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I lack nothing

September 1, 2020 — Leave a comment

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 23

What are green pastures when the clouds overhead are gray and the days are foggy? What are quiet waters when it feels like news bombs drop like clockwork? What does being refreshed in my soul feel like?

What is rest and coolness when you’re in a state of rage? What is calm when the noise in our heads is on blast? What is refreshment when you’re so depleted?

What is a gentle pause and moment of acceptance in the face of the reality we are in right now? What is the cost of allowing for a full deep breath when the world charges that you must have answers now? What parts of my body can I actually drop and relax?

Where is the permission to feel the heartbreak of the world without being deemed melodramatic? Where is the freedom to no longer curate and smile in spaces that make us smaller and invisible? If I’m exhausted, where have I been running, going, trying to get to?

Can I lie down and feel the ground hold me up? Can I focus on the beauty and glisten of light? Can I take care of myself or let another take care of me?

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. What do I have now that I haven’t noticed? What do I need to be complete and what does that reveal about what I value? If in my feeling of being nothing, I also lack nothing, what does it mean to see this moment as utterly important for my purpose and path that is being revealed?

CBG: 100

July 1, 2020 — Leave a comment

100 posts. What started out as a project for my friend and I became a tracker of my emotions, longings and conversations with God. I gave myself permission to question and to doubt. I let myself be angry and sad, while in the Word. My honesty and my learning are welcomed in the presence of God. How I feel on 3/25 can evolve on 5/25; dear God I hope it will always! While I don’t come to the end of this journey with a burning desire to start my mornings with the Bible and in prayer, I have learned the following.

  1. I don’t need to prove my faith to anyone. God is my judge, and for that I will answer to God when it is my day.
  2. Writing different devotionals on the same verses showed me the power of God to speak beyond words. The Word evolves to translate God’s intimacy and nearness. That is usually what I need to grow and to take action.
  3. God’s Word is active as in it must lead to self-reflection and action, and more often than not, change. This is spiritual conviction — a self-growth rooted in being loved and is demonstrated as outward action for others.

Thoughts as I take the next however long to process:

  • Who have we allowed and not allowed to interpret and teach the Word, and how does this play into greater separation from God?
  • Why do certain populations (which ones) shy away from the Word in times of suffering and pain? How is this related to our current gatekeepers for preaching and teaching?
  • How does our onset insistence on right theology actually prevent the curiosity and safety to get to that same theology?

Because of God, even when I feel alone, I have faith that it might be different in the next minute. Because of God, I have dreams to make this world better. Because of God, I have been freed from generational prisons. Because of God, I know a love that keeps me going when the world falls apart. This is the God I love and I want others to experience. This is my purpose.

CBG: Meek

June 24, 2020 — Leave a comment

And [Jesus] opened his mouth and taught them, saying:
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Matthew 5:2-5

Meek. Who do you see when you envision someone who is meek?

In a capitalistic, patriarchal, white supremacist world, meek isn’t the quality taught to those who want to succeed. Meek gets overpowered. Meek falls to the background. Meek isn’t heard or seen. Meek doesn’t interject. Meek doesn’t shout. Meek isn’t recognized on social media or seeks to go viral. Meek doesn’t vie with its competitors.

Because meek isn’t in competition to be more seen or to get head. Meek roots in worth and visibility. Meek works from the inside. Meek speaks when needed and that clear, wise softness cuts through the jargon and noise. Meek doesn’t need to prove their worth in crowds doing that because the crowd wouldn’t even understand. Meek is on its own race, center and purpose. Meek sees the results and product oriented attitude in capitalism as trivial and creates instead things that feed the soul. Meek sees the fear and ego built into patriarchy and feeds itself love and faith instead. Meek calls out the self-hatred and false set of rules in white supremacy, so lives life from possibility and presence. THIS is the earth they get to live in, and those who know, know.

Prayer: God help me to be fully present to all beings and to see their infinite possibility. Help me to create to expand and to give, and not to horde or lord over others. Help me to love and take risks rather than self-protect.

Where in your life would it be radical to be meek?

CBG: Judgment

April 30, 2020 — Leave a comment

I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people — not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler — not even eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”

1 Corinthians 5:9-13

My blood boils. The intolerance. The judgment. The contradictions in this compared to Paul’s previous statement about not judging. I keep reading the verses to understand. I read it again, through the “lenses of a good compassionate God.” I read the whole passage — okay, this was in the context of Paul addressing a man sleeping with his stepmom. Okay, okay? This passage still pisses me off. What about that plank in your own eye, Paul?! Church people?!

Can I toss this passage away? Why was it included? Because a set of old white men decided what should be the canon?! Why was this included? What does it reveal about Paul? About us? About God?

Look out: Paul was on the far, far other side before Jesus. He was a proud, angry, over-educated man of society. I wonder if he still carries those traits into his new self. I wonder if his “passion” and once-again certainty makes him say things without thinking about the emotional impact of others. I wonder if he’s so desperate for people to know a transformative Jesus that he himself is impatient when he doesn’t see how others aren’t already on the same page as him. Paul is flawed. Paul is imperfect. Paul can be wrong.

