perseverance

Remember that Pivotal Moment

January 11, 2021 — Leave a comment

Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you endured in a great conflict full of suffering. Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult and persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated. You suffered along with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions. So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For, ‘In just a little while, he who is coming will come and will not delay.’ And, ‘But my righteous one will live by faith. And I take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back.’ But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.

Hebrews 10:32-39

Remember when you were a kid and jumped four monkey bars because you had to and because you really believed you could make it? Remember when you were a kid and skateboarded and scraped your knees real bad, yet got back up and dared to get back on it? Remember when you first came to know God’s love? Where you were? Who you were with? What God said exactly to your aching, desperate heart? Remember how nothing of this world could pop that hope and joy of feeling so loved, seen and on mission? God had you. God saw you. God was pushing you onto a path that required insane faith and courage.

Remember those moments during the pandemic when you were so grateful you could connect with a friend, even though it was on shitty wifi over Zoom? Remember that first hug after months of not having hugged anyone? Remember that moment when you thought, oh even through this I can come out better and God is with me? Remember when you got so angry over the racism and killings? Remember when you vowed to give your life to a cause greater than yourself? Remember when you were on fire to protest even if it meant you might be called out for not knowing enough or not having done enough up till now? Remember when despite that fear, you went anyway because you trusted that these incremental steps of change were the most important? Remember when you pulled all those resources to make a difference for the elections? Remember when you felt that all this current pain is worth it?

As each day passes and explosive events evolve into daily occurrences that we are desensitized to, and our first impression fervor fades into acceptance or perhaps apathy, I pray we come back to that initial faith and fervor. I pray that we go back to that moment when God called you, God saw you and demanded that you know with all your being that you are called for something huge. I pray that we go back to that moment when we really believe that our actions and our words really matter and can impact in huge ways. I pray that acceptance of evil in the world and apathy in our hearts never have time to settle. I pray that we do the small incremental acts that change the community around us, and mostly change the heart within us. Let us remember who we have been called to be and persevere till we receive the prizes full.

Character over circumstance

October 6, 2020 — Leave a comment

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Romans 5:1-5

Circumstances and waves are forever. They will surround us. They will try to frustrate us. They will tempt us to be unkind and to act in ways that divide us rather than bring us together. Circumstances and things outside of our control are givens. They will want our attention. They will want us to give in and be anxious about the future or ashamed of our past. Circumstances and events will try to pull us away from the core that matters.

What grounds us and centers us are the things mentioned here: perseverance, character and hope. If we can filter out circumstances and unexpected waves through these pillars, we’ll realize that taking a breath before responding is always helpful. We’ll see that it’s harder to hold to hope and persevere in character, but the results lead to much better sleep. Come back to character. Come back to the love that is in our hearts that is made possible through the Holy Spirit. Come back to not having to justify yourself. Come back to immutable worth. Come back to the truth that if you can persevere through unwanted circumstances with character, your hope for the world, for others and for yourself feel way more tangible.

Fulfillment

October 3, 2020 — Leave a comment

And [Hannah] made a vow, saying, ‘Lord Almighty, if you will only look at your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.’

1 Samuel 1:11

Why would Hannah want something so much only to give it back to God? What’s this immense desire coupled with outrageous promise of surrender? How can one want so much and also keep that want connected to the larger picture?

There is a faith, love and trust required to hold something you love loosely. Each moment is precious. Each moment is meaningful. Because every moment might be the last moment of holding this thing so close. Hannah knew that whatever she received was from God and therefore belonged to God’s purposes. Hannah didn’t just want a son; she wanted a son who’s life was going to be magnificent. She wanted her dreams fulfilled while the world was also impacted by her blessing. She knew that her blessing was to exist to be shared.

So what if it’s not that our desires and wants are too big, but actually not big enough? What if we dream so big it is inevitable that it would require faith and love to endure? What do you want that is so big that it will not only impact you but call into power and presence the purposes of God? Can we dream so so so out of this world that it would feel like God made it happen? Can we dream so big that it would require our priorities and focus to shift towards faith?

CBG COVID Challenge: #1

March 21, 2020 — Leave a comment

It is natural and normal to paint the current situation as grim. It is. And it can feel insensitive and fake to simply find the silver lining or to focus on the positive. We as children of God DO NOT and SHOULD NOT do that because God does not silver line or simply zoom past reality to eventual heaven. If anyone and anything exemplifies how to “get through crisis,” it was Jesus f’ng Christ. He lived through humanity aka crisis and pain and hurt. He was with humanity. So as Christians we must set an example of how to live through reality while focusing on the goal and treasure we have already gained. This is our special time to overtly balance things that seem incongruent — here and not yet; fully clean yet needs sanctification; saints and sinners. What would it look like for us to be the truest church today, a church that makes others know and feel, we may be human form but we are Spirit guided.

