oppression

Lent Day 29: I give up Being Okay

March 17, 2021 — Leave a comment

Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter — when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

Isaiah 58:6-9

I give up being okay. I am not okay with injustice. I am not okay with hate. I am not okay with the lack of awareness. I am not okay with people who are going hungry. I am not okay with those who are suffering. I am not okay with justifying suffering. I am not okay with minimizing suffering. I am not okay with hate. I am not okay with hate. I am not okay that there are people suffering and feeling alone in their suffering. I am not okay with having to take care of your feelings while I’m navigating my feelings. I will never be okay with the things that were not meant to be and I pray that God will give me the patience, strength, kindness, mostly kindness and curiosity, to do something about all the things I find are not okay.

Lent Day 15: I give up Even the Good Things

March 3, 2021 — Leave a comment

You cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high. Is this the kind of fast I have chosen, only a day for people to humble themselves? Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed and for lying in sackcloth and ashes? Is that what you call a fast, a day acceptable to the Lord? Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untied the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?

Isaiah 58:5-6

I give up picking and choosing what to surrender to God. I give up keeping certain burdens and concerns for myself. I give up controlling which chains I’m willing to break and which I’m willing to stay in. It’s an all or nothing endeavor — this sort of dreaming, fasting and trusting of God. You either jump into the ocean or stand on your own shaky foundation. You either live a lifestyle for freedom and against oppression or live in a way that doesn’t include everyone, everything. This sort of brave and faithful living requires laying even our good things and the things we have found comfort in for too long, on the altar. This is the only way to make room for what God has had in store for us all along.

Remember that Pivotal Moment

January 11, 2021 — Leave a comment

Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you endured in a great conflict full of suffering. Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult and persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated. You suffered along with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions. So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For, ‘In just a little while, he who is coming will come and will not delay.’ And, ‘But my righteous one will live by faith. And I take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back.’ But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.

Hebrews 10:32-39

Remember when you were a kid and jumped four monkey bars because you had to and because you really believed you could make it? Remember when you were a kid and skateboarded and scraped your knees real bad, yet got back up and dared to get back on it? Remember when you first came to know God’s love? Where you were? Who you were with? What God said exactly to your aching, desperate heart? Remember how nothing of this world could pop that hope and joy of feeling so loved, seen and on mission? God had you. God saw you. God was pushing you onto a path that required insane faith and courage.

Remember those moments during the pandemic when you were so grateful you could connect with a friend, even though it was on shitty wifi over Zoom? Remember that first hug after months of not having hugged anyone? Remember that moment when you thought, oh even through this I can come out better and God is with me? Remember when you got so angry over the racism and killings? Remember when you vowed to give your life to a cause greater than yourself? Remember when you were on fire to protest even if it meant you might be called out for not knowing enough or not having done enough up till now? Remember when despite that fear, you went anyway because you trusted that these incremental steps of change were the most important? Remember when you pulled all those resources to make a difference for the elections? Remember when you felt that all this current pain is worth it?

As each day passes and explosive events evolve into daily occurrences that we are desensitized to, and our first impression fervor fades into acceptance or perhaps apathy, I pray we come back to that initial faith and fervor. I pray that we go back to that moment when God called you, God saw you and demanded that you know with all your being that you are called for something huge. I pray that we go back to that moment when we really believe that our actions and our words really matter and can impact in huge ways. I pray that acceptance of evil in the world and apathy in our hearts never have time to settle. I pray that we do the small incremental acts that change the community around us, and mostly change the heart within us. Let us remember who we have been called to be and persevere till we receive the prizes full.

CBG: Promises

June 17, 2020 — Leave a comment

Then the foremen of the people of Israel came and cried to Pharaoh, “Why do you treat your servants like this? No straw is given to your servants, yet they say to us, ‘Make bricks!’ And behold, your servants are beaten; but the fault is in your own people.” But he said, “You are idle, you are idle; that is why you say, ‘Let us go and sacrifice to the Lord.’ Go now and work. No straw will be given you, but you must deliver the same number of bricks.” The foremen of the people of Israel saw that they were in trouble when they said, “You shall by no means reduce your number of bricks, your daily task each day.” They met Moses and Aaron, who were waiting for them, as they came out from Pharaoh; and they said to them, “The Lord look on you and judge, because you have made us stink in the sight of the Pharaoh and his servants, and have put a sword in their hand to kill us.” Then Moses turned to the Lord and said, “O, Lord, why have you done evil to this people? Why did you ever send me? For since I came to Pharaoh to speak in your name, he has done evil to his people, and you have not delivered your people at all.”

