hope

Delight & Desire

October 2, 2020 — Leave a comment

Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away.
Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this; He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret — it leads only to evil.
For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.

Psalm 37:1-9

There is a symbiotic relationship between delighting in the Lord and fulfilling the desires of your heart. They need each other to fulfill each other. To delight in the Lord is to enjoy, relish and receive with out-of-this-world wonder. To delight in the Lord is to enjoy the presence of God, find comforting refuge in God and hear the soundtrack of your immutable worth. When you delight in something, you’re focused and you’re rooted. When you delight in something, you’re not worried about what others are getting or how others are enjoying life. You are experiencing life so fully in your moment you need not compare yourself to others. And when you delight in the Lord in this wild and unabashed way, your heart grows more faithful and hopeful. Your heart wishes. Your appetite grows. Your idea of possibility seep into every corner of the room. You dare to reach for the seemingly impossible. You dare to imagine that things will indeed work out. The desires of your heart are not ephemeral; they actually impact how you see the world and your place in it.

And I believe, when you are so filled with this joy, wonder and truth of your worth, your desires will align accordingly. Your desires won’t be to seek joy, seek wonder, seek power, seek love: they already are. Your desires are bigger and braver. Your desires are to live out that joy, live out that wonder and live out a life where you know, without a doubt, you are beautiful, loved and worthy. If all of us can live from a place of enough and fullness, how far can this universe expand outside of us and inside our hearts?

The Gospel

September 29, 2020 — Leave a comment

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile. For in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed — a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: ‘The righteous will live by faith.’

Romans 1:16-17

Now more than ever, I find it so hard to answer the question, are you a Christian? There is so much baggage and preconceived notions wrapped up in the identification. There’s also a kind of flexing that might result from identifying as such. How often do you see people who identify as Christians spew the most hate, live the most selfishly and taint the beauty of God? They claim a holy Biblical standard that they don’t adhere to or doesn’t allow to penetrate into any relevance or impact on this side of heaven.

Then I used to say, well…yeah…I love Jesus, this more heart-centered way to express how and for who I live my life. But then it gets kind of wooo wooo and I feel myself throwing out disclaimers and trying to fluff up what I mean by that.

That is why I’m so moved by the simplicity in this passage. I believe in the gospel. I am not ashamed of the gospel. I am built up and led by the gospel. I believe that God loves the world, loves us so much and wants our wholeness and holiness felt fully. God demonstrates his love and hope through Jesus Christ, who lived a life full of purpose, forgiveness, radical love and miracles. We get to believe this dude was for real because if he was that means we too can have access to lives of deep purpose, forgiveness, radical love and miracles. And I believe the gospel because I believe God is ALWAYS with me. The Holy Spirit lives in me and reminds me of my worth & sense of home. So I believe in the gospel. I believe that hope has the final say and that transformation is inevitable. This is what I believe and I am not ashamed of it.

CBG: Peace

June 29, 2020 — Leave a comment

And [Jesus] opened his mouth and taught them, saying:
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Matthew: 5-2-9

A peacemaker is one who makes peace. A peacemaker creates a place of undisturbed freedom and brings an end to war because peace is not yet the reality. Therefore, the journey of a peacemaker is in battlefields and tension-filled spaces. They exist in places of conflict digging tunnels towards peace. They recognize and call out the lines of division so that we can move towards a place of co-existence.

The job of a peacemaker is difficult and dangerous. It requires dropping yourself into the pits of despair and divide. It requires trust and faith. Imagine a hostage negotiator. Imagine a divorce lawyer. Imagine a baby boy dropped into an earth destined to hate him. But if you do this work of bridging those seemingly on opposite ends, you will experience most fully the freedom that follows conflict resolution. The relief. The release. The joy.

Prayer: God equip me to be a peacemaker in places of division and conflict.

Where have you conflated being peaceful with being a peacemaker?

CBG: Mourning

June 23, 2020 — Leave a comment

And [Jesus] opened his mouth and taught them, saying:
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Matthew 5:2-4

When do we mourn? What fills us in times of mourning?

