kindness

Lent 2022: Surrendering the need to punish

March 9, 2022 — Leave a comment

Nothing gets under my skin more than when evil and rudeness occur and perpetrators get away from it. From Putin’s ruthless egotistical war to Florida’s ridiculous laws against freedom of speech and sexuality to the men who never move aside and assume YOU need to move, I want to scream. I want heaps of coal to befall these evil doers. Underneath my demand for consequences is my lack of faith in God’s Justice and grace. I don’t fully believe God sees our hurt and our harm. I don’t fully believe that God has our back. I don’t even believe he fully forgives me when I’m the perpetrator of bad.

To believe in mercy is to believe in Justice

To hope for renewal and redemption and repentance is to hope for grace

To demand others be better is to demand for myself to be better. Can I trust that my grace and forgiveness and surrendering my need to retaliate will return to me, strength, love and greater clarity of the human condition?

Lent Day 31: I give up The Paths that don’t Lead to Joy

March 19, 2021 — Leave a comment

If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the Lord’s holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, then you will find joy in the Lord, and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob. For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

Isaiah 58:13-14

I give up pursuits that don’t lead me back to the joy of the Lord. I give up ways of thinking that are not founded on the joy of the Lord. I give up finding strength in things other than the joy of the Lord. What is the joy of the Lord? It is the certainty that good prevails. It is the certainty that the sun will rise tomorrow. It is the faith that God has incredible mind-blowing plans for each of us. It is the faith that choosing love and goodness and kindness and vulnerability are better! May the joy of the Lord soothe my tender broken parts, and give me a courage to share my love and self generously.

Lent Day 29: I give up Being Okay

March 17, 2021 — Leave a comment

Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter — when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

Isaiah 58:6-9

I give up being okay. I am not okay with injustice. I am not okay with hate. I am not okay with the lack of awareness. I am not okay with people who are going hungry. I am not okay with those who are suffering. I am not okay with justifying suffering. I am not okay with minimizing suffering. I am not okay with hate. I am not okay with hate. I am not okay that there are people suffering and feeling alone in their suffering. I am not okay with having to take care of your feelings while I’m navigating my feelings. I will never be okay with the things that were not meant to be and I pray that God will give me the patience, strength, kindness, mostly kindness and curiosity, to do something about all the things I find are not okay.

Your Riches

January 26, 2021 — Leave a comment

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions — it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God — not by works, so that no one can boast.

Ephesians 2:4-9

What comes to mind for you when I say rich, incomparable riches? A West Village Townhouse? Real Housewives of Orange County? Beyonce?

Mercy? Grace? Kindness?

Mercy, grace and kindness are the only wells that keep overflowing and never run out. They are the investments that grow exponentially and are not swayed by the swings of the market. They live above, beyond, transform circumstances. To be rich in mercy demands you know your own worth and see another with hope. To be rich in grace means you know your own overflow and want to invite another into that hope. To be rich in kindness is to see your worth is inextricably linked up to another’s worth.

I pray we are rich in mercy, grace and kindness — that we first experience those gifts from God and know we are now owners of those riches. Be generous and share that mercy, grace and kindness. It’ll come back tenfold.

Shine in Service

January 3, 2021 — Leave a comment

For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.

2 Corinthians 4:5-10

2020 was a necessary year that showed us our own darkness and our capacity for light. I carry into 2021 the bruises, the breakdowns and the blessings of this past year. The lessons of exhaustion and helplessness are in my body. The feelings and visions of rage and injustice are in my bones. The promises of hope and renewal flow in my blood. Nothing is wasted. Nothing is by accident. We may be foolish and unwise, yet in God’s grace, even those things he can turn into treasures that light the way for a better tomorrow.

My prayer for 2021 is to choose vulnerability and kindness over natural inclinations to defend and shut down. I want to harness the power that is in me, in all of us, through the power of Jesus, for the sake of others. That is the ONLY use of that power. To be a vessel of God’s power is to be a light for the world. Shine my friends. When you sense Jesus’ death in your body, and it leads you to break when you see injustice, pain and suffering in the world, let that stir you into generosity, faithful action and brave connections. When you sense Jesus’ resurrection in your body, and it leads you to see how the pieces do come together and hope does have the last word, let that stir you to share that joy and peace. May we carry the depths of heartache and heights of hope in our body, minds and souls. May we be the #church that blesses the nation, not through super spreader rule-breaking worship concerts, but by being a light in service of others.

  1. What would it look like for you to shine in service of your community?
  2. Who dims that light? You? Loved ones? What does it look like to protect yourself from their shade?
  3. If today you were to choose kindness and vulnerability over the need to right and the need to look cool, what relationships would you work on? What projects? What purpose would you go after?

