curiosity

Uniquely Individual, Together

February 9, 2021 — Leave a comment

There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. This is why it says” ‘When he ascended on high, he took many captive and gave gifts to his people.’ (What does ‘he ascended’ mean except that he also descended to the lower, earthly regions? He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe.)

Ephesians 4:4-10

Diametrically opposing forces do not work against each other; opposing forces demonstrate the diverse expanse and wholeness. There is one body and each of us have unique mediums of grace. There is one faith, one Lord, one God and each of us are individual children who choose and reflect specifically. Christ ascended because he was with us. We are here and we will also ascend. These two views, global & individual, are important depending on where we are right now.

Are you feeling lost in the crowd? Feeling unseen? Feeling like the world is too big and you cannot grasp all of it? Come back to your unique and specific calling and purpose. Come back to your relationship with God and how your journey, passions and curiosities reflect the parts of God that we need in this world. The whole would not be the same without you. The whole needs you.

Are you feeling concave, drowning in your present circumstances and feeling overwhelmed by your emotional attunement? Do you feel like all you are experiencing within feels too much and you don’t know how deep the well is and if you were to release it, would it stop and would others be able to hold you? Feel your feet and feel the sky. You are held by the world and there is safety beyond your body. There is a love and understanding that permeates around you and it will catch you if you allow them to hold you. You are not alone. It’s okay to stop gripping so tightly to yourself.

We have access to both these perspectives at all times. It’s the balance of the two that allows us to exist in the present yet have hope for a better future. Like Christ who went to the pits of despair and rose to newness, we, too, have access to that spectrum.

Growing Together, Separately

January 29, 2021 — Leave a comment

Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.

Ephesians 2:19-22

Together we are a building and individually we are a dwelling. We are growing together to create one unified holy temple, and we are growing together, separately in our own specific circumstances, environments and callings. When we feel alone, how can we find comfort knowing that everyone around us is also on a journey? When we feel lost in the collective, how can we find power in knowing our growth and calling is unique?

There is a beauty and a frustration with God’s design — it feels inclusive and encompassing while being too big for our minds to grasp. Here and not yet. Together and separate. Fellow citizens and family. We don’t need to fully understand every aspect and have control over every detail. Can we trust that the sides we don’t see, are also being looked after by God and are being built? Can we trust that we are being looked after and provided for as well? In every moment, a focus leaning more inwards or one leaning more outwards can pull us back to center. In this moment, what will help you stand taller? Coming back to your growth or remembering we are growing together, or both? You have access to all of it.

The Balance tips towards the Inevitable

January 27, 2021 — Leave a comment

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Therefore, remember that formerly you who are Gentiles by birth and called ‘uncircumcised’ by those who call themselves ‘the circumcision’ (which is done in the body by human hands) — remember that at that time you were separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far way have been brought near by the blood of Christ

Ephesians 2:10-13

Living by faith and living in God is living in the gap of remembering where we come from and believing where we are going. Each side balances the journey so we don’t fall too deep into despair or get sucked into naive hope. Our hope and our impact in this world are destined. They are inevitable. We were created to make impact, to demonstrate beauty, to be the light in this world. The past and the realness of disconnection and separation that we have experienced, even currently experiencing, keep us grounded and keep us rooted in the why that is bigger than our individual self. This why is rooted in our ancestry, our upbringing, our experiences, our pains and heartaches and gives each of us a specific calling and community. We are drawn to different causes, to reconcile certain relationships, to bring healing to specific aspects of society.

But if we don’t also hold onto the inevitability of our good words and of our beautiful inherent nature — God’s handiwork — we might cave into despair when we are discouraged, sink into self-hatred when we are rejected or give up when we are momentarily disappointed. If today, right now, this moment, you know without a doubt your calling has been prepared, and it is beautiful, unshakeable and about to explode out for all to be affected, what would you do differently? How would you speak to yourself differently? How would you see the successes around you differently? How would you engage with others? How can you ease your mind, soul, heart and body and keep on your path, one step and one breath at a time?

God’s pleasurable will

January 18, 2021 — Leave a comment

With all wisdom and understanding, he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment — to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.

Ephesians 1:8-10

God’s will is to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ. This happens in Christ and when the times reach their fulfillment. The need to bring things into unity means that presently there is a separation. The notion that there has been mystery in God’s will shows that there is a time of not knowing and a time of knowing. To tell us that times will reach their fulfillment means we are currently unfinished and in progress.