Exodus 5:15-23

It’s at this point that the foremen recognizes that the Hebrews are a stink in the sight of the Pharaoh and that death was awaiting them. The Hebrews had been in slavery for centuries. They have always been a stink in the sight of the Pharaoh, yet now they express how much the Pharaoh doesn’t care about the Hebrews’ well-being. The foremen are pissed. Had they been tolerating and making the best of their reality up until now? Had they been trying to get on the Pharaoh’s good side and slowly hope for changes, and now that’s thrown out the window? Regardless, they are angry because they are given an impossible task that most probably will lead to their deaths.

But if they didn’t see death so clearly, would they have ever risked going into the desert with Moses, a runway Hebrew/Egyptian murderer? If they had not felt so clearly that they were either going to die in the hands of the Egyptians as slaves or die trying to be free, would they have chosen the latter? Any notions that this system the Hebrews are working under will get better or is tolerable, are wiped away with the Pharaoh’s unjust new commands. The Hebrews are becoming more and more certain that they can no longer live under this oppression.

But the middle from the oppression to the promise land can be arduous and uncomfortable. Things can seem wrong. Leaders might not be trusted immediately because the leaders themselves might be afraid. Everyone here is taking steps of faith, coming back to the promises of God. Coming back to the promises of God during times of oppression and hard DOES NOT MAKE SENSE to those who live by human reasoning. Coming back to the promises of God, and trusting and asking for his moves requires a faith and courage that you feel you don’t have. Because this is an impossible task. No one without God can walk through the Red Sea. But God was there and God is here. God hears the voice of the oppressed and his plans thwart any human predictions. God will lead us through the valleys and shadows into a land full of milk and honey.

Prayer: God bring me back to your promises of deliverance and of wholeness. Give me courage and patience to endure even when I feel misunderstood and judged by those I love.

When have you said this to God, why did you ever send me?

CBG: Liberation

June 16, 2020 — Leave a comment

One day, when Moses had grown up, he went out to his people and looked on their burdens, and he saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, one of his people. He looked this way and that, and seeing no one, he struck down the Egyptian and hid him in the sand. When he went out the next day, behold, two Hebrews were struggling together. And he said to the man in the wrong, “Why do you strike your companion?” He answered, “Who made you a prince and a judge over us? Do you mean to kill me as you killed the Egyptian?” Then Moses was afraid, and thought, “Surely the thing is known.” When Pharaoh heard of it, he sought to kill Moses. But Moses fled from Pharaoh and stayed in the land of Midian. And he sat down by a well. Now the priest of Midian had seven daughters, and they came and drew water and filled the troughs to water their father’s flock. The shepherds came and drove them away, but Moses stood up and saved them, and watered their flock. When they came home to their father Reuel, he said, “How is it that you have come home so soon today?” They said, “An Egyptian delivered us out of the hand of the shepherds and even drew water for us and watered the flock.” He said to his daughters, “Then where is he? Why have you left the man? Call him, that he may eat bread.” And Moses was content to dwell with the man, and he gave Moses his daughter Zipporah. She gave birth to a son, and he called his name Gershom, for he said, “I have been a sojourner in a foreign land.”

Exodus 2:11-22

Moses desire to help doesn’t always pan out. Even though he was raised in the Pharaoh’s house, he counted himself a Hebrew and avenged the beating of his own people by killing an Egyptian. Even though Moses was Hebrew by blood and nurture, his fellow Hebrews do not count allegiance with him or respect him. He’s neither accepted with the Egyptians or with the Hebrews. He runs away and once again, stands up for the daughters of Midian. They assume him an Egyptian and Moses knows even with a Midian wife and a Midian son, he is but a sojourner in a foreign land.

Born out of water, Moses neither fits smoothly here or there. He had access to a people by blood/nature and to an upbringing because of compassion. He had a wonderful education, food on the table, a beautiful roof over his head and one day, when he was grown up, he finally saw the oppression and he acted. (Though poorly.) You are not faulted for the privilege and access you have been given. However, when you are grown up and become aware of the oppression, you are now responsible and culpable. Your initial actions to “help the oppressed” might not be received well, might actually do more harm than good. Those you want to “help” might not see you as an ally. Don’t simply help. Take your help and toss it in the trash. See the pain of the oppressed as your own oppression, so much that it springs you into wanting to destroy the reality of the oppression (not necessarily the oppressor.) Don’t help because you are looking from the outside but act because in acting you are creating liberation for all, including yourself! No one is free when others are oppressed. (Unknown)

When you are misunderstood and hated, it feels heart-wrenching and lonely. It can feel like what has been done wasn’t worth it. The waking up to reality isn’t worth it. But remember this, you have been freed. Freed from the fog, freed from this in-between, freed from ignorance. Plus you are a sojourner in a foreign land. Your home in heaven is secure and you will never be separated from God. This pain is temporary. Still do compassion.

