prayer

CBG: Blank

April 20, 2020 — Leave a comment

But Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues at Damascus, so that if he found any belonging to the Way, men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem. Now as he went on his way, he approached Damascus, and suddenly a light from heaven shown around him. And falling to the ground he heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” And he said, “Who are you, Lord?” And he said, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. But rise and enter the city, and you will be told what you are to do.” The men who were traveling with him stood speechless, hearing the voice but seeing no one. Saul rose from the ground , and although his eyes were opened, he saw nothing. So they led him by the hand and brought him into Damascus. And for three days he was without sight, and neither ate nor drank.”

Acts 9:1-9

Saul is so angry. The root of anger is a sense of injustice. His system is being attacked. This system where he derives his purpose and identity is being threatened. Because God forbid his system is wrong. What would that mean for his life, his mission, his identity, his everything? He needs to protect and no one better get in his way! And there was probably nothing on this earth that could convince him to do otherwise. So God pulls the God card – appearing as a voice from heaven, and so real that even Saul’s companions can hear it. This coronavirus feels like a God card, blinding us from the path we were set on and making us dependent on whoever is nearby whether we like it or not. Saul doesn’t know he’s going to get his sight back. Saul doesn’t know he’s about to commit his life to the one thing he would never in a million years do. Right now his anger and confidence are simply knocked away by a sense of helplessness and dependancy. An unknowing of what just happened. An unknowing of what will happen. All he has is a certainty that Jesus is real and a nothingness before him.

Prayer: God please show yourself in the blank. What you have stripped away I surrender. What you are preparing I want to receive it.

Creative: Do something that makes you laugh.

Brave: Who do you want to be in 10 years? If you are that today, what is one thing you would do?

Generous: Is there a small business, restaurant, non-profit you can support whether financially or with a thoughtful note?

CBG: Calling

April 18, 2020 — Leave a comment

Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep. Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.” This he said to show by what kind of death he was to glorify God. And after saying this he said to him, “Follow me.” Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following him, the one who also had leaned back against him during the supper and had said, “Lord, who is it that is going to betray you?” When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord what about this man?” Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!”

John 21:17-22

After sitting with the pain and shame of rejecting Jesus, Peter was gently and patiently pulled back in. This is probably Peter’s rawest, most vulnerable moment. He knows his own weaknesses and experienced the gap between what he wants to do and what he does. And here is beckoned by Jesus. Jesus doesn’t recount Peter’s fall. Jesus doesn’t do that sort of nasty human judging. Jesus doesn’t need to show that he was right. Jesus moves in a way so that Peter, the wrongdoer, can heal. Damn.

In that soft quiet intimacy, Jesus tells Peter his greatest calling: Peter will live and die just like Jesus! Peter will truly lay it all down, till the end, for the one he loves. I wonder how he felt learning his fate. Fear? Inadequacy? Regret? What times in your life have you felt the certainty of God’s calling on your life? You could feel the closeness of Jesus, the stirring of the Spirit and the declaration of God. You were too unarmored to defend yourself from the wave of truth. It’s pretty scary to experience God like that, especially when he puts a seemingly impossibly task in front of you. Callings don’t always feel like soft marshmallows and look like joyful rainbows. How do we respond when we receive something so profound it freaks us out?! Do we redirect the focus out and onto others? What about them? What about that? Can we instead sit with our God-given unique path, recognize it can only happen with the Spirit’s guidance and then take one step forward? It’s all one step at a time.

Prayer: Pray your desires, unabashedly. Listen to what God has in response. Are fears that arise human-driven or God-given? Pray for a sensitivity to the Spirit in your feelings, your energy, your relationships, the Word.

Creative: Look back at a text/book that has inspired you in the past.

Brave: What have you wanted to ask for but have been afraid to voice? Can you do it today?

Generous: Do something sweet for a family member!

