John

The Focus in Faith

September 14, 2020 — Leave a comment

Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, ‘Lord, who is going to betray you.’ When Peter saw him, he asked, ‘Lord, what about him?’ Jesus answered, ‘If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.’

John 21:20-22

Peter was literally brought back into the fold of Jesus, the most intimate and vulnerable of recommitments, before he quickly turned his focus to the other disciple John. Peter was ready to be called into deep responsibility — to feed the sheep — yet when he got word of how he was going to die, he needed to turn his focus elsewhere and get away from whatever feelings he was having in the moment. Fear? Insecurity? Unworthiness?

We may be down for Jesus’ purpose in our lives until we experience the depths of intimacy and specificity it has on each of us. It is so exposing and vulnerable, that it can push us to quickly turn the focus away from our hearts. It can sound so intense and unreal that we need to hear what it’s going to be like for others, to simply not feel alone in our fears or inadequacies.

When do you catch yourself thinking, what about them? When do you fall prey to comparison and getting wrapped up in where others will end up? When something feels unfair and overwhelming, how do you cope? Do you address those feelings or do you look out and point the finger at things/people that are not even part of your issue?

I pray you know that God has a special and particular calling for your life. If you know this, then you might be scared. You might have all kinds of feelings. Come back to the intimacy of God, to his gentleness and continual mercies. Focus on your beautiful journey. Don’t let the devil make you feel small or bitter for having a purpose and place that is hard and uncomfortable. That place is where you require the most faith and focus.

The Testing of Friendships

September 7, 2020 — Leave a comment

When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?’ ‘Yes, Lord,’ he said, ‘you know that I love you.’ Jesus said, ‘Feed my lambs.’ Again Jesus said, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me?’ He answered, ‘Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.’ Jesus said, ‘Take care of my sheep.’ The third time he said to him, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me?’ Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, ‘Do you love me?’ He said, ‘Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.’

John 21: 15-17

It doesn’t feel good either to be the recipient or the reason for a broken relationship. A bad conversation. A surprising revelation of one’s character. Two life paths diverge because of exhaustion, unresolved resentment or lack of interest. Relationships build us up and tear us down, and we want the kind that tear down our walls, not our worth.

How often are we like Jesus, the one who was rejected and abandoned, yet also the one who later seeks out reconciliation? How often are we like Peter, set on our timeline of forgiveness and reconciliation and hurt when it doesn’t go as planned?

True friendships are difficult. The ones built to last go through fires, fights and forgiveness. It requires courage and humility to be the first to approach even when you have been wronged. It requires vulnerability to outwardly ask for care and respond with care. The journey of moving through different seasons of relationships often contain hurt, pain, repetition and uncomfortable intimacy. True friendships are worth it because as messy as the relationship between Jesus and Peter is, they exist when two people with the same mission towards humanity find each other. That is rare and testing in these scenarios can only survive if the calling and purpose remain at the core.

If you didn’t hold so dearly to your pride and ego, who would you reach out to? If you didn’t worry so much about your reputation or the sunk cost of friendship building, who would you let go? If you think about your deepest purposes in life, who do you feel safe to share those deepest secrets?

Monday Map: Radical Friendships

July 13, 2020 — Leave a comment

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. These things I command you, so that you will love one another.

John 15:12-17

At first blush, I get the warm fuzzies. Friendship goals! Sacrificial love! Laying down your life for your friends. Until you read that friendship with God requires you to follow his commandments. What friendship is contingent on my obedience? Friendship with God! What do I gain? The Father’s message. So…? Bearing fruit. Okay…? The ability to love one another. Is it worth it to sacrifice my autonomy to obey Jesus to know God and to love others?

  • What is your relationship with obedience? What images, feelings, people, colors come up for you?
  • What fruit do you actually want to bear? Economic? Relational? Emotional? Character?
  • What do you gain from loving others beyond what they can give back to you?
  • What’s missing from your friendships?

Ask God for the relationship you want with them. Ask God for the friendships you need.

CBG: Gentleness

May 27, 2020 — Leave a comment

When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” He said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep. Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch our your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.” And after saying this he said to him, “Follow me.”

John 21:15-19

Imagine if Jesus from the gitgo told Peter he was going to be crucified. Ouch.

It might have felt like that the crucifixion was part of Peter’s punishment for denying Jesus. That would have crushed Peter. There might not have been restoration. Always hanging on Peter’s head might be his once-upon-a-time major transgression.

However, Jesus is not cruel. He doesn’t make us grovel at his feet until he thinks we deserve forgiveness. He forgives. He knows we are fallible humans. He knows and he loves, and so he is perfect with his language and the timing of it.

Jesus layers. Jesus says as much as Peter can handle. He spends time so that we don’t just hear the truth, but we experience the speaker of the truth. If Peter hadn’t been prodded several times, he might not have added to his last response, Lord you know everything, and to that, Jesus prophesied Peter’s future.

