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Day 10: Purity culture

December 26, 2018 — Leave a comment

Genesis 32-34; Psalm 10

When they talk about sex, the Bible refers to it as “being known.” That’s sweet; the intimacy and connection that is at the heart of sex. The OT has so many stories of non-consenting sex as well. Women are often raped. Dinah here is defiled, because she was raped and treated like a prostitute. The lack of consent and the using of another’s body are where the injustice exist. Has the Christian world drawn the boundaries for sex too close-minded? Rape, non-consent are wrong. We cannot cross to that. But where is the line between that and being known? Is the purity culture created out of fear because it lacks a trust in people to act out of wisdom? Yes, we should value our bodies as if they are sacred like temples. How do we define value? Upholding Consent and choice? How does the purity culture create more fear and bitterness rather than freedom? What is good in the purity culture that we can learn from? Is treating our bodies with respect the goal? Who gets to define that?

God I pray for the peace and knowledge of knowing how to honor my body without strict fearful boundaries. I pray for fear to go away when it comes to my body and sexuality. I pray for a freedom with wisdom when it comes to my body and sexuality.

Day 9: Striving for Worthiness

December 25, 2018 — Leave a comment

Genesis 29-31; Psalm 9

Leah kept conceiving in hopes that she would finally be enough for her husband. She kept giving of herself to get the love and worth that would get her to stop trying for the love and worth. Isn’t that us? Isn’t that our lot in this life, to keep trying until we feel we are enough? When will we feel the worthiness that we are innately so that we can stop trying to gain, but live a life simply as a way of praising God? How can I live my life, each moment as an opportunity to acknowledge I am already worthy? God help me to stop striving for my worth because the people around me make me feel not enough, because I fall into the trap of comparison, because I don’t always feel beautiful.

Your Word says you are here for the oppressed and those who are in affliction. Let me trust that about you. Let me be an instrument to show that you are a God who cares for the least of us.

Day 8: An ugly past

December 24, 2018 — Leave a comment

Genesis 25-28, Psalm 8

Jesus, help to understand your Word in light of your ultimate showcase of love and hope. Jesus help me to see your integrity and commitment to women in the midst of stories about Abraham calling wives concubines and men taking wives like they are property in the Bible. Jesus help me to see that the table is big enough for all of us despite Jacob stealing Esau’s birthright and blessing. Jesus help me to see that your ways of truth and compassion are better than Jacob and Rebekah’s shady ways. Jesus help me to see your true equality in spite of the blatant sexist patriarchy in the Bible. I’m beginning to really not like the Word. Our history is pretty messed up and ugly. Help me to not be defined by that ugly past not only from the Bible or in my own life, but by the renewal you have given me by showing me I am loved and worthy already. Jesus help me to see that you are mindful of all of us, created each of us specifically so you can care for each of us personally.

Day 7: Letting Go to receive better

December 23, 2018 — Leave a comment

Genesis 22-24; Psalm 7

God “tested” Abraham to see where his true love is: is it God or is it God’s blessing? It feels incredibly cruel that God would put Abraham through the ringer like that. Where is the good in this? God isn’t testing Abraham for his own sake, right? He must be doing for Abraham’s sake, so what does Abraham gain from this? Abraham learns he is one that keeps his trust in God regardless of what God can provide. If you can sacrifice the thing you love the most for the one you trust the most, it really means you have it all. Abraham probably experientially knew God is all he needs and that nothing in this world can touch him. If he can let go and surrender fully, he can do anything. He was put through the ringer so that he would know that his life must be a life of faith. It is a life of faith. God desires us to be free from anything in this world that will hold us back from living a life that is beyond our comprehension. And often if we measure by human ways, it doesn’t make sense. I must always go back to God as a God of good and compassion.

When God offers his son on the altar, who was testing him? He need not be tested because he was fully surrendered to his character of grace and forgiveness. Jesus like Isaac did ask once, if there was another way, but when he knew he was the only way to fully prove God’s love for us, he too surrendered. God went through the pain that Abraham didn’t have to go through. Even though he knew glory was to follow, the pain was realer than ever. Do not pass over the reality of pain and of today’s broken world, just because we know one day Revelation 21 will be true. Today we are still here.

God help me to surrender all things that hold me back from living a life of faith — surrender my negative thoughts, my tendency to compare, my narrow expectations. Let me imagine a life of faith — doing the things that make no sense of humanity but are in a vision of kindness, redemption, humility, and compassion.

Day 6: God lives by a different standard

December 22, 2018 — 1 Comment

Genesis 19-21; Psalm 6

The men of Sodom tried to gang rape the angels. Lot offers his virgin daughters instead. Lot’s daughters rape their dad. God destroys a city. Abraham and his wife Sarah are technically siblings. Sarah tells her husband to abandon his son and servant. Abraham abandons his son.

The Old Testament is certainly not trying to make people look good. God destroys a city? That doesn’t make him look that good either, does it? It’s hard reading the Bible. People use the Sodom story to be against homosexuality. No, God is against gangbanging and rape, not homosexuality here.

What have I learned about God? I cannot measure his ways with my human understanding.

What have I learned about humans? We suck often.

What have I learned about me? I’m over this part of the story and just want to get to the good parts.