CBG: #24

April 13, 2020 — 1 Comment

Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus. But seeing the man who was healed standing beside them, they had nothing to say in opposition. But when they had commanded them to leave the council, they conferred with one another, saying, “What shall we do with these men? For that a notable sign has been performed through them is evident to all the inhabitants of Jerusalem, and we cannot deny it. But in order that it may spread no further among the people, let us warn them to speak no more to anyone in this name. So they called them and charged them not to speak or teach at all in the name of Jesus. But Peter and John answered them, “Whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you rather than to God, you must judge, for we cannot but speak of what we have seen and heard.”

Acts 4:13-20

A well-received response is not evidence of an effective act. Peter and John have done something clearly undeniably marvelous. In response, they are told to stop and do it no more. They are threatened and intimidated by those uploading the system. In light of Peter and John’s miracle, the priests and the elders focus on Peter and John’s ordinariness and meager resume. Peter and John offended those in charge without those in charge able to find a wrongdoing.

How do we offend without wronging? How do we act in a way that is undeniably good while making the system uncomfortable? Where can God do the most work? Where do you find yourself saying: I’m not trained enough. I don’t have enough experience. Everyone already knows how to do that — those areas are exactly where God wants to show miracles. Because it’s your confidence and faith within your inexperience that makes the world pause and think it might be a work of God, not a human striving. It will be your lack that forces you to say like Carrie Underwood sings, Jesus take the wheel.

Prayer: Lord where have my fears of comparison and commonality made me shrink back.

Creative: Write 8 things you wish you were better at. And at the end of each, write, I’m good enough.

Brave: Of the 8 things, showcase one of them.

Generous: Call a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while.

CBG: Easter

April 12, 2020 — 1 Comment

But on the first day of the week, at early dawn, [the women] went to the tomb, taking the spices they had prepared. And they found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they went in they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were perplexed about this, behold, two men stood by them in dazzling apparel. And as they were frightened and bowed their faces to the ground, the men said to them, “Why do you seek the living among the dead? He is not here, but has risen. Remember, how he told you, while he was still in Galilee, that the Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men and be crucified and on the third day rise.

Luke 24:1-7

Just like how quickly sorrow can overtake our lives, hope, too can upend it. Hope and rebirth, resurrection and wholeness violate our unbelief and forgetfulness. Welcome this intrusion! Let the dazzling newness and unimaginable truth overcome you. Fall to your knees. Come to your feet standing on the solidest of grounds, to again, walk on the renewed path that your name is written on.

  1. How have you engaged with heartbreak, pain or suffering?
  2. How have you embraced joy?
  3. How are you uniquely made for this time?
  4. How have people shown up for you?
  5. How have you shown up for others?
  6. What reminder can you take with you into this coming week?

Oh may we celebrate and rejoice as much as we mourn and hurt! Jesus is risen and that means the sun always rises, that we are not alone, never was and never will be. Love you.

CBG: Holy Saturday

April 11, 2020 — Leave a comment

Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of Jesus saw where he was laid.

Mark: 15:47
I imagine the quiet gray permeating from dusk to dawn.
The numb sweeping up and down your body 
Hope marred and crushed 
You are crushed
Love dead and locked away
All you have left is a cold stone reminder of everything you lost
How did we get here?
Your fragile heart is too afraid to lift its eyes
For fear of connecting with another heartbroken soul
Who will see you in your unarmored self
All you want is to be held and comforted
But will that even be enough?
It's a nightmare
Wake up
Rewind
Reset. Please. Please. I promise--
Negotiating in the waiting
Replaying those times when it didn't feel so heavy
Trying to be anywhere but here
Anything to not feel the powerless, the helpless, the human in us
The quiet gray ambient grief that is unable to utter any words to soothe 
Words are shit
Shut up
Stop trying to make this okay
Stop moving!
You don't even have the energy to scream or release
You hold it in to hold on 
Now what
Where do we go from here
When here was where we were meant to be

Prayer: Look up.

Creative: What message does your former self need?

Brave: Look in.

Generous: Look out.