Do you have a word for the year? I’d love to hear it! xx

A Journey in the Valley

September 1, 2020 — Leave a comment

I was in the middle of rehearsal when the notification of Chadwick Boseman’s death flashed across my screen. In the pause when my heart was on hold, I hoped it was all an error, a cruel tabloid by some evil prankster who had nothing better to do but ruin the world’s Friday night. For a decent, honest, kind hero like Boseman to be taken so soon felt like the purest evidence that life can be so unfair and that death is not right. Death on earth is inevitable for each of us, but it still feels wrong, like it really was never meant to be. Something went wrong. In my culture, death is not the end.

This year has been relentless with its full display of loss, grief and injustice. The black lives taken this year, and the many lost in the past but only now surfacing because we finally believe and care. The hundreds of thousands of lives ravaged by illness, many that could have been saved if it were not for the unjust health care system that disenfranchises black and brown and the poor, and if we didn’t have a president who cared more about his ego than the country’s wellbeing. The Lebanese lives affected by manmade mistakes. The lives upended by natural disasters and climate change. The lives taken because assault weapons are still allowed in public hands. It’s not that death, loss, injustice and grief bloomed this year; we’re just finally paying attention and feeling it in our bones and schedules and social media.

God, what are you doing? God what are you trying to say? What is here to hold and honor, under this blanket of exhaustion, anger, sorrow, rage, depression and anxiety? Why do you often use grief and sorrow to straighten us and slow us down to the present moment, to display the priorities buried in our purpose? What does it mean to experience the fullness of this pain and moment for our own good, for the sake of others, for the sake of the world? What does it look like to walk in power embracing grief and sorrow? Chadwick did that. The greatest leaders who put it all on the line did that. Jesus did that.

It’s been a while since I’ve read the Word. God feels present, but very quiet. The Word feels unpredictable and I’m afraid to open my Bible and feel anger towards voices of past teachers evading my space. But God is present and their still small voice says, trust me, hold the faith, I’ll show you a better way. So, today is a step. Tomorrow will be a step.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:1-4

CBG: Kindness

May 23, 2020 — Leave a comment

And David said, “Is there still anyone left of the house of Saul, that I may show him kindness for Jonathan’s sake?” Now there was a servant of the house of Saul whose name was Ziba, and they called him to David. And the king said to him, “Are you Ziba?” And he said, “I am your servant.” And the king said, “Is there not still someone of the house of Saul, that I may show the kindness of God to him?” Ziba said to the king, “There is still a son of Jonathan; he is crippled in his feet.” The king said to him, “Where is he?” And Ziba said to the king, “He is in the house of Machir the son of Ammiel, at Lo-debar.” Then King David sent and brought him from the house of Machir the son of Ammiel, at Lo-debar. And Mephibosheth the son of Jonathan, son of Saul, came to David and fell on his face and paid homage. And David said, “Mephibosheth!” And he answered, “Behold, I am your servant.” And David to him, “Do not fear, for I will show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan, and I will restore to you all the land of Saul your father, and you shall eat at my table always.” And he paid homage and said, “What is your servant, that you should show regard for a dead dog such as I?” Then the king called Ziba, Saul’s servant, and said to him, “All that belonged to Saul and to all his house I have given to your master’s grandson. And you and your sons and your servants shall till the land for him and shall bring in the produce, that your master’s grandson may have bread to eat. But Mephibosheth your master’s grandson shall always eat at my table.” Now Ziba had fifteen sons and twenty servants. Then Ziba said to the king, “According to all that my lord the king commands his servant, so will your servant do.” So Mephibosheth ate at David’s table, like one of the king’s sons.

2 Samuel 9:1-11

Maybe you’ve never said, What is your servant, that you should show regard for such a dead dog as I?, however, I hope you have had moments of unexpected generosity and attention. In those moments, you see how you expected to be treated versus how you are treated. There is no me versus you; it’s us.

Kindness requires sacrifice on one end and surrender on the other, neither easier than the other. Kindness requires eyes meeting. Kindness is close and intimate. It says, you are welcomed to come in. Kindness feels like the only right way for the people involved even if it often feels absurd to anyone observing. Kindness doesn’t add up even though it’s the only way to wholeness. Kindness is humanity connecting on the deepest level to meet each other’s needs.

Prayer: God make me someone who sees others and cares well even when my mind fights it.

Character: Where have you sacrificed hospitality?

Grace: What acts of generosity and attention have you experienced recently?

