restoration

Lent Day 30: I give up Pressure

March 18, 2021 — Leave a comment

The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

Isaiah 58:11-12

I give up pressure. I give up the heavy expectations I put on myself that make disappointment more likely than possibility. I give up the pressure to be good. I give up the pressure to do it right. I give up the pressure to please everyone and make sure everyone is okay. I give up the pressure to be always growing upwards. Maybe growing involves three steps back for every 3.1 steps forward. I give up a pressure that keeps me scared and small. I embrace breathing into how I already have everything I need and that I already am everything I need, for this moment. The next moment will have enough worries of its own.

Night Time Routine

September 13, 2020 — Leave a comment

Answer me when I call to you, my righteous God.
Give me relief from distress; have mercy on me and hear my prayer.
How long will you people turn my glory into shame?
How long will you love delusions and seek false gods?
Know that the Lord has set apart his faithful servant for himself; the Lord hears when I call to him.
Tremble and do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.
Offer the sacrifices of the righteous and trust in the Lord.
Many, Lord, are asking, ‘Who will bring us prosperity?’ Let the light of your face shine on us.
Fill my heart with joy when their grain and new wine abound.
In peace I will die down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.

Psalm 4

Who can have a good night’s rest these days when our days are filled with so much unprocessed, unfinished and unanswered? Yet what good does bringing distress into rest do but make the next day even worst. How can we trust enough to let our bodies and minds rest for a night? How can we quiet our anxious hearts for a deep peaceful sleep?

Search your hearts.
Surrender all the feels, the worries & fears to God for safe keeping, just for the night. Don’t worry, they may very well still be there the next morning.
Breathe in the mercy of God.
Breathe out the shortcomings of the day.
Breathe in your set apart-ness, made for a purpose, nature.
Breathe out the comparisons.
Tomorrow, the light will shine upon your face.
Tomorrow will be new.
Amen.

CBG: Sacrificial Love 1

June 1, 2020 — Leave a comment

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death — even death on a cross!

Philippians 2:5-8

We preach this passage a lot. It’s the fuzzies. It’s warm. It makes us feel all things are possible. Hope, you know. Humility. AMEN. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. #humility #vibes

Let me break down what Jesus really did, void of the fluffy intentions we think and hope in theory we too “want” to enact. Jesus was GOD. He was safe. He was chillin’ in heaven palace. He was GOOD. He was SO DAMN GOOD, like 100%, Webster’s definition of GOOD. He was privileged. Shout that for those in the nosebleeds. JESUS WAS A GOOD DUDE WHO WAS PRIVILEGED.

And he gave it up. He gave up his status. He gave up his home. He gave up his accolades. He gave up his position. He gave it all up to be a vulnerable baby.

Guess what?! Then he earned that all back! Yes, he did! He learned the Bible like no other. He was the best preacher by far. He was a charismatic leader. People were throwing themselves on him. People were following him. People were sacrificing expensive perfume to wash his dirty feet.

And then he gave it all up. Again. Stripped himself of dignity, of voice, of clothes, of family, of community. Stripped. Humiliated. Silenced. Accused. Mocked. Became nothing. Again.

Why? Because he loved us. He loved us oppressed, up our asses, humans. He loved the vulnerable, the ugly, the messy, the undeserving, the imprisoned, the sick, the healthy, the greedy, the generous. He loved us. He saw what could be possible — a redeemed humanity. A humanity freed from greed and evil, of -ism’s and separations — a humanity restored. He broke himself and broke the system for redemption.

May we, may I, love in this manner. Can I give up my voice? Can I give up my place? Can I give up my status? Can I give up my achievements? Can I give up all the things I’ve earned for the sake of a redeemed humanity? Can I give up my life for the sake of a full soul?

Prayer: God make me this kind of woman, daughter, friend, sister, colleague, human.

What am I holding onto that I am unwilling to give up because I am afraid of losing my place and privilege?

CBG: Kindness

May 23, 2020 — Leave a comment

And David said, “Is there still anyone left of the house of Saul, that I may show him kindness for Jonathan’s sake?” Now there was a servant of the house of Saul whose name was Ziba, and they called him to David. And the king said to him, “Are you Ziba?” And he said, “I am your servant.” And the king said, “Is there not still someone of the house of Saul, that I may show the kindness of God to him?” Ziba said to the king, “There is still a son of Jonathan; he is crippled in his feet.” The king said to him, “Where is he?” And Ziba said to the king, “He is in the house of Machir the son of Ammiel, at Lo-debar.” Then King David sent and brought him from the house of Machir the son of Ammiel, at Lo-debar. And Mephibosheth the son of Jonathan, son of Saul, came to David and fell on his face and paid homage. And David said, “Mephibosheth!” And he answered, “Behold, I am your servant.” And David to him, “Do not fear, for I will show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan, and I will restore to you all the land of Saul your father, and you shall eat at my table always.” And he paid homage and said, “What is your servant, that you should show regard for a dead dog such as I?” Then the king called Ziba, Saul’s servant, and said to him, “All that belonged to Saul and to all his house I have given to your master’s grandson. And you and your sons and your servants shall till the land for him and shall bring in the produce, that your master’s grandson may have bread to eat. But Mephibosheth your master’s grandson shall always eat at my table.” Now Ziba had fifteen sons and twenty servants. Then Ziba said to the king, “According to all that my lord the king commands his servant, so will your servant do.” So Mephibosheth ate at David’s table, like one of the king’s sons.