CBG: #20

April 9, 2020 — Leave a comment

“I am your brother, Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt. And now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life. For the famine has been in the land these two years, and there are yet five years in which there will be neither plowing nor harvest. And God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant on earth, and to keep alive for you many survivors. So it was not you who sent me here, but God.”

Genesis 45:4-8

One summer night when I was in college, I drove 12 hours through the night from Annapolis, Maryland to Martha’s Vineyard to surprise my boyfriend. He was vacationing with his family and had mentioned several times in our phone calls that he wanted me to join them. It was a long drive through torrential rain. Thankfully very few cars were on the road and there is coffee, though shitty still coffee, at gas stations. When I finally arrived the next afternoon in MV, my boyfriend said he couldn’t come pick me up from the dock because he was playing golf with a mutual friend of ours. I. Lost. It. Imagine the whitest happiest place on earth and smack in the middle of that joy is a sobbing Asian girl. I did not give a f*ck who heard me, who saw me and where I was. I was so angry and hurt.

Today while I was journalling that memory rushed into my mind. It often does when I need an example of how I had a shit boyfriend. As I was reminiscing on that time, it hit me that I had crashed my boyfriend’s summer vacation. I had crashed his family’s — a family that did not allow us to sleep in the same room whenever I stayed over at their house — long standing vacation. I sprung all of me — dramatic, expectant, pouty — onto his quiet calm vacation. Um. Oh. Ooops. A revelation a decade later isn’t too late, right?

Are we drowning in our side of a story because we are hurt and we have expectations? Are we unable to see the other perspective because one, we can’t, like Joseph pre-famine or two, because we don’t want to see our culpability? It is easier to put on the armor and view life through our hurt and our needs. I am not saying to be a door mat and never consider your own perspective. What I am encouraging myself and you to do is expand the story. Expand the plot so that you’re not the only main character. No good story revolves around one player, and your beautiful tapestry of a narrative involves everyone, their hurts and their needs as well.

Prayer: God show me the balance between perspective and presence.

Creative: Where are you wrestling between mind & heart, rationale & gut? Let them have a conversation.

Brave: What’s one thing you can say no to that you’re afraid to turn away?

Generous: Tell someone their testimony of redemption means a lot to you.

CBG: #18

April 7, 2020 — 1 Comment

So the woman left her water jar and went away into town and said to the people, “Come, see a man who told me all that I ever did. Can this be the Christ?” They went out of the town and were coming to him…Many Samaritans from the town believed him because of the woman’s testimony, “He told me all that I ever did.” So when the Samaritans came to him, they ask him to stay wit them, and he stayed there two days. And many more believed because of his word. They said to the woman, “It is no longer because of what you said that we believe, for we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this is indeed the Savior of the world.”

John 4:28, 39-42

What is a testimony? What is its purpose? When is it “successful”?

Whenever I share about how amazing someone is, I usually try to hook my audience with how amazing that someone is. He’s SO KIND. She has this ability to make you feel like you’re the only person in the room. They are a social justice warrior! That’s the hook. The centerpiece of our story. Then, if they need context on why we are talking about kindness, attention or social justice, I might share parts of who I am to showcase again why the person of my affections is that amazing. The goal isn’t to have the attention end up on me; I want it to illuminate person I’m talking about. How we contextualize God is already built in because the words we use, the way we express will showcase how we perceive. Give God the spotlight.

Right now, the world needs the parts of God that ripped you out of a lesser way of being, may it be despair, pursuit of worthless things, loneliness, resentment, anger…Let the world see and know God’s hope, the radical purposes of God, God’s enduring presence, God’s unceasing forgiveness, God’s justice. The way we share God is the way we share ourselves.

Prayer: God help me testify of you in my words, in my thoughts and in my actions.

Creative: Doodle.

Brave: Where have you been afraid to share who God is? Step in.

Generous: Pray for Health Care Workers. Reach out.

