Take a breath. Let time do it’s job.

Yesterday I found out that a good friend of mine got an amazing opportunity. I was so happy and inspired by her. I wish my feelings stopped there, but as I am a hypersensitive overthinking feelings-drawn human, I sunk deep into a well of emotions that made me feel guilty. I was jealous. I was disappointed in myself. Dare I say, I was even angry that the world blesses people like my friend and people like me are meant to ride the Ferris wheel to nowhere special. And I know! “Jealousy and disappointment really just show WHAT YOU WANT!” “Friends getting great things means THE UNIVERSE CAN GIVE IT TO YOU, TOO.” “Express the feelings and they will move, sweet pea.” I journaled and I cried and I prayed and I drank and I walked up the Hudson River to get my body moving.

Yet the feelings lingered and I stayed in the not yet and already of, trusting what is mine will not be taken from me. I just wished I was less human and only had super celebratory thoughts for my friend.

Then today I got an answer to prayer — an opportunity that gave me a clear exit from the service job I wasn’t super excited about starting. I could not believe the timing of the call. I could not believe I felt so excited after weeks of ambient grumpiness. I experienced this unexpected joy again.

I don’t want the solution to jealously and disappointment to a tangible exciting opportunity that refocuses your brain. But it helps! It really helps because I am a scared child full of doubt. But banking on physical opportunities is throwing things into the wind. So in this current moment of bliss here are my takeaways that might snap me out of my next stretch of dark gray:

Who has reached out to me recently that I can point to as life rafters? Thank them!

I don’t need to justify my life to anyone who doesn’t believe in faithful living.

Is there anyone around you you can help so you can pull your head out of the well?

Treat yourself to a cookie or a margarita or an expensive Pilates class.

Only the brave can live moment to moment, like Anna, doing the next right thing. And if you don’t know, call a friend.

Thank you god for granting me gifts that remind me I am not forgotten, that my path is uniquely mine, and I am worthy regardless of the outcome.

John 17: Get that Glory

And now, Father, glorify me in your own presence with the glory that I had with you before the world existed.

If we hear someone say, I should be glorified! I want glory! we might think this person is arrogant, entitled, selfish, self-involved…all the words in this category. Yet Jesus asks of it! He asks to be glorified! He wants the glory.

What makes his desire not only okay but good and worthy to be followed?

His glory WILL POINT BACK TO THE FATHER. If you get glory, who gets the recognition?

His glory IS ROOTED FROM THE BEGINNING of a good and good creation. Where does your desire for glory stem from?

His glory is a CONTINUATION OF PAST GLORY. Where in your past have you received recognition and deserves to be developed?

His glory stems from DOING THE WORK, LIVING OUT HIS CALLING AND PURPOSES! Are you doing the work? Are you tapped into your purpose? Are you felling a story beyond yourself?

We need to first answer these questions. And once we’re tapped in, demand that GLORY. Because it’s not a sudden change; it’s simply a recognition that you’re already in the GLORY.

Psalms 6 – 9: oh Lord…how long?

The ache and the rejoice are neighbors. The desire for God and the anger of the world are complementary. The recounting of God’s presence and the feeling of God’s absence fuel each other. We live in this tension of want and have, of yes Lord and where are you Lord? Maybe there are no peaks and valleys, only journey in the present.

The presence and calling of God calls forth all our emotions. God forces us to self-reflect. The moment we want vengeance, we also see our own faults. We cannot see the speck in another without seeing the plank in ourselves. So what then? Have your say and have your feel. However end with trusting that God is sovereign and we are only responsible for doing our parts that are led by justice, righteousness, gratitude and wholehearted surrender.

God I pray for self-awareness in the stead of self-pity. I pray for vulnerability in the stead of bitterness and fear. God I pray for an overflow of trust in you even when I cannot see and cannot hear because when I recount where I am now, I know you have been with me till now. Amen.