prayer

CBG: Sacrificial Love 3

June 3, 2020 — Leave a comment

And behold, a man came up to [Jesus], saying, “Teacher, what good deed must I do to have eternal life?” And he said to him, “Why do you ask me about what is good? There is only one who is good. If you would enter life, keep the commandments.” He said to him, “Which ones?” And Jesus said, “You shall not murder, You shall not commit adultery, You shall not steal, You shall not bear false witness, Honor your father and mother, and, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” The young man said to him, “All these I have kept. What do I still lack?” Jesus said to him, “If you would be perfect, go, sell, what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” When the young man heard this he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.

Matthew 19:16-22

This man has good intentions. He’s showing up. He’s asking questions. He wants to be on the right path. When Jesus lists out commandments for him to follow, the man clearly knows them and says he has indeed followed them. What else? So, Jesus tacks on sell it all and follow me. That crushes the man because that’s A LOT he has to sacrifice.

The road to hell is paved by good intentions. Good intentions are not enough. First, the man’s question was already faulty. Yes, he’s asking, and the question reveals his heart. He believes that his way to heaven lies in his good deeds. He believes that his way to eternal life lies in his power to do good. He believes he can do good. He already exists in a false paradigm of a work-based life. Jesus tries to reimagine and expand the man’s concept of good and the man’s ability to do good. First he reflects back the man’s way of thinking and then responds with a question in the language the man would understand to further expose the man’s heart. And the man responds with a lack of humility, a lack of self-awareness of his own lack and full-blown ego and self-congratulation. Jesus then reflects that the man’s response demonstrates the man thinks he’s done well, perfect indeed, but still truly knows there’s more. The man really thinks he’s done it all, he’s not at fault, throw him the next challenge. Jesus then cuts straight in: surrender all the present security, trust it lies ahead and come with me. Jesus pushed the man beyond his comfort, beyond what he was willing to give up, beyond his security into a land of discomfort and hard uncomfortable faithful sacrifice.

My intentions may be good. Bravo for a beat. However, am I willing to check my heart and my ego beyond my good deeds and practices. Do I recognize that good actions are not enough for change? Good actions might prompt for and reveal a changing heart, but I need to always be working on changing my mindset, my views, my perspectives, my heart. Then that heart MUST be demonstrated by good actions. And the work NEVER STOPS on this side of heaven. Our heart always has more room to expand and grow and learn. And our actions will keep reflecting that. A messier take on the chicken or the egg.

I need to do the hard work of seeing where I am arrogant, where I am self-righteous and where I am truly truly putting my security. Am I asking the right questions? Are my questions centering on my goodness or are my questions scary, uncomfortable invitations to see where I can shift and be more? Am I living a life that is truly sacrificial, where it actually hurts my own security, where it relies on faith, where it relies on the trust that if ETERNAL LIFE is what I believe and seek, then whatever I give up now in the present is a drop in the bucket! Currently, not really. I don’t only need to do better, but I need to be better. And if I truly believe I have it all and my soul is most important, what do I have to fear.

Prayer: God in my discomfort and inabilities, give me the courage to see how you see me and what you have in store for me, so that I can continue the work every day to be better and do better.

What hurts to sacrifice and surrender?

CBG: Sacrificial Love 2

June 2, 2020 — Leave a comment

Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you every thing.’ And out of pity for him, the mater of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from you heart.’

Matthew 18:23-35

This servant owed ten thousand talents. He was in the dumps. Every moment of his life is fogged by this heavy debt. His punishment for non-payment is slavery for his family. Because of his plea, the master forgave everything. The master didn’t give him a deferral or a payment plant. The master wiped the servant of ALL his debt and restored to him freedom and lightness.

This servant, in his freedom, in his newfound power and lightness, sees an opportunity to take advantage and make another person feel what he used to feel. He wants to amplify the power he just received. He wants to hold onto that top position by having someone under him, owe him, be humiliated by him. He used his newfound freedom and power to do the one thing he begged not to happen to him.