As I was meditating on what the current situation feels like — anxiety, fear, depression, anger, sorrow, joy, gratitude, the movie Inside Out — I landed on this scripture which I think can be a way in to how we will get through.

For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?

Matthew 16:26

When we have the world, it’s easy to meditate on that scripture and tell ourselves — yes don’t be hoarding, don’t be selfish, meditate on God. We were focused on and we had the world, and we didn’t know it. Until now, when it really feels like we have lost the world. We have. We have lost our plans, our community, our money, our jobs, our hugs, life as we know it. So, now that the world is upside down, I’m going to flip this scripture.

For what will it profit a man if he gains his soul and forfeits the whole world?

That, children of God, is what we have. We have gained our soul and we have lost our world. This special time we have is a time for us to one, meditate and live into what it means to “gain our soul” and two, acknowledge and work through a reality of “forfeiting the world.” Can we do this? Can we do the hard work to shift and mold our character and soul while being real humans about our loss? I think by the Holy Spirit we can and we must!

Not sure if it’s Warren Buffet or Benjamin Graham, one of these old wealthy rich dudes, said to do something creative, brave and generous every day. Through these three categories I hope to make tangible the posture of Matthew 16:26. I also want to share a daily prayer posture. I hope this reset and reframe God has put on humanity will lead to a kinder, more vulnerable, and more overtly interdependent world. We need each other and each other is the funnest way through. Virtually, of course. STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE!

Prayer: Grief. Be real and honest with God with loss you are experiencing and you see the world around you experiencing. Give it to God, hardcore lay it on God. Take a breath and let God really respond however God does.

Creative: Dance and jam to a song. YAS queen.

Brave: Who can you forgive?

Generous: Pray for someone who annoys you.

Psalm 13: Express your Vengeance

January 19, 2020 — Leave a comment

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?

There is nothing wrong with expressing your anger and even your desire for revenge. Sometimes the injustice of the world and your own loneliness are so palpable they overflow into cursing everyone else, especially those who seem to get away with everything. This world has full of those injustices. Those who deserve judgement may never get it. This who are helpless stay in their pits for way too long.

Express it fully.

Speak it out.

How much you want evil to crumple!

How much you want to be pulled out of the cave!

How God has forgotten you.

He hasn’t, but it certainly feels like it.

And your feelings are valid.

Violence is a response to unspoken anger.

Violence is what happens when we bottle it up and the lid explodes uncontrollably.

But if we can honestly express.

Honestly hear what we express.

We might see some of the things we hold as true, are not as true as the fact that —

God will come.

God has come.

God is here and has not left you.

Feel that fully.

Embrace that fully.

Speak out in praise!

John 15: You’re doing good when you’re being stripped

January 19, 2020 — Leave a comment

Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.

How do you know you’re bearing fruit? When you’re getting pruned! When you’re being stripped. When you’re feeling exposed. When you’re getting smaller but more focused. You’re bearing fruit when it hurts. When you’re in the process. When you’re growing out of your old clothes and still trying to find new clothes to wear.

You bear fruit not in the stagnant. You bear fruit when you’re not thinking about the fruit, but just trying to stay alive and attached. You bear fruit not when you notice it, but when others see you remaining in the fire.

How do you know you’re bearing fruit? When it feels like you’ve got more to bear. Persevere. Stay the path. That’s bearing fruit.

Sh*t Christians Don’t Say: Egos

July 9, 2019 — Leave a comment

We all LOVE preaching at the pulpit pride is bad. Pride comes before the fall. Those who are proud will be humbled. We will preach our lungs out about being humble and to set aside yourself, for Jesus… and maybe for others.

Yet do we do that when we engage with someone who challenges our theology, our thought process, our framework? Do we really hold an openness to engage humbly with those who present a different way of thinking?

I am very guilty of wanting immediately to write someone off if they love Trump or say something so overtly racist that my heart aches and I fume. And for many people, they would find no error in my ways. But I really don’t want to be that person. Jesus hung out with people who disdained him, who believed and said very contrary things to him. Yet he managed to hold space. I am not Jesus and I probably could not withhold the pain and harm as well as he did, (well I guess he didn’t either — he died.) But I really want to try. I don’t want my circles to be of people who all think like me. Diversity is so buzzy nowadays, and to that, how broad is our landscape of diversity. Do we have diversity in color, gender, socioeconomics, faith, career, thought and so forth? Look around, do the people you hang with all look, think and act like you?

This is not to say that you should let ANYONE into your inner temple. Nah people need to earn your trust for those inner courts. What does trust entail? Love and safety. Commitment and faithfulness. Forgive the and humility. Vulnerability and an ability to listen. Hopefully a sense of humor and no judgy eyes when I kill a bag of Hot Fries. The last few I added for my specific courts.

