forgiveness

CBG: Good Friday

April 10, 2020 — 1 Comment

And when they had sung a hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives. Then Jesus said to them, “You will all fall away because of me this night. For it is written, “I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered. But after I am raised up, I will go before you to Galilee.” Peter answered him, “Though they all fall away because of you, I will never fall away.” Jesus said to him, “Truly, I tell you, this very night, before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times.” Peter said to him, “Even if I must die with you, I will not deny you!” And all the disciples said the same.

Matthew 26:30-35

Prayer: You knew. You knew and you still chose to sing. You knew what was to come and still you were patient. You knew we were going to betray you and still you were kind. You knew the pain and sorrow and heartbreak of this world and still you chose to enter into it, know it so you can know us. You knew that you would be rejected. You knew you were going to be wronged, humiliated, misunderstood, forgotten, abandoned, killed. You carried your own death and our death on your back as each step was unbearably hard. You knew. I wish all I had in my heart was 100 percent faith and gratitude. I wish I had the level of patience, love and kindness that you showed me. I wish I wouldn’t hurt when I’m hurt. I wish I wouldn’t reject when I felt scared. I wish I wouldn’t deny your love and presence when I feel like it doesn’t even matter. Yet you still went and you forgive and you hold me still, and love me still. You know me. And I lay before you all the parts of me that you want to nail on the cross. Quiet my need for you to speak loudly. Grow my faith that you are right here, in me, saying, “I know. I know. And I’m with you to the end.”

Creative: Nail to the cross the thing(s) causing you fear and resentment.

Brave: “Sit” with someone in despair without fixing them.

Generous: Is there a relationship needing forgiveness? Can you give it?

CBG COVID Challenge: #1

March 21, 2020 — Leave a comment

It is natural and normal to paint the current situation as grim. It is. And it can feel insensitive and fake to simply find the silver lining or to focus on the positive. We as children of God DO NOT and SHOULD NOT do that because God does not silver line or simply zoom past reality to eventual heaven. If anyone and anything exemplifies how to “get through crisis,” it was Jesus f’ng Christ. He lived through humanity aka crisis and pain and hurt. He was with humanity. So as Christians we must set an example of how to live through reality while focusing on the goal and treasure we have already gained. This is our special time to overtly balance things that seem incongruent — here and not yet; fully clean yet needs sanctification; saints and sinners. What would it look like for us to be the truest church today, a church that makes others know and feel, we may be human form but we are Spirit guided.

As I was meditating on what the current situation feels like — anxiety, fear, depression, anger, sorrow, joy, gratitude, the movie Inside Out — I landed on this scripture which I think can be a way in to how we will get through.

For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?

Matthew 16:26

When we have the world, it’s easy to meditate on that scripture and tell ourselves — yes don’t be hoarding, don’t be selfish, meditate on God. We were focused on and we had the world, and we didn’t know it. Until now, when it really feels like we have lost the world. We have. We have lost our plans, our community, our money, our jobs, our hugs, life as we know it. So, now that the world is upside down, I’m going to flip this scripture.

For what will it profit a man if he gains his soul and forfeits the whole world?

That, children of God, is what we have. We have gained our soul and we have lost our world. This special time we have is a time for us to one, meditate and live into what it means to “gain our soul” and two, acknowledge and work through a reality of “forfeiting the world.” Can we do this? Can we do the hard work to shift and mold our character and soul while being real humans about our loss? I think by the Holy Spirit we can and we must!

Not sure if it’s Warren Buffet or Benjamin Graham, one of these old wealthy rich dudes, said to do something creative, brave and generous every day. Through these three categories I hope to make tangible the posture of Matthew 16:26. I also want to share a daily prayer posture. I hope this reset and reframe God has put on humanity will lead to a kinder, more vulnerable, and more overtly interdependent world. We need each other and each other is the funnest way through. Virtually, of course. STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE!

Prayer: Grief. Be real and honest with God with loss you are experiencing and you see the world around you experiencing. Give it to God, hardcore lay it on God. Take a breath and let God really respond however God does.

Creative: Dance and jam to a song. YAS queen.

Brave: Who can you forgive?

Generous: Pray for someone who annoys you.

George Saunders – Failures of kindness

July 28, 2019 — Leave a comment

What I regret most in my life are failures of kindness.

It’s hard to put kindness in a box, yet when you’re in the presence of it, you feel it. Some people are naturally kind — what is it? This generosity of spirit? The authenticity of presence? This lack of sauntering their own ego? Their insistence on others’ well-being? All that is part of it. It’s hard to define kindness, yet when you experience it, it transforms you. You too want to be kinder. You feel a little lighter. You feel more capable of being you, nothing more. Being open to kindness is hard because it breaks your insecurities and propensity for evil down. Being open to kindness begins a journey of our own lack towards our true worth. I want to open to kindness. I am open to kindness. It’s my first openness to it that can lead me to my own kindness to others. We love because God first loved us. I am loved. I am love. I can love. I choose to love. I am kind. I choose to be kind. Let us experience heaven here.

