out of this wholeness and faith, THEN, can we also boast in our suffering because we know in this context suffering builds us up. Suffering gives us habits and structures to get through every-changing circumstances with integrity and character. Suffering creates a moral road map for our ever straying hearts. When we endure and come back to the glory and justification of God in the midst of suffering, we are building incremental changes in ourselves that make hope more visible in this world. We do not suffer or persevere for its own sake; we do it all in and for hope. There will be moments when you don’t feel like going on. There will be times when you don’t feel led to persevere. Come back to the promises and days when you felt wrapped up in God’s hope and glory. Can you remember how you felt in those moments? Can you see how where you are not is so different than where you used to be? Can you see that even when you don’t feel it, God is at work? If in the valley, we can come back to our first truth of justification and find seeds of past & future promises, hope will eventually break through! Just look at Georgia!

Spacious Heart

September 6, 2020 — Leave a comment

In you, Lord, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame; deliver me in your righteousness.
Turn your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me.
Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
Keep me free from the trap that is set for me, for you are my refuge.
Into your hands I commit my spirit; deliver me, Lord, my faithful God.
I hate those who cling to worthless idols; as for me, I trust in the Lord.
I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul.
You have not given me into the hands of the enemy but have set my feet in a spacious place.

Psalm 31:1-8

God,
It feels like the world is closing in on me. I feel trapped and scared, helpless to the walls caving in on me, moving in with the purpose of crushing me, crushing the spirit in me. I feel taken under by the feelings that arise: feelings of anxiety, depression, guilt, shame and fear. I wave my arms for help but no one is around to come to my rescue. I wave my arms for help but those that are around are too busy with their own fears and pain to even see me. I wave my arms in surrender, throwing my white flag ready to give up.

I am tired of this constant feeling of discomfort. I am tired of trying to keep growing. I am tired of trying to be compassionate even when it doesn’t come back in return. I am tired of my patterns and behaviors that are harmful yet I don’t know how to change them. I am exhausted seeing my heart and how far I still need to go. I am exhausted seeing the world in pain. I am exhausted saying these things.

I hate the rise of anger. I hate the stirring of heartbreak. I hate the tears always moments away. I hate the loneliness. I hate the battles. I want to hide and I want to sleep and not wake up until the days are better. So God I beg you to hide me in your refuge to remind me of my strength and purpose. In your refuge, can you sing over me who I am in your eyes. In your refuge can you make hope more alive than anything else. In your refuge may you grow the space in my heart for those that make life hard and this life cruel. May you grow the space in my heart to be a forgiving and compassionate and humble warrior of your goodness. Set my feet, my heart and my soul in a spacious place trusting that even as things around me fall apart, I am rooted and I will come out alive in the rubble.

I pray because I have no other weapons. Amen.

CBG: Reflection

May 24, 2020 — 1 Comment

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather healed. Strive for peace with everyone, and for holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.

Hebrews 12:11-15

It’s difficult to lift your hands when you are tired. It’s hard to keep walking when your knees have already buckled a few times. It’s arduous to keep on the path when everything in the moment feels out of line. Yet it’s in the small acts of defiance towards our hopelessness and doubt that we experience our power and strength. It isn’t easy, but the alternative is worst. The moping, the complaining, the self-doubt, the defeat will sink deep and plant roots that will take even more work to pull out later. So today, this moment I ask and pray that you and I will look towards peace rather than protecting our ego. I hope that we can focus our hearts to open and give. I pray that we become fearless in the furnace of character and faith building. We are being trained for battle.

  1. What has your self-doubt been saying this week?
  2. What activities and people lead you towards complaining?
  3. How have you defied hopelessness?
  4. Who is cheering you on?

CBG: #10

March 30, 2020 — Leave a comment

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.

Hebrews 12:1-3

It’s not the beginning nor close to the finish line that this race called life is hard. It’s when the high of doing something new weans. It’s when you external encouragement and cheering fades. It’s when it’s so quiet and you feel alone in a task that you once felt so sure was right, yet now you’re not so sure. You’re tired. You doubt how each step is actually leading you towards the finish. Was there a finish? Shoot… You’re potentially angry you even started this journey yet there’s guilt for not finishing. This is the part that is hard because all the reasons for getting you out of bed don’t seem enough now. The motivation seems mute. So what? Stop running?

You can’t sweetheart. Because the moment you stop running, it will be really, really, really hard to keep going. You walk. You keep your legs and forgive yourself for the the amount of speed you can give, but you must keep giving. Look around! There’s that outlier runner who’s having a grand time speeding along, but most of us, are struggling and want to give up too. But if we all pivot and let go of any guilt of only being able to give 50% or 20% or even 1%, we’ll get through. As you are moving in this way, staying in the race, doing what you can in this moment, doubts, judgments, scarcity will pop in. They whisper. They taunt. They laugh. They judge. LAY OUT YOUR EXPLETIVES. SAY LA LA LA LA. Say “I release and destroy my need to look good.” “I release and destroy my need to prove I’m doing enough.” Be in the moment. Breathe. The only way to fight the weight of the beginning and the pressure of the end is to be present right now.

Prayer: Sit and listen.

Creative: Write 10 things you love about yourself!

Brave: Have integrity with every thing you say and when you don’t, be ready to own up and apologize.

Generous: How can I choose to hear someone’s words from a place of kindness instead of taking things personally?