devotional

Lent Day 19: I give up Disconnection

March 7, 2021 — Leave a comment

The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

Isaiah 58:11-12

I give up curating a community that makes me feel comfortable. I give up curating a community that makes me feel unchallenged and right. I give up curating a community of relationships that cater to my needs. I give up writing people off because of my initial reactions and hurt. I give up unforgiveness because it makes my life less complicated. I ask for a grace and understanding that springs from an immense love for all humanity. I ask for an undying hope in humanity. I ask for new eyes to see those who have hurt me as those who are hurting or have been hurt. I ask to be refreshed and renewed so that I will be a well-watered garden for all to find rest and joy.

Lent Day 18: I give up Being Responsible for Another’s Behavior

March 6, 2021 — Leave a comment

Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

Isaiah 58:8-9

I give up trying to fix other people. I give up trying to control the outcome. I am responsible for my own behavior, my own thoughts, my responses and my own growth. I am accountable for my behavior, my responses and the harm I inflict. This I can focus on. This I can be brave in changing. This I can face head on. I can be kind. I can be vulnerable. I can apologize when I have done wrong. I can work towards being better, healthier and more helpful. That’s it. That is it. Lord have mercy.

Lent Day 17: I give up One Foot In Generosity

March 5, 2021 — 1 Comment

Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untied the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter–when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not turn away from your own flesh and blood?

Isaiah 58:6-7

I give up half-ass generosity. I give up generosity with a caveat. I give up generosity with one foot in my expectations for a return. I give up generosity that is calculated. I give up generosity that is rational. I give up generosity that is wishy washy. I want to live in a generosity that makes me a second nervous about my own comfort. I want to live in a generosity that doesn’t require me to be seen by people, and definitely makes me need to be seen by God. That kind of overwhelming shit-should-I-I-need-to-right? generosity. Open my heart. Open my wallet. Open my schedule. Open my hands to hold others. Test me God!

Lent Day 16: I give up Malicious Talk

March 4, 2021 — 1 Comment

If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday.

Isaiah 58:9-10

I give up the kind of speaking that separates and disconnects me from others. I give up the kind of speaking that divides. I give up the kind of talk that I regret. I give up speaking ill of others. I give up gossip. I give up the desire to know the inside scoop so it gives me a feeling of belonging, even though I know it’s only poison for true connection. I give up speaking from a place of resentment and bitterness. Oh, God, I ask for a breath and a moment before I stick my foot in my mouth. I forgive myself for all the times I have not lived with this kind of integrity and value. I forgive myself for not doing this perfectly. I give into doing better with my mouth, which means cultivating a healthier and more open heart within.

Lent Day 15: I give up Even the Good Things

March 3, 2021 — Leave a comment

You cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high. Is this the kind of fast I have chosen, only a day for people to humble themselves? Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed and for lying in sackcloth and ashes? Is that what you call a fast, a day acceptable to the Lord? Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untied the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?

Isaiah 58:5-6

I give up picking and choosing what to surrender to God. I give up keeping certain burdens and concerns for myself. I give up controlling which chains I’m willing to break and which I’m willing to stay in. It’s an all or nothing endeavor — this sort of dreaming, fasting and trusting of God. You either jump into the ocean or stand on your own shaky foundation. You either live a lifestyle for freedom and against oppression or live in a way that doesn’t include everyone, everything. This sort of brave and faithful living requires laying even our good things and the things we have found comfort in for too long, on the altar. This is the only way to make room for what God has had in store for us all along.

Lent Day 14: I give up Gatekeeping My Joy

March 2, 2021 — Leave a comment

The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.

Isaiah 58:11

I give up boxing in and holding down my joy in anticipation of disappointment. I give up lessening my joy for fear of losing it. I give up holding in my joy for fear of it being taken away. Let us revel in joy not to get the spotlight, but to share the spotlight, and to be a reminder that goodness and hope prevail even if in this moment they seem faint. I give up squashing celebration. I give up partying small. I give up gatekeeping my joy when it can be an encouragement.

Lent Day 13: I give up Unhelpful Comparison

March 1, 2021 — Leave a comment

Then YOUR light will break forth like the dawn, and YOUR healing will quickly appear; then YOUR righteousness will go before YOU, and the glory of the Lord will be YOUR read guard. Then YOU will call, and the Lord will answer; YOU will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

Isaiah 58:8-9

I give up comparing my path with the path of those who inspire me, in such a way that makes me despair. I give up comparing my path with the path of those who irk me, in such a way that makes me arrogant. I give up comparing my insecurities with their confidence, in such a way that makes me only think, my path is hard. I give up comparing my confidence with their insecurities, in such a way that expects people to change on my timeline. I give up the noise that tries to steal my joy and tries to make my victories seem insignificant. My path is significant, complicated and glorious, and I see that most clearly when I focus on the hope that has carried me to this present moment.

Lent Day 12: I give up Playing Small

March 1, 2021 — 1 Comment

The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.

Isaiah 58:11

I give up playing small. I give up standing in the back afraid to take up too much space. I give up dimming my own light in some wicked “false humility” stance. I trust that if I am given strength, it is to make those around me strong as well. If I have been given any wisdom, it is to be an example and a guide for those around me. If I have been filled and satisfied, it is because I have the ability and opportunity to do the same for those around me. We are made to be well-watered gardens, both beautiful and full in itself, and a gift for others to experience. My God is too big for me to play small.

Lent Day 11: I give up Nonstop Work

February 27, 2021 — 1 Comment

If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the Lord’s holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, then you will find your joy in the Lord, and I will cause you to ride in triumph heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob. For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

Isaiah 58:13-14

I give up working as if when I stop, the world stops. I give into rest when I need to rest. I give up doing more, just so I feel like I’m doing something. I give into admiring how far I’ve come. I give up the fear of stopping. I delight in the moments of joy and rest and abundance. I give up withholding my enthusiasm and my joy. The other dips and the other sorrows will have their moment, and for now, I will bravely laugh too loud and smile too big. Rejoice when you can rejoice. Mourning will come. New mornings will also come.

Lent Day 10: I give up Pointing Fingers

February 26, 2021 — 1 Comment

Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife, and in striking each other with wicked fists. You cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high. Is this the kind of fast I have chosen, only a day for people to humble themselves? Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed and for lying in sackcloth and ashes? Is that what you call a fast, a day acceptable to the Lord? Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the chains of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?

Isaiah 58:3-6

I give up thinking fault can only be found on the outside and in others. Where am I culpable? Where am I responsible for the quarreling and strife? I give up pointing fingers just so I can have some semblance of “control” in directing my anger somewhere. How can I be brave in looking in and seeing where I can choose better, listen better and respond better? I give up thinking the solutions are out there when big systems change and circumstances shifts. What if the progress is in my process? What if I have more agency than I feel comfortable admitting? What if I’m just as much at fault and just as much in power? If my worth and my relevance are not wrapped up in how stable I am, will I let go more and give into what needs to change?