Look in: …name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler — Christian, you are that brother. How quick we are to point to that person whether it’s in pity or in disgust. How quick we are to judge and dissociate. Are we cutting others out to protect our image and flow? Or is knowledge of another’s behavior information for us to tailor our acts of grace and patience for them? Is knowledge of another’s behavior fuel for us to take personal responsibility to be less greedy, less manipulative, more careful with our words and more focused on God’s call on us?

Look up, in & out: God can handle our questions and our doubts. God doesn’t fit in human wisdom. God’s grace and compassion are boundless. God warns to draw in. God love to change. God shifts our behavior, our thoughts, our whole beings.

Prayer: God help us move from anger to action. God remove the parts of us that want to be tribal. God help us work through uncomfortable relationships.

Character: Who have you been judging? What does your judgment reveal about you?

Grace: Where do you feel not enough for God and for others? How are those exact places your unique power for the community?

CBG: Pruning

April 26, 2020 — 1 Comment

I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.

John 15:1-11

When you bear fruit, you will be pruned. Abiding in God, abiding in love, abiding in a value system are not easy. Underlying this season of surrender and pause is a gardening ecosystem. Turning the soil so parts that have been hidden are in the light. Removing parasites and dead materials that harm or do not belong. Planting new seeds with anticipation of their blooming. As a non-gardener, I experience impatience in this process. Impatience and all, we are several weeks in, so there is evidence of a before and after. Go and look at your garden.

  1. What have you surrendered that you do not miss?
  2. What have you lost that remains unfilled?
  3. What aches and longings in your heart that once buried are revealed?
  4. Where do you want more patience?
  5. What new discoveries about yourself, others and God have you made whether today, this week or this season?

xx

CBG: #18

April 7, 2020 — 1 Comment

So the woman left her water jar and went away into town and said to the people, “Come, see a man who told me all that I ever did. Can this be the Christ?” They went out of the town and were coming to him…Many Samaritans from the town believed him because of the woman’s testimony, “He told me all that I ever did.” So when the Samaritans came to him, they ask him to stay wit them, and he stayed there two days. And many more believed because of his word. They said to the woman, “It is no longer because of what you said that we believe, for we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this is indeed the Savior of the world.”

John 4:28, 39-42

What is a testimony? What is its purpose? When is it “successful”?

Whenever I share about how amazing someone is, I usually try to hook my audience with how amazing that someone is. He’s SO KIND. She has this ability to make you feel like you’re the only person in the room. They are a social justice warrior! That’s the hook. The centerpiece of our story. Then, if they need context on why we are talking about kindness, attention or social justice, I might share parts of who I am to showcase again why the person of my affections is that amazing. The goal isn’t to have the attention end up on me; I want it to illuminate person I’m talking about. How we contextualize God is already built in because the words we use, the way we express will showcase how we perceive. Give God the spotlight.

Right now, the world needs the parts of God that ripped you out of a lesser way of being, may it be despair, pursuit of worthless things, loneliness, resentment, anger…Let the world see and know God’s hope, the radical purposes of God, God’s enduring presence, God’s unceasing forgiveness, God’s justice. The way we share God is the way we share ourselves.

Prayer: God help me testify of you in my words, in my thoughts and in my actions.

Creative: Doodle.

Brave: Where have you been afraid to share who God is? Step in.

Generous: Pray for Health Care Workers. Reach out.

CBG COVID Challenge: #4

March 24, 2020 — Leave a comment

David departed from there and escaped to the cave of Adullam. And when his brothers and all his father’s house heard it, they went down there to him. And everyone who was in distress, and everyone who was in debt, and everyone who was bitter in soul gathered to him. And he became commander over them. And there were with him about four hundred men.

1 Samuel 22:1-2

Things are flipped upside down. Our supposed national “leader” is incompetent and instigates hate in order to mitigate his own culpability. Delivery drivers, retired nurses, grocery store clerks — the people our society have relegated to the bottom — put their lives at risk so that the current exploded society has some semblance of hope of continuity. “Leaders” we have chosen to govern us protect their own checking accounts while “ordinary people” creatively structure ways to care for the elderly, the employed and the lonely. In the good times, good leadership is embedded in the culture, the dialogue and impact of a smooth operation. In crisis, good leadership is taken for granted, but poor leadership, rings ugly. True leaders take responsibility and empower their followers for compassion and the whole. Bad leaders feel threaten when things aren’t going their way because their leadership is built on self-preservation and self-protection.

We are all leaders. What kind of leader are you? How do you respond when you feel your ego and power being threatened? Are we thinking about the individual, the whole, or both?

The world was against David. He was being attacked by the most powerful man in the land. Yet, David attracted those who were in distress, those who were in debt, those who were bitter. He attracted the helpless, the needy, the emotionally hard — those that “could not give anything back.” Leaders inevitably attract the vulnerable. What do we do with that responsibility? How do we shepherd the people we attract? Leaders provide refuge for those in distress, freedom for those in debt and purpose for those discontent. But may it be for their sake, and not for our ego and our name.

