grace

CBG: Offering

May 29, 2020 — Leave a comment

The apostles returned to Jesus and told him all that they had done and taught. And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat. And they went away in the boat to a desolate place by themselves. Now many saw them going and recognized them, and they ran there on foot from all the towns and got there ahead of them. When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. And he began to teach them many things. And when it grew late, his disciples came to him and said, “This is a desolate place, and the hour is now late. Send them away to go into the surrounding countryside and villages and buy themselves something to eat.” But he answered them, “You give them something to eat.” And they said to him, “Shall we go and buy two hundred denarii worth of bread and give it to them to eat?” And he said to them, “How many loaves do you have? Go and see.” And when they found out, they said, “Five, and two fish.”

Mark 6:30-38

The disciples are exhausted. They were supposed to go rest; Jesus had encouraged them to go rest. But the people and the needs followed. And so un-rested, they continued to serve. The people came and Jesus gathered them, gave them his attention, his time, his presence. The disciples noticed and knew that these people would be hungry. They were thinking ahead and suggested that the people be encouraged to go get food. It made sense. This was a plan for everyone. But Jesus throws on them another task?! They’ve already served and gave up their rest! And now Jesus expects the disciples to also somehow find enough food to feed the thousands?! They’re tired. They’re spent. Jesus, give ’em a break!!

I would have said something sarcastic, too.

Jesus, oh Jesus, doesn’t meet our sarcasm with sarcasm. He simply asks, what do you have? What can we offer? What can you offer?

You’re tired. You’re exhausted. You’ve done good. You should rest. You’ve looked at needs and still kept giving. You are tired. You are exhausted. You can’t handle another impossible thing to do, to see, to have to help with. When you’re in that exhaustion, it makes sense to see the problem as too big, too impossible. It probably is. It probably will require too much that you don’t have. Say the sarcastic thing. Make a deprecating joke. Roll your eyes. Take a breath.

What do you have? You have something! It may seem small, but you’d be surprised if you step in with faith and courage. Your offering may seem minuscule compared to the obstacle in front of you. But, the step of offering even that, of focusing on what you do have, will show you the miracle that can happen.

Prayer: God I pray that you help me focus on what I can give and what I do have rather than just looking at the challenge and mountain ahead. God I pray that you help me take small steps to change, to act, to help. The faith of a mustard seed can move mountains. I trust that.

Character: Where have I focused on the mountain instead of my ability to walk up the mountain?

Grace: Where has God showed you his abundance in the midst of our lack?

CBG: Self-control

May 28, 2020 — Leave a comment

The Passover of the Jews was at hand, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. In the temple he found those who were selling oxen and sheep and pigeons, and the money-changers sitting there. And making a whip of cords, he drove them all out of the temple, with the sheep and oxen. And he poured out the coins of the money-changers and overturned their tables. And he told those who sold the pigeons, “Take these things away; do not make my Father’s house a house of trade.” His disciples remembered that it was written, “Zeal for your house will consume me.” So the Jews said to him, “What sign do you show us for doing these things?” Jesus answered them, “Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up.”

John 2:13-19

Jesus flipped over the tables at the temple. He made a mess with the coins. He caused the chaos and confronted the people who infuriated them. Those who were with him saw his passion. Those who didn’t know him or were inconvenienced by him demanded an answer for his actions. It’s a foreshadow. It’s a warning. It’s a sign of what is to come.

I do not condone violence when its intention and sole purpose is to harm recklessly and to showcase ego. Violence is an inability to express anger and an acting from an emotional clog/prison. However, I do understand an anger that can no longer be held in and must be expressed. Anger is helpful; it stems from a sense of injustice, pain and hurt. Anger expressed, not to make another small, but to shake someone awake, is necessary.

Self-control has been pillaged by interpretations stemming from a need to control, or can I say it, the white supremacy and patriarchy that has infiltrated our study of the Word. When I first hear of self-control, I think of this pushing down of desires that are “bad for you,” or a denying of your feelings for the sake of “something better.” Often this preaching of self-control is aimed towards women and people of color, or people who have lots of feelings. That is not self-control!

