Old Testament

CBG: Patience

May 22, 2020 — Leave a comment

The words of Nehemiah the son of Hacaliah. Now it happened in the month of Chislev, in the twentieth year, as I was in Susa the citadel, that Hanani, one of my brothers, came with certain men from Judah. And I asked them concerning the Jews who escaped, who had survived the exile, and concerning Jerusalem. And they said to me, “The remnant there in the province who had survived the exile is in great trouble and shame. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates are destroyed by fire.” As soon as I heard these words I sat down and wept and mourned for days, and I continued fasting and praying before the God of heaven…O Lord let your ear be attentive to the prayer of your servant, and to the prayer of your servants who delight to fear your name, and give success to your servant today, and grant him mercy in the sight of this man.” Now I was the cupbearer to the king. In the month of Nisan, in the twentieth year of King Artaxerxes, when was was before him, I took up the wine and gave it to the king. Now I had not been sad in his presence. And the king said to me, “Why is your face sad, seeing you are not sick?” This is nothing but sadness of the heart.” Then I was much very much afraid. I said to the king, “Let the king live forever! Why should not my face by sad when the city, the place of my fathers’ graves, lies in ruins and its gates have been destroyed by fire?” Then the king said to me, “What are you requesting?”

Nehemiah 1:1-4, 11-2:4

Between the report Nehemiah received in Chislev (November/December) and his request to the king in Nisan (March/April) is 4 months. During that waiting period, Nehemiah, wept, mourned, prayed, fasted and also attended to his duties. As soon as the King asked him what he wanted, Nehemiah laid out his plans. And the king granted him what he asked.

Patience isn’t sedentary. It’s not doing nothing in hopes that something will spring out of zero. Patience is simmering and preparing one’s heart for the right moment to take action. Patience is acting from a place of preparedness. Patience requires faith that we do not dictate diving timing, whereas we live under its reign. Patience is trusting that there is a script beyond our mini scenes and the few characters we get to interact with; that if we allow it, we will see a whole greater narrative unfold without us getting in the way of it. Patience is choosing the collective long-term good over one’s immediate comforts and desires. Patience is the inhale of a situation and an exhale of how I am feeling, before another inhale of how are they feeling and an exhale of what do we need here. Soon, the breaths will ease their way into action. Do we have the faith to make space for the breaths?

Prayer: God help me to breathe before speaking, breathe before judging, breathe before acting. God help me to trust your divine timing and help me to let go of my plans that come from fear or a need to control. God help me to honor what is currently on my plate while stilling holding close the desires of my heart.

Character: Where am I holding my breath because I want to hold control?

Grace: Where have former prayers and dreams transition into actualizations?

CBG: Peace

May 21, 2020 — Leave a comment

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; he utters his voice, the earth melts.
The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Come, behold the works of the Lord, how he has brought desolation on the earth.
He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the chariots with fire.
Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!
The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Psalm 46

What do you hold onto when the foundations you’ve set your feet on fall away? Your security and your safety net, if you were ever lucky enough to have one, show themselves to not be stable after all. Where do you look when all you’ve worked towards is thrown into emptiness? Your achievements and your diligence are unprepared for new obstacles. When you thought you had done enough and gotten on top of your circumstances, exhaustion creeps in. How will you make it to the morning?

Peace is the anchoring into what hasn’t been been shaken and what hasn’t been defeated. Peace is making room for God’s presence when everything around you is telling you to close up shop and protect. Peace is looking at everything coming at you while focusing on the fortress of your character and God that exist in between. Peace is hearing the noise and shouts yet recalibrating the breath to a 4 count inhale, 4 count exhale. Peace is seeing all that seems against us with compassion. Peace is silent during the good times and loud during the hard times. Peace is a practice of presence. Peace is a muscle of response rather than one of reaction. Peace is a choice to surrender control.

Prayer: God I pray that you will reveal where I am placing my trust. Teach me how to breathe in a manner that quiets me and those in my presence. Teach me to pause before reacting out of anger or hurt. Teach me to see attacks and attackers with compassion.

Character: Where am I choosing to fight by ignoring the bigger scene and narrative?

Grace: How can I make room for moments of presence today?

CBG: Savior

May 14, 2020 — Leave a comment

So Boaz took Ruth, and she became his wife. And he went in to her, and the Lord gave her conception, and she bore a son. Then the women said to Naomi, “Blessed be the Lord, who has not left you this day without a redeemer, and may his name be renowned in Israel! He shall be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age, for your daughter-in-law who loves you, who is more to you then seven sons, has given birth to him.” Then Naomi took the child and laid him on her lap and became his nurse. And the women of the neighborhood gave him a name, saying, “A son has been born to Naomi.” They named him Obed. He was the father of Jesse, the father of David.