But I really do try and it is hard and ever increasingly impossible. It requires breaths and filters and thinking the best of another. It’s hard but thus is life. I’m friends with Christians and heathens alike. But why is it that so many of my Christian friends can not handle conversations where their frameworks are being challenged? It’s as if their faith is in their framework, not in their God. God is rooted. God is unchangeable, but our frameworks can. How does Jesus talk to people? Differently depending on who he is talking to? He’s the same. He has integrity. When I challenge especially white Christians on race, gentrification, and god, white male Christians, on being a woman, I honestly am often met with skepticism and defensiveness. They meet me as if I’m an anomaly and I must prove every point I make. Again that feeds into the fact that YOU ARE IN THE DOMINANCE AND REVERSE RACISM & SEXISM DO NOT EXIST.

Please for the love of God trust that I am not demolishing your worth and your God when we have uncomfortable complicated complex conversations. I am trying to bring us closer, to find a common ground. Stop equating your worth with your mind and thoughts and your life here. That’s your ego. Your EGO should be killed because then you will all the more know your worth and God are still immovable.

Day 48: Keep on for Jesus

February 2, 2019 — Leave a comment

Numbers 25-27; Psalm 48

How do people read the Word of God when it feels so far removed from it that it feels more a burden than a blessing? All this fighting and quarreling feels petty and stupid. All this talk about inheritance makes me eye roll — although I see The foreshadowing as well of Boaz and Ruth, the prodigal sin, and Jesus making himself our inheritance. Alright, alright. The laying of the foundation for what is to come. Because thankfully what still keeps me in the faith, however we define it in this judgmental culture, is Jesus and the gospel: good news. What keeps me reading is the showing up of Jesus who was radical AF. Who didn’t talk about wars but more told us to take care of the poor by doing it himself? He isn’t petty. He’s brutally honest and funny and compassionate. I see how people can separate the God of the OT and the God of the NT. Well God and Jesus are different, and the same. They express different sides of compassion, justice and priorities. They show the 3-dimensional look of life and emotions.

But I’m struggling to keep doing this. I’m bored. I expected this reading to open me in a way to see God differently. Well, I guess it has. He’s bigger than the Bible. He’s more than the Bible. A mirror only reflects a person, but isn’t the person. God isn’t the Bible. The Bible reflects him and right now its reflections seem like a mirror held far away. My God is still a big badass caring motherfucker and with all the damn violence in the OT, you can cuss.

Day 43: Romanticizing the past

January 28, 2019 — Leave a comment

Numbers 11-13; Psalm 43

On lonely nights I remember my ex fondly. I remember how we were innocent kids who shared dreams and drinks. I remember how he told me I was beautiful and that he would marry me one day. And I miss him and I start to think that maybe it could really still work out for him. Of course I forget all my crying, all our fights, all the awful things that can’t be unsaid. Of course I forget the aching pain of leaving someone who you know doesn’t care for you the same way. The pains become foggy and I romanticize the past. Don’t we all do that when we’re unhappy with our current state but don’t have a viable future ahead? Don’t we romanticize the past when we feel stuck right now and not sure if things are really going to turn out better in the future? And I plead with you, that when you start to play those fairytales and whine about going back to places you’ve been freed from, take a moment and breathe. I know you’re sad and afraid and lonely and doubting. I know it’s scary and the future is uncertain. Sometimes it feels better to settle for some hurt than be where we are right now, alone. Sometimes I’d rather have a beautiful 6 hour night and deal with the 6 heartbreaking days of withdrawal after. But I plead with you in those moments to cry, to ask for help, to be honest, instead of going back. I always go back and I always feel pain. God help me! God help me to trust when I’m afraid. God help me be vulnerable with my longings. God help me to be real and honest. God thank you for freeing me. Help me to see that this freedom is better than previous shackles.

Day 23: Rules, Rules, Rules

January 8, 2019 — Leave a comment

Exodus 19-21; Psalm 23

Here comes the rules. Rules are a imperfect manifestation of wisdom and social justice and goodness. It’s a way of making sense of a less tangible sense of holiness and right way of living. It’s an asymptote to living for God. If we follow all the rules but without consent and knowing the heart behind them, it’s not love. It feels like prison and a system of trying not to cross the line. I’m not saying rules are bad. If you look at the rules and commandments and understand this helps us prioritize God before self, this helps us trust our provision, this teaches relational goodness, and you agree with the foundation of these said commandments, then you’re not following out of obligation but rather living according to a good way. So don’t fall pray to a need to follow 10 commandments and 52 other ones to be a “person of God.” What do the commandments say about God, you and people? How does each commandment help us live in just relationship with God, others and ourselves? Because when Jesus comes he revamps these rules, not by abolishing them but actually by revealing the impossible-like heart of God’s way. Do not lust? Damn that covers a lot of ground and makes us really think through our ideas of intimacy, relationship and love. Forgive fully? Damn that makes us rethink reparations, revenge, Grace, mercy and endurance. Those ideas are big and broad and require wisdom and freedom and a continual conversation with God. I can follow rules; now living a life where each moment is surrendered to God’s wisdom and freedom? That requires faith.