CBG: #12

April 1, 2020 — 1 Comment

Can the world say, GOTCHA, this was a joke HAPPY APRIL FOOL’S…let’s go back to…? Back to what…? Back to all the things we took for granted like going to the store without anxiety of invisible virus attackers in the air? Back to daydreaming in a coffee shop and building relationship currency with the barista? Back to hugs and physical closeness and to a time when you didn’t know physical touch was on your top 5 love languages? Joe Biden always talks about going back to when….? To when…? When only some of us were aware of the rampant racism bubbling under the surface ready to launch at anyone who isn’t alike on the outside? When most of us let the leaders do the “organizing” and we sat back? When the lucky few of us thought this world isn’t too bad?

There’s no going back. We are changed. We may not have the words or know what the change means for our future decisions, however, things have and will continue to shift.

  • What has shifted because circumstances have shifted? This is the stripping of all those YOLO decisions.
  • What has rooted deeper because what is unshakeable glows brighter? This is the building of all those YOLO intentions.

Prayer/Meditation: For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith — that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3: 14-21

Creative: It’s national poetry month! Write a poem.

Brave: Where have you been living in scarcity? How can you shift that?

Generous: What was a service that you loved? How can you honor the person who gave that to you?

CBG: #11

March 31, 2020 — Leave a comment

Give me an eagerness for your laws rather than a love for money! Turn my eyes from worthless things, and give me life through your word. Reassure me of your promise, made to those who fear you. Help me abandon my shameful ways; for your regulations are good. I long to obey your commandments! Renew my life with your goodness.

Psalm 119: 36-40

Prayer: God give me an eagerness for you even when so many things are trying to pull my focus away. Make you feel relevant because sometimes you don’t seem too close. Help me to trust that the silence and alone-ness still holds your presence. You are very near. You are close, even when I don’t feel it and even when quieting scares me. Turn my eyes from the worthless things of fear and scarcity. Turn my eyes from the worthless things of building security in this world in things that will wash away again. Remove the need to be okay. Reassure me of your promises that you complete your work. Restore the joy of having a purpose beyond the circumstances of today.

Where are your thoughts? Where is your focus? Where are we sheltering in for comfort and security, and do you feel safe and hopeful there? Are you outward focused on others and their actions that impact you? Are you looking in at your hurt, scared, cradled heart? Are you too tired or reluctant to turn to God?

When was the last time God beckoned you back? What was whispered into your soul? What was felt in your body? What did you recall?

What were you once so sure about because you had God, and now feels unsteady or blurred? What drew you in at the beginning? What would you need for that first attraction to come full bloom right now?

Creative: Share your heart.

Brave: Come back to your body. Enjoy your body.

Generous: What non-profit needs a sprinkle of your heart?

CBG: #8

March 28, 2020 — Leave a comment

How long, Lord? Because no one really knows how long this will take…weeks? months? Will you forget me forever? Literally feel alone How long will you hide your face from me? I get this is supposed to “bring us closer to you” and “reveal our humanity” and “you’re in control, and you’re good so, like, rest in that” but DUDE, can’t you just for once show up in a fireworks show so I know it’s you?! How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? Because I’m having some nasty AF thoughts and I’m jumping through all the emotions in a much quicker cycle than I normally do. How long will my enemy triumph over me? Like covid, and the damn president, and the irritating harmful ways people around me are trying to “fix” me and “give me solutions” because they don’t know how to wrestle with their inability to change and make me feel better Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Waiting. Literally not busy and available for your answer. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. I don’t know. I’m not trying to win. I just really need your kindness and love and your overt intimacy to be here. I miss those days when I KNEW you were right next to me and speaking to me. I miss being in an environment witnessing firsthand your presence. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. What else can I do? What else do I have? I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me. I’m alive. I’m breathing. I know it will work out. Eventually.

Psalm 13 (WITH MY LIZARD BRAIN WAY OF PRAYING)

Creative: Be kind to yourself.

Brave: Be kind to yourself.

Generous: Be kind to yourself.