Self-control is an ability to understand one’s feelings and act righteously from those feelings. It’s not a denial of our desires. It’s not being ruled by our desires. The self in self-control demonstrates how strong one’s perspective can overtake the needs/good of others. So in order for the self not to go haywire with its wants, the control comes from seeing one’s desires in light of your grandest purpose and the people that may be affected by your want. Self-control is holding our desires and feelings without judgment to consider how it will affect us when expressed and those in the path of them.

Jesus in that temple is self-control personified. He knew and felt his anger. He wrecked his “Father’s house” which had been violated for capitalistic purposes. Yes, he was passionate, and his passion stemmed from his overflowing purpose. Jesus didn’t participate in a riot; he started a rebellion. Riots alone for the sake of destruction are not helpful, but rebellions that are part of a greater revolution to restore humanity, that we must be for.

Prayer: God I pray for a healthy way to express my anger that doesn’t destroy. God I pray for justice and my responsibility to enact it. God I pray for restoration and my role in it. God I pray for anger aimed for the sake of renewal and restoration.

Character: Where have I chosen to hurt others and myself rather than vulnerably express my anger?

Grace: How does God’s justice feel?

CBG: Gentleness

May 27, 2020 — Leave a comment

When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” He said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep. Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch our your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.” And after saying this he said to him, “Follow me.”

John 21:15-19

Imagine if Jesus from the gitgo told Peter he was going to be crucified. Ouch.

It might have felt like that the crucifixion was part of Peter’s punishment for denying Jesus. That would have crushed Peter. There might not have been restoration. Always hanging on Peter’s head might be his once-upon-a-time major transgression.

However, Jesus is not cruel. He doesn’t make us grovel at his feet until he thinks we deserve forgiveness. He forgives. He knows we are fallible humans. He knows and he loves, and so he is perfect with his language and the timing of it.

Jesus layers. Jesus says as much as Peter can handle. He spends time so that we don’t just hear the truth, but we experience the speaker of the truth. If Peter hadn’t been prodded several times, he might not have added to his last response, Lord you know everything, and to that, Jesus prophesied Peter’s future.

Gentleness recognizes that every person is one step from either shutting down or opening up, and acts in a way that encourages the latter. Gentleness is not subject to time. Gentleness treats its subjects as treasures. Gentleness holds the present as the goal. Gentleness is a posture of meeting and honoring the fragile humanity in another.

Prayer: God I pray for a gentle posture when that is the most powerful way to connect to another human being. God I pray for salve in my words and kindness in my actions. God I pray for a felt strength in my gentleness.

Character: Where has your impatience or your control in timing led to unfruitful acts?

Grace: In what ways is God prodding you to be gentler with yourself?

CBG: Faithfulness

May 26, 2020 — Leave a comment

And [Jesus] said, “There was a man who had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, “Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.” And he divided the property between them. Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything. But when he came to himself, he said, “How many of my father’s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.” And he arose and came to his father.

But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.” But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost and is found. And they began to celebrate.

Now his older son was in the field, and as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. And he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said, “Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf, because he has received him back safe and sound.’ But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him, but he answered his father, ‘Look, these many years I have served you, and I have never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!’ And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost and is found.”

Luke 15:11-32

I want to be like the Father in this story: generous, quick to forgive and gentle. His younger son had squandered his money, disgraced the family name, broken up the family and yet, he sees the heart of the matter. His son was lost and is now found! Everything else — material, past hurts, pains — pale in comparison to this true victory! When his older son is angry, he listens and then beckons him in with love.

However, we are often like the children. Some days we are the younger son — impulsive, short-sighted and self-deprecating. YOLO at its finest. He goes from living big and large to forsaking his identity to become a servant. Other days we are very much the older son — rigid, slightly resentful and victim-prone. He lives his life in a particular order from a place of obligation and systems rather than from freedom and love. The sons are so involved with themselves that they miss the presence of their father, their reason, their security, their everything.

