prayer

The God I cannot fathom

February 5, 2021 — Leave a comment

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine, according to his power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Ephesians 3:20-21

I need this today because I feel like I can’t fully imagine a hopeful and bright possibility. I need this today because I feel like I’ve asked for the same things over and over again and the answer has not been the resounding yes that makes me feel like things will be okay. I need this today because I need a reality and a truth and a God who can imagine and do more than my mind, heart and soul can fathom.

On the days when I want to give up, may I come back to this God who has endurance and perseverance that I can’t fathom.

On the days when I feel so inadequate and want to sneak into a cave to hide, may I come back to this God who has the patience and kindness that I can’t fathom.

On the days when I feel like hope is too scary, may I come back to this God who hopes hundredfold on my behalf.

On the days when I feel too exhausted to seek out this God, may God come to me with a strength and presence I cannot deny.

Prayer to Expand Love

February 4, 2021 — Leave a comment

I ask you, therefore, not to be discouraged because of my sufferings for you, which are your glory. For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, to know this love that surpasses knowledge — that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Ephesians 3:13-19

This, too, is my prayer for that. First, that you will know that God is with you, for you, in you, and that you know this by faith, a faith that surpasses understanding, circumstances and feeling. Second, once you trust this truth that God is with you, for you and in you, you can feel the presence of love and the Spirit establishing and making home. Here, you never feel alone. Even when you feel stuck or stagnant, you can trust that each moment the Spirit is spreading more of their presence and roots in you, with bloom on the horizon. And finally, as you become firm in this truth that God is with you, for you, and in you, shining through you, marking you, renewing you, those around you can see your expansion of love. I pray your expansion of love spills out and shines through so that those around you can sense with more certainty and wonder God’s presence. May you become so full of God’s love and presence that the boundaries between you and not you blur, so that love permeates throughout. This is my prayer for you. This love expansion is not a muscling or doing; it stems from a belief that God is with you, for you and in you. Your love will expand if you allow for your surrender to God’s love. Surrendering to God’s love is scary and requires courage. I pray courage for you.

Vigilance in Thanksgiving & Prayer

January 21, 2021 — Leave a comment

For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all God’s people, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him as his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also the one to come.

Ephesians 1:15-21

Are we so moved by the faith others have in God and their love for people that we are continually thankful for them and keep them in our prayers? I certainly catch myself skeptical that anyone has this faith and love. I stop myself because I’m so concerned with judging whether their faith is big enough and love for others obvious enough. I am guilty of this when I think of the Americans to tout Jesus name while storming the capitol during an insurrection. I am guilty of neglecting those who say they are Christians yet act in a way that doesn’t align with my beliefs. I want to block these people out on the basis that my reason for even thinking and praying for them does not exist. And I move on, and life goes on.

But what if? What if I hold the first part of this clause loosely and expand my awareness and heart to people who exclaim faith in God and people who love, with less judgment and more compassion, and shift to the prayer portion. What if instead of writing others off, I am vigilant about praying that wisdom and truth for all, including myself? What if I am vigilant with being thankful and staying in gratitude and service? What if I am vigilant about my OWN faith in God and my OWN love for God’s people, and praying for myself to grow in awareness, truth and wisdom? I think this place of non-judgment and expansion is the only healthy and potentially most effective/efficient way to spur action. Vigilance in prayer inevitably lead to action. Prayer is active. Prayer is shifting our hearts and the hearts of others so that we come into alignment with God’s purposes of unity and redemption.

My prayer is that we let go of our need to fix others, focus on how we can up our faith and love, and in turn inspire others to do the same through tangible demonstration.

Remember that Pivotal Moment

January 11, 2021 — Leave a comment

Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you endured in a great conflict full of suffering. Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult and persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated. You suffered along with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions. So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For, ‘In just a little while, he who is coming will come and will not delay.’ And, ‘But my righteous one will live by faith. And I take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back.’ But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.

Hebrews 10:32-39

Remember when you were a kid and jumped four monkey bars because you had to and because you really believed you could make it? Remember when you were a kid and skateboarded and scraped your knees real bad, yet got back up and dared to get back on it? Remember when you first came to know God’s love? Where you were? Who you were with? What God said exactly to your aching, desperate heart? Remember how nothing of this world could pop that hope and joy of feeling so loved, seen and on mission? God had you. God saw you. God was pushing you onto a path that required insane faith and courage.

Remember those moments during the pandemic when you were so grateful you could connect with a friend, even though it was on shitty wifi over Zoom? Remember that first hug after months of not having hugged anyone? Remember that moment when you thought, oh even through this I can come out better and God is with me? Remember when you got so angry over the racism and killings? Remember when you vowed to give your life to a cause greater than yourself? Remember when you were on fire to protest even if it meant you might be called out for not knowing enough or not having done enough up till now? Remember when despite that fear, you went anyway because you trusted that these incremental steps of change were the most important? Remember when you pulled all those resources to make a difference for the elections? Remember when you felt that all this current pain is worth it?

