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Day 20: The discomfort of God’s judgment

January 5, 2019 — Leave a comment

Exodus 10-12; Psalm 20

I may never fully understand how God could kill all the firstborn of Egypt. How could he murder all those people, regardless of they were evil or not? How could he cause such sorrow and suffering? Is this how vindication and justice look — unfair and cruel? How do I reconcile the God I believe to hold (kind, forgiving, gracious, patient) with this God who kills children and adult? It’s a sign that calls people to repentance. Is that enough? So we sacrifice a few for the many? Was there no other option? Hm. Maybe this was the only option to free the oppressed? Revenge on the oppressors’ children? I don’t know. It’s part like this in the Bible that make my head hurt and I want to discard God’s actions. If he is good, how can this section be good as well? Someone help me understand!

Of course this all points to Jesus, God’s firstborn. He allows for him to die for the sake of us all. His sacrifice covers any judgment we might have received from God. This aspect of Jesus also seems grueling and hard for me. How can I take from this sacrificial love? Is it literal? Yea… But I think Jesus fulfills more than a blood sacrifice so God no longer condemns us to hell — it’s rather the depths and lengths that God would go to remind us of his love. Kill his son? Hold to his holiness while bridging us imperfect to him? Jesus both holy and able to be with the imperfect. May we be like that!! May whatever we touch also turn good and feel a surge of power and life!

Day 19: Freedom & Slavery

January 4, 2019 — Leave a comment

Exodus 7-9; Psalm 19

The Pharaoh put his people’s life in danger because of his damn ego. Was it that important to him to keep an enslaved people that hated him? He didn’t believe the signs of Moses and Aaron because he saw the same signs done by his people. So even when his own team of slytherin couldn’t reproduce the same plagues, he remained stubborn?

In what areas of our heart have we chosen our own ego and proud over the goodness of things and people in our responsibility? In what areas do we question the God of the gospels by pointing to results from other sources? How have we lessened the power of God by crowding our space with lesser powers that do in fact bring about miracles? How can we tell which is of God and which is not?

PS Aaron and Moses are in the 80s. It’s never too late to do the thing your life was made for.

I desire for the power of the Scriptures that Psalm 19 exclaims. I want to see the the Grace, compassion, righteousness (not self-righteousness) exude from me as I choose God over the ways of this world that are only for my happiness. Help me to decipher areas in my heart that are selfish and may the Word of God continue to lead, guide, and shape me into a defiant and radical woman of freedom.

The contrast of slavery in Egypt and the freedom from the Scripture. Where am I trapped and don’t know it? Where am I freer than I allow myself? Where am I hardened and need to be softened? Where am I not owning the choices and paths that are good?

Day 18: God hardens & softens

January 3, 2019 — Leave a comment

Exodus 4-6; Psalm 18

I’ve always found God hardening the Pharaoh’s heart harsh and unfair. Did God choose to eliminate this man to save other people? Does God already destine some people to be evil and die? Does God sacrifice the one for the many? Well, he does do that last one with Jesus. But Jesus came back to life; will the Pharaoh come back to life? Hm. Maybe. We don’t know from this passage what happens to the Pharaoh after the Israelites escape. All we know is that at this point in time, his heart was hardened.

  • Did God tell Moses this to give him a heads up and lessen the blow when the Pharaoh refuses to listen? God hardened the Pharaoh’s heart. Was this more of a premonition or a psychic reading of the future? If God is holy, good and true, what does it mean that he hardened someone’s heart? What if hardening one’s heart isn’t actually evil, but a state a heart might need to go to in order to find healing at the end? What if the hardening allows for the greatest softening later?
  • Often we approach hard scriptures in the Bible and either dismiss them or say, well God knows best. Clearly we can interpret in ways that protect where we stand. How can we see The Bible as a way to affirm God’s unfailing and relentless love, while remembering each story and statue must be placed in the context of redemption? The goal is redemption and touching Jesus to experience the wholeness we are created in.

