CBG: Immanuel

April 25, 2020 — Leave a comment

“Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel” (which means, God with us).

Matthew 1:23

God with us.
God with us.
God with us.

I was recently in an amazing virtual artists gathering. We had a beautiful deep question for the night that we all took turns responding and revealing. I left with better knowledge and a more clarified language around my current situation. The following day I was in my virtual acting class. It’s not my favorite and feels irritating at times, however, I’m grateful for the adaptation of an offering I need. During one of our exercise where we were simply talking about what we see, whether physical or emotional in the other, and how we feel, I tapped into a softness that I’m always striving for in my work and in my life. A softness that lets my armor down for a moment. A softness that taps into my fragile beautiful heart full of sadness and hope. And it makes me wonder why some conversations leave me softer while others attempt to but don’t.

Immanuael.
God with us.
God with us.

Jesus in the human form was not a cerebral solution. We had enough scriptures and words, beautiful, beautiful words, before this human. Jesus wasn’t about giving us more knowledge or something new. Jesus in the human form, Immanuel, was about a visceral, emotional, heart to heart, hand to hand, in your space kind of connection. It was about giving us room to be us, messy and all, sinful and all, emotional and needy and all. His response was not more knowledge, his tales of wisdom, but rather his presence. God’s greatest solution for us was and is his presence.

May we connect with each other as if we, our presence, is enough. Less words. Less advice. Less stories to show you understand. Being there without judgement and making room IS the way to show you understand. May we tap into Immanuel for our friends and family, for this world.

Prayer: Lord help me to speak less and listen more. Help me to respond instead of react. Help me to figure out solutions. Help me be present.

Creative: A letter — to yourself, to someone else, to the world?

Brave: Practice breathing into any emotions that come to your awareness.

Generous: Ask 2-3 people if there is anything that could make their days lighter.

CBG: Remind

April 24, 2020 — Leave a comment

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor, he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of prison to those who are bound, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion — to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified. They shall build up the ancient ruins; they shall raise up the former devastation; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations.

Isaiah 61:1-4

We do not need to strive and work on perspective. We need to be reminded of our purpose, our power and our priesthood. We do not dismiss our feelings and our exhaustion. In the midst of all that, we remember our calling. It is through your feelings and your exhaustion, that the power of your calling lifts your head slightly and helps you take another courageous step. We do not need to put things in perspective nor think of the “bigger picture” or “how things will work out…eventually.” That type of pulling ourselves up and reworking our minds by our own strength can feel disingenuous, forced and lead to guilt if we “fail” What we need is a reminder that we have already been anointed and NO ONE, NOTHING can take that stamp of worth away. You, are not made for small things. You, are not created for the trite and trivial. You, were created for transformation and restoration. You, right where you are now, have all the power and strength, to be the reflection of God. Now this reminder is scary. This kind of reminder can shed the unnecessary and set our hearts straight.

Prayer: God remind me of who you are and who I am. Help my heartbreak point in the direction of transformative justice. Help my sadness point to communal comfort. Help my fears point to your former and forever abundances and provision.

Creative: Read these verses over yourself. Feel it. Embrace it. Where does it refresh your body? Your heart? Your mind.

Brave: What part of this scripture scares you? Can you step in?

Generous: What part of this scripture excites you? Can you live in?

CBG: Armor

April 23, 2020 — Leave a comment

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplications. To that end keep alert with all perseverance making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare boldly, as I ought to speak.

Ephesians: 6:10-20

Our responsibility is simply to STAND FIRM. We are grounded and centered on our truth — that Jesus is with us, won for us and we have everything we need for this lifetime. We are marked by our righteousness — choosing the difficult, the uncomfortable, honoring integrity and conscience. We are guided by peace — not a need to be right, to be best. We are protected by faith that nothing of this world can defeat us. While it may be painful and hard, and it will be, hope and restoration are our future. Our mind is renewed and sanctified constantly by God. Our weapon is the unchanging yet ever-revelatory word of God. It is both true and flexible as our God is as well.

