killing

Day 28: Unconscious coloring

January 13, 2019 — Leave a comment

Exodus 32-34; Psalm 28

I just listened to an interview between a NY times reporter and an Arizona sheriff who works in a border town. The sheriff is a nice, informed, Christian man who sees dead people in the woods, families trying to seek asylum and more daily. He is in support of Trump. He was dissenting how he heard Trump’s address, and he zoned in on what he thought mattered and everything else, while not 135% aligned, supported his argument. He didn’t seem bigoted. He really cared and he painted the immigration policies in our country with greater clarity and in need of reform. But we listened to the same address, and my ears are colored, as much as I want to think I’m not prejudiced and educated, and the moment I hear that prez’ voice my body cringes.

How colored are we when we read the Bible? Have we been desensitized to not see the ick of God and people in the OT? Do the killings not alarm us anymore? Or are they just stories we can skim, but then for other parts, we hold really tightly?

When we talk about this passage in Exodus (golden calf passages), do we forget that God wanted to kill all these people who created a calf? Did we forget that he did send the Levi’s into town to kill over 3000 men? Oh, but then we focus on God saying he’s a slow to anger and compassionate God. What the hell is going on here? Is this the God I worship? This God who loses it when he loses control over his people and needed Moses to calm him down. Is this the God that allowed Moses to kill the men? Goddamnit. Reading the Bible makes me question my faith more and more; if that doesn’t happen to you, you’re not reading carefully.

Lord help me not lose sight of who you are.

Day 20: The discomfort of God’s judgment

January 5, 2019 — Leave a comment

Exodus 10-12; Psalm 20

I may never fully understand how God could kill all the firstborn of Egypt. How could he murder all those people, regardless of they were evil or not? How could he cause such sorrow and suffering? Is this how vindication and justice look — unfair and cruel? How do I reconcile the God I believe to hold (kind, forgiving, gracious, patient) with this God who kills children and adult? It’s a sign that calls people to repentance. Is that enough? So we sacrifice a few for the many? Was there no other option? Hm. Maybe this was the only option to free the oppressed? Revenge on the oppressors’ children? I don’t know. It’s part like this in the Bible that make my head hurt and I want to discard God’s actions. If he is good, how can this section be good as well? Someone help me understand!

Of course this all points to Jesus, God’s firstborn. He allows for him to die for the sake of us all. His sacrifice covers any judgment we might have received from God. This aspect of Jesus also seems grueling and hard for me. How can I take from this sacrificial love? Is it literal? Yea… But I think Jesus fulfills more than a blood sacrifice so God no longer condemns us to hell — it’s rather the depths and lengths that God would go to remind us of his love. Kill his son? Hold to his holiness while bridging us imperfect to him? Jesus both holy and able to be with the imperfect. May we be like that!! May whatever we touch also turn good and feel a surge of power and life!