fight

Lent Day 29: I give up Being Okay

March 17, 2021 — Leave a comment

Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter — when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

Isaiah 58:6-9

I give up being okay. I am not okay with injustice. I am not okay with hate. I am not okay with the lack of awareness. I am not okay with people who are going hungry. I am not okay with those who are suffering. I am not okay with justifying suffering. I am not okay with minimizing suffering. I am not okay with hate. I am not okay with hate. I am not okay that there are people suffering and feeling alone in their suffering. I am not okay with having to take care of your feelings while I’m navigating my feelings. I will never be okay with the things that were not meant to be and I pray that God will give me the patience, strength, kindness, mostly kindness and curiosity, to do something about all the things I find are not okay.

CBG: #10

March 30, 2020 — Leave a comment

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.

Hebrews 12:1-3

It’s not the beginning nor close to the finish line that this race called life is hard. It’s when the high of doing something new weans. It’s when you external encouragement and cheering fades. It’s when it’s so quiet and you feel alone in a task that you once felt so sure was right, yet now you’re not so sure. You’re tired. You doubt how each step is actually leading you towards the finish. Was there a finish? Shoot… You’re potentially angry you even started this journey yet there’s guilt for not finishing. This is the part that is hard because all the reasons for getting you out of bed don’t seem enough now. The motivation seems mute. So what? Stop running?

You can’t sweetheart. Because the moment you stop running, it will be really, really, really hard to keep going. You walk. You keep your legs and forgive yourself for the the amount of speed you can give, but you must keep giving. Look around! There’s that outlier runner who’s having a grand time speeding along, but most of us, are struggling and want to give up too. But if we all pivot and let go of any guilt of only being able to give 50% or 20% or even 1%, we’ll get through. As you are moving in this way, staying in the race, doing what you can in this moment, doubts, judgments, scarcity will pop in. They whisper. They taunt. They laugh. They judge. LAY OUT YOUR EXPLETIVES. SAY LA LA LA LA. Say “I release and destroy my need to look good.” “I release and destroy my need to prove I’m doing enough.” Be in the moment. Breathe. The only way to fight the weight of the beginning and the pressure of the end is to be present right now.

Prayer: Sit and listen.

Creative: Write 10 things you love about yourself!

Brave: Have integrity with every thing you say and when you don’t, be ready to own up and apologize.

Generous: How can I choose to hear someone’s words from a place of kindness instead of taking things personally?