Prayer: God help us drop our quickness to be offended and quickness to get defensive. Let us stand firm in your love. Help us strip our own human armor. Let us be wrapped in your love. Help us to exist in a world where humans are not the enemy. There is a great enemy that wants to divide us and make us hate each other. And we pray against him, in the name of Jesus, for him to reveal himself and be conquered. God help us. God be near. Help us stand firm.

Creative: Feel your feet today. Really feel how grounded you can be. Come back to it often.

Brave: What has been hard to surrender? A resentment? A hurt? A relationship? What does it look like to let that go?

Generous: Who needs you to see them from their best intentions?

CBG: Signs

April 22, 2020 — Leave a comment

The Pharisees came and began to argue with [Jesus,] seeking from him a sign from heaven to test him. And he sighed deeply in his spirit and said, “Why does this generation seek a sign? Truly, I say to you, no signs will be given to this generation. And he left them, got into the boat again, and went to the other side.

Mark 8:11-13

The Pharisees demand a sign from heaven.

Right before this, Jesus healed a man with an unclean spirit, healed the sick or oppressed by demons, healed a leaper, healed a paralytic, convinced a tax collector to join his group, healed a man with a withered hand, calms a storm, heals another man with a demon, heals more sick folk, fed 5000+, walked on water and healed more of the sick.

What sign from heaven do the Pharisees still need? How are they defining sign from heaven when right before them are miracles, transformations and stories?

When your heart is hard and when you only come on the offense, there is no miracle/sign/transformation that will penetrate. When you reject the ultimate sign – Jesus – THE sign from heaven – what is left to give you? The demand of another sign is but a defense, a rejection of reality, a refusal to see that you already have everything you need for the proof you’re asking for.

Where are we demanding signs out of fear and out of protection? Where are we demanding signs to test God when God’s presence is the ultimate sign? But thankfully for us, even in our demands, our doubts and our testing, God will not get on a boat and leave us. He will never leave us or forsake us.

Prayer: God where am I demanding you to show up. How are you already there? God where is my heart hard? God I need you to soften those parts. God where am I being stubborn and unwilling. God gently shake me. God what miracles and signs have happened already that I haven’t focused on? Remind me of them.

Creative: Write down questions you have for God. Be specific. Be bold.

Brave: Who can you invite into these questions? Can you do that today?

Generosity: What have you been unwilling to do because you’ve thought about your own comfort first? That’s fine! If you can shift the focus of comfort, what is your next step?

CBG: Body

April 21, 2020 — Leave a comment

You have kept count of my tossings, put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?

Psalm 56:8

This is a needed reminder that God cares about our pain, our losses and our sorrows. While we are encouraged to surrender our pain to God and not keep a record of wrongs, we can trust that there is always someone who knows.

Can this also not apply to the Holy Spirit that is in our body? That the Holy Spirit in our body is also holding our tears and our pains? On the bright side of things, this can mean the deepest intimacy of holding space. The Holy Spirit that is not separated from us, but working through and in us is immediately available to hold our tears and pains. With that nearness, redemption and relief can also be immediate. Do you recall those moments when in an instance something’s lifted, you feel lighter, you feel transformed? On the tougher end of things, which always exists on this side of heaven, it also means our bodies remember trauma. Our bodies hold sadness. Our bodies have memories of hurts and losses. Even after Jesus was resurrected, his hands and feet still carried the traces of his trauma. Where can we fit hope into this? Your body is a temple, a holy place, your friend, your sanctuary. Honor the feelings and memories it gives you access to. How can awareness lead to gentle comfort and patient expansion or realignment? How can you be grateful for your body’s wisdom and history, yet know its true purpose is to point to a redemptive future? For all the talk in the Bible about the body, for the greatest act of God in human form, we must honor our holy selves that are marked by this human body.

Prayer: God, where do I hold my sadness? Where do I hold my anger? Where do I feel your Spirit? Where can I let you expand my heart?

Creative: Give yourself 5 minutes to take an inventory of your body. Thank it.

Brave: Wonderful Fear Setting exercise by Tim Ferris

Generous: Who needs you to “hold” them today?