The father is faithful both to the son who hurts him and to the son who resents him. He sees his sons, their identity that cannot be marred by circumstances. He remembers how they were as children. He remembers how they have loved him and needed him, and truly will always need him. He hopes even when he’s been hurt. He draws near even in the face of hard impenetrable armor. He sacrifices his goods because they are not sacrifices; they are celebrations! The father is faithfulness embodied. Faithfulness defies reason. Faithfulness draws from love. Faithfulness is an unbreakable vow that can’t be explained with words. Faithfulness is a promise to hold and love even when the object of our affections doesn’t return the same.

Prayer: God I pray for a faithfulness to your sanctification and your guidance. I pray to be tethered to nothing else, but your call and purposes for my life. I pray that that faithfulness to you will bring me to places that make no sense, people that make no sense and purposes that are aligned with your heart.

Character: Where, what and who have you been holding out of obligation?

Grace: Where, what and who have held you?

CBG: Goodness

May 25, 2020 — Leave a comment

And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. And God saw that the light was good.

And God said, “Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear.” And it was so. God called the dry land Earth, and the waters that were gathered together he called Seas. And God saw that it was good.

The earth brought forth vegetation, plants, yielding seed according to their own kinds, and trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.

And God made the two great lights — the greater light to rule the day and the lesser light to rule the night — and the stars. And God set them in the expanse of the heavens to give light on the earth, to rule over the day and over the night, and to separate the light from the darkness. And God saw it was good.

So God created the great sea creatures and every living creature that moves, with which waters swarm, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.

And God made the beasts of the earth according to their kinds and the livestock according to their kinds, and everything that creeps on the ground according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.

And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good.

Genesis 1:3, 9-10, 12, 16-17, 21, 25, 31

A satisfaction where there used to be a lack. A fulfillment where there used to be a need. A fullness where there used to be emptiness. A way of life that makes sense where there used to be stagnancy. Purposes accomplished where there used to be nothingness to strive towards. A right way of being that aligns with the heart of God where there used to be a white canvas of possibility.

Goodness leaves us in awe of what is and what can be. Goodness shows us the possibility of humanity working together and for each other. Goodness humbles us to look up and say, wow. Goodness warms hearts, souls and bellies that were hungry. Goodness closes the distance between relationships. Goodness creates the unexpected that was the exact thing that fits. Goodness demonstrates the wholeness and communion of God.

Prayer: God help us see the wonders and beauties around us. God help us see ourselves as part of the wonders and beauty of your handiwork. God make us creators of wonder and beauty in our relationships, our words and our work.

Character: In what ways have I neglected the good that is me, that is others, that is the world?

Grace: How does your body and mind respond when you are satisfied?

CBG: Kindness

May 23, 2020 — Leave a comment

And David said, “Is there still anyone left of the house of Saul, that I may show him kindness for Jonathan’s sake?” Now there was a servant of the house of Saul whose name was Ziba, and they called him to David. And the king said to him, “Are you Ziba?” And he said, “I am your servant.” And the king said, “Is there not still someone of the house of Saul, that I may show the kindness of God to him?” Ziba said to the king, “There is still a son of Jonathan; he is crippled in his feet.” The king said to him, “Where is he?” And Ziba said to the king, “He is in the house of Machir the son of Ammiel, at Lo-debar.” Then King David sent and brought him from the house of Machir the son of Ammiel, at Lo-debar. And Mephibosheth the son of Jonathan, son of Saul, came to David and fell on his face and paid homage. And David said, “Mephibosheth!” And he answered, “Behold, I am your servant.” And David to him, “Do not fear, for I will show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan, and I will restore to you all the land of Saul your father, and you shall eat at my table always.” And he paid homage and said, “What is your servant, that you should show regard for a dead dog such as I?” Then the king called Ziba, Saul’s servant, and said to him, “All that belonged to Saul and to all his house I have given to your master’s grandson. And you and your sons and your servants shall till the land for him and shall bring in the produce, that your master’s grandson may have bread to eat. But Mephibosheth your master’s grandson shall always eat at my table.” Now Ziba had fifteen sons and twenty servants. Then Ziba said to the king, “According to all that my lord the king commands his servant, so will your servant do.” So Mephibosheth ate at David’s table, like one of the king’s sons.

2 Samuel 9:1-11

Maybe you’ve never said, What is your servant, that you should show regard for such a dead dog as I?, however, I hope you have had moments of unexpected generosity and attention. In those moments, you see how you expected to be treated versus how you are treated. There is no me versus you; it’s us.

