Christians

The Gospel

September 29, 2020 — Leave a comment

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile. For in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed — a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: ‘The righteous will live by faith.’

Romans 1:16-17

Now more than ever, I find it so hard to answer the question, are you a Christian? There is so much baggage and preconceived notions wrapped up in the identification. There’s also a kind of flexing that might result from identifying as such. How often do you see people who identify as Christians spew the most hate, live the most selfishly and taint the beauty of God? They claim a holy Biblical standard that they don’t adhere to or doesn’t allow to penetrate into any relevance or impact on this side of heaven.

Then I used to say, well…yeah…I love Jesus, this more heart-centered way to express how and for who I live my life. But then it gets kind of wooo wooo and I feel myself throwing out disclaimers and trying to fluff up what I mean by that.

That is why I’m so moved by the simplicity in this passage. I believe in the gospel. I am not ashamed of the gospel. I am built up and led by the gospel. I believe that God loves the world, loves us so much and wants our wholeness and holiness felt fully. God demonstrates his love and hope through Jesus Christ, who lived a life full of purpose, forgiveness, radical love and miracles. We get to believe this dude was for real because if he was that means we too can have access to lives of deep purpose, forgiveness, radical love and miracles. And I believe the gospel because I believe God is ALWAYS with me. The Holy Spirit lives in me and reminds me of my worth & sense of home. So I believe in the gospel. I believe that hope has the final say and that transformation is inevitable. This is what I believe and I am not ashamed of it.

CBG COVID Challenge: #1

March 21, 2020 — Leave a comment

It is natural and normal to paint the current situation as grim. It is. And it can feel insensitive and fake to simply find the silver lining or to focus on the positive. We as children of God DO NOT and SHOULD NOT do that because God does not silver line or simply zoom past reality to eventual heaven. If anyone and anything exemplifies how to “get through crisis,” it was Jesus f’ng Christ. He lived through humanity aka crisis and pain and hurt. He was with humanity. So as Christians we must set an example of how to live through reality while focusing on the goal and treasure we have already gained. This is our special time to overtly balance things that seem incongruent — here and not yet; fully clean yet needs sanctification; saints and sinners. What would it look like for us to be the truest church today, a church that makes others know and feel, we may be human form but we are Spirit guided.

As I was meditating on what the current situation feels like — anxiety, fear, depression, anger, sorrow, joy, gratitude, the movie Inside Out — I landed on this scripture which I think can be a way in to how we will get through.

For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?

Matthew 16:26

When we have the world, it’s easy to meditate on that scripture and tell ourselves — yes don’t be hoarding, don’t be selfish, meditate on God. We were focused on and we had the world, and we didn’t know it. Until now, when it really feels like we have lost the world. We have. We have lost our plans, our community, our money, our jobs, our hugs, life as we know it. So, now that the world is upside down, I’m going to flip this scripture.

For what will it profit a man if he gains his soul and forfeits the whole world?

That, children of God, is what we have. We have gained our soul and we have lost our world. This special time we have is a time for us to one, meditate and live into what it means to “gain our soul” and two, acknowledge and work through a reality of “forfeiting the world.” Can we do this? Can we do the hard work to shift and mold our character and soul while being real humans about our loss? I think by the Holy Spirit we can and we must!

Not sure if it’s Warren Buffet or Benjamin Graham, one of these old wealthy rich dudes, said to do something creative, brave and generous every day. Through these three categories I hope to make tangible the posture of Matthew 16:26. I also want to share a daily prayer posture. I hope this reset and reframe God has put on humanity will lead to a kinder, more vulnerable, and more overtly interdependent world. We need each other and each other is the funnest way through. Virtually, of course. STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE!

Prayer: Grief. Be real and honest with God with loss you are experiencing and you see the world around you experiencing. Give it to God, hardcore lay it on God. Take a breath and let God really respond however God does.

Creative: Dance and jam to a song. YAS queen.

Brave: Who can you forgive?

Generous: Pray for someone who annoys you.

Sh*t Christians Don’t Say: Egos

July 9, 2019 — Leave a comment

We all LOVE preaching at the pulpit pride is bad. Pride comes before the fall. Those who are proud will be humbled. We will preach our lungs out about being humble and to set aside yourself, for Jesus… and maybe for others.

Yet do we do that when we engage with someone who challenges our theology, our thought process, our framework? Do we really hold an openness to engage humbly with those who present a different way of thinking?

I am very guilty of wanting immediately to write someone off if they love Trump or say something so overtly racist that my heart aches and I fume. And for many people, they would find no error in my ways. But I really don’t want to be that person. Jesus hung out with people who disdained him, who believed and said very contrary things to him. Yet he managed to hold space. I am not Jesus and I probably could not withhold the pain and harm as well as he did, (well I guess he didn’t either — he died.) But I really want to try. I don’t want my circles to be of people who all think like me. Diversity is so buzzy nowadays, and to that, how broad is our landscape of diversity. Do we have diversity in color, gender, socioeconomics, faith, career, thought and so forth? Look around, do the people you hang with all look, think and act like you?

This is not to say that you should let ANYONE into your inner temple. Nah people need to earn your trust for those inner courts. What does trust entail? Love and safety. Commitment and faithfulness. Forgive the and humility. Vulnerability and an ability to listen. Hopefully a sense of humor and no judgy eyes when I kill a bag of Hot Fries. The last few I added for my specific courts.

