generosity

Lent Day 27: I give up Woes when I have Wins

March 15, 2021 — Leave a comment

Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?

Isaiah 58:6

I give up my narrative of chains when my reality is freedom. I give up my narrative of lack when I am clearly living in abundance and choice. I give up coloring my life with woes when the evidence around me are wins. I give up the safety of saying I have little for fear of being judged or worst, for fear of having to share more. I have much and it is detrimental to not take ownership of that. Is it fear? Is it habit? Is it a way to hide? Is it a warped way to actually still live in scarcity and hoarding culture? God teach me how to live with both my feet in the same story. God teach me how to hold little and much equally loose. Whether I have riches like Solomon or two coins like the old woman in the Gospels, may I use it all to the best of my ability to expand love and community.

Lent Day 24: I give up Clinging

March 12, 2021 — Leave a comment

The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and you will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

Isaiah 58:11-12

I give up clinging. I give up the reality of living in a cave, protective and in the dark. I want to be a garden, a delight and a gift for others as well. I want my health to be enjoyed by those around me. I want to share my joy, share my healing, share my journey, share myself with those who step into our shared spaces. I give up gripping and clinging. I want to flow like the rivers in the garden. I want to bloom like the flowers. I want to be, without a need to impress or a need to show off — just as I am is beautiful.

Lent Day 23: I give up the Talk of Gratitude

March 11, 2021 — Leave a comment

If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday.

Isaiah 58:9-10

I give up the talk of gratitude, and instead, walk the life of gratitude. I give up saying I’m grateful because I feel obligated to say it. I give up declaring my gratitude because I’m afraid of what people think. I give up prefacing all my conversations with I’m grateful, without sharing the heartache and other areas I’m trying to work through as well. I give up lessening my desires and hiding my dissatisfaction for fear of being seen as ungrateful. Instead of making it plain in words, I want to live like I know each moment and each human is precious. I want to live like I have been given so much, time, money and energy wise. I want to live from having, being enough and still want more without guilt. I want my joy, my generosity, my care for others to be proof of my gratitude, even if I don’t say, I’m grateful.

Lent Day 17: I give up One Foot In Generosity

March 5, 2021 — 1 Comment

Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untied the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter–when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not turn away from your own flesh and blood?

Isaiah 58:6-7

I give up half-ass generosity. I give up generosity with a caveat. I give up generosity with one foot in my expectations for a return. I give up generosity that is calculated. I give up generosity that is rational. I give up generosity that is wishy washy. I want to live in a generosity that makes me a second nervous about my own comfort. I want to live in a generosity that doesn’t require me to be seen by people, and definitely makes me need to be seen by God. That kind of overwhelming shit-should-I-I-need-to-right? generosity. Open my heart. Open my wallet. Open my schedule. Open my hands to hold others. Test me God!

Lent Day 4: I give up Scarcity

February 20, 2021 — Leave a comment

Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter — when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

Isaiah 58:6-7

I give up scarcity. I give up hoarding for fear of running out. I give up withholding when I can give. I give up thinking that if another gets, it takes from me. I give up these ideas rooted in white supremacy, that there are only so many seats at the table. I give up seeing flesh and blood, my neighbor, the person in front of me, as separate from me. I lean into faith by giving just a little. I lean into faith by giving a little more than I feel comfortable doing, aware that even if I give too much, it will come back. God always provides. I lean into giving knowing that there is enough to share. I lean into Jesus’ miracle of the 5 loaves and 2 fish. I lean into Jesus’ witness of the women who gave all her 2 coins. I lean into giving it my all. I lean into knowing the reward comes back in the moment and in the future. Generosity is seeing flesh and blood as my lucky responsibility and that I do have the means to make another feel seen, loved and important. Abundance is knowing without a doubt that generosity is integral not only for others who are hurting and lacking, but also for my well-being.

CBG: Meek

June 24, 2020 — Leave a comment

And [Jesus] opened his mouth and taught them, saying:
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Matthew 5:2-5

Meek. Who do you see when you envision someone who is meek?

In a capitalistic, patriarchal, white supremacist world, meek isn’t the quality taught to those who want to succeed. Meek gets overpowered. Meek falls to the background. Meek isn’t heard or seen. Meek doesn’t interject. Meek doesn’t shout. Meek isn’t recognized on social media or seeks to go viral. Meek doesn’t vie with its competitors.