As each day passes and explosive events evolve into daily occurrences that we are desensitized to, and our first impression fervor fades into acceptance or perhaps apathy, I pray we come back to that initial faith and fervor. I pray that we go back to that moment when God called you, God saw you and demanded that you know with all your being that you are called for something huge. I pray that we go back to that moment when we really believe that our actions and our words really matter and can impact in huge ways. I pray that acceptance of evil in the world and apathy in our hearts never have time to settle. I pray that we do the small incremental acts that change the community around us, and mostly change the heart within us. Let us remember who we have been called to be and persevere till we receive the prizes full.

Be a Witness of Hope

January 7, 2021 — Leave a comment

Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, ‘Sit here while I go over there and pray.’ He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, ‘My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.’ Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, ‘My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.’ Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. ‘Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?’ he asked Peter. ‘Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.’ He went away a second time and prayed, ‘My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.’ When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing. Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, ‘Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour has come, and the Son of Man is delivered into the hands of sinners. Rise! Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!’

Matthew 26:36-46

The truth is always something that is told, not something that is known. If there were no speaking or writing, there would be no truth about anything. There would only be what is.

Susan Sontag

Jesus’ time at Gethsemane might be ‘the calm before the storm,’ the ‘storm’ being his torture & execution. While I think what is to come is horrible, this moment before is equally scary, maybe even more devastating. In this moment, Jesus is at the edge of a cliff, knowing he needs to jump but cannot even see the bottom. Jesus feels the depth of sorrow. Jesus feels the loneliness with his friends asleep. This task is for uniquely for him, and only he can fulfill it.

The gap between knowing what needs to be done and doing the thing reveals our fears and our faith. How do we get from our ego to a kind of living that thinks beyond ourselves which incorporates God’s will? How do we arrive at a place where our will aligns with God’s will, not out of obligation, but out of love and purpose? How can we act from a place of surrender & sorrow? How can we act from a place of service when what we witness breaks our hearts? How can we become witnesses of surrender & a will greater than ourselves?

Bring your defeats, your doubts and fears to God. Be radically honest. I pray God honors your honesty with radical trust. Live out of that radical trust that you have a great purpose. When you can sense and see the sorrow of this world, yet choose to go on, you are a witness of hope.

Dream Away

January 5, 2021 — Leave a comment

And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, ‘If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.’ Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from suffering. At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, ‘Who touched my clothes?’ ‘You see people crowding against you,’ his disciples answered, ‘and yet you can ask, ‘Who touched me?” But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. He said to her, ‘Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.’

Mark 5:25-34

Focus more on your desire than on your doubt, and the dream will take care of itself.

Mark Twain

This passage is short. It can be easy to dismiss it quickly as just another miracle of Jesus. However if we step into this woman’s life and really see the impact of her actions, we would see how this woman led her life with hope. This woman had spent over a decade in pain. She spent over a decade looking for solutions, that all failed, that made her situation worse. She spent over a decade in isolation because in Jewish culture, bleeding woman had to be separated because they were considered dirty. She spent over a decade being identified as dirty, diseased, incurable, sick…Those are probably the kinder words used to describe her. If anyone should have given hope it should have been her. If anyone should say FUCK YOU WORLD, it should have been her. Yet her desire to be healed, her dream of being healed stayed in her all these years and she continued to follow that impulse. Some days maybe it was a flicker. Some days maybe it was a beaming light. Some days maybe the hope seemed to disappear. Yet when Jesus, potentially another ‘faith healer’, another dude who said, ‘I’m different, trust me, I can make your life different’, came to town, she went. She leapt and lead with her hope. It wasn’t even in spite of doubt. It was in spite of years of tangible proof of failure and zero results. But still she chose her dream over her doubt. She chose to believe in hope.

Someone who has been through the trenches and still leads in hope is outrageous to the world. This woman was outrageous in her dreams. She didn’t give a F about how people were going to see her. She came out into public and revealed herself, broke the “traditions” of isolation. She exposed herself. She shared her pain and need before the public that probably judged her prior and still in that moment. When Jesus asked, she spilled out her truth because she could not deny that she was living in a miracle. This woman was double healed. There is the healing and a double portion when she shared it. Her healing and power, and place in history were secure when she boldly admitted to her story.

I pray that we lead with hope, even when it feels outrageous. I pray that we feed out dreams and desires, the parts of us that bring pleasure and joy. I pray that we own our stories of pain and healing. I pray that when we see the power of God, we jump at it, to grab a piece for ourselves because it will only make our stories that much more miraculous and impactful for others watching & listening.

