integrity

Alignment & Integrity

January 22, 2021 — Leave a comment

And God placed all things under [Christ’s] feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.

Ephesians 1:22-23

You ever turn your heard one way and leave your body facing another? There is strain not only in the neck; if you listen and quiet down enough, you’ll feel the tension and battle ripple through from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet. There is a sense of integrity that holds us up from the top of our spine which is at the center of our head to the bottom of our sits bones to the bottom of our feet. When we stand in that, our whole body relaxes into peace and purpose.

There is a vulnerability and attention required to face our bodies in the direction of our head & eyes. There is a surrender of areas our eyes and head are not facing and a trust that what we see in front and in our periphery are what we are supposed to be aware of right now. However if you stay attuned, your back isn’t just exposed and vulnerable — it too can sense and focus on a different level.

Jesus was human and the limitation of that is he could only be at one place a time, however he could have a constant ambient care for the world at large. But in each moment, he needed to honor what was in front of him and act accordingly. That was what was most useful for his audience in each given moment. That was what was most useful for the writers to string together his journey in the gospel: a step at a time, in the direction that was led by his head, God. The task for us is to have that same focus and faith to the things right in front of us, while holding ever so softly all the things that are happening around us. We do not exist in a vacuum. We are interdependent and constantly affecting each other. Can you find the integrity and alignment in your body so that it aligns with God’s kingdom and purpose that includes all of humanity?

RBG

September 19, 2020 — Leave a comment

Again the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the Lord, not that Ehud was dead. So the Lord sold them into the hands of Jabin king of Canaan, who reigned in Hazor. Sisera, the commander of his army, was based in Harosheth Haggoyim. Because he had nine hundred chariots fitted with iron and had cruelly oppressed the Israelites for twenty years, they cried for the Lord for help.

Now Deborah, a prophet, the wife of Lappidoth, was leading Israel at that time. She held court under the Palm of Deborah between Ramah and Bethel in the hill country of Ephraim, and the Israelites went up to her to have their disputes decided. She sent for Barak son of Abinoam from Kedesh in Naphtali and said to him, ‘The Lord, the God of Israel, commands you: ‘Go, take with you ten thousand men of Naphtali and Zebulun and lead them up to Mount Tabor. I will lead Sisera, the commander of Jabin’s army, with his chariots and his troops to the Kishon River and give him into your hands.’ Barak said to her, ‘If you go with me, I will go; but if you don’t go with me, I won’t go.’

‘Certainly I will go with you,’ said Deborah. ‘But because of the course you are taking, the honor will not be yours, for the Lord will deliver Sisera into the hands of a woman.’

Judges 4:1-9

Women lead and women decide. Women prophecy and women protect. Women watch over and women take charge. Women are chosen by God to watch over nations and are chosen by God to overthrow nations. Deborah the prophet, the judge, was no exception. She was but an example of where women belong.

Rest in power RBG. Thank you for how you set an example for all of us women and warriors to do what is right and to lead a life that is marked by integrity and dissent. Thank you for fighting hard for us even while you were fighting hard to stay alive. We will honor you by choosing to live our lives in a way that bring others together and elevate the integrity of humanity. We will honor your legacy by stepping in even when we are exhausted, even when it feels so late in the game, even when we know our time is coming to an end. You showed us how to keep going and you showed us no is a good answer. We love you. We honor you. You are marked by God and as you rest in Shalom, may you continue to preside over this nation. We need your vibes.

CBG: Persecution

June 30, 2020 — Leave a comment

And [Jesus] open his mouth and taught them, saying:
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Matthew 5:2-12

Blessed are those covered in God’s favor and protection.
Blessed are those praised and thanked.
Blessed are those who are sacred and radiant.

When you do the work of God and seek what is just and right, even when it feels scary and dangerous, know that you are covered and chosen. And please let me clarify. This is not an endorsement for people to hate, murder and protect themselves and their possessions through the name of God. Come back to Jesus. Who did he seek justice and righteousness for and whom did he take it from? He despised the self-righteous religious and people who gripped onto money, in the name of God! He stood by those, fought for those, who had nothing, who were outcasted and who majority culture didn’t consider. So if you are doing such work as Jesus has, then blessings on you.