CBG: #8

March 28, 2020 — Leave a comment

How long, Lord? Because no one really knows how long this will take…weeks? months? Will you forget me forever? Literally feel alone How long will you hide your face from me? I get this is supposed to “bring us closer to you” and “reveal our humanity” and “you’re in control, and you’re good so, like, rest in that” but DUDE, can’t you just for once show up in a fireworks show so I know it’s you?! How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? Because I’m having some nasty AF thoughts and I’m jumping through all the emotions in a much quicker cycle than I normally do. How long will my enemy triumph over me? Like covid, and the damn president, and the irritating harmful ways people around me are trying to “fix” me and “give me solutions” because they don’t know how to wrestle with their inability to change and make me feel better Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Waiting. Literally not busy and available for your answer. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. I don’t know. I’m not trying to win. I just really need your kindness and love and your overt intimacy to be here. I miss those days when I KNEW you were right next to me and speaking to me. I miss being in an environment witnessing firsthand your presence. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. What else can I do? What else do I have? I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me. I’m alive. I’m breathing. I know it will work out. Eventually.

Psalm 13 (WITH MY LIZARD BRAIN WAY OF PRAYING)

Creative: Be kind to yourself.

Brave: Be kind to yourself.

Generous: Be kind to yourself.

CBG COVID Challenge: #7

March 27, 2020 — Leave a comment

And the word of the Lord came to Zechariah, saying, “Thus says the Lord of hosts, Render true judgments, show kindness and mercy to one another, do not oppress the widow, the fatherless, the sojourner, or the poor, and let none of you devise evil against another in your heart.

Zechariah 7:8-10

Even if it’s permissible, is it kind?

Even if you’re hurt, can you show mercy?

Even if you’re overwhelmed, can you see another’s pain?

When you have nothing, can you show kindness and mercy to another?

Kindness is one of the most underrated traits. Yet it is the one thing that will set you apart in times of impatience, of self-preservation, of irritation, of uncertainty. It breaks though the boundaries we’ve unconsciously and consciously created for safety and survival so, we can see each other, see the deep needs to understand how to care well. And the only way to survive is to take care of one another. (Grace Lee Boggs)

Prayer: Kindness — What is in the way of this, for others and for yourself?

Creative: Sit still and daydream. And/or go watch Paddington Bear 2.

Brave: Where have you gotten a no? Revisit that ask.

Generous: Encourage someone today who you “think doesn’t need it.”

CBG COVID Challenge: #5

March 25, 2020 — Leave a comment

And when he returned to Capernaum after some days, it was reported that he was at home. And many were gathered together, so that there was no more room, not even at the door. And he was preaching the word to them. And they came, by bringing to him a paralytic carried by four men. And when they could not get near him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above him, and when they had made an opening, they let down the bed on which the paralytic lay. And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytics, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”

Mark 2:1-5

All my family and many of my friends live in New York City. It’s grim looking at the numbers and seeing the city close down. When I shared this with a friend, her response to alleviate my anxiety was positive information, backed by the research of a doctor. Instead of feeling better, I actually felt worst about my anxiety, even borderline guilty for “being negative,” or “living into the media fear.” Then right before I went to bed, I was scrolling Upworthy videos and the tears could not stop flowing. The amount of love and joy and community I witnessed moved me, inspired me, and alleviated my fear. Why did the positive news leave me feeling more anxious whereas the good news Upworthy videos stir up hope?

In my fears and in my anxieties, there is a gap between what I am witnessing in reality and what I hope the future will be like. In the first response, my reality was denied. How I was seeing the world was questioned and how I was feeling underneath was not addressed. That leaves you in doubt, exposed and unsteady. In the latter, it wasn’t that my reality was confirmed; it was an alignment with the spirit in me: that there is a reality being acknowledged WHILE actions being taken to suggest a better future. That is hope. It is in the same hand holding what is, and what is possible: love, progress, community. It is acknowledging the pain of the situation without letting the situation stop you from doing good. Hope is a faith that what is does not define us, or even the whole reality. It is a faith that says heaven and healing are possible.

Like Fred Rogers said, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people helping.” The friends of the paralytic acknowledged the situation. They saw their friend’s pain and suffering. They saw the gap. So they stepped in. They said, but …maybe…what if…there’s got to be more to this story! We will jump from being the helper to being the paralytic. In either role, hope gently pats reality in the back and says, you don’t have the last word!

Prayer: Release the guilt of having fear, doubt, panic. Acknowledge that it stems from a faith that things can be different and things are currently not right.

Creative: Write out a few scriptures, mantras, messages on cards and stick them where you can see them!

Brave: Is there a tough conversation you need to have? Have it…

Generous: Is there someone who would really benefit from you being a friend who listens?