His experience of grace and abundance could not penetrate his deepest layer of fear and lack. He was forgiven. He was given the biggest proof that he would be taken care of, that he had the KINDEST MASTER but that was not enough. He still needed his own tangible security, a tangible feel of his power. How often do we experience such grace and abundance yet still listen to our fears and lacks? How often do we get an unexpected provision yet can’t spare a few dollars to a neighbor who needs a meal? How often have you experienced that lightness and freedom from God because you are beloved and that will never change, yet can’t stand someone in our own homes?

I’m guilty of this. It’s a lifelong practice to remember all we have, all we have been given, all the privileges and power we have, and from that lean towards forgiveness, generosity and kindness for others. The person might not deserve it, probably doesn’t! Neither did you. Neither did I. It’s easy to see parables like this and dismiss it as something we won’t do because it’s SO extreme. It’s not in the extremes that pain roots. It’s in the every day choices and words that slowly layer into merciless and hardened hearts. May we hold our power and privilege in ways that reflect God’s character.

Prayer: God help me practice in my daily words and actions a generosity and forgiveness, an unrelenting hope that reflects the truth of my belovedness.

Who can you forgive today even though they don’t deserve it?

CBG: Sacrificial Love 1

June 1, 2020 — Leave a comment

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death — even death on a cross!

Philippians 2:5-8

We preach this passage a lot. It’s the fuzzies. It’s warm. It makes us feel all things are possible. Hope, you know. Humility. AMEN. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. #humility #vibes

Let me break down what Jesus really did, void of the fluffy intentions we think and hope in theory we too “want” to enact. Jesus was GOD. He was safe. He was chillin’ in heaven palace. He was GOOD. He was SO DAMN GOOD, like 100%, Webster’s definition of GOOD. He was privileged. Shout that for those in the nosebleeds. JESUS WAS A GOOD DUDE WHO WAS PRIVILEGED.

And he gave it up. He gave up his status. He gave up his home. He gave up his accolades. He gave up his position. He gave it all up to be a vulnerable baby.

Guess what?! Then he earned that all back! Yes, he did! He learned the Bible like no other. He was the best preacher by far. He was a charismatic leader. People were throwing themselves on him. People were following him. People were sacrificing expensive perfume to wash his dirty feet.

And then he gave it all up. Again. Stripped himself of dignity, of voice, of clothes, of family, of community. Stripped. Humiliated. Silenced. Accused. Mocked. Became nothing. Again.

Why? Because he loved us. He loved us oppressed, up our asses, humans. He loved the vulnerable, the ugly, the messy, the undeserving, the imprisoned, the sick, the healthy, the greedy, the generous. He loved us. He saw what could be possible — a redeemed humanity. A humanity freed from greed and evil, of -ism’s and separations — a humanity restored. He broke himself and broke the system for redemption.

May we, may I, love in this manner. Can I give up my voice? Can I give up my place? Can I give up my status? Can I give up my achievements? Can I give up all the things I’ve earned for the sake of a redeemed humanity? Can I give up my life for the sake of a full soul?

Prayer: God make me this kind of woman, daughter, friend, sister, colleague, human.

What am I holding onto that I am unwilling to give up because I am afraid of losing my place and privilege?

CBG: Judas

May 31, 2020 — Leave a comment

After saying these things, Jesus was troubled in his spirit, and testified. “Truly, truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me.” The disciples looked at one another, uncertain of whom he spoke. One of his disciples, whom Jesus loved, was reclining at the table at Jesus’ side, so Simon Peter motioned to him to ask Jesus of whom he was speaking. So that disciple, leaning back against Jesus, said to him, “Lord, who is it?” Jesus answered, “It is he to whom I will give this morsel of bread when I have dipped it.” So when he had dipped the morsel, he gave it to Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot. Then after he had taken the morsel, Satan entered him. Jesus said to him, “What are you going to do, do quickly.”

John 13:21-27

Judas hung with Jesus, knew the guy, loved the guy. Judas was there supporting Jesus. He was there when he went against the Pharisees and those in power. Judas was in the inner circle. He helped with the miracles of supporting the vulnerable and the disenfranchised. He was doing the work. He was at the dinner table. There is nothing more intimate than sharing a meal. Judas was so close, one of the good guys, one of the friends. Judas was invited into Jesus’ heart, mission, purposes. He knew Jesus. He loved Jesus. He betrayed Jesus.