Day 5: The Bible annoys me

December 21, 2018 — Leave a comment

Genesis 16-18, Psalm 5

Can we apply Abraham’s pleading with God to spare Sodom to Jesus’ pleading with God to spare us? He is the righteous one so can that mean we are all spared from destruction?

Reading Psalms and the constant righteous vs evil feels very us versus them. Well I guess that also assumes we are the righteous and “they” are evil. Who is the righteous? Who actually follows the law of God? What is the law of God — to love God and to love others? Who’s God?

The more I read the Scriptures the more annoyed I am by the people God has chosen to be used, the more questions I have and the more I need to keep reminding myself God is good and we suck and yet he uses us.

And I also see the pitfalls of reading Scripture out of context. Every passage is a bit of God’s big story of redemption and love. Every ick points to God’s big grace. If I didn’t have Jesus, which is the biggest example of God’s love, I would be longing and irritated forever.

Day 4: The birth of the prosperity gospel

December 20, 2018 — Leave a comment

Genesis 12-15, Psalm 4

I used to praise Abraham for leaving everything behind and going because God said go, but let’s be real — God promised him BLESSINGS and he also took ALL his possessions with him. He took his comforts and continued forth because of promised additional comforts. Prosperity gospel much? And then how selfish and patriarchal for Abraham to allow his wife to be raped for his own safety? He’s disgusting. How many of us are like him? We disguise our hoarding and desire for riches with faith in God. We sacrifice the wellbeing of those around us for the sake of protecting our riches. This smells like American Christianity. Then lest we forget what else God also promised Abraham: that his descendants will be sojourners and servants in a land not their own for 400 years. So please don’t be alarmed when your riches don’t pan out for you. Don’t get mad that this obstacles and challenges are also part of the plan. Maybe this hard part is the blessing as well. Why does God include these parts and choose people like Abraham? Who knows! He chooses imperfect, selfish people not because of anything they have done but because God will work. So don’t be ALL HONORED if you’re chosen to bring forth God’s plan; it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with God’s bigger plan.

God help me to trust you even when/if I am in those 400 years of slavery, but know that because of Jesus no bondage on earth is truer than the freedom of being Whole and 100% in Christ. Please remove the prosperity gospel from my heart. Help me to trust that all this is part of your plan of redemption.

Day 3: The backdrop of God’s actions

December 19, 2018 — Leave a comment

Genesis 8-11, Psalm 3

When God kicks us out of Eden, curses Cain, destroys the whole world except for Noah and disperses us at Babel, how do we see him? Do we see him as a nervous wreck afraid we would usurp his power? Is he a jealous man shocked his creation can get to his level? Do we see him as an angry aggressive destroyer? On the surface, yes. According to my standard of good and evil, God doesn’t seem too great– maybe even evil. Like he’s out of touch and acting out of fear.

It’s not a simple, “tell yourself that’s not true; God’s good,” that will change my view of God. How I see God’s core character color his actions? Did he act out of fear or did he act out of love? Honestly at this point I don’t know. Unless I take into account Jesus, which is also part of this story. If I take into account Jesus, I know God is good and compassionate and unrelentless about getting us back to him. Can I trust that the God of the OT and the God of the NT are the same? If yes, how can I see all this actions from the beginning as ways of compassion, mercy, an enduring covenant love to remind us, he wants us back.

God help me to know you act out of love and compassion even though my heart wants to blame you for all the bad in this world, and in me.

Day 2: It’s his fault.

December 18, 2018 — Leave a comment

Genesis 4-7; Psalm 2

Often when I don’t get what I want or the fruits of my labor are not as abundant as I had expected, I blame everyone except myself. It’s not my fault. I get angry at someone who’s doing well even though their success has NOTHING to do with mine. It’s easier to take out my own negativity and bad mood on some one else who is thriving. It’s easier to blame circumstances and declare I would obviously be a better person if my circumstances were better.

It’s damn convicting. When does a disappointing reflection of myself humble me and make me draw closer to God? When does a real look at myself that I don’t like draw me into bitter unproductive comparison? The latter makes me bitter and angry. It distances me from others. The former is uncomfortable and vulnerable.

God doesn’t compare me and others. He has enough space and enough love for all of us. Can I trust that?

Day 1: Is God withholding?

December 17, 2018 — Leave a comment

Genesis 1-3; Psalm 1

Eve and Adam have everything in the garden. They lack nothing. They frolic naked before God, before all of creation and before each other. There is no hiding, no separation of possessions – what is yours is mine is God’s is mine is yours. Eden is a place of generosity, unity, continuity, diversity and intimacy. So what happened? How did a little lie and thought seep in to their minds to cause them to do the one thing they were asked not to do? For a moment, they thought God was withholding, that God didn’t have their best interest at heart, that God was hiding something from them. It’s just a moment of questioning God’s character of good. It wasn’t straight up malicious. It was a moment of wanting more when they already had it all. How often do I miss the garden of abundance I’m in — the friends who love me, the food I get to eat at the table, the experiences I daily get to have? How often do I think God is withholding something good for me because he’s not good? Where am I hiding? Where do I want to be God and decide my life? And is that really that bad?