Because meek isn’t in competition to be more seen or to get head. Meek roots in worth and visibility. Meek works from the inside. Meek speaks when needed and that clear, wise softness cuts through the jargon and noise. Meek doesn’t need to prove their worth in crowds doing that because the crowd wouldn’t even understand. Meek is on its own race, center and purpose. Meek sees the results and product oriented attitude in capitalism as trivial and creates instead things that feed the soul. Meek sees the fear and ego built into patriarchy and feeds itself love and faith instead. Meek calls out the self-hatred and false set of rules in white supremacy, so lives life from possibility and presence. THIS is the earth they get to live in, and those who know, know.

Prayer: God help me to be fully present to all beings and to see their infinite possibility. Help me to create to expand and to give, and not to horde or lord over others. Help me to love and take risks rather than self-protect.

Where in your life would it be radical to be meek?

CBG: Sacrificial Love 2

June 2, 2020 — Leave a comment

Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you every thing.’ And out of pity for him, the mater of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from you heart.’

Matthew 18:23-35

This servant owed ten thousand talents. He was in the dumps. Every moment of his life is fogged by this heavy debt. His punishment for non-payment is slavery for his family. Because of his plea, the master forgave everything. The master didn’t give him a deferral or a payment plant. The master wiped the servant of ALL his debt and restored to him freedom and lightness.

This servant, in his freedom, in his newfound power and lightness, sees an opportunity to take advantage and make another person feel what he used to feel. He wants to amplify the power he just received. He wants to hold onto that top position by having someone under him, owe him, be humiliated by him. He used his newfound freedom and power to do the one thing he begged not to happen to him.

His experience of grace and abundance could not penetrate his deepest layer of fear and lack. He was forgiven. He was given the biggest proof that he would be taken care of, that he had the KINDEST MASTER but that was not enough. He still needed his own tangible security, a tangible feel of his power. How often do we experience such grace and abundance yet still listen to our fears and lacks? How often do we get an unexpected provision yet can’t spare a few dollars to a neighbor who needs a meal? How often have you experienced that lightness and freedom from God because you are beloved and that will never change, yet can’t stand someone in our own homes?

I’m guilty of this. It’s a lifelong practice to remember all we have, all we have been given, all the privileges and power we have, and from that lean towards forgiveness, generosity and kindness for others. The person might not deserve it, probably doesn’t! Neither did you. Neither did I. It’s easy to see parables like this and dismiss it as something we won’t do because it’s SO extreme. It’s not in the extremes that pain roots. It’s in the every day choices and words that slowly layer into merciless and hardened hearts. May we hold our power and privilege in ways that reflect God’s character.

Prayer: God help me practice in my daily words and actions a generosity and forgiveness, an unrelenting hope that reflects the truth of my belovedness.

Who can you forgive today even though they don’t deserve it?

CBG: Humility

April 28, 2020 — Leave a comment

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interest of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not county equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

Philippians 2:1-8

On those fuck the world days, this passage is irritating and feels overindulgent, a passage meant only for those with no worries and so much #SoBlessed. On days when I’m not incessantly fending off lies about my worth and instead feel a softness in my heart to receive wisdom from above, this passage carries an impossible task written for a fairy-tale world, and I live in a real, real-messy land.

What is it about humility that offends our nature? Why is it so preached yet rarely ever experienced? Yet the greatest leaders among us are usually marked with this coveted trait.

It’s a long-enduring work-in-progress character journey that involves ever-evolving antagonists and obstacles. Humility wins don’t come with fanfare and victory marches. It’s a surrender of power. It’s a choosing of an inner power over an outward display. Humility is often misjudged by those who are wrapped up in their own egos, (which is most of us). Others’ projections can make us feel that humility is insignificant, even laughable. Humility is always uncomfortable and vulnerable. It makes another feel space and power, and that can be risky for our space and power. If humility comes with such grueling work, why pursue it?

It pulls you more into a centeredness that makes you firm in all circumstances. It grows your empathy to see all as part of the same humanity. It focuses you on your calling, your purposes. It gives you greater access to forgiveness and awareness of judgement. Its presence, even if you are not aware of it, and usually you shouldn’t be, transforms those around you. It is the ultimate display of immovable power and identity.