Warriors of Hope

October 15, 2020 — Leave a comment

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Romans 5:1-5

Suffering creates perseverance. Perseverance builds character. Character leads to hope. Hope is a byproduct of work, experience, and self-understanding. Hope is the thing that comes pouring out after all the striving, pushing through, climbing up, getting free. Hope is for warriors and survivors.

So for those of you out there, that continue to hope, you are brave. For those of you out there who dare to hope, you know how risky it is to keep your heart open and expectant. For the hopeful, you are an inspiration in this world that wants us to dream small and stay in our lane.

It takes a lot of courage to have hope because it’s scary to keep your heart open still.
It takes pain to still stand in hope because disappointment might be on the other side.
It takes character to be hopeful because it means choosing faith over circumstances.

I pray that even as your shoulders hunch over and you lie fetal position in your bed, you dare to ask for hope. I pray that even when your heart is broken, you dare to hope again. I pray that even when it feels like an uphill battle, you dare to hope out of the trenches, up the mountain to see what awaits. Those that hope in this dark world are the lights we need; we need you and your hope.

Dare you to Hope

October 4, 2020 — Leave a comment

Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about your clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you — you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:25-34

There is a comfort and a familiarity with worrying. There is an acceptance to stress, especially at a time like now. There might even be an expectation to think about all the what if’s and have nots because that aligns with the vibe of the world. I have experienced the guilt of enjoying a moment, of receiving a generous gift, of having a genuine beautiful explosive moment during times of collective sorrow & grief. It feels selfish. It feels inappropriate. It feels like I’m living in a bubble, under a rock and oblivious to how the world is going.

Here’s the truth: the world is hurting. The world has been hurting and the world will continue to hurt. And I pray that our heart will always align with that heartache which drives us to hope and to impact. I pray that the grief and sorrow of this world would propel us to make it better and to make ourselves better. So if this is the reality, can we allow ourselves to also find moments when we don’t have to worry and instead look up at the stars and have an explosive faith that reverberates, I will be okay. Things will be okay? Can we give ourselves permission to enjoy the lilies of the field? Can we give ourselves permission to hope SO BIG that it pushes out the anxiety and fears?

So my exhortation is beyond not worrying. I dare you to enjoy. I dare you to have faith that all things will work out for your good. I dare you to know with all your heart, you will be provided for, especially when it feels empty and lacking right now. I dare you to look at the stars and at the flowers and trust that God loves you even more than those. This is scary. This is vulnerable. To not let worry be our guide but instead to spark the faith and hope in each of us is radical and will make this hurting world a bit more joyful.

Brokenhearted Life

October 1, 2020 — Leave a comment

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.

Psalm 34:18-20

Who needs a break from life? Who feels boxed in? Bruised? Out of breath? Who feels like the tenderness in their heart feels too much? That you’re ready to make it hard.

It may feel broken, but aren’t you standing? Maybe actually you’re stronger than you know. You may feel crushed and tested, but didn’t you make it through yesterday? Maybe you’re actually more rooted than you believe. You may feel surrounded by troubles, but haven’t you always lived a life of troubles yet here you are. Maybe you were created to handle the storms and winds.

A brokenness feeling is equal to a closeness to God. God knows hurt and sorrow and unmet want. What do you need from this closeness of God? What do you need to be reminded of? Where do you need God to lay their hand? For a moment of slowing down, awareness and holding you up.

Be gentle with yourself. You are strong. You are alive and that is your gift to this world.

Blinding Lights

September 21, 2020 — Leave a comment

Meanwhile, Saul was still breathing out murderous threats against the Lord’s disciples. He went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues in Damascus, so that if he found any there who belonged to the Way, whether men or women, he might take them as prisoners to Jerusalem. As he neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, ‘Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?’

‘Who are you, Lord?’ Saul asked.

‘I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,’ he replied. ‘Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.’

The men traveling with Saul stood there speechless; they heard the sound but did not see anyone. Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing. So they led him by the hand into Damascus. For three days he was blind, and did not eat or drink anything.

Acts 9:1-9

Are we imprisoned by certainty & anger? Are we set and determined down a path of destruction, thinking others will get hurt when the resentment is only killing us? Are you being called to let all that shit go?

Saul had all his armor: his achievements, his purpose, his status, his community, his resume on paper. God needed to blind him, to set his eyes on something new. God needed to make him helpless and dependent in order for him to starve out the toxins that were in his body. What will it take for you to let go of your armor, detox and drop whatever is making you tense and tight?

What is your anger covering up? Where do you feel injustice? How would you like the world to be? Why? Who would benefit if you got this world? Would it make you more vulnerable and empathetic? If you got this world, would it bring people together or tear communities apart? I hope that under our righteous anger is a compassion for humanity and a hope that renewal is possible & coming. I pray that you can let the anger point to the compassionate fragile beautiful heart inside that God wants to use, and actually, can only use. Be caring. Be fragile. Let go of that armor.