when my heart feels stacked with lamentations, i reach for the salve of your psalms, the refuge and the mirror, i have permission once again to demand and expect revelations and proverbs that crack me, the parables can transform to new meanings once again, the good news can penetrate the spaces in me no letter no song no commandment can reach, in the beginning and till the end it is your quiet hovering spirit that lit up the dark
inspiration
Lent Day 12: I give up Playing Small
The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.
Isaiah 58:11
I give up playing small. I give up standing in the back afraid to take up too much space. I give up dimming my own light in some wicked “false humility” stance. I trust that if I am given strength, it is to make those around me strong as well. If I have been given any wisdom, it is to be an example and a guide for those around me. If I have been filled and satisfied, it is because I have the ability and opportunity to do the same for those around me. We are made to be well-watered gardens, both beautiful and full in itself, and a gift for others to experience. My God is too big for me to play small.
Lent Day 8: I give up Duplicity
And if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.
Isaiah 58:10-11
I give up duplicity, saying I live in behalf of the oppressed, yet desiring the lifestyle of the oppressors. I give up believing that the treasure and the light are in the high and mighty and beautiful social-media liked platforms. I give up looking for satisfaction in my oppressors — those who don’t see me, those who don’t believe in me, those who are not making a way for my freedom. I give up, I let go, I will work till my dying breath, to not be an oppressor. I choose to see people. I choose to believe in the humanity and goodness of others. I choose to make liberation available for all. I want to believe that the land I’m in right now, this sun-scorched land where I feel beaten and weak and so close to need, is exactly where God will do the mightiest work.
Lent Day 7: I give up Half-Ass Change
Is this the kind of fast I have chosen, only a day for people to humble themselves? Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed and for lying in sackcloth and ashes? Is that what you call a fast, a day acceptable to the Lord?
Isaiah 58:5
I give up management strategies. I give up tacking on more To Do’s and Best Practices to live my Best Life. I give up the never-ending search for self-improvement. I give up the kind of change that exists mostly on the outside. I give up changes that mask the bigger issues I’ve been too scared to address. I want real transformation. I want transformation that sticks. I want transformation that expands how I see myself, how I see others and how I see the world. I want transformation that could not be fashioned by human ways; the divine and the community had to come into play. I want divine transformation. I give into divine transformation that stops me in my tracks. I give into divine transformation where I know, without a doubt, God is at play.
Lent Day 6: I give up Staying Caged
Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?
Isaiah 58:6
I give up the ways I imprison myself. I give up living in bitterness and resentment over small and trivial matters. I give up wasting my energy on projects and people that don’t align with integrity and kindness. It is not my responsibility to align people with me. I give up letting others co-opt my own sense of integrity, kindness and courage. I give up caging myself in when the prison door has flown open. I give up thinking I don’t deserve to be free. I am free. I’m going to chase after freedom. I set my mind on freedom. I set my heart on freedom. I’m going to make sure others are free as well.
Lent Day 5: I give up Neat & Cute Crying
Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here I am.
Isaiah 58:9
I give up trying to figure it out on my own. I give up trying to figure it out in a neat and cute way. Screw you neat! Screw you cute! Screw you there’s just one way to shout. I give up screaming on the inside and being scared of shouting on the outside. I give up looking neat and cute in my need for help. I give up not wanting to be needy. I give up not wanting to cry. I give up not asking for help. I give up seeing my outward expressions of need as burdens. I give up the lack of trust that when I call, someone will answer. Someone will answer. People answer. God answers.
Lent Day 4: I give up Scarcity
Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter — when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
Isaiah 58:6-7
I give up scarcity. I give up hoarding for fear of running out. I give up withholding when I can give. I give up thinking that if another gets, it takes from me. I give up these ideas rooted in white supremacy, that there are only so many seats at the table. I give up seeing flesh and blood, my neighbor, the person in front of me, as separate from me. I lean into faith by giving just a little. I lean into faith by giving a little more than I feel comfortable doing, aware that even if I give too much, it will come back. God always provides. I lean into giving knowing that there is enough to share. I lean into Jesus’ miracle of the 5 loaves and 2 fish. I lean into Jesus’ witness of the women who gave all her 2 coins. I lean into giving it my all. I lean into knowing the reward comes back in the moment and in the future. Generosity is seeing flesh and blood as my lucky responsibility and that I do have the means to make another feel seen, loved and important. Abundance is knowing without a doubt that generosity is integral not only for others who are hurting and lacking, but also for my well-being.
Lent Day 3: I give up The Need to Keep it Together
Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
Isaiah 58:8-9
There is dark so light can break through. There is hurt so healing can appear. There are moments of lapse in judgment and poor behavior so righteousness can once again shine through. There is fear so the glory of God can push me to take my next step. There is my need for help that leads to my call to God. I let go of only holding onto what’s to come without acknowledging how I feel right now. I do not need to be okay right now. I do not need to look okay. I do not need to collect myself. I get to accept, embrace, be angry, be sad, be needing right now in this moment. Because my breakthrough comes when I realize this part of myself — the part that is messy, scared, lonely, angry — is just as beautiful. I give up needing to present only the side of me that works for the people around me. I give up spending energy trying to make those around me comfortable when I am shriveling up inside. I allow myself to be all in, in the pain with hope for the joy, in the sadness with expectation of the renewal, in the fear knowing if I dare to take just one step in faith, I will fly.
Lent Day 2: I give up Productivity as Measure of Success
If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the Lord’s holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, then you will find your joy in the Lord, and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob. For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.
Isaiah 58:13-14
I give up running around and around in this productivity hamster wheel where my worth is defined by the number of hours I can stay awake on my computer or maximizing profits. I give up living life according to the measure of man’s wealth and man’s success. I give up going and going without rest. I take in rest. I take in rest as delight. I delight in rest. I delight in God’s timing that is at the speed of fun and speed of faith, not the speed of panic. I have faith that this way of living that honors rest and honors work with integrity and kindness and breath will lead me to my triumph. I have faith that my journey and the speed I take on it are exactly for me! I feast on this inheritance.
Lent Day 1: I give up Small Dreams
‘Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?
Isaiah 58: 6-14
Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter — when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing with quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he way say: Here am I.
‘If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday.
The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings. ‘If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the Lord’s holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, then you will find your joy in the Lord, and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob.’ For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.
Shout out to my sister for bookmarking this verse for the next 40 days!
This is the kind of fasting we are about to do! A fasting and a hoping and a dreaming that breaks chains and ushers in freedom. A fasting that tears down systems of oppression and builds up Gardens of Edens. Let us dream so big these next 40 days. Let us fast away all the parts of us that make us think small, dream small, hope small. What’s the next best thing that could happen? What happens next?!?! THEN, WHAT HAPPENS?!?
Are you there God? 