Ruth 4:13-17

I hope we never leave reading Ruth only thinking that Boaz was the redeemer. He was literally the kinsman-redeemer for Naomi’s line, and he played that out in a noble, compassionate and reputable way. Ruth is the true miracle here who pulled Naomi out of the depths of her own bitterness. Ruth didn’t lack a lover; she pursued Boaz because this was what Naomi wanted. Ruth who has proven to be better than 7 seven sons. Ruth who defies the engrained gender inequality in most cultures, including this. Ruth who gave birth to a son and gave Naomi hope again. This fairytale started with Ruth’s sacrifices.

Don’t fall prey to the narrative that someone will save you. You simply walk with integrity and love sacrificially; that is the only part you are to play in this life. Jesus saves, not in this human kind of way. He saves us from ourselves, our own suffocating narratives, our self-reliance, our need to protect our ego. He saves us so we can become like Ruth’s, and live with wide surrender and faith. God is the only one who “saves” us without needing anything in return. He “saves” us so that we can feel completely worthy and live from that place of love instead of our natural instinct of lack. If there is a human out there who declares they can save you, flee immediately!

Prayer: God I pray for an openness to you and whatever you have for us. God I pray for faith to walk in truth and integrity. God I pray that you help us love those around us more. God I pray that you make me a relief for those who are in pain or bitterness.

Character: Where can I replace lack with love? What feelings come from acting out of lack? What feelings come out of moving with love?

Grace: Where have you felt as equal as other genders?

CBG: Love Story

May 13, 2020 — Leave a comment

And [Ruth] replied, “All that you say I will do.” So she went down to the threshing floor and did just as her mother-in-law had commanded her. And when Boaz had eaten and drunk, and his heart was merry, he went to lie down at the end of the heap of grain. Then she came softly and uncovered his feet and lay down. At midnight the man was startled and turned over, and behold, a woman lay at his feet! He said, “Who are you?” And she answered, “I am Ruth, your servant. Spread your wings over your servant, for you are a redeemer.” And he said, “May you be blessed by the Lord, my daughter. You have made this last kindness greater than the first in that you have not gone after young men, whether poor or rich. And now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you all that you ask, for all my fellow townsmen know that you are a worthy woman.”

Ruth 3:5-11

We read this passage, with its context and trust that Ruth and Boaz are people of good character. Can we always do that with all the passages of the Bible so that we don’t inappropriately misinterpret and in doing so judge and harm?

Boaz is a man worth lying at his feet for. He saw Ruth’s insane actions in their best light. He knew that this woman was but following orders of her mother-in-law. He saw her kindness in choosing him and not other people who might be better. He called her daughter, recognizing his boundaries and making sure to honor her most present identity. He gave her barley so that she would go back home, reputation and integrity upheld.

Find yourself someone like Boaz: one who sees you through best intentions, one who cares about your integrity & reputation, one who assuages your fears, one who is humbled by your presence, one who makes sure you leave better than you came. Be a Ruth: one who loves sacrificially, one who is honest and vulnerable, one who has integrity in her words.

Prayer: God I pray to be like both Ruth and Boaz, full of hope and integrity. God I pray for an openness in my heart for you to provide a love that is so insane and so funny.

Character: How am I not trusting God with my desire to be loved and wanted?

Grace: How have I been shown recently that I am loved and wanted?

CBG: Identity

May 12, 2020 — Leave a comment

Then [Ruth] fell on her face, bowing to the ground, and said to [Boaz], “Why have I found favor in your eyes, that you should take notice of me, since I am a foreigner?” But Boaz answered her, “All that you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband has been fully told to me, and how you left your father and mother and your native land and came to a people that you did not know before. The Lord repay you for what you have done, and a full reward be given you by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge!” Then she said, “I have found favor in your eyes, my lord, for you have comforted me and spoken kindly to your servant, though I am not one of your servants.” And at mealtime Boaz said to her, “Come here and eat some bread and dip your morsel in the wine.” So she sat beside the reapers, and he passed to her roasted grain. And she ate until she was satisfied, and she had some left over. When she rose to glean, Boaz instructed his young men, saying, “Let her glean even among the sheaves, and do not reproach her. And also pull out some from the bundles for her and leave it for her to glean, and do not rebuke her.”

Ruth 2:10-16

There are so many take away’s from this passage, depending on your need and want. This is the set up to an incredible love story as we anticipate upcoming obstacles and the imminent rescue. This is a parable of God’s provision and goodness demonstrated with such swoon by Boaz. This is a reminder that we are but a character in a more magnificent story of moving parts and cast members. This is proof of hope that what we do in secret will come to light. (Or warning if you’re doing nasty things in secret.)