I pray that we do the work of dismantling oppressive systems. I pray that we give voice to those who are the most vulnerable. I pray that we can lay down our comforts and put our money down for the causes. I pray that we stand firm against evil, against white supremacy and against racism.

I pray most that we don’t forget we can all be Judas. We are all Judas. We can do the work and we can shout, out there and forget the friend right next to us. We can give our money and repost and forget to check ourselves at the dinner table. We can give our lives up and declare promises to do better, and in our safe inner circles when no one is looking, we harbor other thoughts.

I need to actively love my black friends and neighbors that are right in front of me, for my shouts for change to be sustained by a changing heart. I must get uncomfortable, put my ego aside, apologize when I haven’t done enough and check in with my friends and neighbors who are black and who I love, supposedly. If I don’t start here, what is my work for? I must do the work not for surface media coverage, but for true restoration, sanctification and redemption. That is not a momentary trending work. It is a life long discipline.

  1. If God is your judge, how would you be acting differently?
  2. Where have you felt alone this week?
  3. Where have you felt in community?
  4. What do you need?

CBG: Faithfulness

May 26, 2020 — Leave a comment

And [Jesus] said, “There was a man who had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, “Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.” And he divided the property between them. Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything. But when he came to himself, he said, “How many of my father’s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.” And he arose and came to his father.

But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.” But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost and is found. And they began to celebrate.

Now his older son was in the field, and as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. And he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said, “Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf, because he has received him back safe and sound.’ But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him, but he answered his father, ‘Look, these many years I have served you, and I have never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!’ And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost and is found.”

Luke 15:11-32

I want to be like the Father in this story: generous, quick to forgive and gentle. His younger son had squandered his money, disgraced the family name, broken up the family and yet, he sees the heart of the matter. His son was lost and is now found! Everything else — material, past hurts, pains — pale in comparison to this true victory! When his older son is angry, he listens and then beckons him in with love.

However, we are often like the children. Some days we are the younger son — impulsive, short-sighted and self-deprecating. YOLO at its finest. He goes from living big and large to forsaking his identity to become a servant. Other days we are very much the older son — rigid, slightly resentful and victim-prone. He lives his life in a particular order from a place of obligation and systems rather than from freedom and love. The sons are so involved with themselves that they miss the presence of their father, their reason, their security, their everything.

The father is faithful both to the son who hurts him and to the son who resents him. He sees his sons, their identity that cannot be marred by circumstances. He remembers how they were as children. He remembers how they have loved him and needed him, and truly will always need him. He hopes even when he’s been hurt. He draws near even in the face of hard impenetrable armor. He sacrifices his goods because they are not sacrifices; they are celebrations! The father is faithfulness embodied. Faithfulness defies reason. Faithfulness draws from love. Faithfulness is an unbreakable vow that can’t be explained with words. Faithfulness is a promise to hold and love even when the object of our affections doesn’t return the same.

Prayer: God I pray for a faithfulness to your sanctification and your guidance. I pray to be tethered to nothing else, but your call and purposes for my life. I pray that that faithfulness to you will bring me to places that make no sense, people that make no sense and purposes that are aligned with your heart.

Character: Where, what and who have you been holding out of obligation?

Grace: Where, what and who have held you?

CBG: Goodness

May 25, 2020 — Leave a comment

And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. And God saw that the light was good.

And God said, “Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear.” And it was so. God called the dry land Earth, and the waters that were gathered together he called Seas. And God saw that it was good.

The earth brought forth vegetation, plants, yielding seed according to their own kinds, and trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.

And God made the two great lights — the greater light to rule the day and the lesser light to rule the night — and the stars. And God set them in the expanse of the heavens to give light on the earth, to rule over the day and over the night, and to separate the light from the darkness. And God saw it was good.

So God created the great sea creatures and every living creature that moves, with which waters swarm, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.

And God made the beasts of the earth according to their kinds and the livestock according to their kinds, and everything that creeps on the ground according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.

And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good.

