white supremacy

CBG: Children

June 15, 2020 — Leave a comment

And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.

Mark 10:13-16

The disciples have seen the breadth and depth of society that has come to Jesus’ feet and teachings. They have seen the outcast, the marginalized, the sick, the poor, the rich come to Jesus. They have seen Jesus offend those in power, those other have been too afraid to question. Here they didn’t want the children coming to Jesus. Why not? Did they think the children wouldn’t understand? Was this their way of caring for Jesus because they didn’t want him to be bothered by high energy children? They didn’t see the point of these children coming to Jesus, the prophet, the Messiah, the great teacher? What would that do for the movement?

Jesus gets angry. Jesus rebukes his disciples. He demands that people need to receive the kingdom of God like a child. He then spent joyful time with the children.

Let us stop profiling and decide who can or cannot be part of the work. Let us not assume what God can or cannot handle. Let us expand what the movement can look like and who can be involved. Let us expand our idea of community. Let us undo our scarcity, results-oriented, sense of urgency mindsets. Let us receive God with boundless hope and simplicity. Let us receive God and jump in with faith and joy. The movement and the work is for this moment: unabashed joy, love, intimacy and grasp of God. This is why we toil, so that all can experience the fullness of God on earth as it is in heaven, and when you get glimpses of that on earth, pause and relish.

Prayer: God help me to receive your promises like a believing and hopeful child. Help me to strive and do the work with a faith and trust that it is indeed possible to have heaven on earth.

Who or what is deterring me from experiencing possibility and change?

CBG: Reckoning

June 6, 2020 — Leave a comment

But Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues at Damascus, so that if he found any belonging to the Way, men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem. Now as he went on his way, he approached Damascus, and suddenly a light from heaven shone around him. And falling to the ground he heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” And he said, “Who are you, Lord?” And he said, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. But rise and enter the city, and you will be told what you are to do. The men who were traveling with him stood speechless, hearing the voice but seeing no one. Saul rose from the ground, and although his eyes were opened, he saw nothing. So they led him by the hand and brought him into Damascus. And for three days he was without sight, and neither ate nor drank. Now there was a disciple at Damascus named Ananias. The Lord said to him in a vision, “Ananias.” And he said, “Here I am, Lord.” And the Lord said to him, “Rise and go to the street called Straight, and at the house of Judas look for a man of Tarsus named Saul, for behold, he is praying, and he has seen in a vision a man named Ananias come in and lay his hands on him so that he might regain his sight.” But Ananias answered, “Lord, I have heard from many about this man, how much evil he has done to your saints at Jerusalem. And here he has authority from the chief priests to bind all who call on your name.” But the Lord said to him, “Go, for he is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel. For I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name. So Ananias departed and entered the house. And laying his hands on him he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus who appeared to you on the road by which you came has sent me so that you may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” And immediately something like scales fell from his eyes, and he regained his sight. Then he rose and was baptized; and taking food, he was strengthened.

Acts 9:1-19

This moment changed Saul’s life. A soon-to-be 180 into the Paul we know, who wrote most of the New Testament. From this moment forth, every bit of his life was about to be reimagined, redirected and redeemed for the work fo God. He was smart and educated: about to be for the glory of God. He was charismatic and inspiring: about to be for the good of the community. He was a self-righteous, committed soul: about to be for the righteousness and kingdom of God. This was the pivot…then the 3 days.

What were those “3 days without sight,” like for Paul?

A time to reflect on God’s call in: Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me? Confession. Reflecting on how he’s persecuted the Christians. Reflecting on how he witnessed the stoning of Stephen. Owning up to all the things that have led him to this moment.

A time of uncertainty: he saw nothing. Confrontation of fears and insecurities. Facing his own humanity against God. Facing the dismantle of his securities and the reality of his limitations. Recognizing the futility of all his achievements, his upbringing, his accolades.

A time of vulnerability without defenses: without sight. Changing his heart. Shedding the self-righteous armor and ego he walked around with as Saul. Making room for whatever is about to meet him as Paul.

I feel like I’m in the “3 days without sight,” (barring the social media, news and anti-racism never-ending must-read consumption.) It’s uncomfortable. It’s scary. It’s revealing. I see the ways that I have failed humanity. I see the ways that I have failed my city, my community, my friends. I played into the white supremacist racial triangulation, myth of scarcity and fear of becoming nothing because of who I am. My own marginalization and fear of being silenced have fogged my eyes and narrowed my heart from seeing the pain of the black community, from hearing their cries against police brutality and this covert/overt racist “justice” system. I have focused on the good I’ve done rather than the bad in my being. And again, I’m in that cycle trying to fix and do in order to alleviate the pain of self-reflection and the reality of what’s to come. I am like Saul. I am Saul.

But, I am not staying a Saul. There is no way to claim the presence of God without a forever journey of stripping away that feeling of Saul-ness. On this side of heaven we are forever coming back to I am not Saul; I am Paul. Being God’s beloved child means that I am not defined by what I have done or not done, nor is this the end of my story. It means I have the power to own up to my transgressions and transform. I can own up to my wrongs with self-love.

I am an instrument of God’s kingdom. I am responsible for making the world just and merciful. I am responsible for the least of us. I am responsible for revealing and destroying evil. I am responsible for the work outside with my body and the work inside my heart.