When you are marred and wounded, humiliated for your integrity and battered among the marginalized, remember that you are radiant and sacred. This is the kingdom of heaven, where those in the dirt shine bright and build a steadfast community. When people are offended by your radical life of generosity, sacrifice and inclusion, know that at the same time, you are also inspiring others that may never thank you. When people gossip about you and attempt to ruin your reputation because you refuse to stoop down to that same level, remember the prophets and the heroes who live beyond their life on earth, went through the same.

You don’t need to fake happiness or conjure up comfort. No one was born to love humiliation and persecution. You don’t need to enjoy pain. But in the midst of pain and suffering, what if you know you’re not alone in it? What if you know God is there with you and is working overtime to make sure you feel that? What if you believe that hope and heaven are your end place? What if trust that your soul is safe and getting stronger even as the world falls apart? Can this make you braver and more vulnerable? Can you laugh and cry all at once? Can you be the godly paradox?

Prayer: God help me to focus on my purpose and my God especially when I feel the most inadequate, invisible and alone. God help me to be fully present in pain and persecution and have it lead to your intimate presence.

What is your prophetic message?

CBG: Savior

May 14, 2020 — Leave a comment

So Boaz took Ruth, and she became his wife. And he went in to her, and the Lord gave her conception, and she bore a son. Then the women said to Naomi, “Blessed be the Lord, who has not left you this day without a redeemer, and may his name be renowned in Israel! He shall be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age, for your daughter-in-law who loves you, who is more to you then seven sons, has given birth to him.” Then Naomi took the child and laid him on her lap and became his nurse. And the women of the neighborhood gave him a name, saying, “A son has been born to Naomi.” They named him Obed. He was the father of Jesse, the father of David.

Ruth 4:13-17

I hope we never leave reading Ruth only thinking that Boaz was the redeemer. He was literally the kinsman-redeemer for Naomi’s line, and he played that out in a noble, compassionate and reputable way. Ruth is the true miracle here who pulled Naomi out of the depths of her own bitterness. Ruth didn’t lack a lover; she pursued Boaz because this was what Naomi wanted. Ruth who has proven to be better than 7 seven sons. Ruth who defies the engrained gender inequality in most cultures, including this. Ruth who gave birth to a son and gave Naomi hope again. This fairytale started with Ruth’s sacrifices.

Don’t fall prey to the narrative that someone will save you. You simply walk with integrity and love sacrificially; that is the only part you are to play in this life. Jesus saves, not in this human kind of way. He saves us from ourselves, our own suffocating narratives, our self-reliance, our need to protect our ego. He saves us so we can become like Ruth’s, and live with wide surrender and faith. God is the only one who “saves” us without needing anything in return. He “saves” us so that we can feel completely worthy and live from that place of love instead of our natural instinct of lack. If there is a human out there who declares they can save you, flee immediately!

Prayer: God I pray for an openness to you and whatever you have for us. God I pray for faith to walk in truth and integrity. God I pray that you help us love those around us more. God I pray that you make me a relief for those who are in pain or bitterness.

Character: Where can I replace lack with love? What feelings come from acting out of lack? What feelings come out of moving with love?

Grace: Where have you felt as equal as other genders?

CBG: Love Story

May 13, 2020 — Leave a comment

And [Ruth] replied, “All that you say I will do.” So she went down to the threshing floor and did just as her mother-in-law had commanded her. And when Boaz had eaten and drunk, and his heart was merry, he went to lie down at the end of the heap of grain. Then she came softly and uncovered his feet and lay down. At midnight the man was startled and turned over, and behold, a woman lay at his feet! He said, “Who are you?” And she answered, “I am Ruth, your servant. Spread your wings over your servant, for you are a redeemer.” And he said, “May you be blessed by the Lord, my daughter. You have made this last kindness greater than the first in that you have not gone after young men, whether poor or rich. And now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you all that you ask, for all my fellow townsmen know that you are a worthy woman.”

Ruth 3:5-11

We read this passage, with its context and trust that Ruth and Boaz are people of good character. Can we always do that with all the passages of the Bible so that we don’t inappropriately misinterpret and in doing so judge and harm?

Boaz is a man worth lying at his feet for. He saw Ruth’s insane actions in their best light. He knew that this woman was but following orders of her mother-in-law. He saw her kindness in choosing him and not other people who might be better. He called her daughter, recognizing his boundaries and making sure to honor her most present identity. He gave her barley so that she would go back home, reputation and integrity upheld.

Find yourself someone like Boaz: one who sees you through best intentions, one who cares about your integrity & reputation, one who assuages your fears, one who is humbled by your presence, one who makes sure you leave better than you came. Be a Ruth: one who loves sacrificially, one who is honest and vulnerable, one who has integrity in her words.