What is the wisdom of knowing what is God’s plan and intentions, in the present in-progress moment? How does unity and fulfillment under Christ affect how we live today?

No matter how grim today feels, the end is good. That is hope. How can hope loosen your grip on things you are difficult and you don’t have control over? No matter how unfinished and stuck this moment feels, we are living into a pleasurable unified fulfilled future. How can you see this moment still as a foreshadow of what is to come? On the days of extreme loneliness and separation, know that God’s heart is unity and pleasure. Is there any space to let the latter break through?

However, knowing in our minds doesn’t always translate into knowing in our bodies and souls. How can we digest knowledge and wisdom into a holistic understanding in our body? Our bodies are pretty intelligent. If you have a moment now, take a breath, close your eyes and mediate on a time when you felt integrity and play in your body. When things seemed possible. When you were curious and full of wonder? When your body was quicker and braver than the doubtful and loud voice in your head?

Where were you? Who were you with? What were you doing? Where is that feeling and sensation in your body?

Sit in that. Swim in that. You have access to this as well. Your body knows the mystery of what God is talking about already. Live from this.

Fulfillment

October 3, 2020 — Leave a comment

And [Hannah] made a vow, saying, ‘Lord Almighty, if you will only look at your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.’

1 Samuel 1:11

Why would Hannah want something so much only to give it back to God? What’s this immense desire coupled with outrageous promise of surrender? How can one want so much and also keep that want connected to the larger picture?

There is a faith, love and trust required to hold something you love loosely. Each moment is precious. Each moment is meaningful. Because every moment might be the last moment of holding this thing so close. Hannah knew that whatever she received was from God and therefore belonged to God’s purposes. Hannah didn’t just want a son; she wanted a son who’s life was going to be magnificent. She wanted her dreams fulfilled while the world was also impacted by her blessing. She knew that her blessing was to exist to be shared.

So what if it’s not that our desires and wants are too big, but actually not big enough? What if we dream so big it is inevitable that it would require faith and love to endure? What do you want that is so big that it will not only impact you but call into power and presence the purposes of God? Can we dream so so so out of this world that it would feel like God made it happen? Can we dream so big that it would require our priorities and focus to shift towards faith?

Brokenhearted Life

October 1, 2020 — Leave a comment

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.

Psalm 34:18-20

Who needs a break from life? Who feels boxed in? Bruised? Out of breath? Who feels like the tenderness in their heart feels too much? That you’re ready to make it hard.

It may feel broken, but aren’t you standing? Maybe actually you’re stronger than you know. You may feel crushed and tested, but didn’t you make it through yesterday? Maybe you’re actually more rooted than you believe. You may feel surrounded by troubles, but haven’t you always lived a life of troubles yet here you are. Maybe you were created to handle the storms and winds.

A brokenness feeling is equal to a closeness to God. God knows hurt and sorrow and unmet want. What do you need from this closeness of God? What do you need to be reminded of? Where do you need God to lay their hand? For a moment of slowing down, awareness and holding you up.

Be gentle with yourself. You are strong. You are alive and that is your gift to this world.

Four Best Friends

September 30, 2020 — Leave a comment

A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. They gathered in such large numbers that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. Some men came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them. Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, ‘Son, your sins are forgiven.’

Mark 2:1-5

These four men, dug a hole on the roof, to interrupt Jesus so that their friend might be healed. Can you imagine the scene? The place is crowded, overflowing to the brim, (very not covid-19 friendly). This paralyzed dude and his friends do the most insane to drop dead center into the party. People who were waiting patiently outside might have been annoyed. People who waited for hours and did get a front row seat might think it’s unfair. Jesus saw this as faith. The man wasn’t going to wait. He saw the opportunity to be healed and be seen by God and he jumped even if it meant acting a fool or making others around him mad. People might have judged him for cutting corners but he was desperate. His life was already at such a low that what was getting a little lower. His faith — his throwing himself into the deep — gave him a new life, one that was upright and moving.

And let’s not forget the four men who did the work on behalf of their friend. One, they stuck by their paralyzed friend. Do you have people who stick by you when you think you are useless? Do you have people who stand by you even if it could ruin their reputation? Two, they did work so that their friend could get healed. Do you have people who toil with you so that you can reap the benefits? Do you have friends that care for your well-being just as much as they care for their own? Finally, they were part of this healing story. Do you have friends who are part of your healing journey? Have you invited people into your pain, your desires, your wins and your future? It doesn’t have to be a gang of people: four friends is plenty. Four friends can lift you up and lower you down gently. Four friends can hold you accountable and make sure you are not forgotten.