We mourn when we had and now we have lost. We mourn what was and are approaching what is. We mourn what could have been while waiting for what’s next. Mourning is an expression of care. Mourning involves emptying and letting go. Mourning is painful because it feels like the only thing that matters in the moment isn’t making the situation any better. It can overtake you. It can fog everything. It has its own timeline and reminds us again we are not in control. Yet this act can be a blessing because it reveals our capacity to love, dream and hold. Mourning reflects the depth of our connection and care. Mourning demonstrates that this present moment cannot be the end. In mourning, it is healthy and right to feel the heartbreak and hopelessness. In the void and hole is its corresponding space to be filled. It is a space ready to be with newness, unimaginable pivots and an intimacy with God that otherwise cannot be accessed. Comfort is the closeness of another.

Prayer: God make me brave to fully grieve the things I have lost and desired. Help me feel your presence in that grief.

What scares you about comfort in mourning?

CBG: Sacrificial Love 2

June 2, 2020 — Leave a comment

Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you every thing.’ And out of pity for him, the mater of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from you heart.’

Matthew 18:23-35

This servant owed ten thousand talents. He was in the dumps. Every moment of his life is fogged by this heavy debt. His punishment for non-payment is slavery for his family. Because of his plea, the master forgave everything. The master didn’t give him a deferral or a payment plant. The master wiped the servant of ALL his debt and restored to him freedom and lightness.

This servant, in his freedom, in his newfound power and lightness, sees an opportunity to take advantage and make another person feel what he used to feel. He wants to amplify the power he just received. He wants to hold onto that top position by having someone under him, owe him, be humiliated by him. He used his newfound freedom and power to do the one thing he begged not to happen to him.

His experience of grace and abundance could not penetrate his deepest layer of fear and lack. He was forgiven. He was given the biggest proof that he would be taken care of, that he had the KINDEST MASTER but that was not enough. He still needed his own tangible security, a tangible feel of his power. How often do we experience such grace and abundance yet still listen to our fears and lacks? How often do we get an unexpected provision yet can’t spare a few dollars to a neighbor who needs a meal? How often have you experienced that lightness and freedom from God because you are beloved and that will never change, yet can’t stand someone in our own homes?

I’m guilty of this. It’s a lifelong practice to remember all we have, all we have been given, all the privileges and power we have, and from that lean towards forgiveness, generosity and kindness for others. The person might not deserve it, probably doesn’t! Neither did you. Neither did I. It’s easy to see parables like this and dismiss it as something we won’t do because it’s SO extreme. It’s not in the extremes that pain roots. It’s in the every day choices and words that slowly layer into merciless and hardened hearts. May we hold our power and privilege in ways that reflect God’s character.

Prayer: God help me practice in my daily words and actions a generosity and forgiveness, an unrelenting hope that reflects the truth of my belovedness.

Who can you forgive today even though they don’t deserve it?

CBG: Sacrificial Love 1

June 1, 2020 — Leave a comment

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death — even death on a cross!

Philippians 2:5-8

We preach this passage a lot. It’s the fuzzies. It’s warm. It makes us feel all things are possible. Hope, you know. Humility. AMEN. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. #humility #vibes

Let me break down what Jesus really did, void of the fluffy intentions we think and hope in theory we too “want” to enact. Jesus was GOD. He was safe. He was chillin’ in heaven palace. He was GOOD. He was SO DAMN GOOD, like 100%, Webster’s definition of GOOD. He was privileged. Shout that for those in the nosebleeds. JESUS WAS A GOOD DUDE WHO WAS PRIVILEGED.

And he gave it up. He gave up his status. He gave up his home. He gave up his accolades. He gave up his position. He gave it all up to be a vulnerable baby.

Guess what?! Then he earned that all back! Yes, he did! He learned the Bible like no other. He was the best preacher by far. He was a charismatic leader. People were throwing themselves on him. People were following him. People were sacrificing expensive perfume to wash his dirty feet.