Prayer: God I pray for a grace and a kindness when I feel misunderstood. God I pray for a comfort and security in you as my judge when I feel unseen and misunderstood. God I pray even still, I will act with kindness and compassion.

How do you respond when you feel misunderstood?

CBG: Sacrificial Love 4

June 4, 2020 — Leave a comment

But if you do not worship, you shall immediately be cast into a burning fiery furnace. And who is the god who will deliver you out of my hands?” Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered and said to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up. Then Nebechadnezzar was filled with fury, and the expression of his face was changed against Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. He ordered the furnace hearted seven times more than it was usually heated…And these three men, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego fell bound into the burning fiery furnace. Then King Nebuchadnezzar was astonished and rose up in haste. He declared to his counselors, “Did we not cast three men bound into the fire?” They answered and said to the king, “True, O king.” He answered and said, “But I see four men unbound, walking; in the midst of the fire, and they are not hurt; and the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods.”

Daniel 3:15-19, 24-25

Does Nebuchadnezzar remind you of any tyrant in America 2020? A “leader” that is SO obsessed with his own ego and control over others? He’s driven by arrogance, reeks of ignorance and threatens others to maintain his status. I won’t name names because this “person” is so hateful. Love trumps hate.

The three young men stood with their integrity, willing to die for it. They didn’t know for sure whether they would be delivered from the fire, yet regardless, would not bow down to the tyrannical evil rule of the “king in power.” They got bound. They saw what they were about to enter. And they DID get thrown into the fire.

Are we willing to get thrown into the fire for what we believe? Are we willing to stand firm even when death is staring us in the face? How does one even get this kind of integrity and courage? How does one stay this centered?

The three men had each other. So find a community that you can stand together and fight the battles together. Find people who will hold your hand as y’all walk into scary, hard tests. Find the people who you can lean on.

When we’re not part of the original three, be the fourth! Most of us can be the fourth. Be the one who enters the fire with those who are standing for what is right. Stand with friends even if you feel awkward entering late. Jump in. Would you rather walk freely in the fire or be bound by a lack of conscience?

Prayer: God help me move and act from that centered place of truth and love. God help me to see the community I am to walk with in the fire.

What is your cost of standing up to oppression and oppressors?

CBG: Fire

May 30, 2020 — Leave a comment

When the Lord saw that [Moses] turned aside to see, “God called to him out of the bush, “Moses, Moses!” And he said, “Here I am.” Then he said, “Do not come near; take your sandals off your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy ground.” And he said, “I am God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.” And Moses hid his face, for he was afraid to look at God. Then the Lord said, “I have surely seen the affliction of my people who are in Egypt and have heard their cry because of their taskmasters. I know their sufferings, and I have come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land to a good and broad land, a land flowing with milk and honey, to the place of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites. And now, behold, the cry of the people of Israel has come to me, and I have also seen the oppression with which the Egyptians oppress them. Come, I will send you to Pharaoh that you may bring my people, the children of Israel, out of Egypt.” But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?” He said, “But I will be with you, and this shall be the sign for you, that I have sent you: when you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall serve God on this mountain.”
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Then Moses answered, “But behold, they will not believe me or listen to my voice, for they will say, “The Lord did not appear to you.”
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But Moses said to the Lord, “Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue.”
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But he said, “Oh, my Lord, please send someone else.” Then the anger of the Lord was kindled against Moses and he said, “Is there not Aaron, your brother, the Levite? I know that he can speak well. Behold, he is coming out to meet you, and when he sees you, he will be glad in his heart. You shall speak to him and put the words in his mouth, and I will be with your mouth and with his mouth and will teach you both what to do.”

Exodus 3:4-12, 4:1, 10, 13-17

Moses had the privilege to escape into the mountains to avoid the oppression happening in Egypt. His life was peaceful, maybe boring. It was quiet. It was a time of healing. It was a time of rest. It was a time of waiting. The oppression was and is still happening. Fine, he is scared and uncomfortable because God is speaking out of a burning bush. Moses had spent so much time away from others, he may have forgotten who he is because of the lack of relation. God doesn’t reject his fear; God says I will be with you. Fine, that might not feel enough because Moses is insecure and knows his weaknesses. God doesn’t mock his self-awareness; God equips him. Fine, Moses is still afraid and feels not enough. God doesn’t ignore Moses’ core pain; God says I am in control, trust me. FINE! Moses is still afraid. God doesn’t give up on Moses. God works with what he has and gives Moses a helper.

