Leviticus 16-18; Psalm 35

After Aaron LOST his sons, God asks him to APOLOGIZE AND ATONE. Let’s be real. At first blush, I’m thinking God is being a real asshole. Who’s with me? This guy just LOST his sons and you want to kick him while he’s down? Have you ever felt that? When you’re down and upset and not sure what the hell went wrong and how you got here.. and then in that moment you’re told You’re wrong and it’s your fault? But… are there times when our sorrow is our fault? Our sorrow is because of our own misbehavior and our own impulsiveness? Does it mean our sorrow doesn’t count? HELL NO! You are sad and you go cry and eat ice cream and have a drink. Be sad. It’s the not being sad that makes you bitter and wallow. But… you might also have been at fault. Maybe your past and your experiences pushed you to be mean or rude or awful? It doesn’t excuse what you did, but it puts it in context. We all exist in context. People act out of emotions that are entrenched from experiences. Those experiences create a deep belief system. So sometimes we may be at fault for a wrongdoing; it doesn’t take away from our worth. Maybe it’s our ego that stops us from owning up. Maybe it’s our ego that stops us from really understanding where we come from, what has made us who we are, what has closed us off and pushed us away from others. Not speaking from experience…

I am one with high walls and I shut down on a dime. And it has hurt many people who love me. I can be cold and short because I’m hurt, but even if I’m hurt, I’m not supposed to hurt those around me. My past experiences of being neglected and emotionally shut down don’t excuse my wrongdoing but it means if I want to address my wrongdoing, I need to re-narrate how I’ve interpreted my experience. It’s a work in progress that requires continual forgiveness, humility and grace.