    • Day 17: Forget me not

    January 2, 2019 — 1 Comment

    Exodus 1-3; Psalm 17

    God heard Israel’s cry for help from slavery and he remembered his covenant. I mean I don’t think God forgot; as if he had turned away, was listening to some other kind of music and Israel’s crying suddenly jolted back to his original plan. God doesn’t forget and his timing is perfect. So in light of his unchanging qualities, how can we see this? This was the ripe time to take his next action. The people were so aware of their oppressed reality. It’s hard to get people to change when they don’t know they need the change. You can’t pull people out when they don’t realize they’re stuck in a bad way. God remembered. He didn’t forget. He simply brought it back to the forefront so that he could share exactly what Moses needed to hear. God doesn’t forget. He always has the best plan, the original plan at hand. It’s that he knows the best time to strike. He did here with the right person: someone who had a blemished past, who needed refuge, who straddles two cultures, not really belonging in either fully. He was the unexpected bridge who could be an instrument because clearly the good and miracles out of him were not from him. They are from above. How can I get to a state of humble desperation? What unexpected circles have I had access to and can now have positive influence?

    A little bit of the Psalm. I love the last bit about how David will behold God and in return he will be excited about his likeness. You know how couples or owners and dogs end up looking alike? The thing we hold, admire, keep close the most is the thing we become and when we look in the mirror hopefully we’re excited. When you behold a kind, compassionate, powerful God, hopefully you become more like that. God may I behold you and be more and more excited by the person I see in the mirror.

    Day 16: Present now and hope looking ahead

    January 1, 2019 — Leave a comment

    Genesis 48-50; Psalm 16

    Thank you God for your plans that are greater than mine. Help me to be present to today and the people around me, but help me to also see how today is a speck of your greater plan. Help me to have perspective for this new year.

    Judah eventually leads to Jesus. Who would have known? God’s plans are not rational like we like to think life is. I mean shouldn’t Joseph be the hero? He was at this time, but Jesus comes from Judah the lion.

    Help me to see that you are a refuge that will not abandon me but for me to abandon all else for. Help me to trust your inheritance of greater purpose and redemption are better than all the material wealth of this world. Help me to be like Joseph, understanding and not vindictive. Help me to lead with kindness and forgiveness in 2019. 2019 will you be a year of Defiant gospel living. Help me to hold to the goodness of God and not be swayed by the judgments of man. Ciao 2018!

    Day 15: Freely roam in rootedness

    December 31, 2018 — Leave a comment

    Genesis 46-47; Psalm 15

    It’s hard to read Joseph’s current wealth and loyalty to the Pharaoh and not think about the Israelites future slavery. Joseph sets up the structures for the Egyptians to hate the Israelites and for the Pharaoh to have utmost power. But he didn’t know. He was both a person in God’s redemption to presently save his people and to set up a future that enslaves them. What structures am I laying down now that will bite me in the ass later? Where do I think I’m so clever and impervious to failure? I don’t think Joesph knew he was doing wrong, but I wonder if he thought very long term.

    To sojourn in God’s tent is to be rooted so nothing of this world can pull you away from his love. To be free in God’s world is to have the range to act like you are already enough. Freedom, grounded-ness, movement and stability are two sides of the same coin.

    Day 14: Pointing to a way doper Joseph: J. Christ!

    December 30, 2018 — Leave a comment

    Genesis 43-45; Psalm 14

    What it must have taken for Joseph to not only forgive his brothers, but to embrace them with such compassion? He moved from mere forgiveness to generous and open grace. He no longer blamed his brothers but rather saw his situation as part of God’s plans. He was vulnerable in his weeping. He didn’t forget what happened to him; he put it in context with where he is right now.

    The brothers didn’t do anything but be honest. They received what they did not deserve. It was a situation and a gift too big they could not understand.