2 Samuel 9:1-11

Maybe you’ve never said, What is your servant, that you should show regard for such a dead dog as I?, however, I hope you have had moments of unexpected generosity and attention. In those moments, you see how you expected to be treated versus how you are treated. There is no me versus you; it’s us.

Kindness requires sacrifice on one end and surrender on the other, neither easier than the other. Kindness requires eyes meeting. Kindness is close and intimate. It says, you are welcomed to come in. Kindness feels like the only right way for the people involved even if it often feels absurd to anyone observing. Kindness doesn’t add up even though it’s the only way to wholeness. Kindness is humanity connecting on the deepest level to meet each other’s needs.

Prayer: God make me someone who sees others and cares well even when my mind fights it.

Character: Where have you sacrificed hospitality?

Grace: What acts of generosity and attention have you experienced recently?

CBG: Restoration

May 10, 2020 — Leave a comment

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions.
Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin!
For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment.
Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me.
Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation and uphold me with a willing spirit.
Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you.
Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, O God of my salvation, and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise.
For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I will give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
Do good to Zion in your good pleasure; build up the walls of Jerusalem; then will you delight in right sacrifices, in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings; then bulls will be offered on your altar.

Psalm 51

You can only live in this verse if you trust in God’s compassionate presence and recognize your own transgressions. What God desires is a humbled heart that is brave enough to see oneself and desire and believe in an imminent newness. Refreshment and restoration with God are prerequisites to restoration in our relationships, actions, self-image, speech and purpose. Seek God first and everything else will fall into place. Will you give yourself a moment now to do that?

  1. How was this week hard?
  2. How was this week clarifying?
  3. What relationships were tested this week?
  4. What relationships gave you hope?
  5. What did you discover about God’s character?

CBG: #25

April 14, 2020 — Leave a comment

Then he said to me, “Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel. Behold, they say, ‘Our bones are dried up, and our hope is lost; we are indeed cut off.’ Therefore, prophesy, and say to them, Thus says the Lord God: Behold, “I will open your graves and raise you from your graves, O my people. And I will put my Spirit within you, and you shall live, and I will place you in your own land. Then you shall know that I am the Lord; I have spoken, and I will do it, declares the Lord.

Ezekiel 37:11-14

What do we need of God’s promises? Renewal and restoration? To come up for breath from the exhaustion and the uncertainty. To feel the lightness of new mercies and bright morning hope. To see that rainbow over New York City and declare, that is for me as well. Intimacy? To release the heaviness of loneliness and a need for survival. To not fall prey to the lies that I can only do what I do with my gift of singleness so I guess I should be content…To still believe that being seen, understood and held are good, good desires. Belonging and purpose? To quiet the restlessness and stand confidently exactly where you are. To not feel like a waste of space because we are wrapped up in the world’s measurements. To know that what you do for the least of these, you do for God.

What part of your soul do you need God to prophesy over? What promises and reminders do your part of the world need? God has really promised. He proved it. He will not walk back on his words.

Prayer: God you have new mercies for me every minute. Help that truth to shape the way I am brave and generous to those around me. Help me to see your work all around me. Help me to extend new mercies to things and to people around me.

Creative: Write a bunch of lies and heavy things on paper and rip it up.

Brave: Live in your power.

Generous: Live out your abundance.

CBG: #11

March 31, 2020 — Leave a comment

Give me an eagerness for your laws rather than a love for money! Turn my eyes from worthless things, and give me life through your word. Reassure me of your promise, made to those who fear you. Help me abandon my shameful ways; for your regulations are good. I long to obey your commandments! Renew my life with your goodness.

Psalm 119: 36-40

Prayer: God give me an eagerness for you even when so many things are trying to pull my focus away. Make you feel relevant because sometimes you don’t seem too close. Help me to trust that the silence and alone-ness still holds your presence. You are very near. You are close, even when I don’t feel it and even when quieting scares me. Turn my eyes from the worthless things of fear and scarcity. Turn my eyes from the worthless things of building security in this world in things that will wash away again. Remove the need to be okay. Reassure me of your promises that you complete your work. Restore the joy of having a purpose beyond the circumstances of today.

Where are your thoughts? Where is your focus? Where are we sheltering in for comfort and security, and do you feel safe and hopeful there? Are you outward focused on others and their actions that impact you? Are you looking in at your hurt, scared, cradled heart? Are you too tired or reluctant to turn to God?

When was the last time God beckoned you back? What was whispered into your soul? What was felt in your body? What did you recall?

What were you once so sure about because you had God, and now feels unsteady or blurred? What drew you in at the beginning? What would you need for that first attraction to come full bloom right now?

Creative: Share your heart.

Brave: Come back to your body. Enjoy your body.

Generous: What non-profit needs a sprinkle of your heart?

Day 51: Restore to me

February 5, 2019 — Leave a comment

Numbers 33-34; Psalm 51

Restore to me the joy of your salvation.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me how I first felt when I knew you loved me without border and boundaries. Restore to me how I felt when you said I was worthy and enough just as I am. Restore to me how I felt when nothing in the world mattered, all my failures and shortcomings and flaws did not matter. Restore to me my innocence. Restore to me my love for others in a way that risked getting hurt. Restore to me confidence in an eternal everlasting hope for everyone who believes and even for those who don’t get. Restore to me innocence. Restore to me the time before I realized I could be hurt. Restore to me love. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Restore to me you. Restore to me you. Restore to me you. Restore me. Restore me.