Prayer: Only by your grace and Spirit can I even inch into this kind of character and living. Help me to surrender where I sense helplessness. Help me to encourage where my words can soothe. Help me to step back where I do not belong. Help me God.

Creative: Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interest of others. — Make a list of both and compare.

Brave: emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant — Where can you surrender status?

Generous: complete my joy by being of the same mind — Who needs you to remind them they are not alone?

CBG: Signs

April 22, 2020 — Leave a comment

The Pharisees came and began to argue with [Jesus,] seeking from him a sign from heaven to test him. And he sighed deeply in his spirit and said, “Why does this generation seek a sign? Truly, I say to you, no signs will be given to this generation. And he left them, got into the boat again, and went to the other side.

Mark 8:11-13

The Pharisees demand a sign from heaven.

Right before this, Jesus healed a man with an unclean spirit, healed the sick or oppressed by demons, healed a leaper, healed a paralytic, convinced a tax collector to join his group, healed a man with a withered hand, calms a storm, heals another man with a demon, heals more sick folk, fed 5000+, walked on water and healed more of the sick.

What sign from heaven do the Pharisees still need? How are they defining sign from heaven when right before them are miracles, transformations and stories?

When your heart is hard and when you only come on the offense, there is no miracle/sign/transformation that will penetrate. When you reject the ultimate sign – Jesus – THE sign from heaven – what is left to give you? The demand of another sign is but a defense, a rejection of reality, a refusal to see that you already have everything you need for the proof you’re asking for.

Where are we demanding signs out of fear and out of protection? Where are we demanding signs to test God when God’s presence is the ultimate sign? But thankfully for us, even in our demands, our doubts and our testing, God will not get on a boat and leave us. He will never leave us or forsake us.

Prayer: God where am I demanding you to show up. How are you already there? God where is my heart hard? God I need you to soften those parts. God where am I being stubborn and unwilling. God gently shake me. God what miracles and signs have happened already that I haven’t focused on? Remind me of them.

Creative: Write down questions you have for God. Be specific. Be bold.

Brave: Who can you invite into these questions? Can you do that today?

Generosity: What have you been unwilling to do because you’ve thought about your own comfort first? That’s fine! If you can shift the focus of comfort, what is your next step?

CBG: Calling

April 18, 2020 — Leave a comment

Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep. Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.” This he said to show by what kind of death he was to glorify God. And after saying this he said to him, “Follow me.” Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following him, the one who also had leaned back against him during the supper and had said, “Lord, who is it that is going to betray you?” When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord what about this man?” Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!”

John 21:17-22

After sitting with the pain and shame of rejecting Jesus, Peter was gently and patiently pulled back in. This is probably Peter’s rawest, most vulnerable moment. He knows his own weaknesses and experienced the gap between what he wants to do and what he does. And here is beckoned by Jesus. Jesus doesn’t recount Peter’s fall. Jesus doesn’t do that sort of nasty human judging. Jesus doesn’t need to show that he was right. Jesus moves in a way so that Peter, the wrongdoer, can heal. Damn.

In that soft quiet intimacy, Jesus tells Peter his greatest calling: Peter will live and die just like Jesus! Peter will truly lay it all down, till the end, for the one he loves. I wonder how he felt learning his fate. Fear? Inadequacy? Regret? What times in your life have you felt the certainty of God’s calling on your life? You could feel the closeness of Jesus, the stirring of the Spirit and the declaration of God. You were too unarmored to defend yourself from the wave of truth. It’s pretty scary to experience God like that, especially when he puts a seemingly impossibly task in front of you. Callings don’t always feel like soft marshmallows and look like joyful rainbows. How do we respond when we receive something so profound it freaks us out?! Do we redirect the focus out and onto others? What about them? What about that? Can we instead sit with our God-given unique path, recognize it can only happen with the Spirit’s guidance and then take one step forward? It’s all one step at a time.

Prayer: Pray your desires, unabashedly. Listen to what God has in response. Are fears that arise human-driven or God-given? Pray for a sensitivity to the Spirit in your feelings, your energy, your relationships, the Word.

Creative: Look back at a text/book that has inspired you in the past.

Brave: What have you wanted to ask for but have been afraid to voice? Can you do it today?

Generous: Do something sweet for a family member!