CBG: Blank

April 20, 2020 — Leave a comment

But Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues at Damascus, so that if he found any belonging to the Way, men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem. Now as he went on his way, he approached Damascus, and suddenly a light from heaven shown around him. And falling to the ground he heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” And he said, “Who are you, Lord?” And he said, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. But rise and enter the city, and you will be told what you are to do.” The men who were traveling with him stood speechless, hearing the voice but seeing no one. Saul rose from the ground , and although his eyes were opened, he saw nothing. So they led him by the hand and brought him into Damascus. And for three days he was without sight, and neither ate nor drank.”

Acts 9:1-9

Saul is so angry. The root of anger is a sense of injustice. His system is being attacked. This system where he derives his purpose and identity is being threatened. Because God forbid his system is wrong. What would that mean for his life, his mission, his identity, his everything? He needs to protect and no one better get in his way! And there was probably nothing on this earth that could convince him to do otherwise. So God pulls the God card – appearing as a voice from heaven, and so real that even Saul’s companions can hear it. This coronavirus feels like a God card, blinding us from the path we were set on and making us dependent on whoever is nearby whether we like it or not. Saul doesn’t know he’s going to get his sight back. Saul doesn’t know he’s about to commit his life to the one thing he would never in a million years do. Right now his anger and confidence are simply knocked away by a sense of helplessness and dependancy. An unknowing of what just happened. An unknowing of what will happen. All he has is a certainty that Jesus is real and a nothingness before him.

Prayer: God please show yourself in the blank. What you have stripped away I surrender. What you are preparing I want to receive it.

Creative: Do something that makes you laugh.

Brave: Who do you want to be in 10 years? If you are that today, what is one thing you would do?

Generous: Is there a small business, restaurant, non-profit you can support whether financially or with a thoughtful note?

CBG: Reflection

April 19, 2020 — 1 Comment

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.
.
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Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous ways in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139: 1-5, 23-24

Self-reflection and quiet meditation to hear God’s voice are courageous acts. It requires surrender. It acknowledges that you don’t have the full picture. It allows another to reflect who you are. When we have the right God — one who is kind, compassionate and ever-for-our-good — we learn to trust being seen. And if we are in consistent practice with God, it will overflow to our trust in being seen by humans. Take some time. Sit with the questions. And whatever form responses come is perfect.

  1. How have you been brave?
  2. Where has fear dictated how you acted?
  3. Who are you when you are quiet?
  4. Who do you want to become?
  5. What questions do you have for God?
  6. How do you want God to respond?

CBG: Calling

April 18, 2020 — Leave a comment

Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep. Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.” This he said to show by what kind of death he was to glorify God. And after saying this he said to him, “Follow me.” Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following him, the one who also had leaned back against him during the supper and had said, “Lord, who is it that is going to betray you?” When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord what about this man?” Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!”

John 21:17-22

After sitting with the pain and shame of rejecting Jesus, Peter was gently and patiently pulled back in. This is probably Peter’s rawest, most vulnerable moment. He knows his own weaknesses and experienced the gap between what he wants to do and what he does. And here is beckoned by Jesus. Jesus doesn’t recount Peter’s fall. Jesus doesn’t do that sort of nasty human judging. Jesus doesn’t need to show that he was right. Jesus moves in a way so that Peter, the wrongdoer, can heal. Damn.

In that soft quiet intimacy, Jesus tells Peter his greatest calling: Peter will live and die just like Jesus! Peter will truly lay it all down, till the end, for the one he loves. I wonder how he felt learning his fate. Fear? Inadequacy? Regret? What times in your life have you felt the certainty of God’s calling on your life? You could feel the closeness of Jesus, the stirring of the Spirit and the declaration of God. You were too unarmored to defend yourself from the wave of truth. It’s pretty scary to experience God like that, especially when he puts a seemingly impossibly task in front of you. Callings don’t always feel like soft marshmallows and look like joyful rainbows. How do we respond when we receive something so profound it freaks us out?! Do we redirect the focus out and onto others? What about them? What about that? Can we instead sit with our God-given unique path, recognize it can only happen with the Spirit’s guidance and then take one step forward? It’s all one step at a time.