Prayer: God I pray to be like both Ruth and Boaz, full of hope and integrity. God I pray for an openness in my heart for you to provide a love that is so insane and so funny.

Character: How am I not trusting God with my desire to be loved and wanted?

Grace: How have I been shown recently that I am loved and wanted?

CBG: Bitterness

May 11, 2020 — Leave a comment

So [Naomi and Ruth] went on until they came to Bethlehem. And when they came to Bethlehem, the whole town was stirred because of them. And the women said, “Is this Naomi?” She said to them, “Do not call me Naomi, call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went away full, and the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi, when the Lord has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?” So Naomi returned, and Ruth the Moabite her daughter-in-law with her, who returned from the country of Moab. And they came to Bethlehem at the beginning of barley harvest.

Ruth 1:19-22

You are Naomi. You left your homeland in hopes of a better future. Instead, you lost your husband and your sons. You come home with a stranger-to-the-land. People are stirred up by your presence. You are so bitter, you tell people to see you only by your current feelings. Circumstances, really God, have changed you forever.

You are Ruth. You gained a family and then lost most of it. You give up your hometown, everything you know, to follow a woman you feel you’re supposed to follow. You come to this new land where everyone is staring at you. When people come up to you and your mother-in-law, she doesn’t even acknowledge you. You are part of the empty she is in right now. If anyone should be bitter at this moment, it should be Ruth, right? She gave up everything and the woman she gave up everything to wouldn’t even acknowledge it. But where can she go? She already left her hometown. She might have already broken ties back there. She can’t go back.

Ruth and Naomi are both in situations where there are no other options. Naomi/Mara who is so bitter, so wrapped up in her past and present grievances, she misses the best thing right next to her. Ruth who is in a new land with new rules, unacknowledged, questioning if her loyalty and integrity had indeed led her down the right path.

Are you a Mara or a Ruth right now?

Prayer: God I pray that any bitterness and resentment we are allowing to grip us would be released. I pray that you would give us more room to be soft and an ability to see beyond our losses and grievances. God help us to acknowledge the things we have gained whether physical, mental or emotional. God help us to lean into our loyalty and integrity.

Character: Where in my life is the story I keep replaying, woe is me?

Grace: How have you grown as God as brought you “back home” or “full circle”?

CBG: #10

March 30, 2020 — Leave a comment

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.

Hebrews 12:1-3

It’s not the beginning nor close to the finish line that this race called life is hard. It’s when the high of doing something new weans. It’s when you external encouragement and cheering fades. It’s when it’s so quiet and you feel alone in a task that you once felt so sure was right, yet now you’re not so sure. You’re tired. You doubt how each step is actually leading you towards the finish. Was there a finish? Shoot… You’re potentially angry you even started this journey yet there’s guilt for not finishing. This is the part that is hard because all the reasons for getting you out of bed don’t seem enough now. The motivation seems mute. So what? Stop running?

You can’t sweetheart. Because the moment you stop running, it will be really, really, really hard to keep going. You walk. You keep your legs and forgive yourself for the the amount of speed you can give, but you must keep giving. Look around! There’s that outlier runner who’s having a grand time speeding along, but most of us, are struggling and want to give up too. But if we all pivot and let go of any guilt of only being able to give 50% or 20% or even 1%, we’ll get through. As you are moving in this way, staying in the race, doing what you can in this moment, doubts, judgments, scarcity will pop in. They whisper. They taunt. They laugh. They judge. LAY OUT YOUR EXPLETIVES. SAY LA LA LA LA. Say “I release and destroy my need to look good.” “I release and destroy my need to prove I’m doing enough.” Be in the moment. Breathe. The only way to fight the weight of the beginning and the pressure of the end is to be present right now.

Prayer: Sit and listen.

Creative: Write 10 things you love about yourself!

Brave: Have integrity with every thing you say and when you don’t, be ready to own up and apologize.

Generous: How can I choose to hear someone’s words from a place of kindness instead of taking things personally?

Sh*t Christians Don’t Say: Dis-honor Ma & Pa

July 12, 2019 — Leave a comment

Honor your mother and father. One of the 10 commandments. Growing up hearing this over and over again, against the backdrop of a father who tried to kill me with a chair and a mother who shamed me for how dark my skin is, was difficult. Honor your mother and father. I would look up passages and search and ask to see if there was any way around this commandment. How could I honor people who harmed me? How could I continue to honor those that made me feel invisible and small?

