Lent Day 34: I give up The Need to Impress You

March 22, 2021 — 1 Comment

The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

Isaiah 58:11-12

I give up my need to impress you. I give up my need to cater to your needs. I give up my need to make sure you feel okay with how I’m feeling. I give up making myself small so you don’t feel threatened. I give up diminishing myself so you can feel better. If your worth comes at the expense of my worth, I cannot feed into your need. If your liberation comes at the expense of my liberation, I cannot feed into your fight. If your rise can only come at the expense of mine, I do not want to be part of your journey. God is my guide. God is my strength. God has determined that I am whole, worthy and full. I will not let you take that from me. I give up being less so you can feel more. That is not love or kindness; that is short-sighted and incomplete existence.

Lent Day 33: I give up Imposed Timelines

March 21, 2021 — Leave a comment

If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the Lord’s holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, then you will find your joy in the Lord, and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob. For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

Isaiah 58:13-14

I give up the timelines I impose on myself. I give up this sense of urgency that is founded on scarcity and fear. I give up on doing so much for fear that if I stop, I’ll lose my place. I give up running at the speed of panic, living at the speed of panic. I give up your schedule for me. I give up your imposed deadlines on me. I give into timelessness. I give into the right timing. I give into trusting in God’s perfect timing. I give into the extra breath I need to take right now. I give into the rest I am called to live in.

Lent Day 32: I give up Staying out of the Unknown

March 20, 2021 — Leave a comment

The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

Isaiah 58:11-12

I give up expecting God to show up in ways that make me comfortable. I give up expecting God to show up in ways that make sense to me. I give up demanding that God show up in a way that aligns with how I want things to go. I give up blocking out how God has chosen to guide me, satisfy me, lead me, grow me, teach me, raise me, be with me. I am grateful for the people God shows up through. I am grateful for the opportunities that are divinely appointed. I am grateful for the guidance into spaces I feel unready to venture into, even though my heart knows it is in the unknown that I will find magic.

Lent Day 31: I give up The Paths that don’t Lead to Joy

March 19, 2021 — Leave a comment

If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the Lord’s holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, then you will find joy in the Lord, and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob. For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

Isaiah 58:13-14

I give up pursuits that don’t lead me back to the joy of the Lord. I give up ways of thinking that are not founded on the joy of the Lord. I give up finding strength in things other than the joy of the Lord. What is the joy of the Lord? It is the certainty that good prevails. It is the certainty that the sun will rise tomorrow. It is the faith that God has incredible mind-blowing plans for each of us. It is the faith that choosing love and goodness and kindness and vulnerability are better! May the joy of the Lord soothe my tender broken parts, and give me a courage to share my love and self generously.

Lent Day 30: I give up Pressure

March 18, 2021 — Leave a comment

The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

Isaiah 58:11-12

I give up pressure. I give up the heavy expectations I put on myself that make disappointment more likely than possibility. I give up the pressure to be good. I give up the pressure to do it right. I give up the pressure to please everyone and make sure everyone is okay. I give up the pressure to be always growing upwards. Maybe growing involves three steps back for every 3.1 steps forward. I give up a pressure that keeps me scared and small. I embrace breathing into how I already have everything I need and that I already am everything I need, for this moment. The next moment will have enough worries of its own.

Lent Day 29: I give up Being Okay

March 17, 2021 — Leave a comment

Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter — when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

Isaiah 58:6-9

I give up being okay. I am not okay with injustice. I am not okay with hate. I am not okay with the lack of awareness. I am not okay with people who are going hungry. I am not okay with those who are suffering. I am not okay with justifying suffering. I am not okay with minimizing suffering. I am not okay with hate. I am not okay with hate. I am not okay that there are people suffering and feeling alone in their suffering. I am not okay with having to take care of your feelings while I’m navigating my feelings. I will never be okay with the things that were not meant to be and I pray that God will give me the patience, strength, kindness, mostly kindness and curiosity, to do something about all the things I find are not okay.

Lent Day 28: I give up Worst Case Scenarios

March 16, 2021 — Leave a comment

The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.

Isaiah 58:11

I give up living in the worst case scenario. Well, what do worst case scenarios reveal to me? That even if that did happen, I would still be fine? That I’ve put my identity and worth in the most trivial of things? I give up preemptively preparing for a crisis. I can trust that I am capable, that I am adaptive, that I will not be alone in handling anything that goes wrong. We have gone through a pandemic haven’t we? Breathe. Be in this moment. Who is leading? Can I feel spring?

Lent Day 27: I give up Woes when I have Wins

March 15, 2021 — Leave a comment

Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?

Isaiah 58:6

I give up my narrative of chains when my reality is freedom. I give up my narrative of lack when I am clearly living in abundance and choice. I give up coloring my life with woes when the evidence around me are wins. I give up the safety of saying I have little for fear of being judged or worst, for fear of having to share more. I have much and it is detrimental to not take ownership of that. Is it fear? Is it habit? Is it a way to hide? Is it a warped way to actually still live in scarcity and hoarding culture? God teach me how to live with both my feet in the same story. God teach me how to hold little and much equally loose. Whether I have riches like Solomon or two coins like the old woman in the Gospels, may I use it all to the best of my ability to expand love and community.

Lent Day 26: I give up Feeling like an Imposter

March 14, 2021 — Leave a comment

If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.

Isaiah 58:9-11

I give up feeling like an imposter. I embrace the opportunities that prove I have room to grow. I give up feeling unqualified. I embrace the risk of failure knowing in retrospective this will be a good learning moment. I give up feeling that I’ll be found out. If I live with integrity and from vulnerability and honesty, my character will stand. I give up giving others the power to make me feel smaller. That’s on me. Those are my projections. That would be self-fulfilling. When I feel out of place, because that will happen often in life, I pray that I don’t shrink and shut down, and instead remember I belong here, too.

Lent Day 24: I give up Clinging

March 12, 2021 — Leave a comment

The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and you will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

Isaiah 58:11-12

I give up clinging. I give up the reality of living in a cave, protective and in the dark. I want to be a garden, a delight and a gift for others as well. I want my health to be enjoyed by those around me. I want to share my joy, share my healing, share my journey, share myself with those who step into our shared spaces. I give up gripping and clinging. I want to flow like the rivers in the garden. I want to bloom like the flowers. I want to be, without a need to impress or a need to show off — just as I am is beautiful.