responsibility

CBG: Draw Near

June 18, 2020 — Leave a comment

Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Hebrews 4:12-16

We are encouraged to draw near to God, with confidence, in order to confess our weaknesses, our temptations and our needs. We are encouraged to hold fast to our confession, to always be self-critical of ourselves, but in the presence of God, before the throne of grace. If we are self-critical apart from the presence of grace, we won’t receive the mercy for ourselves or the grace to help others. We cannot be self-critical apart from the unending grace of God that says, still we are worthy, still we are clean, especially in our vulnerable confession. We cannot be of service without this openness and vulnerability. Because otherwise we might become bitter or self-loathing. It is at the place of experiencing mercy for ourselves that we can approach others not to help but to draw them to the throne of grace where there they will receive help just as we have. Our vulnerable and humble approach, at the feet of the throne, is the best position for us to extend to others who are also in need.

I have been very self-critical, bordering self-loathing. I had let myself go down rabbit holes of loneliness, inadequacy and triviality. My unhealthy thoughts and self-pity made me shrink and sleep more so I had fewer waking hours to face. Then I approached the Lord and I was healed. No, silly. I didn’t want to approach the Lord, or I thought I had been, but nothing was changing, so that made me weary. I had to keep approaching the throne of grace and keep confessing. This wasn’t a one time kind of confessing and a one time kind of mercy-gift that took all the pain away. I am still in the process of vulnerability and confession while also speaking over myself the promises of God, of all the things s/he says I am. I am worthy. I am enough. I am a daughter. I am a beloved child of God. I am an instrument. I am good. It’s in the midst of these I AM that I can also say all the things I am afraid to admit to anyone but God. My confessions in the presence of I AM leads to a quiet strength to go another day.

Prayer: God help me to hold my worth, my vulnerability and my responsibility all before you.

What would give you the confidence to approach the throne of grace?

CBG: Public Pause

June 11, 2020 — Leave a comment

And they said to me, “The remnant there in the province who had survived the exile is in great trouble and shame. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates are destroyed by fire.”

As soon as I heard these words I sat down and wept and mourned for days, and I continued fasting and praying before the God of heaven. And I said, “O Lord God of heaven, the great and awesome God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, let your ear be attentive and your eyes open, to hear the prayer of your servant that I now pray before you day and night for the people of Israel your servants, confessing the sins of the people of Israel, which we have sinned against you. Even I and my father’s house have sinned. We have acted very corruptly against you and have not kept the commandments, the statutes, and the rules that you commanded your servant Moses. Remember the word that you commanded your servant Moses, saying, ‘If you are unfaithful, I will scatter you among the peoples, but if you return to me and keep my commandments and do them, though your outcasts are in the uttermost parts of heaven, from there I will gather them and bring them to the place that I have chosen, to make my name dwell there.’ They are your servants and your people, whom you have redeemed by your great power and by your strong hand. O Lord, let your ear be attentive to the prayer of your servant, and to the prayer of your servants who delight to fear your name, and give success to your servant today, and grant him mercy in the sight of this man.” Now I was the cupbearer to the king.

Nehemiah 1:2-11

Nehemiah knew that the king was somehow the answer to his problem. He knew that this person that he had gained access, intimate access to, was a key in the freedom of his people. But Nehemiah didn’t ask the king right then, right there to help. He didn’t ask the next week or the next month. It was months later that he finally found the right timing and right moment to ask for exactly what he needed.

I wonder how Nehemiah felt in those between months of knowing there was oppression and not doing anything about it. Well, at least, publicly. I wonder how the people who told him about the oppression felt about Nehemiah’s lack of action. Well, at least, publicly. I wonder how the king was witnessing Nehemiah’s shift because it was the king who eventually saw Nehemiah’s overt sorrow and pain on his face. That was super public.

Did Nehemiah feel guilt? Did he feel like he wasn’t doing enough? Did he feel judged for still living his life as if things hadn’t changed? Was he a coward or was he waiting for the proper time to drop a radical ask? Was he apathetic or was he having heart transformations privately? Was he nervous about what people thought about him or was he unmoved because he was centered on his goal and purpose? Both? Yes and yes? And yes and yes. What mattered was when he was put right on the spot, he had an answer. When his skill and the opportunity aligned, he didn’t miss a beat.

How are you feeling about your timing? How are you holding your responsibility in the face of oppression? How are you sustaining between seeing the reality of injustice and doing the thing YOU are called to do?

Prayer: God, you are the judge and no other. May that give me wisdom, courage and humility.

Who or what do you believe holds the answer to a pain you have right now?

CBG COVID Challenge: #4

March 24, 2020 — Leave a comment

David departed from there and escaped to the cave of Adullam. And when his brothers and all his father’s house heard it, they went down there to him. And everyone who was in distress, and everyone who was in debt, and everyone who was bitter in soul gathered to him. And he became commander over them. And there were with him about four hundred men.

1 Samuel 22:1-2

Things are flipped upside down. Our supposed national “leader” is incompetent and instigates hate in order to mitigate his own culpability. Delivery drivers, retired nurses, grocery store clerks — the people our society have relegated to the bottom — put their lives at risk so that the current exploded society has some semblance of hope of continuity. “Leaders” we have chosen to govern us protect their own checking accounts while “ordinary people” creatively structure ways to care for the elderly, the employed and the lonely. In the good times, good leadership is embedded in the culture, the dialogue and impact of a smooth operation. In crisis, good leadership is taken for granted, but poor leadership, rings ugly. True leaders take responsibility and empower their followers for compassion and the whole. Bad leaders feel threaten when things aren’t going their way because their leadership is built on self-preservation and self-protection.

We are all leaders. What kind of leader are you? How do you respond when you feel your ego and power being threatened? Are we thinking about the individual, the whole, or both?

The world was against David. He was being attacked by the most powerful man in the land. Yet, David attracted those who were in distress, those who were in debt, those who were bitter. He attracted the helpless, the needy, the emotionally hard — those that “could not give anything back.” Leaders inevitably attract the vulnerable. What do we do with that responsibility? How do we shepherd the people we attract? Leaders provide refuge for those in distress, freedom for those in debt and purpose for those discontent. But may it be for their sake, and not for our ego and our name.

Prayer: Lay before God your anger.

Creative: Spend an undistracted amount of time making a meal.

Brave: An “unreasonable” ask. Ask for something that scares you.

Generous: Ask 3 people how you can pray for them.