sacrificial love

Love is Offensive

January 16, 2021 — Leave a comment

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us.

Ephesians 1:7-8

I used to so buy into this idea that Jesus’ blood washed away my sins. That through Jesus’ sacrifice, my transgressions are forgiven and my propensities to turn from God are not held against me. Thank you JESUS!

Many people I love find the above so offensive. The idea that we have sin makes them angry. The idea that God had to kill himself to redeem us is horrifying. The idea that I need someone to forgive my transgressions means there’s a “right way of being,” and who is to say what that is?

I haven’t swung so far to the other side that I have scraped Jesus’ blood and sin. I simply have more questions. How can the idea of sin be healthy and loving? How can the sacrifice of God lean more into the meaning than the actual act? How can a right way of being and living also have room for inclusion, diversity and tolerance?

What is sin? This is where I’ve landed so I feel integrity in my body and in what I believe God to be. Sin is a way of living that doesn’t honor our highest selves. I believe our highest selves is divine and in alignment with God. I believe our highest selves is attuned and in step with the Spirit of God in us. Anything outside of that divine integrity is sin. God created us with this wholeness, fullness, nakedness, full of purpose and connection. That was what was lost when sin entered. We are either moving towards our wholeness & divine connection, or moving away from it. The beauty is, each step allows for the pivot, the choice to move in the path towards connection.

Jesus’ death is offensive. Capital punishment and the death penalty are wrong, and often committed against innocent humans. Why would God use such a horrible image to showcase his love? Because death and love are but two sides of the same coin. LOVE is offensive. It requires a dying of self for another. It requires a dying of self-interest to include another. Often we love because we think we’ll be loved in return or it’s the right thing to do. While we may never take it all the way to the edge like Jesus did, his death was a kind of love that doesn’t ask for anything in return besides belief. I think Jesus’ willing death just so we can experience God doesn’t commute in our minds that have been knocked down by this cruel world. Jesus truly loves us that much, that it doesn’t quite make sense.

Nothing angers me more than Scriptures that are vehicles for intolerance, exclusion and hate. It is the OPPOSITE of God, God among us, God for us, God in us. The right way of living cannot be defined by any man in this world. The right way of living…I’m not sure. It’s a daily, moment-to-moment choosing. It does no harm, to self, others or God. It’s more colorful than we could ever imagine and full of healthy and freeing boundaries.

Monday Map: Radical Friendships

July 13, 2020 — Leave a comment

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. These things I command you, so that you will love one another.

John 15:12-17

At first blush, I get the warm fuzzies. Friendship goals! Sacrificial love! Laying down your life for your friends. Until you read that friendship with God requires you to follow his commandments. What friendship is contingent on my obedience? Friendship with God! What do I gain? The Father’s message. So…? Bearing fruit. Okay…? The ability to love one another. Is it worth it to sacrifice my autonomy to obey Jesus to know God and to love others?

  • What is your relationship with obedience? What images, feelings, people, colors come up for you?
  • What fruit do you actually want to bear? Economic? Relational? Emotional? Character?
  • What do you gain from loving others beyond what they can give back to you?
  • What’s missing from your friendships?

Ask God for the relationship you want with them. Ask God for the friendships you need.

CBG: Reckoning

June 6, 2020 — Leave a comment

But Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues at Damascus, so that if he found any belonging to the Way, men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem. Now as he went on his way, he approached Damascus, and suddenly a light from heaven shone around him. And falling to the ground he heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” And he said, “Who are you, Lord?” And he said, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. But rise and enter the city, and you will be told what you are to do. The men who were traveling with him stood speechless, hearing the voice but seeing no one. Saul rose from the ground, and although his eyes were opened, he saw nothing. So they led him by the hand and brought him into Damascus. And for three days he was without sight, and neither ate nor drank. Now there was a disciple at Damascus named Ananias. The Lord said to him in a vision, “Ananias.” And he said, “Here I am, Lord.” And the Lord said to him, “Rise and go to the street called Straight, and at the house of Judas look for a man of Tarsus named Saul, for behold, he is praying, and he has seen in a vision a man named Ananias come in and lay his hands on him so that he might regain his sight.” But Ananias answered, “Lord, I have heard from many about this man, how much evil he has done to your saints at Jerusalem. And here he has authority from the chief priests to bind all who call on your name.” But the Lord said to him, “Go, for he is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel. For I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name. So Ananias departed and entered the house. And laying his hands on him he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus who appeared to you on the road by which you came has sent me so that you may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” And immediately something like scales fell from his eyes, and he regained his sight. Then he rose and was baptized; and taking food, he was strengthened.

Acts 9:1-19

This moment changed Saul’s life. A soon-to-be 180 into the Paul we know, who wrote most of the New Testament. From this moment forth, every bit of his life was about to be reimagined, redirected and redeemed for the work fo God. He was smart and educated: about to be for the glory of God. He was charismatic and inspiring: about to be for the good of the community. He was a self-righteous, committed soul: about to be for the righteousness and kingdom of God. This was the pivot…then the 3 days.

What were those “3 days without sight,” like for Paul?

A time to reflect on God’s call in: Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me? Confession. Reflecting on how he’s persecuted the Christians. Reflecting on how he witnessed the stoning of Stephen. Owning up to all the things that have led him to this moment.