Genesis 1:3, 9-10, 12, 16-17, 21, 25, 31

A satisfaction where there used to be a lack. A fulfillment where there used to be a need. A fullness where there used to be emptiness. A way of life that makes sense where there used to be stagnancy. Purposes accomplished where there used to be nothingness to strive towards. A right way of being that aligns with the heart of God where there used to be a white canvas of possibility.

Goodness leaves us in awe of what is and what can be. Goodness shows us the possibility of humanity working together and for each other. Goodness humbles us to look up and say, wow. Goodness warms hearts, souls and bellies that were hungry. Goodness closes the distance between relationships. Goodness creates the unexpected that was the exact thing that fits. Goodness demonstrates the wholeness and communion of God.

Prayer: God help us see the wonders and beauties around us. God help us see ourselves as part of the wonders and beauty of your handiwork. God make us creators of wonder and beauty in our relationships, our words and our work.

Character: In what ways have I neglected the good that is me, that is others, that is the world?

Grace: How does your body and mind respond when you are satisfied?

CBG: Reflection

May 24, 2020 — 1 Comment

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather healed. Strive for peace with everyone, and for holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.

Hebrews 12:11-15

It’s difficult to lift your hands when you are tired. It’s hard to keep walking when your knees have already buckled a few times. It’s arduous to keep on the path when everything in the moment feels out of line. Yet it’s in the small acts of defiance towards our hopelessness and doubt that we experience our power and strength. It isn’t easy, but the alternative is worst. The moping, the complaining, the self-doubt, the defeat will sink deep and plant roots that will take even more work to pull out later. So today, this moment I ask and pray that you and I will look towards peace rather than protecting our ego. I hope that we can focus our hearts to open and give. I pray that we become fearless in the furnace of character and faith building. We are being trained for battle.

  1. What has your self-doubt been saying this week?
  2. What activities and people lead you towards complaining?
  3. How have you defied hopelessness?
  4. Who is cheering you on?

CBG: Kindness

May 23, 2020 — Leave a comment

And David said, “Is there still anyone left of the house of Saul, that I may show him kindness for Jonathan’s sake?” Now there was a servant of the house of Saul whose name was Ziba, and they called him to David. And the king said to him, “Are you Ziba?” And he said, “I am your servant.” And the king said, “Is there not still someone of the house of Saul, that I may show the kindness of God to him?” Ziba said to the king, “There is still a son of Jonathan; he is crippled in his feet.” The king said to him, “Where is he?” And Ziba said to the king, “He is in the house of Machir the son of Ammiel, at Lo-debar.” Then King David sent and brought him from the house of Machir the son of Ammiel, at Lo-debar. And Mephibosheth the son of Jonathan, son of Saul, came to David and fell on his face and paid homage. And David said, “Mephibosheth!” And he answered, “Behold, I am your servant.” And David to him, “Do not fear, for I will show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan, and I will restore to you all the land of Saul your father, and you shall eat at my table always.” And he paid homage and said, “What is your servant, that you should show regard for a dead dog such as I?” Then the king called Ziba, Saul’s servant, and said to him, “All that belonged to Saul and to all his house I have given to your master’s grandson. And you and your sons and your servants shall till the land for him and shall bring in the produce, that your master’s grandson may have bread to eat. But Mephibosheth your master’s grandson shall always eat at my table.” Now Ziba had fifteen sons and twenty servants. Then Ziba said to the king, “According to all that my lord the king commands his servant, so will your servant do.” So Mephibosheth ate at David’s table, like one of the king’s sons.

2 Samuel 9:1-11

Maybe you’ve never said, What is your servant, that you should show regard for such a dead dog as I?, however, I hope you have had moments of unexpected generosity and attention. In those moments, you see how you expected to be treated versus how you are treated. There is no me versus you; it’s us.

Kindness requires sacrifice on one end and surrender on the other, neither easier than the other. Kindness requires eyes meeting. Kindness is close and intimate. It says, you are welcomed to come in. Kindness feels like the only right way for the people involved even if it often feels absurd to anyone observing. Kindness doesn’t add up even though it’s the only way to wholeness. Kindness is humanity connecting on the deepest level to meet each other’s needs.

Prayer: God make me someone who sees others and cares well even when my mind fights it.

Character: Where have you sacrificed hospitality?

Grace: What acts of generosity and attention have you experienced recently?