Gentleness recognizes that every person is one step from either shutting down or opening up, and acts in a way that encourages the latter. Gentleness is not subject to time. Gentleness treats its subjects as treasures. Gentleness holds the present as the goal. Gentleness is a posture of meeting and honoring the fragile humanity in another.

Prayer: God I pray for a gentle posture when that is the most powerful way to connect to another human being. God I pray for salve in my words and kindness in my actions. God I pray for a felt strength in my gentleness.

Character: Where has your impatience or your control in timing led to unfruitful acts?

Grace: In what ways is God prodding you to be gentler with yourself?

CBG: Pain

May 7, 2020 — Leave a comment

After this, Jesus knowing that all was now finished, said (to fulfill the Scripture), “I thirst.” A jar full of sour wine stood there, so they put a sponge full of the sour wine on a hyssop branch and held it to his mouth. When Jesus had received the sour wine, he said, “It is finished,” and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

John 19:28-30

Jesus was going to die. What would a sip of hydration going to do? He’s dying. He’s thirsty. He gets sour wine.

There are some days, like today, when you hear about another innocent black man who is murdered by white supremacists who are not held accountable for their hate, that there is nothing that can quench the pain and suffering. No words. No amount of money. No justice that will bring back Ahmaud’s life.

What can quench the anger? What can quench the injustice? What can salve the pain? What can make us believe, again and again, that we are progressing? What glimmer of hope is now?

God’s justice doesn’t seem to break through. God’s eventual reign doesn’t seem to break through. I somehow find comfort in Jesus’ death and pain. That he suffered till the very end. That he suffered because of a friend’s betrayal. That he suffered for us, who forget, who often don’t give a shit. Jesus suffered hard. My greatest hope is that Jesus’ sacrificial love moves our anger to sadness to love to the most faithful and courageous action.

Prayer: God I pray for justice. I pray for comfort. I pray for your light to break through the darkness.

Character: Where can I redirect my anger more in the direction of love?

Grace: Where in your body can you make room for God’s grace?

CBG: Calling

April 18, 2020 — Leave a comment

Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep. Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.” This he said to show by what kind of death he was to glorify God. And after saying this he said to him, “Follow me.” Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following him, the one who also had leaned back against him during the supper and had said, “Lord, who is it that is going to betray you?” When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord what about this man?” Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!”

John 21:17-22

After sitting with the pain and shame of rejecting Jesus, Peter was gently and patiently pulled back in. This is probably Peter’s rawest, most vulnerable moment. He knows his own weaknesses and experienced the gap between what he wants to do and what he does. And here is beckoned by Jesus. Jesus doesn’t recount Peter’s fall. Jesus doesn’t do that sort of nasty human judging. Jesus doesn’t need to show that he was right. Jesus moves in a way so that Peter, the wrongdoer, can heal. Damn.

In that soft quiet intimacy, Jesus tells Peter his greatest calling: Peter will live and die just like Jesus! Peter will truly lay it all down, till the end, for the one he loves. I wonder how he felt learning his fate. Fear? Inadequacy? Regret? What times in your life have you felt the certainty of God’s calling on your life? You could feel the closeness of Jesus, the stirring of the Spirit and the declaration of God. You were too unarmored to defend yourself from the wave of truth. It’s pretty scary to experience God like that, especially when he puts a seemingly impossibly task in front of you. Callings don’t always feel like soft marshmallows and look like joyful rainbows. How do we respond when we receive something so profound it freaks us out?! Do we redirect the focus out and onto others? What about them? What about that? Can we instead sit with our God-given unique path, recognize it can only happen with the Spirit’s guidance and then take one step forward? It’s all one step at a time.

Prayer: Pray your desires, unabashedly. Listen to what God has in response. Are fears that arise human-driven or God-given? Pray for a sensitivity to the Spirit in your feelings, your energy, your relationships, the Word.

Creative: Look back at a text/book that has inspired you in the past.

Brave: What have you wanted to ask for but have been afraid to voice? Can you do it today?

Generous: Do something sweet for a family member!

CBG: #19

April 8, 2020 — Leave a comment

Truly, truly, I say to you, you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice. You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn into joy. When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world. So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you. In that day you will ask nothing of me. Truly, truly, I say to you, whatever you ask of the Father in my name, he will give it to you. Until now you have asking nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive that your joy may be full.

John 16:20-24

We must give as much room to the pain and sorrow, as we do the celebration and the joy. Each gives the other meaning. Within the conversation between sorrow and joy is the presence of God. In the presence of God we can hold things loosely, give generously and express vulnerably. Our worth is not in question and out of this worthiness our asks are legitimate. It’s difficult to ask from hurt because it can further make us feel small and guilty. We might not ask when we’re feeling abundant because we lose our sensitivity to our fallibility and humanity. When we exist in a place of enough-ness and whole-hearted worth, it sifts our asks through gratitude and humility. These asks don’t involve a need; they are for connection.