And then he gave it all up. Again. Stripped himself of dignity, of voice, of clothes, of family, of community. Stripped. Humiliated. Silenced. Accused. Mocked. Became nothing. Again.

Why? Because he loved us. He loved us oppressed, up our asses, humans. He loved the vulnerable, the ugly, the messy, the undeserving, the imprisoned, the sick, the healthy, the greedy, the generous. He loved us. He saw what could be possible — a redeemed humanity. A humanity freed from greed and evil, of -ism’s and separations — a humanity restored. He broke himself and broke the system for redemption.

May we, may I, love in this manner. Can I give up my voice? Can I give up my place? Can I give up my status? Can I give up my achievements? Can I give up all the things I’ve earned for the sake of a redeemed humanity? Can I give up my life for the sake of a full soul?

Prayer: God make me this kind of woman, daughter, friend, sister, colleague, human.

What am I holding onto that I am unwilling to give up because I am afraid of losing my place and privilege?

CBG: Joy

May 20, 2020 — Leave a comment

And [Jesus] sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, “Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.”

Mark 12:41-44

I find deep joy in this poor widow. She is poor and is acquainted with deep loss, yet gives everything she has, everything she has to live on, on God. If Jesus were not there, the disciples might not have known her circumstances and even judged her meager offerings.

Joy isn’t neglecting nor wearing our circumstances on our sleeves. Some may know what we’re going through and others might not, yet still the same we act. Joy isn’t necessarily showy and can be seen in our small acts. Joy isn’t necessarily for others and can be seen witnessed by others. Joy builds up our own integrity and courage. Joy requires faith. It requires being present in the moment while not being bogged down by the present situation.

Joy is quiet and full. Joy is found in the small moments of difficult decisions. Joy is a trust that things will work out. Joy is seeing beyond what you can presently see. Joy is the ambient hum of love and wholeness through all situations. Joy looks differently on everyone, but when you are in the presence of genuine joy, it quiets your own anxious stirrings so you can hear the faint melody of hope always playing throughout.

Prayer: God I pray for joy that helps be let go and surrender. God I pray for joy that expands all that I already have. God I pray for joy that centers and expands my capacity to love.

Character: Where is your focus on poverty and loss?

Grace: Who has shown you tremendous joy recently? How did it make you feel?

CBG: Sacrificial Love

May 4, 2020 — Leave a comment

Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with out hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

Hebrews 10:19-25

What an elaboration of the summation verse from 1 Corinthians 13, And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.

Why is the blood of Jesus and his flesh necessary for us to enter the holy places? What is the holy places? As a humanity, we too, need a human manifestation to viscerally and holistically know and experience God. That is the significance of God in the flesh, God on earth, God among us as Jesus Christ. It’s our way into the sacred through the profane. It’s our way into our holy through a form our current beings can understand. The blood of Jesus, (if we are willing to look beyond the nature of a violent gruesome capital murder because it eventually leads to the most glorious of rebirths), point to an unfathomable sacrificial love. A love so deep and free from any obligation on our part that it pulls us in. Sacrificial love is the ultimate way into connection and vulnerability. That is what exists in the holy places. It is a sanctuary before and with God that is void of any pretense and armor. In that place the unnecessary burdens and cares of this world fall away and we are built up with hope and faith to reenter to love and encourage others.

Through the sacrificial and visceral love of Jesus Christ, we are able to access a vulnerability that cleanses us and builds us up to in turn love and sacrifice others. Without the former, it can feel exhausting and impossible to do the latter. Without the former, it can feel obligatory and unnecessary to do the latter. Without the former, we cannot fully access vulnerability. It’s all about the love. It has to start from there, and we have full access to it.

Prayer: Lord, help me to always play the love, see the love, know the love that is in you. God help me to lay my armor down. God help me to be an encourager instead of a hater. God help me to live in a confidence marked by sacrificial love.

Character: Where have I let doubts and worries tamper my hope?

Grace: What does it feel like when I am in the holy places?

CBG: Agenda

May 1, 2020 — Leave a comment

The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst they said to him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the Law of Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?” This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground. But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus, said, “Neither do I condemn you; go and from now on sin no more.”