When Ananias meets Saul, he calls him Brother Saul. Saul is about to gain a new family, a new life, a purpose worth losing everything else for, status, safety, resources and former community. But I mean, he’s about to get the Holy Spirit. Is there even a competition? Who can know what’s about to come?

Prayer: God I am your instrument of love and justice.

What do I need to lose? What is there to gain?

CBG: Judas

May 31, 2020 — Leave a comment

After saying these things, Jesus was troubled in his spirit, and testified. “Truly, truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me.” The disciples looked at one another, uncertain of whom he spoke. One of his disciples, whom Jesus loved, was reclining at the table at Jesus’ side, so Simon Peter motioned to him to ask Jesus of whom he was speaking. So that disciple, leaning back against Jesus, said to him, “Lord, who is it?” Jesus answered, “It is he to whom I will give this morsel of bread when I have dipped it.” So when he had dipped the morsel, he gave it to Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot. Then after he had taken the morsel, Satan entered him. Jesus said to him, “What are you going to do, do quickly.”

John 13:21-27

Judas hung with Jesus, knew the guy, loved the guy. Judas was there supporting Jesus. He was there when he went against the Pharisees and those in power. Judas was in the inner circle. He helped with the miracles of supporting the vulnerable and the disenfranchised. He was doing the work. He was at the dinner table. There is nothing more intimate than sharing a meal. Judas was so close, one of the good guys, one of the friends. Judas was invited into Jesus’ heart, mission, purposes. He knew Jesus. He loved Jesus. He betrayed Jesus.

I pray that we do the work of dismantling oppressive systems. I pray that we give voice to those who are the most vulnerable. I pray that we can lay down our comforts and put our money down for the causes. I pray that we stand firm against evil, against white supremacy and against racism.

I pray most that we don’t forget we can all be Judas. We are all Judas. We can do the work and we can shout, out there and forget the friend right next to us. We can give our money and repost and forget to check ourselves at the dinner table. We can give our lives up and declare promises to do better, and in our safe inner circles when no one is looking, we harbor other thoughts.

I need to actively love my black friends and neighbors that are right in front of me, for my shouts for change to be sustained by a changing heart. I must get uncomfortable, put my ego aside, apologize when I haven’t done enough and check in with my friends and neighbors who are black and who I love, supposedly. If I don’t start here, what is my work for? I must do the work not for surface media coverage, but for true restoration, sanctification and redemption. That is not a momentary trending work. It is a life long discipline.

  1. If God is your judge, how would you be acting differently?
  2. Where have you felt alone this week?
  3. Where have you felt in community?
  4. What do you need?

CBG: Pain

May 7, 2020 — Leave a comment

After this, Jesus knowing that all was now finished, said (to fulfill the Scripture), “I thirst.” A jar full of sour wine stood there, so they put a sponge full of the sour wine on a hyssop branch and held it to his mouth. When Jesus had received the sour wine, he said, “It is finished,” and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

John 19:28-30

Jesus was going to die. What would a sip of hydration going to do? He’s dying. He’s thirsty. He gets sour wine.

There are some days, like today, when you hear about another innocent black man who is murdered by white supremacists who are not held accountable for their hate, that there is nothing that can quench the pain and suffering. No words. No amount of money. No justice that will bring back Ahmaud’s life.

What can quench the anger? What can quench the injustice? What can salve the pain? What can make us believe, again and again, that we are progressing? What glimmer of hope is now?

God’s justice doesn’t seem to break through. God’s eventual reign doesn’t seem to break through. I somehow find comfort in Jesus’ death and pain. That he suffered till the very end. That he suffered because of a friend’s betrayal. That he suffered for us, who forget, who often don’t give a shit. Jesus suffered hard. My greatest hope is that Jesus’ sacrificial love moves our anger to sadness to love to the most faithful and courageous action.

Prayer: God I pray for justice. I pray for comfort. I pray for your light to break through the darkness.

Character: Where can I redirect my anger more in the direction of love?

Grace: Where in your body can you make room for God’s grace?

Day 41: Fuck order and embrace outsiders

January 26, 2019 — Leave a comment

Numbers 5-7; Psalm 41

Honestly I’m in Bible reading fatigue. How many more passages do I need to read insisting on our uncleanliness and God’s holiness? How many more passages are there about women being less than men? No wonder this is such a hard concept for so many to undo. It’s been preached at them again and again, that even if they don’t overly treat women as less than, they do. Women take the blame. Women are guilty. They are considered under the authority of their husband? Why? These verses out of context create abusive and unfair relationships. What is the purpose of this? And for the last time, please do not justify injustice with a call on order. Who created this order? Who does it protect? Is it enough that the only justification for something are a few verses in a book that was written a few thousand years ago? Your heart, your community and your world tell you one thing, but you insist on another because of a verse in the Bible.

There are still countries that consider being gay a crime. That is implorable. Christians add to that hate. Christians use the Bible to justify their order and oppression. Is God not bigger than our desires and sexuality? Does he not have room for fluidity? Has Jesus not set us free to love beyond borders? Doesn’t Jesus remind us to be with the most vulnerable, love the most vulnerable, be the most vulnerable. Society, this wicked society, might seem you an outsider. Outsiders were often the righteous ones in Jesus’ eyes. Outsiders that had little material worth, but had complete identity worth and stories.