Kindness requires sacrifice on one end and surrender on the other, neither easier than the other. Kindness requires eyes meeting. Kindness is close and intimate. It says, you are welcomed to come in. Kindness feels like the only right way for the people involved even if it often feels absurd to anyone observing. Kindness doesn’t add up even though it’s the only way to wholeness. Kindness is humanity connecting on the deepest level to meet each other’s needs.

Prayer: God make me someone who sees others and cares well even when my mind fights it.

Character: Where have you sacrificed hospitality?

Grace: What acts of generosity and attention have you experienced recently?

CBG: Patience

May 22, 2020 — Leave a comment

The words of Nehemiah the son of Hacaliah. Now it happened in the month of Chislev, in the twentieth year, as I was in Susa the citadel, that Hanani, one of my brothers, came with certain men from Judah. And I asked them concerning the Jews who escaped, who had survived the exile, and concerning Jerusalem. And they said to me, “The remnant there in the province who had survived the exile is in great trouble and shame. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates are destroyed by fire.” As soon as I heard these words I sat down and wept and mourned for days, and I continued fasting and praying before the God of heaven…O Lord let your ear be attentive to the prayer of your servant, and to the prayer of your servants who delight to fear your name, and give success to your servant today, and grant him mercy in the sight of this man.” Now I was the cupbearer to the king. In the month of Nisan, in the twentieth year of King Artaxerxes, when was was before him, I took up the wine and gave it to the king. Now I had not been sad in his presence. And the king said to me, “Why is your face sad, seeing you are not sick?” This is nothing but sadness of the heart.” Then I was much very much afraid. I said to the king, “Let the king live forever! Why should not my face by sad when the city, the place of my fathers’ graves, lies in ruins and its gates have been destroyed by fire?” Then the king said to me, “What are you requesting?”

Nehemiah 1:1-4, 11-2:4

Between the report Nehemiah received in Chislev (November/December) and his request to the king in Nisan (March/April) is 4 months. During that waiting period, Nehemiah, wept, mourned, prayed, fasted and also attended to his duties. As soon as the King asked him what he wanted, Nehemiah laid out his plans. And the king granted him what he asked.

Patience isn’t sedentary. It’s not doing nothing in hopes that something will spring out of zero. Patience is simmering and preparing one’s heart for the right moment to take action. Patience is acting from a place of preparedness. Patience requires faith that we do not dictate diving timing, whereas we live under its reign. Patience is trusting that there is a script beyond our mini scenes and the few characters we get to interact with; that if we allow it, we will see a whole greater narrative unfold without us getting in the way of it. Patience is choosing the collective long-term good over one’s immediate comforts and desires. Patience is the inhale of a situation and an exhale of how I am feeling, before another inhale of how are they feeling and an exhale of what do we need here. Soon, the breaths will ease their way into action. Do we have the faith to make space for the breaths?

Prayer: God help me to breathe before speaking, breathe before judging, breathe before acting. God help me to trust your divine timing and help me to let go of my plans that come from fear or a need to control. God help me to honor what is currently on my plate while stilling holding close the desires of my heart.

Character: Where am I holding my breath because I want to hold control?

Grace: Where have former prayers and dreams transition into actualizations?

CBG: Peace

May 21, 2020 — Leave a comment

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; he utters his voice, the earth melts.
The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Come, behold the works of the Lord, how he has brought desolation on the earth.
He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the chariots with fire.
Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!
The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Psalm 46

What do you hold onto when the foundations you’ve set your feet on fall away? Your security and your safety net, if you were ever lucky enough to have one, show themselves to not be stable after all. Where do you look when all you’ve worked towards is thrown into emptiness? Your achievements and your diligence are unprepared for new obstacles. When you thought you had done enough and gotten on top of your circumstances, exhaustion creeps in. How will you make it to the morning?