Prayer: Pray your desires, unabashedly. Listen to what God has in response. Are fears that arise human-driven or God-given? Pray for a sensitivity to the Spirit in your feelings, your energy, your relationships, the Word.

Creative: Look back at a text/book that has inspired you in the past.

Brave: What have you wanted to ask for but have been afraid to voice? Can you do it today?

Generous: Do something sweet for a family member!

CBG: Garden

April 17, 2020 — Leave a comment

And when Jesus was baptized, immediately he went up from the water, and behold, the heavens were opened to him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and coming to rest on him; and behold a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.” Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And after fasting forty days and forty nights he was hungry. And the tempter came.

Matthew 3:16 – 4:3

What if right now is the lent we needed but didn’t have the power to give to ourselves? In lent, we often choose a thing to give up in hopes that it would turn us back to God. Often, as soon as the 40 days are over, we are right where we were before our “sacrifice.” The hope of Jesus on Easter eclipses our non-change. Easter has passed and we are still here. Hope is for sure and the current uncertainty is as well. This season is a stripping that is out of our control. It’s a wilderness. We can feel alone. We can feel tricked because just earlier, God was seemingly on your side. To friends it can feel like we disappeared. Some friends may be the ones we’ve needed to strip off. In our hunger for a sense of normalcy, where do you feel tempted?

Prayer: God, lead me not into temptation but deliver me from evil.

Creative: Write an encouraging note to yourself.

Brave: Do less.

Generous: Write an encouraging note to someone else.

CBG: Esther

April 16, 2020 — Leave a comment

Moredcai also gave [Hathach] a copy of the written decree issued in Susa for their destruction, that he might show it to Esther and explain it to her and command her to go to the king to beg his favor and plead with him on behalf of her people. And Hathach went and told Esther what Mordecai had said. Then Esther spoke to Hathach and commanded him to go to Mordecai and say, “All the king’s servants and the people of the king’s provinces know that if any man or woman goes to the king inside the inner court without being called, there is but one law — to be put to deaf, except the one to whom the king holds out the golden scepter so that he may live. But as for me, I have not been called to come in to the king these thirty days.” And they told Mordecai what Esther had said. Then Mordecai told them to reply to Esther, “Do not think to yourself that in the king’s palace you will escape any more than all the other Jews. For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who know whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” Then Esther told them to reply to Mordecai, “Go, gather all the Jews to be found in Susa, and hold a fast on my behalf, and do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my young women will also fast as you do. Then I will go to the king, though it is against the law, and if I perish, I perish.

Esther 4:8-11

You hear a need. You contextualize the need in the system you exist in. You hear that the system you exist in is fallible and unjust. You make a promise to address the need, acknowledging the consequences of acting in such a way within the system. You pause in solidarity with those who are being crushed by the system.

We all exist in this system of patriarchal capitalist money is God. Whether you hate it, love it, use it when it’s to your advantage, that is the system we live in. What does it take to courageously and wisely address the injustice with the system it mind? It doesn’t mean you have to choose between working within the system or outside the system. Radical ways usually exist in a plane all to itself — neither for or against, but completely different.

As an Asian-presenting female that exists in a fairly established black and white tale, whether that is reality, projection or most likely an amalgamation of both, it is wrong for me to stay complacent in a state of white-adjacency or inappropriate to stand merely ally in world of black suffering. What can I learn from Esther?

  1. Who are your people? Who are you affiliating with or grouping with? The strong or the vulnerable?
  2. Who seems to be in charge? What can this person/system do to me?
  3. How has everything that has happened in my life shaped me for this particular moment?
  4. Who do I need on my team?
  5. What supposed necessities do I need to surrender so that I can make room for better?

Prayer: Help me to live in your kingdom while in this kingdom. Help me to see my place in today. Release this lie that I’m in this alone. Help me give up that which is less, which might have served me once upon a time, but now is actually an obstacle. Give me courage and wisdom to stand with those who are forgotten and vulnerable.

Creative: For 15 minutes, put the screens away and connect with the world and with your body.

Brave: Who or what have you been afraid of? How can you challenge it/they?

Generous: Who or what have you pushed aside? How can you bring it/they in?