What struck me reading this was the difference in how Ruth saw herself and how others saw her. Ruth identified herself as a foreigner. That was her leading understanding of herself. Boaz, on the contrary, saw a brave and loyal woman. He was moved and inspired by Ruth, and she didn’t even know it. Then again, part of Ruth’s appeal and beauty is her ability to not lord all she’s done on others. She doesn’t walk around with a chip on her shoulder, like she’s entitled to goodness.

From this short encounter, I ask you, how do you see yourself? Don’t be so quick to judge whatever you come up with! Be gentle with how you see yourself. When does that identification lead you with humility and when does it hold you back from taking up space? Remember, humility requires confidence. It demands that you know your worth without needing to prove it. Trust that when you lead with character, it inspires and it impacts those around you and those far away. And even when you don’t feel it, God is watching and looking after you. Your story and journey are not experienced in vain.

Prayer: God I pray for a bravery to see myself clearly. God I pray that you would provide compassionate and kind people to reflect parts of me that I don’t dare think about myself. God I pray to live humbly, a moment at a time.

Character: Where am I not trusting who God says I am?

Grace: What former ways of seeing myself have been redeemed?

CBG: Bitterness

May 11, 2020 — Leave a comment

So [Naomi and Ruth] went on until they came to Bethlehem. And when they came to Bethlehem, the whole town was stirred because of them. And the women said, “Is this Naomi?” She said to them, “Do not call me Naomi, call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went away full, and the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi, when the Lord has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?” So Naomi returned, and Ruth the Moabite her daughter-in-law with her, who returned from the country of Moab. And they came to Bethlehem at the beginning of barley harvest.

Ruth 1:19-22

You are Naomi. You left your homeland in hopes of a better future. Instead, you lost your husband and your sons. You come home with a stranger-to-the-land. People are stirred up by your presence. You are so bitter, you tell people to see you only by your current feelings. Circumstances, really God, have changed you forever.

You are Ruth. You gained a family and then lost most of it. You give up your hometown, everything you know, to follow a woman you feel you’re supposed to follow. You come to this new land where everyone is staring at you. When people come up to you and your mother-in-law, she doesn’t even acknowledge you. You are part of the empty she is in right now. If anyone should be bitter at this moment, it should be Ruth, right? She gave up everything and the woman she gave up everything to wouldn’t even acknowledge it. But where can she go? She already left her hometown. She might have already broken ties back there. She can’t go back.

Ruth and Naomi are both in situations where there are no other options. Naomi/Mara who is so bitter, so wrapped up in her past and present grievances, she misses the best thing right next to her. Ruth who is in a new land with new rules, unacknowledged, questioning if her loyalty and integrity had indeed led her down the right path.

Are you a Mara or a Ruth right now?

Prayer: God I pray that any bitterness and resentment we are allowing to grip us would be released. I pray that you would give us more room to be soft and an ability to see beyond our losses and grievances. God help us to acknowledge the things we have gained whether physical, mental or emotional. God help us to lean into our loyalty and integrity.

Character: Where in my life is the story I keep replaying, woe is me?

Grace: How have you grown as God as brought you “back home” or “full circle”?

CBG COVID Challenge: #4

March 24, 2020 — Leave a comment

David departed from there and escaped to the cave of Adullam. And when his brothers and all his father’s house heard it, they went down there to him. And everyone who was in distress, and everyone who was in debt, and everyone who was bitter in soul gathered to him. And he became commander over them. And there were with him about four hundred men.

1 Samuel 22:1-2

Things are flipped upside down. Our supposed national “leader” is incompetent and instigates hate in order to mitigate his own culpability. Delivery drivers, retired nurses, grocery store clerks — the people our society have relegated to the bottom — put their lives at risk so that the current exploded society has some semblance of hope of continuity. “Leaders” we have chosen to govern us protect their own checking accounts while “ordinary people” creatively structure ways to care for the elderly, the employed and the lonely. In the good times, good leadership is embedded in the culture, the dialogue and impact of a smooth operation. In crisis, good leadership is taken for granted, but poor leadership, rings ugly. True leaders take responsibility and empower their followers for compassion and the whole. Bad leaders feel threaten when things aren’t going their way because their leadership is built on self-preservation and self-protection.

We are all leaders. What kind of leader are you? How do you respond when you feel your ego and power being threatened? Are we thinking about the individual, the whole, or both?

The world was against David. He was being attacked by the most powerful man in the land. Yet, David attracted those who were in distress, those who were in debt, those who were bitter. He attracted the helpless, the needy, the emotionally hard — those that “could not give anything back.” Leaders inevitably attract the vulnerable. What do we do with that responsibility? How do we shepherd the people we attract? Leaders provide refuge for those in distress, freedom for those in debt and purpose for those discontent. But may it be for their sake, and not for our ego and our name.