Peace is the anchoring into what hasn’t been been shaken and what hasn’t been defeated. Peace is making room for God’s presence when everything around you is telling you to close up shop and protect. Peace is looking at everything coming at you while focusing on the fortress of your character and God that exist in between. Peace is hearing the noise and shouts yet recalibrating the breath to a 4 count inhale, 4 count exhale. Peace is seeing all that seems against us with compassion. Peace is silent during the good times and loud during the hard times. Peace is a practice of presence. Peace is a muscle of response rather than one of reaction. Peace is a choice to surrender control.

Prayer: God I pray that you will reveal where I am placing my trust. Teach me how to breathe in a manner that quiets me and those in my presence. Teach me to pause before reacting out of anger or hurt. Teach me to see attacks and attackers with compassion.

Character: Where am I choosing to fight by ignoring the bigger scene and narrative?

Grace: How can I make room for moments of presence today?

CBG: Joy

May 20, 2020 — Leave a comment

And [Jesus] sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, “Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.”

Mark 12:41-44

I find deep joy in this poor widow. She is poor and is acquainted with deep loss, yet gives everything she has, everything she has to live on, on God. If Jesus were not there, the disciples might not have known her circumstances and even judged her meager offerings.

Joy isn’t neglecting nor wearing our circumstances on our sleeves. Some may know what we’re going through and others might not, yet still the same we act. Joy isn’t necessarily showy and can be seen in our small acts. Joy isn’t necessarily for others and can be seen witnessed by others. Joy builds up our own integrity and courage. Joy requires faith. It requires being present in the moment while not being bogged down by the present situation.

Joy is quiet and full. Joy is found in the small moments of difficult decisions. Joy is a trust that things will work out. Joy is seeing beyond what you can presently see. Joy is the ambient hum of love and wholeness through all situations. Joy looks differently on everyone, but when you are in the presence of genuine joy, it quiets your own anxious stirrings so you can hear the faint melody of hope always playing throughout.

Prayer: God I pray for joy that helps be let go and surrender. God I pray for joy that expands all that I already have. God I pray for joy that centers and expands my capacity to love.

Character: Where is your focus on poverty and loss?

Grace: Who has shown you tremendous joy recently? How did it make you feel?

CBG: Love

May 19, 2020 — Leave a comment

For this is the message that we have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother’s righteous. Do not be surprised, brothers, that the world hates you. We know that we have passed out of death into life because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him. By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

1 John 3:11-18

What is love? Baby don’t hurt me…We all know the concept of love. It’s in songs and in cards. We tack it on to our goodbye’s. Even those who have never read the Bible can recite the first bits of 1 Corinthians 13, love is patient, love is kind…

Love is so simple, yet impossible to fully define in a succinct tagline. We can describe its traits — patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast — yet like God, is too big for us to grasp. That’s the beauty of it; it envelopes us and not the other way around.

With Cain and Abel, we see what love is not. Cain killed his brother because he was too self-involved with his own deeds and could not bear to share the spotlight with his brother. He wanted to be congratulated. He was entitled. He felt threatened when his brother got the attention he thought only he deserved. This state of being — entitled self-involvement that makes one feel protective and who’s self-worth is contingent on others — is death. This attitude acts from a place of lack and a need for approval.

It can be trite to say love is simply the opposite. These fruits of the Spirit, the first listed being love, are beyond binary thinking. They are the opposite, and some. So what is love: it takes into account others. It comes from a place of security. It is not threatened by the success of others. It is not contingent on a response. It is not protective. It does not have an end like death. Love is a whole-hearted honoring and empowering of another fueled by the faith that another’s good is your own good. Loving your brother is trusting that their well-being is vital to your own well-being. Love yourself is trusting that your own well-being is vital to the well-being of all. Love begets love. It draws humanity closer while expanding our view of who & what is of humanity.

By the power of Christ’s utter display of sacrificial love, we, too, can love in this radical open give-it-all way. It’s not that Christ neglected his own well-being; he simply focused solely, on ours instead. That takes tremendous faith and power.

Prayer: God I pray that you would break my need to be protective. God I pray that you would keep growing and building my sense of worth and out of that, I can love others without need. God I pray for the power and faith to shift my focus onto others when I’m feeling entitled, too self-involved and needy.

Character: Who is hard to love? Where is it hard to love? When is it hard to love?

Grace: When have I felt love that made me let go more?