Fine. I am scared. I am aware of my inadequacies and my discomfort. I feel in my core that I am a coward and a fraud. I feel like I am culpable for the transgressions. I feel that I have not done enough. It feels a little too late. It feels like walking into a battlefield where people might not trust me and might hate me. I feel like someone else will do a better job. I feel like I still don’t have enough to know if I will come out alive and well at the end.

And to all this, Stop. Stop focusing on myself. Stop focusing on MY needs. Stop focusing on what I can do. How do I hold onto my identity as a child of God, equipped and sent out by God?

Focus on the oppression. Focus on the black lives that have been killed. Focus on the black lives that are always at risk. Focus on the families that have been destroyed, that might be destroyed. Focus on the evil of police brutality and white supremacy. Focus on the lives that have been murdered. Focus on the heartbreak, the sorrow, the grief, the anger, the injustice of it all. Focus on the task at hand: to upend the system for the sake of the least of our brothers. Meditate on God’s sovereignty and justice. Meditate on his ability to flip tables and destroy temples. Take a step at a time. Who are the helpers? Who can I help?

Prayer: God give me the courage to live like you love me and I am an instrument of your love, justice and power.

Character: Where am I focused on my discomfort and lacks instead of the task at hand that God has so clearly given you?

Grace: Remember the resurrection.

Sh*t Christians Don’t Say: Egos

July 9, 2019 — Leave a comment

We all LOVE preaching at the pulpit pride is bad. Pride comes before the fall. Those who are proud will be humbled. We will preach our lungs out about being humble and to set aside yourself, for Jesus… and maybe for others.

Yet do we do that when we engage with someone who challenges our theology, our thought process, our framework? Do we really hold an openness to engage humbly with those who present a different way of thinking?

I am very guilty of wanting immediately to write someone off if they love Trump or say something so overtly racist that my heart aches and I fume. And for many people, they would find no error in my ways. But I really don’t want to be that person. Jesus hung out with people who disdained him, who believed and said very contrary things to him. Yet he managed to hold space. I am not Jesus and I probably could not withhold the pain and harm as well as he did, (well I guess he didn’t either — he died.) But I really want to try. I don’t want my circles to be of people who all think like me. Diversity is so buzzy nowadays, and to that, how broad is our landscape of diversity. Do we have diversity in color, gender, socioeconomics, faith, career, thought and so forth? Look around, do the people you hang with all look, think and act like you?

This is not to say that you should let ANYONE into your inner temple. Nah people need to earn your trust for those inner courts. What does trust entail? Love and safety. Commitment and faithfulness. Forgive the and humility. Vulnerability and an ability to listen. Hopefully a sense of humor and no judgy eyes when I kill a bag of Hot Fries. The last few I added for my specific courts.

But I really do try and it is hard and ever increasingly impossible. It requires breaths and filters and thinking the best of another. It’s hard but thus is life. I’m friends with Christians and heathens alike. But why is it that so many of my Christian friends can not handle conversations where their frameworks are being challenged? It’s as if their faith is in their framework, not in their God. God is rooted. God is unchangeable, but our frameworks can. How does Jesus talk to people? Differently depending on who he is talking to? He’s the same. He has integrity. When I challenge especially white Christians on race, gentrification, and god, white male Christians, on being a woman, I honestly am often met with skepticism and defensiveness. They meet me as if I’m an anomaly and I must prove every point I make. Again that feeds into the fact that YOU ARE IN THE DOMINANCE AND REVERSE RACISM & SEXISM DO NOT EXIST.

Please for the love of God trust that I am not demolishing your worth and your God when we have uncomfortable complicated complex conversations. I am trying to bring us closer, to find a common ground. Stop equating your worth with your mind and thoughts and your life here. That’s your ego. Your EGO should be killed because then you will all the more know your worth and God are still immovable.

Sh*t Christians Don’t Say: Singles vs marrieds

June 29, 2019 — Leave a comment

Just kidding. The church LOVES talking about singles and marrieds. It’s both adored at the pulpit and anticipated in the audience. There’s this rush of hope every time that maybe this sermon would unlock and unravel the pain of waiting for singles, and root and make sense the never talked about pain of staying for marrieds. Yet no one really talks about the pain of waiting because we love focusing on how singleness is a gift and that the Lord can really use you specifically in this season. So we have a bunch of singles hurting inside lashing themselves with this holy waiting and trust. And no one talks about the real pain of marriage. Ya we talk about how it’s ultimate sanctification and how’s that’s the hardest BUT MOST BEAUTIFUL thing on earth, blah blah blah. But can we cut the glamorized version of difficult sanctification and get into the nitty ugly cave. Do we talk about falling out of love with your spouse? Do we talk about low grade amounts, and I dare you, overt abuse? Do we talk about how monogamy is not natural and how sometimes this fight seems too uphill? We don’t. We wrap obstacles in, we’re being sanctified.