Prayer: Lay before God your anger.

Creative: Spend an undistracted amount of time making a meal.

Brave: An “unreasonable” ask. Ask for something that scares you.

Generous: Ask 3 people how you can pray for them.

CBG COVID Challenge: #1

March 21, 2020 — Leave a comment

It is natural and normal to paint the current situation as grim. It is. And it can feel insensitive and fake to simply find the silver lining or to focus on the positive. We as children of God DO NOT and SHOULD NOT do that because God does not silver line or simply zoom past reality to eventual heaven. If anyone and anything exemplifies how to “get through crisis,” it was Jesus f’ng Christ. He lived through humanity aka crisis and pain and hurt. He was with humanity. So as Christians we must set an example of how to live through reality while focusing on the goal and treasure we have already gained. This is our special time to overtly balance things that seem incongruent — here and not yet; fully clean yet needs sanctification; saints and sinners. What would it look like for us to be the truest church today, a church that makes others know and feel, we may be human form but we are Spirit guided.

As I was meditating on what the current situation feels like — anxiety, fear, depression, anger, sorrow, joy, gratitude, the movie Inside Out — I landed on this scripture which I think can be a way in to how we will get through.

For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?

Matthew 16:26

When we have the world, it’s easy to meditate on that scripture and tell ourselves — yes don’t be hoarding, don’t be selfish, meditate on God. We were focused on and we had the world, and we didn’t know it. Until now, when it really feels like we have lost the world. We have. We have lost our plans, our community, our money, our jobs, our hugs, life as we know it. So, now that the world is upside down, I’m going to flip this scripture.

For what will it profit a man if he gains his soul and forfeits the whole world?

That, children of God, is what we have. We have gained our soul and we have lost our world. This special time we have is a time for us to one, meditate and live into what it means to “gain our soul” and two, acknowledge and work through a reality of “forfeiting the world.” Can we do this? Can we do the hard work to shift and mold our character and soul while being real humans about our loss? I think by the Holy Spirit we can and we must!

Not sure if it’s Warren Buffet or Benjamin Graham, one of these old wealthy rich dudes, said to do something creative, brave and generous every day. Through these three categories I hope to make tangible the posture of Matthew 16:26. I also want to share a daily prayer posture. I hope this reset and reframe God has put on humanity will lead to a kinder, more vulnerable, and more overtly interdependent world. We need each other and each other is the funnest way through. Virtually, of course. STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE!

Prayer: Grief. Be real and honest with God with loss you are experiencing and you see the world around you experiencing. Give it to God, hardcore lay it on God. Take a breath and let God really respond however God does.

Creative: Dance and jam to a song. YAS queen.

Brave: Who can you forgive?

Generous: Pray for someone who annoys you.

Day 56: Circumcise Me

February 10, 2019 — Leave a comment

Deuteronomy 10-12; Psalm 56

God commands his people to circumcise themselves because they are a stubborn people. Circumcision I imagine is quite painful. It’s a physical cutting of a real intimate spot. It’s an identity marking. It’s a tradition. In the New Testament it’s expanded or reimagined as a circumcision of the heart rather than just of the body. So it’s a removal of something dear (maybe our egos, our own agendas, me, me, me!) It’s an identity marking — can people see from your heart that you’re set apart? It’s a tradition — it adds you to a big narrative, family and lineage. Circumcision is both private and individual, and communal and outward. That’s the constant tug of being a Christian — both knowing how God knows and loves and calls us specifically, while part of a much bigger story and community.

Circumcision is an act of surrender. It’s uncomfortable. It’s overt. Even saying the word makes my body shake a bit. But circumcision is the way to address our stubborn hearts. This act of surrender negates stubbornness, a refusal to change or see outside of ourselves. Friends, may we become more aware of areas we are resistant and grow a bit more open to our big callings and the bigger story we are part of. Circumcision is scary AF; but it’s a step towards faith; it is faith.

Day 45: You are a gift

January 30, 2019 — Leave a comment

Numbers 17-18; Psalm 45

God gives the priesthood as a gift to the people. They are appointed with such a specific purpose to be one of blessing and something to generously given. Can we see our lives as such? Can we see wherever we are as a gift to those around us, whether they are under our care or our neighbor? Can we trust that our position and our roles in our community must be seen as a gift?!! You are a gift. You are to be enjoyed and treasured. You are to bring joy. You are to radiate. You are able to change moods. You are able to meet needs. You are able to build connection. You are a gift. Live as such. Live like you are worthy and beautiful. Live like your purpose is fully endowed. Live like you are a gift.

Who’s the gift for? Who asked for the gift? Is this where your calling lies? Is this where your purpose shows up? Who needs you? Is that your community? Who enjoys you? Is that the people you are to generously give your time to? Not in a sick sexual way. Get your minds out of the gutter.

Who can you bless?

Who can you make happy?

Who can you make special?

Because you can and you do!