Day 38: Strangers & Sojourners

January 23, 2019 — 1 Comment

Leviticus 24-25; Psalm 38

If we lose sight of the heart of God for his people in reading his commandments, we will be offended and disgusted by God. God goes on and on and on about what? Justice. Redemption. Generosity. The interdependence of humanity. If we hold to our dependence on each other, and love each other as we love ourselves (when we have self-love) would it not cover all these relational commandments? If we love, would we not cheat our brother? If we love, would we not cheat on our sister? If we love, would we not ask and give forgiveness? If we love would we not split our piece of toast so that everyone can have a bite? If we love ourselves, would we not harm it? If we love ourselves, would we grow awareness of how our bodies speak to us? If we love, would we not essentially live the commandments of God? God’s commandments seem nit picky and at times weird. When people say love has no borders, it means that we love each person as if we really see their divine created-ness. But love has boundaries. We don’t condone adultery or injustice or greed or bitterness or harm. If we don’t have these boundaries, how do we know what sacrificial love look like? Love has no borders but is rooted by boundaries.

I love that God reminds us that we are strangers and sojourners with God. This means that no matter where we go, we are known and loved and found. No matter where we go, we are home when we are with God. A sojourner with God — a brave faithful adventurer that has eyes on the horizon! A stranger with God — a curious, open member of society ready to connect not for worth but because of divine worth.

Day 35: Kick me when I’m down

January 20, 2019 — Leave a comment

Leviticus 16-18; Psalm 35

After Aaron LOST his sons, God asks him to APOLOGIZE AND ATONE. Let’s be real. At first blush, I’m thinking God is being a real asshole. Who’s with me? This guy just LOST his sons and you want to kick him while he’s down? Have you ever felt that? When you’re down and upset and not sure what the hell went wrong and how you got here.. and then in that moment you’re told You’re wrong and it’s your fault? But… are there times when our sorrow is our fault? Our sorrow is because of our own misbehavior and our own impulsiveness? Does it mean our sorrow doesn’t count? HELL NO! You are sad and you go cry and eat ice cream and have a drink. Be sad. It’s the not being sad that makes you bitter and wallow. But… you might also have been at fault. Maybe your past and your experiences pushed you to be mean or rude or awful? It doesn’t excuse what you did, but it puts it in context. We all exist in context. People act out of emotions that are entrenched from experiences. Those experiences create a deep belief system. So sometimes we may be at fault for a wrongdoing; it doesn’t take away from our worth. Maybe it’s our ego that stops us from owning up. Maybe it’s our ego that stops us from really understanding where we come from, what has made us who we are, what has closed us off and pushed us away from others. Not speaking from experience…

I am one with high walls and I shut down on a dime. And it has hurt many people who love me. I can be cold and short because I’m hurt, but even if I’m hurt, I’m not supposed to hurt those around me. My past experiences of being neglected and emotionally shut down don’t excuse my wrongdoing but it means if I want to address my wrongdoing, I need to re-narrate how I’ve interpreted my experience. It’s a work in progress that requires continual forgiveness, humility and grace.

Day 14: Pointing to a way doper Joseph: J. Christ!

December 30, 2018 — Leave a comment

Genesis 43-45; Psalm 14

What it must have taken for Joseph to not only forgive his brothers, but to embrace them with such compassion? He moved from mere forgiveness to generous and open grace. He no longer blamed his brothers but rather saw his situation as part of God’s plans. He was vulnerable in his weeping. He didn’t forget what happened to him; he put it in context with where he is right now.

The brothers didn’t do anything but be honest. They received what they did not deserve. It was a situation and a gift too big they could not understand.

I mean this is essentially the gospel. God loves us not with just enough, but overwhelms us with unimaginable love. He doesn’t hold what we used to be against us, even though he could reaccount every last detail. Instead he rejoices at where we are in the present. We do not need to do anything, but be honest and vulnerable with where we are at and accept the love. Accepting the love is accepting that God really truly loves us to the moon and back and back again, and his greatest act of that was showing us Jesus. We are human and we needed an example, a way to see that made sense to us. Well, his death and resurrection doesn’t fully make sense because it’s both so horrific and so open. But in his life, death and rebirth, can we see the depths someone would go to affirm they love us? Can we see the non-obligatory love? Can we see an utter forgiveness, acceptance, compassion and relentless hope? Yes Jesus!