suffering

Hope is a Habit

January 6, 2021 — Leave a comment

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Romans 5:1-5

First forget inspiration. Habit is more dependable. Habit will sustain you whether you’re inspired or not. Habit will help you finish and polish your stories. Inspiration won’t. Habit is persistence in practice.

Octavia Butler

Before ALL else, we have to come back to our justification in Christ — that through the death and life of Jesus, we all have access to God. There is nothing we need to do besides believing that there is a God that loves us beyond our minds can comprehend. God loves us so much that he displayed a tangible example for our humans minds to comprehend. Because we are justified, we have faith and we have grace. Because we are justified, we have hope and we are marked by the last word of God, which is that good triumphs evil and love triumphs all. Out of this wholeness and faith, THEN, can we also boast in our suffering because we know in this context suffering builds us up. Suffering gives us habits and structures to get through every-changing circumstances with integrity and character. Suffering creates a moral road map for our ever straying hearts. When we endure and come back to the glory and justification of God in the midst of suffering, we are building incremental changes in ourselves that make hope more visible in this world. We do not suffer or persevere for its own sake; we do it all in and for hope. There will be moments when you don’t feel like going on. There will be times when you don’t feel led to persevere. Come back to the promises and days when you felt wrapped up in God’s hope and glory. Can you remember how you felt in those moments? Can you see how where you are not is so different than where you used to be? Can you see that even when you don’t feel it, God is at work? If in the valley, we can come back to our first truth of justification and find seeds of past & future promises, hope will eventually break through! Just look at Georgia!

Warriors of Hope

October 15, 2020 — Leave a comment

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Romans 5:1-5

Suffering creates perseverance. Perseverance builds character. Character leads to hope. Hope is a byproduct of work, experience, and self-understanding. Hope is the thing that comes pouring out after all the striving, pushing through, climbing up, getting free. Hope is for warriors and survivors.

So for those of you out there, that continue to hope, you are brave. For those of you out there who dare to hope, you know how risky it is to keep your heart open and expectant. For the hopeful, you are an inspiration in this world that wants us to dream small and stay in our lane.

It takes a lot of courage to have hope because it’s scary to keep your heart open still.
It takes pain to still stand in hope because disappointment might be on the other side.
It takes character to be hopeful because it means choosing faith over circumstances.

I pray that even as your shoulders hunch over and you lie fetal position in your bed, you dare to ask for hope. I pray that even when your heart is broken, you dare to hope again. I pray that even when it feels like an uphill battle, you dare to hope out of the trenches, up the mountain to see what awaits. Those that hope in this dark world are the lights we need; we need you and your hope.

The Senselessness of Suffering

September 23, 2020 — Leave a comment

Two other men, both criminals, were also led out with [Jesus] to be executed. When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals – one on his right, the other on his left. Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.’ And they divided up his clothes by casting lots. The people stood watching, and the rulers even sneered at him. They said, ‘He saved others; let him save himself if he is God’s Messiah, the Chosen One.’

Luke 23:32-35

At the peak of Jesus’ exposure and humiliation, he still had compassion for his persecutors. Jesus was stripped and mocked, yet his response was care and compassion. How is this possible? How was he able to hold onto his humanity while everyone around him was trying to strip it away?

There is a strength and power that none of us will ever be able to fathom. This was God in flesh who held both vulnerability and empathy in each hand, in all situations. Jesus experienced pain after pain before he endured this finale: rejection from friends, betrayal by those closest to him, poverty, pressure, the inability to save everyone. He surrendered so fully into his purpose and love for the people, that his present pain was also wrapped into the future renewal.

How do we keep our hearts open and tender especially in the midst of suffering? How do we still pursue the goodness of others even as we are being destroyed? Your pain may not make sense; when does pain ever make sense and feel fair? If we cannot make sense of the suffering, we could instead sow compassion and forgiveness because those do make sense. Compassion helps us see the thread of brokenness in all of humanity. Forgiveness helps us to stay vulnerable and open to renewed connection. These two may not take away your suffering, but they might help you find community and love in unexpected ways.

