devotional

Lent Day 30: I give up Pressure

March 18, 2021 — Leave a comment

The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

Isaiah 58:11-12

I give up pressure. I give up the heavy expectations I put on myself that make disappointment more likely than possibility. I give up the pressure to be good. I give up the pressure to do it right. I give up the pressure to please everyone and make sure everyone is okay. I give up the pressure to be always growing upwards. Maybe growing involves three steps back for every 3.1 steps forward. I give up a pressure that keeps me scared and small. I embrace breathing into how I already have everything I need and that I already am everything I need, for this moment. The next moment will have enough worries of its own.

Lent Day 29: I give up Being Okay

March 17, 2021 — Leave a comment

Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter — when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

Isaiah 58:6-9

I give up being okay. I am not okay with injustice. I am not okay with hate. I am not okay with the lack of awareness. I am not okay with people who are going hungry. I am not okay with those who are suffering. I am not okay with justifying suffering. I am not okay with minimizing suffering. I am not okay with hate. I am not okay with hate. I am not okay that there are people suffering and feeling alone in their suffering. I am not okay with having to take care of your feelings while I’m navigating my feelings. I will never be okay with the things that were not meant to be and I pray that God will give me the patience, strength, kindness, mostly kindness and curiosity, to do something about all the things I find are not okay.

Lent Day 28: I give up Worst Case Scenarios

March 16, 2021 — Leave a comment

The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.

Isaiah 58:11

I give up living in the worst case scenario. Well, what do worst case scenarios reveal to me? That even if that did happen, I would still be fine? That I’ve put my identity and worth in the most trivial of things? I give up preemptively preparing for a crisis. I can trust that I am capable, that I am adaptive, that I will not be alone in handling anything that goes wrong. We have gone through a pandemic haven’t we? Breathe. Be in this moment. Who is leading? Can I feel spring?

Lent Day 27: I give up Woes when I have Wins

March 15, 2021 — Leave a comment

Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?

Isaiah 58:6

I give up my narrative of chains when my reality is freedom. I give up my narrative of lack when I am clearly living in abundance and choice. I give up coloring my life with woes when the evidence around me are wins. I give up the safety of saying I have little for fear of being judged or worst, for fear of having to share more. I have much and it is detrimental to not take ownership of that. Is it fear? Is it habit? Is it a way to hide? Is it a warped way to actually still live in scarcity and hoarding culture? God teach me how to live with both my feet in the same story. God teach me how to hold little and much equally loose. Whether I have riches like Solomon or two coins like the old woman in the Gospels, may I use it all to the best of my ability to expand love and community.

Lent Day 26: I give up Feeling like an Imposter

March 14, 2021 — Leave a comment

If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.

Isaiah 58:9-11

I give up feeling like an imposter. I embrace the opportunities that prove I have room to grow. I give up feeling unqualified. I embrace the risk of failure knowing in retrospective this will be a good learning moment. I give up feeling that I’ll be found out. If I live with integrity and from vulnerability and honesty, my character will stand. I give up giving others the power to make me feel smaller. That’s on me. Those are my projections. That would be self-fulfilling. When I feel out of place, because that will happen often in life, I pray that I don’t shrink and shut down, and instead remember I belong here, too.

Lent Day 24: I give up Clinging

March 12, 2021 — Leave a comment

The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and you will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

Isaiah 58:11-12

I give up clinging. I give up the reality of living in a cave, protective and in the dark. I want to be a garden, a delight and a gift for others as well. I want my health to be enjoyed by those around me. I want to share my joy, share my healing, share my journey, share myself with those who step into our shared spaces. I give up gripping and clinging. I want to flow like the rivers in the garden. I want to bloom like the flowers. I want to be, without a need to impress or a need to show off — just as I am is beautiful.

Lent Day 23: I give up the Talk of Gratitude

March 11, 2021 — Leave a comment

If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday.

Isaiah 58:9-10

I give up the talk of gratitude, and instead, walk the life of gratitude. I give up saying I’m grateful because I feel obligated to say it. I give up declaring my gratitude because I’m afraid of what people think. I give up prefacing all my conversations with I’m grateful, without sharing the heartache and other areas I’m trying to work through as well. I give up lessening my desires and hiding my dissatisfaction for fear of being seen as ungrateful. Instead of making it plain in words, I want to live like I know each moment and each human is precious. I want to live like I have been given so much, time, money and energy wise. I want to live from having, being enough and still want more without guilt. I want my joy, my generosity, my care for others to be proof of my gratitude, even if I don’t say, I’m grateful.

Lent Day 22: I give up Neglecting my Body

March 11, 2021 — 1 Comment

The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls; Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

Isaiah 58:11-13

I give up neglecting the needs of my body. I give up neglecting the messages from my body. I give up lashing my body for how it feels and what it needs. I want to listen better to my body. I want to befriend my body. I want to be really good, kind friends with my body. I want give my body the space and permission it needs to feel heard and taken care of. I give my body the space it needs to hurt, to heal, to laugh, to cry, to give, to need, to be, to be, to be!

Lent Day 21: I give up Unworthiness

March 9, 2021 — Leave a comment

Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and to break every yoke?

Isaiah 58:6

I give up discarding the freedom God has already granted me. I give up hiding in the former ways because it feels more familiar. I give up putting on the coat of unworthiness when God has claimed me as worthy. I give up re-chaining what God has set loose. I give up going my way when God has planted me in their way. I pray I stand and live and soak and bask and enjoy and celebrate the body and space I now stand in, truly stand in according to God’s love and promises.

Lent Day 20: I give up Human Relations Tactics

March 8, 2021 — 1 Comment

You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

Isaiah 58:11-12

I give up trying to impress everyone. I give up trying to play the game of being the friendliest in the room. I give up the tactics of networking and commodifying human relationships. I want to connect, the way that feels kind and true in my body. I want to see people. I want to know people. I want to be a spring, a well that isn’t obsessed with doing the connections, but is flowing connection vibes from the inside. Make me this sort of people attracter, keeper, holder, builder.