Day 54: Why I still claim to be a Christian?

February 8, 2019 — 1 Comment

Deuteronomy 4-6; Psalm 54

How shall you answer when someone asks you why you follow certain statutes and live the way you do? How does Moses instruct the people to respond?

1. Remember where you once were: imprisoned, enslaved

2. Remember how God freed you so you no longer have to hide and toil without purpose

3. Remember the goodness of God and how he wants your good and therefore the ways he’s instructed you to act are good: to love God and love others.

We love because we know how much we are loved. We love because we have been given much. We love because we get to love. We love because it’s as if we’ve been given a second chance and nothing can be taken from us. We love because God first loved us.

This is why you share your testimony. Is your testimony of one with gratitude and awe? Does your testimony make sense why, to some, you follow ridiculous laws? They’re not laws — they’re an overflow of gratitude and trust. I hope my testimony justifies why I do what I do.

Day 53: The Wilderness Years

February 8, 2019 — Leave a comment

Deuteronomy 1-3; Psalm 53

What if your wilderness years took 40 years? Then it can’t be just be about the destination. What? You’re supposed to just squander 40 years for this future point. I hate platitudes. I hate those, it’s about the journey, not the destination. But what if there is actually something to this dumb cliche? That if we allow ourselves to be present and open to the journey, each moment can be the destination. If we think of the wilderness as living, every night is a finding of home, wherever we land. If we think of the obstacles and the sorrows and the WTF moments as markers in a life schedule that helps us to see all the ways we grow, can it all matter?

Usually we can only say the wilderness was worthwhile when we get to the goal. How can we find each moment in this dark shithole somewhat beautiful? We need to redefine shithole. We need to reimagine beauty. We need to expand getting there.

Day 51: Restore to me

February 5, 2019 — Leave a comment

Numbers 33-34; Psalm 51

Restore to me the joy of your salvation.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me how I first felt when I knew you loved me without border and boundaries. Restore to me how I felt when you said I was worthy and enough just as I am. Restore to me how I felt when nothing in the world mattered, all my failures and shortcomings and flaws did not matter. Restore to me my innocence. Restore to me my love for others in a way that risked getting hurt. Restore to me confidence in an eternal everlasting hope for everyone who believes and even for those who don’t get. Restore to me innocence. Restore to me the time before I realized I could be hurt. Restore to me love. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me you. Restore to me you. Restore to me you. Restore me. Restore me.

Day 50: Gratitude upwards

February 4, 2019 — Leave a comment

Numbers 31-32; Psalm 50

To offer our thanksgiving as sacrifice is to give gratitude away freely. Are there times we withhold thanks? What is sacrifice? Sacrifice is to give something up that could benefit another while subtracting from you. When can giving gratitude and thanksgiving benefit another while taking from yourself? How does it benefit God while lessening ourselves?

In offering thanks, we acknowledge the reason for the good or blessing isn’t us, it’s God. He is the reason for our provision. He is the reason we are alive. He is the reason we have hope and joy in this world. It is not our own doing. We cannot take credit. That humbles us. That puts us in our place. That helps us to stay low and not get a big head. God doesn’t need our material sacrifices or meaningless thanks; he wants us to acknowledge that he is the originator of our lives and our wellbeing.

Day 49: What goes up must come down!

February 3, 2019 — Leave a comment

Numbers 28-30; Psalm 49

Man in his pomp but without understanding will perish like beasts…

How true! Pride will be the death of us all. Pride separates us from our fellow earthlings. Pride makes us think we are floating above ground. Pride acts like protection but makes us irritably defensive. Pride makes us invulnerable.

Where does pride come from? Pride in my work and my country, etc aren’t inherently bad. It’s an appreciation and a love. It’s when that love gets possessive…How does it evolve? Entitlement? Being used to good things and having a grip too tight on it? Thinking that you deserve or should have control of how everything should go? How can we prevent a love from devolving into entitlement?

We must try to love without finding your worth in the thing you love. Because when our worth is dependent on something that can change, if that thing changes, we start to freak out, grip harder and work to make sure that something remains the same. But if we can separate our worth from what we love and what we have, even if those things were to disappear, our reaction would be different. We might go to sadness, anger and grief before pride. And if you can be present with those former emotions, they can move. So yes, be proud of what you are and what you have, but hold those with understanding. Then if they go away, you also won’t go away like a beast.