CBG: Offensive Love

June 6, 2020 — Leave a comment

Now Jesus had not yet come into the village, but was still in the place where Martha had met him. When the Jews who were with her in the house, consoling her, saw Mary rise quickly and go out, they followed her, supposing that she was going to the tomb to weep there. Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept. So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?” Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. Jesus said, “Take away the stone.” Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, “Lord, by this time there will be odor, for he has been dead four days.” Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, But I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.” When he had said these things, he cried out with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out.” The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.” Many of the Jews therefore, who had come with Mary and had seen what he did, believed him, but some of them went to the Pharisees and told them what Jesus had done. So the chief priests and the Pharisees gathered the council and said, “What are we to do? For this many performs many signs. If we let him go on like this, everyone will believe in him, and the Romans will come and take away both our place and our nation.”

John 11:30-48

The sorrow of the place. The declaration from Mary that Jesus was her brother’s keeper. The calling out of Jesus’ power. The grief. The community. It overtook Jesus. In this particular case, he demonstrated his love and power by resurrecting the dead.

He showed up for the community even when he didn’t know exactly what he was going to witness. He held their emotions that it broke him down to their level of grief. He then acted in a way that demonstrated the heights and power of his love.

Sacrificial love requires us to show up even when we might not know what we will encounter and how we will be received. It requires us to be with others so deeply that it feels like it is our own the sorrow and suffering. We are our brother’s keeper. Suffering onto them is suffering onto us. We must go near. We must look into the eyes of those hurting. We must draw so near it troubles our spirit. I wish all sacrificial love can result in resurrection on earth. However, the love needs to be demonstrated so profoundly that it draws people into immense hope and faith and/or make people hate you. This was the moment when people drew even nearer, surrendered even more to love and the kingdom Jesus had preached. This was also the moment the Pharisees began their plot to kill Jesus. They saw their power slipping away. They needed to protect their power. Sacrificial love will draw some to more love and draw out the insidious fears in others. Love anyway.

Prayer: I am my brother’s keeper. Keep breaking my heart until I see those suffering as my own suffering. Move me to act in a way that offends both those who are hurt to restorative love and those who are oppressing to fear.

Where is my heart callous?

CBG: Pain

May 7, 2020 — Leave a comment

After this, Jesus knowing that all was now finished, said (to fulfill the Scripture), “I thirst.” A jar full of sour wine stood there, so they put a sponge full of the sour wine on a hyssop branch and held it to his mouth. When Jesus had received the sour wine, he said, “It is finished,” and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

John 19:28-30

Jesus was going to die. What would a sip of hydration going to do? He’s dying. He’s thirsty. He gets sour wine.

There are some days, like today, when you hear about another innocent black man who is murdered by white supremacists who are not held accountable for their hate, that there is nothing that can quench the pain and suffering. No words. No amount of money. No justice that will bring back Ahmaud’s life.

What can quench the anger? What can quench the injustice? What can salve the pain? What can make us believe, again and again, that we are progressing? What glimmer of hope is now?

God’s justice doesn’t seem to break through. God’s eventual reign doesn’t seem to break through. I somehow find comfort in Jesus’ death and pain. That he suffered till the very end. That he suffered because of a friend’s betrayal. That he suffered for us, who forget, who often don’t give a shit. Jesus suffered hard. My greatest hope is that Jesus’ sacrificial love moves our anger to sadness to love to the most faithful and courageous action.

Prayer: God I pray for justice. I pray for comfort. I pray for your light to break through the darkness.

Character: Where can I redirect my anger more in the direction of love?

Grace: Where in your body can you make room for God’s grace?

CBG: Rejoicing

May 6, 2020 — Leave a comment

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Romans 5:1-5

Tell someone who is suffering to rejoice and when they punch you in the face, I wouldn’t be surprised. Tell someone that their suffering produces character so that they get perspective also merits a punch in the face. Tell someone in the throes of their suffering that it will eventually culminate in hope isn’t salve. It can feel like lemon juice on a paper cut.

Rejoicing is an internal reminder between you and God. It should not be an unrequested reminder from someone on the outside looking at someone’s pain. It can be a prayer for you to have for another, that they will experience relief and purpose and hope in the midst of suffering. Pray so that they will know their suffering is not in vain. Pray that for yourself.