Prayer: Grow my sensitivity to the world and to you. Grow my capacity for joy. Renew it. Restore it. Help me trust that there are times for sorrow and times for joy. Help me not to judge wherever I’m at.

Creative: Meditate on a strength and create from there!

Brave: Share how God has been at work in your life this week with anyone.

Generous: Is there someone we may have “forgotten” because they’re “probably fine?” Reach out.

CBG: #18

April 7, 2020 — 1 Comment

So the woman left her water jar and went away into town and said to the people, “Come, see a man who told me all that I ever did. Can this be the Christ?” They went out of the town and were coming to him…Many Samaritans from the town believed him because of the woman’s testimony, “He told me all that I ever did.” So when the Samaritans came to him, they ask him to stay wit them, and he stayed there two days. And many more believed because of his word. They said to the woman, “It is no longer because of what you said that we believe, for we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this is indeed the Savior of the world.”

John 4:28, 39-42

What is a testimony? What is its purpose? When is it “successful”?

Whenever I share about how amazing someone is, I usually try to hook my audience with how amazing that someone is. He’s SO KIND. She has this ability to make you feel like you’re the only person in the room. They are a social justice warrior! That’s the hook. The centerpiece of our story. Then, if they need context on why we are talking about kindness, attention or social justice, I might share parts of who I am to showcase again why the person of my affections is that amazing. The goal isn’t to have the attention end up on me; I want it to illuminate person I’m talking about. How we contextualize God is already built in because the words we use, the way we express will showcase how we perceive. Give God the spotlight.

Right now, the world needs the parts of God that ripped you out of a lesser way of being, may it be despair, pursuit of worthless things, loneliness, resentment, anger…Let the world see and know God’s hope, the radical purposes of God, God’s enduring presence, God’s unceasing forgiveness, God’s justice. The way we share God is the way we share ourselves.

Prayer: God help me testify of you in my words, in my thoughts and in my actions.

Creative: Doodle.

Brave: Where have you been afraid to share who God is? Step in.

Generous: Pray for Health Care Workers. Reach out.

CBG: #17

April 6, 2020 — Leave a comment

When the Jews, who were with her in the house, consoling her, saw Mary rise quickly and go out, they followed her, supposing that she was going to the tomb to weep there. Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, he fell at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept. So the Jews said, “See, how he loved him!” But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?” Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. Jesus said, “Take away the stone.”

John 11:31-39

Mary cried because her brother died. Mary cried because she imagined what could have happened if Jesus arrived in time. Mary cried seeing Jesus cried. And Mary probably cried when the impossible happened, a miracle that was beyond her imagination. Where are you in this crying timeline? Are you crying seeing the reality of death and pain? Are you crying replaying what could’ve happened, what we could’ve done, why God is allowing this? Are you crying because you know God is crying and heartbroken? Are you crying because you’re experiencing unexpected joys that you knew you could not have if you were not in this situation? In a day, my reason for crying shifts. I’m sad. And on top of that, I had felt so guilty for being so sad: bursting into tears over an article, over a soul-wrenching song that has nothing to do with current events, receiving a text where I feel misunderstood, the list goes on. I need not justify why I am sad. I am sad because of the reality, because of our need for God, because I know God doesn’t want this either, because I’m hopeful for what will happen and have experienced the sparks of hope. We are sad. It’s okay.

Prayer: You bottle all my tears. You bottle all my tears. You make me soft through heartbreak. You make me strong with your hope. Help me release any guilt for knowing how things ought to be and what your heart desires, and therefore am really fucking sad right now. Help me to not wallow in sad, but accept and engage it so to move.

Creative: Listen to the rain.

Brave: Forgiveness.

Generous: What’s something you’ve wanted to do to serve, but have made excuses in the past?

John 17: Get that Glory

January 21, 2020 — Leave a comment

And now, Father, glorify me in your own presence with the glory that I had with you before the world existed.

If we hear someone say, I should be glorified! I want glory! we might think this person is arrogant, entitled, selfish, self-involved…all the words in this category. Yet Jesus asks of it! He asks to be glorified! He wants the glory.

What makes his desire not only okay but good and worthy to be followed?

His glory WILL POINT BACK TO THE FATHER. If you get glory, who gets the recognition?

His glory IS ROOTED FROM THE BEGINNING of a good and good creation. Where does your desire for glory stem from?

His glory is a CONTINUATION OF PAST GLORY. Where in your past have you received recognition and deserves to be developed?

His glory stems from DOING THE WORK, LIVING OUT HIS CALLING AND PURPOSES! Are you doing the work? Are you tapped into your purpose? Are you felling a story beyond yourself?

We need to first answer these questions. And once we’re tapped in, demand that GLORY. Because it’s not a sudden change; it’s simply a recognition that you’re already in the GLORY.