CBG: Patience

May 22, 2020 — Leave a comment

The words of Nehemiah the son of Hacaliah. Now it happened in the month of Chislev, in the twentieth year, as I was in Susa the citadel, that Hanani, one of my brothers, came with certain men from Judah. And I asked them concerning the Jews who escaped, who had survived the exile, and concerning Jerusalem. And they said to me, “The remnant there in the province who had survived the exile is in great trouble and shame. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates are destroyed by fire.” As soon as I heard these words I sat down and wept and mourned for days, and I continued fasting and praying before the God of heaven…O Lord let your ear be attentive to the prayer of your servant, and to the prayer of your servants who delight to fear your name, and give success to your servant today, and grant him mercy in the sight of this man.” Now I was the cupbearer to the king. In the month of Nisan, in the twentieth year of King Artaxerxes, when was was before him, I took up the wine and gave it to the king. Now I had not been sad in his presence. And the king said to me, “Why is your face sad, seeing you are not sick?” This is nothing but sadness of the heart.” Then I was much very much afraid. I said to the king, “Let the king live forever! Why should not my face by sad when the city, the place of my fathers’ graves, lies in ruins and its gates have been destroyed by fire?” Then the king said to me, “What are you requesting?”

Nehemiah 1:1-4, 11-2:4

Between the report Nehemiah received in Chislev (November/December) and his request to the king in Nisan (March/April) is 4 months. During that waiting period, Nehemiah, wept, mourned, prayed, fasted and also attended to his duties. As soon as the King asked him what he wanted, Nehemiah laid out his plans. And the king granted him what he asked.

Patience isn’t sedentary. It’s not doing nothing in hopes that something will spring out of zero. Patience is simmering and preparing one’s heart for the right moment to take action. Patience is acting from a place of preparedness. Patience requires faith that we do not dictate diving timing, whereas we live under its reign. Patience is trusting that there is a script beyond our mini scenes and the few characters we get to interact with; that if we allow it, we will see a whole greater narrative unfold without us getting in the way of it. Patience is choosing the collective long-term good over one’s immediate comforts and desires. Patience is the inhale of a situation and an exhale of how I am feeling, before another inhale of how are they feeling and an exhale of what do we need here. Soon, the breaths will ease their way into action. Do we have the faith to make space for the breaths?

Prayer: God help me to breathe before speaking, breathe before judging, breathe before acting. God help me to trust your divine timing and help me to let go of my plans that come from fear or a need to control. God help me to honor what is currently on my plate while stilling holding close the desires of my heart.

Character: Where am I holding my breath because I want to hold control?

Grace: Where have former prayers and dreams transition into actualizations?

CBG: Peace

May 21, 2020 — Leave a comment

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; he utters his voice, the earth melts.
The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Come, behold the works of the Lord, how he has brought desolation on the earth.
He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the chariots with fire.
Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!
The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Psalm 46

What do you hold onto when the foundations you’ve set your feet on fall away? Your security and your safety net, if you were ever lucky enough to have one, show themselves to not be stable after all. Where do you look when all you’ve worked towards is thrown into emptiness? Your achievements and your diligence are unprepared for new obstacles. When you thought you had done enough and gotten on top of your circumstances, exhaustion creeps in. How will you make it to the morning?

Peace is the anchoring into what hasn’t been been shaken and what hasn’t been defeated. Peace is making room for God’s presence when everything around you is telling you to close up shop and protect. Peace is looking at everything coming at you while focusing on the fortress of your character and God that exist in between. Peace is hearing the noise and shouts yet recalibrating the breath to a 4 count inhale, 4 count exhale. Peace is seeing all that seems against us with compassion. Peace is silent during the good times and loud during the hard times. Peace is a practice of presence. Peace is a muscle of response rather than one of reaction. Peace is a choice to surrender control.

Prayer: God I pray that you will reveal where I am placing my trust. Teach me how to breathe in a manner that quiets me and those in my presence. Teach me to pause before reacting out of anger or hurt. Teach me to see attacks and attackers with compassion.

Character: Where am I choosing to fight by ignoring the bigger scene and narrative?

Grace: How can I make room for moments of presence today?