The only thing we can love that will never never change is God. So that is the one thing we can find our true worth in, without it crushing us!

Day 48: Keep on for Jesus

February 2, 2019 — Leave a comment

Numbers 25-27; Psalm 48

How do people read the Word of God when it feels so far removed from it that it feels more a burden than a blessing? All this fighting and quarreling feels petty and stupid. All this talk about inheritance makes me eye roll — although I see The foreshadowing as well of Boaz and Ruth, the prodigal sin, and Jesus making himself our inheritance. Alright, alright. The laying of the foundation for what is to come. Because thankfully what still keeps me in the faith, however we define it in this judgmental culture, is Jesus and the gospel: good news. What keeps me reading is the showing up of Jesus who was radical AF. Who didn’t talk about wars but more told us to take care of the poor by doing it himself? He isn’t petty. He’s brutally honest and funny and compassionate. I see how people can separate the God of the OT and the God of the NT. Well God and Jesus are different, and the same. They express different sides of compassion, justice and priorities. They show the 3-dimensional look of life and emotions.

But I’m struggling to keep doing this. I’m bored. I expected this reading to open me in a way to see God differently. Well, I guess it has. He’s bigger than the Bible. He’s more than the Bible. A mirror only reflects a person, but isn’t the person. God isn’t the Bible. The Bible reflects him and right now its reflections seem like a mirror held far away. My God is still a big badass caring motherfucker and with all the damn violence in the OT, you can cuss.

Day 47: Ugh. Over it

February 1, 2019 — Leave a comment

Numbers 22-24; Psalm 47

Do you ever read the Bible and just don’t care? Nothing resonates. It’s a petty text. I’m here eye-rolling and the Psalm tells me to shout with you. I’m annoyed. I’m kind of over the Bible. Is it with this specific text or is it with this devotional? I’m over it. I’m skimming now. Where’s the good part? Where’s Jesus? This text is so up it’s own butt hole it doesn’t know what’s going on in the world.

God are you mad I’m honest? Don’t you already know? You are bigger than my irritation. You are laughing with me. God is big. Humans are narrow. Humans like rules. God breaks them.

Day 46: Poor Moses

January 31, 2019 — Leave a comment

Numbers 19-21; Psalm 46

Sometimes our leaders get angry and do something they’re not supposed to and fall. Sometimes our leaders want our good so much, or they think they do, they do something off. It happens and yes they are human and they should be forgiven, but there are consequences. Sometimes they don’t get to go to the Promise Land. Sometimes they are humbled and become just like one of us. Sometimes they are fully restored like King David. Sometimes they die like Judas. Who knows why? It sometimes feels really unfair? Why do some get away with it? Why do some get forgiven? Why do some die? I don’t know and I wish I had the answer, too.

So you just be on the look out for your own behavior. You stand with integrity. Instead of only pointing the finger and exclaiming how these leaders have failed, what’s the lesson? Where can you take ownership? It should humble you. See the only place you can’t fall from is the ground.

Day 45: You are a gift

January 30, 2019 — Leave a comment

Numbers 17-18; Psalm 45

God gives the priesthood as a gift to the people. They are appointed with such a specific purpose to be one of blessing and something to generously given. Can we see our lives as such? Can we see wherever we are as a gift to those around us, whether they are under our care or our neighbor? Can we trust that our position and our roles in our community must be seen as a gift?!! You are a gift. You are to be enjoyed and treasured. You are to bring joy. You are to radiate. You are able to change moods. You are able to meet needs. You are able to build connection. You are a gift. Live as such. Live like you are worthy and beautiful. Live like your purpose is fully endowed. Live like you are a gift.

Who’s the gift for? Who asked for the gift? Is this where your calling lies? Is this where your purpose shows up? Who needs you? Is that your community? Who enjoys you? Is that the people you are to generously give your time to? Not in a sick sexual way. Get your minds out of the gutter.

Who can you bless?

Who can you make happy?

Who can you make special?

Because you can and you do!