dreams

Lent Day 38: I give up the Shame around Being Too Much

March 26, 2021 — Leave a comment

Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter — when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

Isaiah 58:6-9

I give up the shame around feeling like I’m too much. I do have big wants. I do have big dreams. I have high hopes for our humanity. I imagine heaven is possible. I believe that hope is possible. I believe that healing is possible. My strength lies in my ability to still want so much and believe too much when there exists the high and painful risk of disappointment. I never want to lose that ability to dream and imagine. I want that to be my guide. I want to hold in my heart the possibility of Revelation 21 and the reality of the Garden of Eden. There is beauty. There is hope. There is togetherness. There is a nakedness that is welcomed and loved. I pray that I allow for these things that make me bright and big.

Lent Day 37: I give up Feeling Responsible for it All

March 25, 2021 — Leave a comment

Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I. If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like noonday. The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

Isaiah 58:9-12

I give up Feeling responsible for things I cannot control and things that are not on my plate. I give up the Burdens I have personally laid on my shoulders, that no one wants me to hold up. I give up the Yoke I’ve chained to myself so I can keep my head down and my body heavy. God give me faith to lay it all down at your feet, my fears, my burdens, my desires, my dreams – knowing they are in good hands. I can trust my important and unique place in this world and in my community without walking around like its fate lies on me.

Dream Away

January 5, 2021 — Leave a comment

And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, ‘If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.’ Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from suffering. At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, ‘Who touched my clothes?’ ‘You see people crowding against you,’ his disciples answered, ‘and yet you can ask, ‘Who touched me?” But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. He said to her, ‘Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.’

Mark 5:25-34

Focus more on your desire than on your doubt, and the dream will take care of itself.

Mark Twain

This passage is short. It can be easy to dismiss it quickly as just another miracle of Jesus. However if we step into this woman’s life and really see the impact of her actions, we would see how this woman led her life with hope. This woman had spent over a decade in pain. She spent over a decade looking for solutions, that all failed, that made her situation worse. She spent over a decade in isolation because in Jewish culture, bleeding woman had to be separated because they were considered dirty. She spent over a decade being identified as dirty, diseased, incurable, sick…Those are probably the kinder words used to describe her. If anyone should have given hope it should have been her. If anyone should say FUCK YOU WORLD, it should have been her. Yet her desire to be healed, her dream of being healed stayed in her all these years and she continued to follow that impulse. Some days maybe it was a flicker. Some days maybe it was a beaming light. Some days maybe the hope seemed to disappear. Yet when Jesus, potentially another ‘faith healer’, another dude who said, ‘I’m different, trust me, I can make your life different’, came to town, she went. She leapt and lead with her hope. It wasn’t even in spite of doubt. It was in spite of years of tangible proof of failure and zero results. But still she chose her dream over her doubt. She chose to believe in hope.

Someone who has been through the trenches and still leads in hope is outrageous to the world. This woman was outrageous in her dreams. She didn’t give a F about how people were going to see her. She came out into public and revealed herself, broke the “traditions” of isolation. She exposed herself. She shared her pain and need before the public that probably judged her prior and still in that moment. When Jesus asked, she spilled out her truth because she could not deny that she was living in a miracle. This woman was double healed. There is the healing and a double portion when she shared it. Her healing and power, and place in history were secure when she boldly admitted to her story.

I pray that we lead with hope, even when it feels outrageous. I pray that we feed out dreams and desires, the parts of us that bring pleasure and joy. I pray that we own our stories of pain and healing. I pray that when we see the power of God, we jump at it, to grab a piece for ourselves because it will only make our stories that much more miraculous and impactful for others watching & listening.

Day 13: Let go & hold on

December 29, 2018 — Leave a comment

Genesis 41-42; Psalm 13

Surrender the timing. Surrender the narrow ideas of how things must pan out. Surrender a need to know exactly why you are where you are. Surrender a complete knowing. Surrender the things that are out of your control. Surrender your idea of what being enough looks like.

Own your gifts and talents. Learn from your shortcomings. Be quick to apologize and be quick to acknowledge you can do better. Be eager to help others regardless of who they are. Ask for clarity and ask for signs. Cry out when you hurt. Cry out in vulnerability. Be honest about your longings but don’t grow bitter when the longing doesn’t manifest. Maybe it’s not yet. If it’s a good desire, it’s certainly a not yet.

God uses each of us specifically. Take an inventory of who you’re surrounded by, what gifts you have, where you’re rooted, what you’re passionate about and how you hold onto hope right now. God uses the open and available.