I just moved into a new apartment, and it is 100% a victory in commitment and faith. I’ve been afraid to put down roots and this feels like a solid step into the ground. Right outside my window, across the way, are these gorgeous apartments. My bedroom is mostly bed, and I have 2 roommates. I’m grateful to be here, and to be with them, and I also know, or hope, or really know, this isn’t my final stop. This isn’t it, it. This isn’t my forever, god, I hope not.
Waiting is really hard when you know where you’re at is not it, it and a potential it stares at you from across the way. You wake up with longing, with a desire to be on the other side. It doesn’t take away from how great the right now may be. What is possible just reminds you how much space there is in your heart, in your longing, in your desire for more. It’s okay to want more. It’s okay to look across with even envy. There is a fine line between inspiring envy and covetous bitterness. It’s okay to know where you’re at is not it.
Because it isn’t. There is more. There is space for even deeper promises. There are promises waiting to blossom. So yes to embracing all you have right now and yes to knowing more is to snow down. It snowed today.
Where can your desire for more receive more grace and judgement?
What is on the other side? What does it represent? What would you get?
What is great about this side? (Because this side was the other side of something else.)
Are you there God? 
Dearest Nancy, congrats on finding a place! I feel blessed that you’ve moved here. Blessed by your blog posts which greet me each day with surprises, insights, resonating with my “it.” Since retreat in July I have been meditating on the phrase “suspended pilgrim.” On a journey seeking to draw closer to God. Like a seed in its protective pod, suspended (which might feel like buried) in a temporary situation that is nevertheless “it” for the moment. Not knowing when or where the next right step will reveal itself. Perhaps feeling a little squeezed, like a seed, but full of desire and promise for the next step. And yet, the seed must obey, follow, and rest which is the only way to participate fully in THIS step.
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I love that phrase…”suspended pilgrim,” because maybe in that pause it simply means taking everything in, allowing yourself to rest, trusting the next step will come! Thank you for this.
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