The danger of never talking about these things is that when someone is in that position, the response is guilt and shame. If we are ever in a space that is not publicly discussed as normal, we feel abnormal when we experience these human tendencies. Shame is hiding because of a fear of losing worthiness. Shame is hiding because of a fear of judgment. Shame is hiding because a facade keeps others distant from your mess. Isn’t that what happened at the garden? We assumed God would lash at us so we hid and lied instead. I wonder if those peeps in Eden were outright about what they did, would they have been able to stay in the garden? God might have let them stay? The transgression wasn’t the issue? The hiding was? But the reality is, we are no longer in Eden and people are not lovely like God. When we are vulnerable people do cover us in judgment, create distance and make us feel less Christian or unwise/blind/foolish when we talk about said topics above. It’s a fucking catch-22. If you talk, you might get shamed. If you don’t talk, you are imprisoned by shame. How do we change the culture to merely listening and holding space, suspending your judgment and quickness to scripture showering?

But I think the deepest issue with this whole thing is singles v marrieds. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP DIVIDING PEOPLE IN THE CHURCH IN TWO CATEGORIES. Why do you do that?!! Why do you delineate people by relationship status? Inherent in that boxing is our huge human-created difference, there’s a type of crossing over, there’s us v them and they wouldn’t understand the struggle. Don’t act like after marriage, spouses don’t want to sleep with a hot emotionally available dude that walks by. Don’t act like singles cannot get deeply sanctified by close friends and roommates, FO SHO. When you say singleness is a gift, then proceed to spend 15 minutes chatting about the beauty of waiting….take a nice exhale, smile and then get into your inclusive circle tone of voice to talk to those who are married, it is obvious and weird. Stop taking a few verses in the Bible and elevating them into central to our faith structure — don’t we Christians love doing that with whatever scripture seems perfect for such a time as this. Why don’t we talk about things we as humans struggle with that cross all boundaries? Greediness. Jealousy. Greediness. Racism. Sexism. Misogyny. Defensiveness. Ego. Gossip wrapped in we should pray for her. Ego. Fucking ego. Why do we need pastors specifically for singles and marrieds? What qualifies one to know people in these categories better? I’m really asking. Do I go to one pastor if I’m thinking about masturbation and another pastor when I want to hoard my money? Stop drawing out details of my identity like they’re my defining trait. Stop making such a big deal about my status like that’s the reason I sin. I don’t always put God first because I’m human and selfish. My relationship status is not how primarily relate to people. We have created a culture of such connection like that in church. It’s incomplete and often damaging.

Stop putting people in boxes so it’s easier for you to manage and control. Stop defining people so you can quickly go to your prescription box of scriptures. See me as a complicated human. Show me the wisdom and faith and trust I too have the Spirit.

Day 39: C’est le vie Leviticus

January 24, 2019 — Leave a comment

Leviticus 26-27; Psalm 39

The valuation of humans in this section is implorable. The sacrifices in this book are weird AF. Relative to the other sacrifices happening around, the context the Israelites are in in this world of sacrifices to the Gods, this May seem radical. But if something is ugly but it’s not as ugly as the thing next to it, does it make it less ugly? Yes I understand the heart of this is about how pure and holy God is and how wicked and childish we are, but really…? Goodness the valuation of humans — men more than women, adults better than youth, the power of the priests to determine how much a person is worth. Bible scholars tell me how this is good? Don’t tell me, in other cultures women were valued at 0 so now that they’re 30 shekels, it’s pretty cool! Wtf.

Tell me this is all a set up to prove how amazing Jesus is. In Jesus women and children and sojourners are valued just the same, if maybe even more… they’re not valued more because they’re worth more, but in a patriarchal, misogynistic, ageist society, valuing something more just gives them a fair chance. You don’t need to value what’s already in the power seat. They are the status quo. We have to value the vulnerable to give them the room and space. Tell me Leviticus exists to point to the simplicity, justice and power of Jesus. Tell me this weird as F chapter points to how radical Jesus is. But is Jesus radical only in relativism? Or is he truly radical objectively?