But I really do try and it is hard and ever increasingly impossible. It requires breaths and filters and thinking the best of another. It’s hard but thus is life. I’m friends with Christians and heathens alike. But why is it that so many of my Christian friends can not handle conversations where their frameworks are being challenged? It’s as if their faith is in their framework, not in their God. God is rooted. God is unchangeable, but our frameworks can. How does Jesus talk to people? Differently depending on who he is talking to? He’s the same. He has integrity. When I challenge especially white Christians on race, gentrification, and god, white male Christians, on being a woman, I honestly am often met with skepticism and defensiveness. They meet me as if I’m an anomaly and I must prove every point I make. Again that feeds into the fact that YOU ARE IN THE DOMINANCE AND REVERSE RACISM & SEXISM DO NOT EXIST.

Please for the love of God trust that I am not demolishing your worth and your God when we have uncomfortable complicated complex conversations. I am trying to bring us closer, to find a common ground. Stop equating your worth with your mind and thoughts and your life here. That’s your ego. Your EGO should be killed because then you will all the more know your worth and God are still immovable.

Sh*T Christians Don’t Say: Sex

June 25, 2019 — Leave a comment

I had sex a few weeks ago. And, I don’t feel guilty about it. I feel like I’m supposed to because as much as we preach in the church, don’t feel guilt and shame, I’m still supposed to feel that sort of guilt that proves that I actually love Jesus THE MOST which is best shown if I feel guilt for having sinned. I don’t.

I loved how close my body was to this incredibly attractive guy who I also respected. I loved the way he kissed me. When I think about the time, yep, I still smile and giggle.

But hey, after having sex with said cute gentleman, I do get WHY Christians preach the “save yourself for marriage.” The rigid, one-size-fits-all, headed by fear and tailed by guilt rule stems from a truly good heart of wise protection. What God intends as wisdom, Christians like to draw strict boundaries for control. God intends to protect us from harm. He has our best interest at hand. He does. He really does! After sleeping with cute gentleman, I thought about him, a lot. I fantasized about what we could become. I checked his social media. When he texted, my heart skipped a beat. And audience, I only met the guy. We hung out for maybe 48 hours and here I am about to plan a wedding. If I had not slept with him, I probably would not have wasted precious minutes, hours, whatever don’t judge, dreaming up a world where I very much felt like I was in love. (I’m a scorpio so I’m obsessive with everything.) I would have saved myself the disappointment because truth is, it’s probably not going to happen. It was a one night stand. The end. So the “save yourself for marriage” team, you’re still on the scoreboard.

BUT if I didn’t sleep with him, I would not have realized my engrained desire to perform and make sure my partner feels good, and not give 2 shits about myself. I experienced the deep insecurity I felt about my body. I was obsessed with him feeling good, again, could give 2 shits about myself. I felt that my worth was tied up in my performance. (Enneagram 3) Why did I feel a need to show hard, I was having a good time, instead of just being present with how I was feeling? I’m so needy. I also learned I really love intimacy, all of it. Physical. Emotional. Spiritual. And I often neglect the physical because I’ve been told it’s slutty, tempting for others, desperate…I like to be told I”m beautiful. I like to feel another beating heart next to mine. So yes, I have spent precious minutes thinking about said cute gentleman, but I’ve also spent a lot of time reflecting on my own body and sexuality because of this experience.

Is the bit of obsession, slight heartbreak/disappointment that I know I will get over worth a lesson on myself? I’m probably not a one night stand kinda girl because this is my tendency. And now I know. I don’t need the attached guilt with the lesson. I don’t think Jesus is pissed at me. I think he might be like…well, what did you learn? how do we move forward? cool! still here with you baby girl.

Some of you Christians out there might be saying, oh just you wait. In 10 years the guilt will smack you hard in the face…when you’re married, it’s going to affect you in this way…you just don’t KNOW how it’s going to affect you? Well, look, do we ever? Get your guilt and shame away from me. Get your control away from my wisdom and faith. I love Jesus. I love being a woman. I want to explore my sexuality and sometimes it means talking about sex real explicitly and sometimes it means, well…let’s leave some things to the imagination.

xo

Day 36: Stop tattooing your bodies Christians

January 21, 2019 — Leave a comment

Leviticus 19-20; Psalm 36

The Bible says to not tattoo our body. How many Christians ignore that and tat it up? Oh but the part about a male lying with another male as an abomination, we go up in arms against the LBGTQ community. Hm. I also don’t want to fall into the track of picking and choosing what to believe? What do I do with this? How can I read all of and hear the heart of the message? Context.

So God is speaking specifically to the Israelites in the wilderness. They’re a traveling nation of way too many people and need some guidance to get to the promise land. God’s laws are to remind them that they are to be a nation set apart to show the compassion and rescue of God. How does tattooing their body affect that? What is it really trying to protect the people of? How does the talk around various sexual relations help these people get to the promise land? I honestly don’t know. But if we had thrown out the tattoo part, can we not throw out the man lying with man part? Is it really talking about gay sex?

If Jesus came to be make us holy and to set us apart, can we throw away all these very specific commandments from the OT? But I also don’t want to believe that I serve a God who had these prejudices and biases. FML.

All I know is I am to love people like they are already enough and created in the image of God because God has deemed me enough and I believe that by the blood of Jesus. My love cannot be discriminatory and hateful. That doesn’t fit. My love needs to be wide and deep and embraces especially those society have pushed aside. God help.