When I am in pain, I am not celebrating with tambourines or animal balloons. When I am in pain, it is not helpful to put on a smile and have some perspective. That will lead to untimely blow ups and deep rooted resentment. When I am in pain, in Christ and in patient small steps, I have access to former moments of peace and to future promises of healing. Will these recollections remove my pain? Not necessarily. However it might pull your mind and body out of circumstances and into a greater reality untouched by circumstances, like God’s character and presence. It might for a brief moment transport you to a quiet and still moment where you can hear God’s whisper that he’s right there with you. It might for a moment remind you, you are not your circumstances or your pain; you are the character and the worth strong enough to still exist in the pain and circumstances. Rejoicing isn’t a party. It’s the act of separating what’s real and what’s forever truer. It’s glimpses of clarity between the unchangeable goodness and the current details. It’s the ability to breathe, hold space and not react, just be. We can rejoice if we have once experienced wholeness. In Christ, that will always be available for us.

Prayer: God I pray for a sensitivity and a courage to face suffering, in myself, in others and in the world. God I pray that I would not cease praying for relief and hope for those in pain. God I pray that if there are actions not due to my own discomfort but resulting from generosity and justice, I will execute them.

Character: Where do you less need plot and more character building?

Grace: Recall the last time you were in heartbreak and pain. Even if you are in a different one today, you are not in the former one and that is victory. What does that mean for you?

Day 35: Kick me when I’m down

January 20, 2019 — Leave a comment

Leviticus 16-18; Psalm 35

After Aaron LOST his sons, God asks him to APOLOGIZE AND ATONE. Let’s be real. At first blush, I’m thinking God is being a real asshole. Who’s with me? This guy just LOST his sons and you want to kick him while he’s down? Have you ever felt that? When you’re down and upset and not sure what the hell went wrong and how you got here.. and then in that moment you’re told You’re wrong and it’s your fault? But… are there times when our sorrow is our fault? Our sorrow is because of our own misbehavior and our own impulsiveness? Does it mean our sorrow doesn’t count? HELL NO! You are sad and you go cry and eat ice cream and have a drink. Be sad. It’s the not being sad that makes you bitter and wallow. But… you might also have been at fault. Maybe your past and your experiences pushed you to be mean or rude or awful? It doesn’t excuse what you did, but it puts it in context. We all exist in context. People act out of emotions that are entrenched from experiences. Those experiences create a deep belief system. So sometimes we may be at fault for a wrongdoing; it doesn’t take away from our worth. Maybe it’s our ego that stops us from owning up. Maybe it’s our ego that stops us from really understanding where we come from, what has made us who we are, what has closed us off and pushed us away from others. Not speaking from experience…

I am one with high walls and I shut down on a dime. And it has hurt many people who love me. I can be cold and short because I’m hurt, but even if I’m hurt, I’m not supposed to hurt those around me. My past experiences of being neglected and emotionally shut down don’t excuse my wrongdoing but it means if I want to address my wrongdoing, I need to re-narrate how I’ve interpreted my experience. It’s a work in progress that requires continual forgiveness, humility and grace.

Day 11: Reality and Redemption together

December 27, 2018 — Leave a comment

Genesis 35-37; Psalm 11

When good arises from bad, people often bring up, what Joseph says: what man intended for bad, God used for good. This is by no means a justification to do bad and condone evil. In the in-between between the evil deed and the redemption ending, we need to uphold how terrible is the former. We should not look at suffering, injustice, cruelty, poor systemic structures, natural disasters, offenses, inhuman relational acts, and lessen their sting by saying well good will come from this, or God has a purpose for this. NO that is missing the point. It’s too separate things and until we reach the other side of redemption, we should not so callously ignore the pain that is often our reality. God is redemptive but until we are there and can look back with healing and forgiveness, those who were hurt can breathe and know God has been with them this whole time, we must stay in this tension of the here and not yet: Evil is the reality and God’s hope exists. How do we straddle acceptance of the present with a confidence of a future hope? How can a future hope help us through a tough present without rose-color-coating the now? How can we be fully here with a mind that holds to a one day God redeems all?

Sides:

1. Reuben is mentioned specifically twice. He sleeps with his fathers’ concubines. Boooo! He tells his brothers not to kill Joseph but to leave him in a well. Eh. What an example of the complicated spectrum of human being?

2. God tests the righteous. Can we replace tests with refines, develops, grows, helps reflect? He tests because he sees our openness to receive and shift. So when you’re being tested, what good quality is God saying you have but merely needs to be kneaded out to the surface?