John 8:3-11

How often do we use people as examples for our own agendas? We miss the humanity right before our eyes and aim only to protect our own culture. How often do we get tunnel vision because of our own agendas? We ask the wrong questions and are shocked by answers that reveal our own pain. How often do we think in terms of old narratives to justify our own agendas? We miss the new life right before our eyes. I hope every accusation we have against another is a truer opportunity to self-reflect and shift. I hope our grip on old ways of living that gave our lives a sense of certainty and structure would give way to a more faithful, unpredictable journey of undoing and relearning.

I hope we know that unlike humans who are wrapped up in self-agenda, God does not condemn us. He doesn’t condone the harmful ways we live and act, and he beckons us to change in privacy. He doesn’t expose us as a display for other humans to learn. God exposes us so we can experience an intimacy and a connection. Even as God tells us to sin no more, he knows that’s impossible on this side of heaven. What he is encouraging us is to do is make a choice to turn from our former ways that amount to deeper pain and loneliness, and instead to turn to a new way of wholeness and faith. It won’t be perfect, but simply because it’s a continual act does not mean we don’t keep trying.

Prayer: To stop justifying, figuring things out, testing God. To see what’s presented before us and receive.

Character: What actions, thoughts and stories create more harm, self-reliance and disconnection in your life? What is the cost of shifting?

Grace: Where in you life have you felt the grace of God over and over again?

CBG: Wisdom

April 29, 2020 — Leave a comment

Yet among the mature we do impart wisdom, although it is not a wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are doomed to pass away. But we impart a secret and hidden wisdom of God, which God decreed before the ages for our glory. None of the rulers of this age understood this, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. But, as it is written,

“What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him” —

these things God has revealed to us through the Spirit. For the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of god. For who knows a person’s thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God. And we impart this in words not taught by human wisdom but taught by the Spirit, interpreting spiritual truths to those who are spiritual. The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned. The spiritual person judges all things, but is himself to be judged by no one. “For who has understood the mind of the Lord also as to instruct him?” But we have the mind of Christ.

1 Corinthians 2:6-16

One annoying thing I experience in Christian culture is the language we use. There is nothing more irritating to my ears than Christian-ese, the terms and the tone we employ to explain the spiritual plane. I fight hard against this by concrete examples. I may be tempted to say God is my provider, has never forsaken me and instead will say well for the last…forever of my life, I have always had food and shelter. Or instead of the hope of Christ keeps me going, I’ll say, I know evil and death are not the end of the story; I don’t believe that and I know that in my core. Even that smells slightly Christian-ese. (Cringe.) I can’t speak for others, as much I want to generalize my own experiences to the general J.C. community, that sometimes I drop Christian-ese because it’s a means of protection. It’s a bubble around what’s tender and precious work in my insides, yet nonetheless a bubble others can nod and say AMEN to. And in those moments, when I am approached with a gentle, patient and safe curiosity, the bubble can pop.

However, however, there are times when our explanations full of hearty evidence fall short. It’s this feeling you can’t fully put into words. It’s this depth of peace that feels fraught to box up for another. It’s this immovable knowing that feels precious reserved for me and God. The wisdom and the strength of God are often unexplainable in humans terms. It’s a relationship that is so core and so unfathomable that we can merely attempt to describe in part by our inability to describe it fully. It’s that wave of the sacrificial love on Good Friday, the utter pain of Holy Saturday and the speechless victory of Easter Sunday. It’s those moments when I feel the most faith and certainty about God. It’s also in those moments when I wish more than anything that those around me can feel it too. How much I long for everyone to know and experience the love of Christ. May we all “understand” and “experience”, without boundaries that plane of holy existence. This is the power of faith that the Spirit of God is indeed at work. Oh no…Christian-ese…

Prayer: Ask God for the wisdom, hope and love you cannot fully explain.

Character: What do each of our fears need to experience peace?

Grace: Where have you seen provision that is beyond what you thought was possible?