When I tell people I’m not close to my family, people say I get that, me too. Then those same people proceed to share how they’re going on vacay with their family or how their dad sent them an article to read. I am not close to my family. They don’t ask me questions. They don’t know when I’m sad. We sit quietly at home, like true strangers in the facade of relatedness.

When I tell people, I don’t like my family. I often get, they’re doing the best they can. If you want to, you can. They’re parents etc. I’m a grown woman and my drunk dad told me I’m a disappointment and he’s been tolerating me. I’m a grown woman and as I leave to go back to LA, my dad doesn’t make eye contact with me, but instead as I’m leaving, says I’m a liar. I have no integrity. Yeah. I had written him a card saying when I was in New York I would take him out to eat. I forgot and I didn’t follow through. That’s my fault. But instead of bringing it up, he aggressively calls me a liar and shamed me as I leave. And the only reason why I know it has something to do with this meal promise is because my mom later sends me 15 voice mails about how I failed there. Yes. I didn’t follow through and fine, I lied. I made a promise and I failed. But is the way to deal with me to shame me, yell at me and make me truly never want to take him out for a meal? Also why does he want that when he doesn’t even talk to me when I’m home? He does nothing but mutter under his breath how I suck and then drink. It’s not even 9am.

When I tell people, I hate my family, I feel judged. I believe people think I’m being dramatic and callous. My parents are immigrants who sacrificed so much for me. And now there is never room for me to hate them. At what point am I no longer held to this filial obligation for something I had no control over? How much shame, fear and anger must I endure for me to have enough reason to draw my boundaries.

Honor your mother and father. I feel shame around that commandment. I feel that I will never do that enough. Is me coming home every time even after such horrific times, good enough? That’s my version of forgiveness but I can’t forget. It’s in my body. I’m miserable when I’m home. I want to cry but there’s no where to cry and as I’m writing this on the subway, I have to be careful that the floodgates don’t suddenly open.

How do I DIStance myself and not DisHonor? Does that make you more comfortable? If I never see my parents again, I really would not be sad. They haven’t been part of my life. When I think of my blood family, I am filled with grief, hurt, sadness and fear. I don’t like who I become. I don’t like how trapped I feel. Am I allowed to DISHonor my parents? Truth is, they probably already see me as a dishonorable dishonest daughter.

Day 46: Poor Moses

January 31, 2019 — Leave a comment

Numbers 19-21; Psalm 46

Sometimes our leaders get angry and do something they’re not supposed to and fall. Sometimes our leaders want our good so much, or they think they do, they do something off. It happens and yes they are human and they should be forgiven, but there are consequences. Sometimes they don’t get to go to the Promise Land. Sometimes they are humbled and become just like one of us. Sometimes they are fully restored like King David. Sometimes they die like Judas. Who knows why? It sometimes feels really unfair? Why do some get away with it? Why do some get forgiven? Why do some die? I don’t know and I wish I had the answer, too.

So you just be on the look out for your own behavior. You stand with integrity. Instead of only pointing the finger and exclaiming how these leaders have failed, what’s the lesson? Where can you take ownership? It should humble you. See the only place you can’t fall from is the ground.

Day 37: Righteous beggars

January 22, 2019 — 1 Comment

Leviticus 21-23; Psalm 37

Sometimes I really hate reading verses like the righteous have no lack, they never have to beg, the wicked will die, and so forth because when I look out at this earth, that’s just not true. The racism, sexism, poverty, mass incarceration, homeless and so forth in this country DO LACK. Many who are “righteous” are begging on the street. So what is this Psalm trying to tell us? I am not going to doubt someone’s righteousness by their current earthly state. We do that sometimes don’t we? We see someone suffering or in need and we might think they must be off with God. We see someone not getting the abundances of this world and think they must be in sin. We can take verses like these and do the flip side — judge the inside by what you see on the outside. Let me tell you: this outside world is wicked and there are some sick rules and systems we live in. Those who are righteous do not always get vindicated in this life and that sucks. Those who are righteous do suffer on earth. So what is it that they do not lack? So what is it that they do not need to beg for? Grace? Integrity? Their conscience? Their worth? The righteous know their worth even if those around them don’t acknowledge it. Hold on. Keep on. Persevere. Endure! You are worthy!