End of Week Revelations

September 28, 2020 — Leave a comment
  • You’re allowed to want. What if want is wrapped up in worship to God and faith in God?
  • You have permission to be in journey and in exploration. On this side of heaven, we are always in process and hopefully in step with progress.
  • It’s vulnerable to show your extreme joy because it’s a kind of release that holds so much hope and love. In this world those expressions are brave and necessary.
  • Be honest with your friends. Be in community to spur each other on, to give the needed compliments and YOU ARE THE PRIZE reminders. Life doesn’t work as well solo, so be honest and vulnerable with your tribe.
  • Remind yourself: I am beautiful. I am enough. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. These are the truths. When you’re already living in these truths, God can then build on them and give you even more truths.
  • Embrace your fears/desires. Can you see the desire under the fear? Can you remove the negative voices and judgment that are under the desire? Be gentle with the fear because it’s only protecting your desire.

Work to Worship

September 25, 2020 — Leave a comment

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself?’ Tell her to help me!’

‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed — or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’

Luke 10:38-42

Martha’s intentions are in the right place. Maybe her house was messy and she’s being a damn good host. She wanted to make her home hospitable for Jesus. Maybe she was prepping for all the other people who might come. She wanted to make sure everything was prepared so everyone felt comfortable. Someone needed to be on top of things! That someone was her! She was so focused on making the Lord and the place feel at home, she wasn’t at home herself.

What if God doesn’t need us to make him feel at home? What if he’s already at home and if we draw near, and that completes his welcome? What if he’s into the mess, and moreover, into inviting others into your mess? That’s our humanity, no? That’s what God needs from us: to show up and soak in his love when his presence is there. You will have so much more time to do things when he’s sent you out.

Don’t forget the why and who in the midst of your work. Then it becomes like work instead of worship. When you are feeling overwhelmed and anxious, how does it affect how you see other people’s anxiety or peace? Do you question why they are not equally anxious? How does another’s worship affect you? Does it make you bitter? Does it make you draw near? These are trying times and there is a lot of grief and anger in the air. There is a lot of work to be done. Let’s approach our work not from a place of anxiety but from a place of surrender. You’re enough. Your presence is enough. Feel that power and then your next steps will appear.

Reject Me Not

September 22, 2020 — Leave a comment

Then seizing [Jesus], they led him away and took him into the house of the high priest. Peter followed at a distance. And when some there had kindled a fire in the middle of the courtyard and had sat down together, Peter sat down with them. A servant girl saw him seated there in the firelight. She looked closely at him and said, ‘This man was with him.’

But he denied it. ‘Woman, I don’t know him,’ he said.

A little later someone else saw him and said, ‘You also are one of them.’

‘Man, I am not!’ Peter replied.

About an hour later another asserted, ‘Certainly this fellow was with him, for he is a Galilean.’

Peter replied, ‘Man, I don’t know what you’re talking about!’ Just as he was speaking, the rooster crowed. The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: ‘Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times.’ And he went outside and wept bitterly.

Luke 22:54-62

Why did Peter stick so close to the friend he kept rejecting? Why did Peter still stick around as he kept denying his affiliations with Jesus? Peter wanted to know what was going to happen to Jesus without experiencing the consequences himself. Peter still felt drawn to the Lord, but seeing what was happening to the Lord, felt it safer to keep a distance. How can we sometimes be so close to someone yet actually be so far away?

Regardless of his overt verbal rejections, Peter was already recognized and labelled as someone who knew Jesus. People saw him frolicking with Jesus. People knew Peter’s background. People knew that there was something between Peter and Jesus regardless of what he was saying in this fearful dark moment. I am both comforted and anxious about this . It gives me comfort because no matter how much I verbally reject God or distance myself from other Christians, I am and will forever be marked as a child of God. The experiences with God, the experiences of God and the experience of God with me are forever mine and continue to shape me. I may reject God in moments, but I am always his and he is mine. This also makes me anxious because no matter how much I try to run and hide, people may see and smell the Jesus on me. There’s a standard and a way of being that I feel an account. There’s a relationship that still takes up room in my heart. I always know when I am deviating from that standard and relationship.

People think much about the person who gets rejected, but there is a pain in being the person who rejects. Psychopaths aside, rejecting someone can come with it guilt, bitterness and brutal self-reflection. If you have been rejected, may God sit with you in that sorrow and wash away any notions of unworthiness. If you have rejected, may God sit with you in that sorrow as well and wash away the grip of guilt.