    I mean this is essentially the gospel. God loves us not with just enough, but overwhelms us with unimaginable love. He doesn’t hold what we used to be against us, even though he could reaccount every last detail. Instead he rejoices at where we are in the present. We do not need to do anything, but be honest and vulnerable with where we are at and accept the love. Accepting the love is accepting that God really truly loves us to the moon and back and back again, and his greatest act of that was showing us Jesus. We are human and we needed an example, a way to see that made sense to us. Well, his death and resurrection doesn’t fully make sense because it’s both so horrific and so open. But in his life, death and rebirth, can we see the depths someone would go to affirm they love us? Can we see the non-obligatory love? Can we see an utter forgiveness, acceptance, compassion and relentless hope? Yes Jesus!

    Day 13: Let go & hold on

    December 29, 2018 — Leave a comment

    Genesis 41-42; Psalm 13

    Surrender the timing. Surrender the narrow ideas of how things must pan out. Surrender a need to know exactly why you are where you are. Surrender a complete knowing. Surrender the things that are out of your control. Surrender your idea of what being enough looks like.

    Own your gifts and talents. Learn from your shortcomings. Be quick to apologize and be quick to acknowledge you can do better. Be eager to help others regardless of who they are. Ask for clarity and ask for signs. Cry out when you hurt. Cry out in vulnerability. Be honest about your longings but don’t grow bitter when the longing doesn’t manifest. Maybe it’s not yet. If it’s a good desire, it’s certainly a not yet.

    God uses each of us specifically. Take an inventory of who you’re surrounded by, what gifts you have, where you’re rooted, what you’re passionate about and how you hold onto hope right now. God uses the open and available.

    Day 12: Success despite circumstances

    December 28, 2018 — Leave a comment

    Genesis 38-40; Psalm 12

    The Lord is with Joseph so he was successful. The Spirit is with me so I will find favor and be successful. How do I define success? How do I define find favor? In Joseph’s case, he was still in bondage, tempted daily, at the mercy of his circumstances and helped those around him be successful. But in all circumstances, he walked with integrity and walked in his giftings. Is being successful, essentially having the freedom to act in spite of circumstances? Is success a grounded rooted patience? We are obsessed with success, but what’s the kind of success we should strive for that helps us stay with integrity and faith? What kind of success attracts our enemies? What kind of character grounds that success? I want to be this kind of success.

    God guard my tongue and my words. Words can build up or words can tear down and help me to do more the former and ask for forgiveness whenever I do the latter. Help me to take a breath before I want to jump into negative or hurtful talk, because out of my heart the mouth speaks, and I want to be aware and have control when my heart is deviating and acting UP.

    Day 11: Reality and Redemption together

    December 27, 2018 — Leave a comment

    Genesis 35-37; Psalm 11

    When good arises from bad, people often bring up, what Joseph says: what man intended for bad, God used for good. This is by no means a justification to do bad and condone evil. In the in-between between the evil deed and the redemption ending, we need to uphold how terrible is the former. We should not look at suffering, injustice, cruelty, poor systemic structures, natural disasters, offenses, inhuman relational acts, and lessen their sting by saying well good will come from this, or God has a purpose for this. NO that is missing the point. It’s too separate things and until we reach the other side of redemption, we should not so callously ignore the pain that is often our reality. God is redemptive but until we are there and can look back with healing and forgiveness, those who were hurt can breathe and know God has been with them this whole time, we must stay in this tension of the here and not yet: Evil is the reality and God’s hope exists. How do we straddle acceptance of the present with a confidence of a future hope? How can a future hope help us through a tough present without rose-color-coating the now? How can we be fully here with a mind that holds to a one day God redeems all?

    Sides:

    1. Reuben is mentioned specifically twice. He sleeps with his fathers’ concubines. Boooo! He tells his brothers not to kill Joseph but to leave him in a well. Eh. What an example of the complicated spectrum of human being?

    2. God tests the righteous. Can we replace tests with refines, develops, grows, helps reflect? He tests because he sees our openness to receive and shift. So when you’re being tested, what good quality is God saying you have but merely needs to be kneaded out to the surface?