Prayer: Lay before God your anger.

Creative: Spend an undistracted amount of time making a meal.

Brave: An “unreasonable” ask. Ask for something that scares you.

Generous: Ask 3 people how you can pray for them.

Day 39: C’est le vie Leviticus

January 24, 2019 — Leave a comment

Leviticus 26-27; Psalm 39

The valuation of humans in this section is implorable. The sacrifices in this book are weird AF. Relative to the other sacrifices happening around, the context the Israelites are in in this world of sacrifices to the Gods, this May seem radical. But if something is ugly but it’s not as ugly as the thing next to it, does it make it less ugly? Yes I understand the heart of this is about how pure and holy God is and how wicked and childish we are, but really…? Goodness the valuation of humans — men more than women, adults better than youth, the power of the priests to determine how much a person is worth. Bible scholars tell me how this is good? Don’t tell me, in other cultures women were valued at 0 so now that they’re 30 shekels, it’s pretty cool! Wtf.

Tell me this is all a set up to prove how amazing Jesus is. In Jesus women and children and sojourners are valued just the same, if maybe even more… they’re not valued more because they’re worth more, but in a patriarchal, misogynistic, ageist society, valuing something more just gives them a fair chance. You don’t need to value what’s already in the power seat. They are the status quo. We have to value the vulnerable to give them the room and space. Tell me Leviticus exists to point to the simplicity, justice and power of Jesus. Tell me this weird as F chapter points to how radical Jesus is. But is Jesus radical only in relativism? Or is he truly radical objectively?

Day 36: Stop tattooing your bodies Christians

January 21, 2019 — Leave a comment

Leviticus 19-20; Psalm 36

The Bible says to not tattoo our body. How many Christians ignore that and tat it up? Oh but the part about a male lying with another male as an abomination, we go up in arms against the LBGTQ community. Hm. I also don’t want to fall into the track of picking and choosing what to believe? What do I do with this? How can I read all of and hear the heart of the message? Context.

So God is speaking specifically to the Israelites in the wilderness. They’re a traveling nation of way too many people and need some guidance to get to the promise land. God’s laws are to remind them that they are to be a nation set apart to show the compassion and rescue of God. How does tattooing their body affect that? What is it really trying to protect the people of? How does the talk around various sexual relations help these people get to the promise land? I honestly don’t know. But if we had thrown out the tattoo part, can we not throw out the man lying with man part? Is it really talking about gay sex?

If Jesus came to be make us holy and to set us apart, can we throw away all these very specific commandments from the OT? But I also don’t want to believe that I serve a God who had these prejudices and biases. FML.

All I know is I am to love people like they are already enough and created in the image of God because God has deemed me enough and I believe that by the blood of Jesus. My love cannot be discriminatory and hateful. That doesn’t fit. My love needs to be wide and deep and embraces especially those society have pushed aside. God help.

Day 35: Kick me when I’m down

January 20, 2019 — Leave a comment

Leviticus 16-18; Psalm 35

After Aaron LOST his sons, God asks him to APOLOGIZE AND ATONE. Let’s be real. At first blush, I’m thinking God is being a real asshole. Who’s with me? This guy just LOST his sons and you want to kick him while he’s down? Have you ever felt that? When you’re down and upset and not sure what the hell went wrong and how you got here.. and then in that moment you’re told You’re wrong and it’s your fault? But… are there times when our sorrow is our fault? Our sorrow is because of our own misbehavior and our own impulsiveness? Does it mean our sorrow doesn’t count? HELL NO! You are sad and you go cry and eat ice cream and have a drink. Be sad. It’s the not being sad that makes you bitter and wallow. But… you might also have been at fault. Maybe your past and your experiences pushed you to be mean or rude or awful? It doesn’t excuse what you did, but it puts it in context. We all exist in context. People act out of emotions that are entrenched from experiences. Those experiences create a deep belief system. So sometimes we may be at fault for a wrongdoing; it doesn’t take away from our worth. Maybe it’s our ego that stops us from owning up. Maybe it’s our ego that stops us from really understanding where we come from, what has made us who we are, what has closed us off and pushed us away from others. Not speaking from experience…

I am one with high walls and I shut down on a dime. And it has hurt many people who love me. I can be cold and short because I’m hurt, but even if I’m hurt, I’m not supposed to hurt those around me. My past experiences of being neglected and emotionally shut down don’t excuse my wrongdoing but it means if I want to address my wrongdoing, I need to re-narrate how I’ve interpreted my experience. It’s a work in progress that requires continual forgiveness, humility and grace.