A time of uncertainty: he saw nothing. Confrontation of fears and insecurities. Facing his own humanity against God. Facing the dismantle of his securities and the reality of his limitations. Recognizing the futility of all his achievements, his upbringing, his accolades.

A time of vulnerability without defenses: without sight. Changing his heart. Shedding the self-righteous armor and ego he walked around with as Saul. Making room for whatever is about to meet him as Paul.

I feel like I’m in the “3 days without sight,” (barring the social media, news and anti-racism never-ending must-read consumption.) It’s uncomfortable. It’s scary. It’s revealing. I see the ways that I have failed humanity. I see the ways that I have failed my city, my community, my friends. I played into the white supremacist racial triangulation, myth of scarcity and fear of becoming nothing because of who I am. My own marginalization and fear of being silenced have fogged my eyes and narrowed my heart from seeing the pain of the black community, from hearing their cries against police brutality and this covert/overt racist “justice” system. I have focused on the good I’ve done rather than the bad in my being. And again, I’m in that cycle trying to fix and do in order to alleviate the pain of self-reflection and the reality of what’s to come. I am like Saul. I am Saul.

But, I am not staying a Saul. There is no way to claim the presence of God without a forever journey of stripping away that feeling of Saul-ness. On this side of heaven we are forever coming back to I am not Saul; I am Paul. Being God’s beloved child means that I am not defined by what I have done or not done, nor is this the end of my story. It means I have the power to own up to my transgressions and transform. I can own up to my wrongs with self-love.

I am an instrument of God’s kingdom. I am responsible for making the world just and merciful. I am responsible for the least of us. I am responsible for revealing and destroying evil. I am responsible for the work outside with my body and the work inside my heart.

When Ananias meets Saul, he calls him Brother Saul. Saul is about to gain a new family, a new life, a purpose worth losing everything else for, status, safety, resources and former community. But I mean, he’s about to get the Holy Spirit. Is there even a competition? Who can know what’s about to come?

Prayer: God I am your instrument of love and justice.

What do I need to lose? What is there to gain?

CBG: Sacrificial Love 3

June 3, 2020 — Leave a comment

And behold, a man came up to [Jesus], saying, “Teacher, what good deed must I do to have eternal life?” And he said to him, “Why do you ask me about what is good? There is only one who is good. If you would enter life, keep the commandments.” He said to him, “Which ones?” And Jesus said, “You shall not murder, You shall not commit adultery, You shall not steal, You shall not bear false witness, Honor your father and mother, and, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” The young man said to him, “All these I have kept. What do I still lack?” Jesus said to him, “If you would be perfect, go, sell, what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” When the young man heard this he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.

Matthew 19:16-22

This man has good intentions. He’s showing up. He’s asking questions. He wants to be on the right path. When Jesus lists out commandments for him to follow, the man clearly knows them and says he has indeed followed them. What else? So, Jesus tacks on sell it all and follow me. That crushes the man because that’s A LOT he has to sacrifice.

The road to hell is paved by good intentions. Good intentions are not enough. First, the man’s question was already faulty. Yes, he’s asking, and the question reveals his heart. He believes that his way to heaven lies in his good deeds. He believes that his way to eternal life lies in his power to do good. He believes he can do good. He already exists in a false paradigm of a work-based life. Jesus tries to reimagine and expand the man’s concept of good and the man’s ability to do good. First he reflects back the man’s way of thinking and then responds with a question in the language the man would understand to further expose the man’s heart. And the man responds with a lack of humility, a lack of self-awareness of his own lack and full-blown ego and self-congratulation. Jesus then reflects that the man’s response demonstrates the man thinks he’s done well, perfect indeed, but still truly knows there’s more. The man really thinks he’s done it all, he’s not at fault, throw him the next challenge. Jesus then cuts straight in: surrender all the present security, trust it lies ahead and come with me. Jesus pushed the man beyond his comfort, beyond what he was willing to give up, beyond his security into a land of discomfort and hard uncomfortable faithful sacrifice.

My intentions may be good. Bravo for a beat. However, am I willing to check my heart and my ego beyond my good deeds and practices. Do I recognize that good actions are not enough for change? Good actions might prompt for and reveal a changing heart, but I need to always be working on changing my mindset, my views, my perspectives, my heart. Then that heart MUST be demonstrated by good actions. And the work NEVER STOPS on this side of heaven. Our heart always has more room to expand and grow and learn. And our actions will keep reflecting that. A messier take on the chicken or the egg.

I need to do the hard work of seeing where I am arrogant, where I am self-righteous and where I am truly truly putting my security. Am I asking the right questions? Are my questions centering on my goodness or are my questions scary, uncomfortable invitations to see where I can shift and be more? Am I living a life that is truly sacrificial, where it actually hurts my own security, where it relies on faith, where it relies on the trust that if ETERNAL LIFE is what I believe and seek, then whatever I give up now in the present is a drop in the bucket! Currently, not really. I don’t only need to do better, but I need to be better. And if I truly believe I have it all and my soul is most important, what do I have to fear.

Prayer: God in my discomfort and inabilities, give me the courage to see how you see me and what you have in store for me, so that I can continue the work every day to be better and do better.

What hurts to sacrifice and surrender?

CBG: Sacrificial Love 2

June 2, 2020 — Leave a comment

Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you every thing.’ And out of pity for him, the mater of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from you heart.’

Matthew 18:23-35

This servant owed ten thousand talents. He was in the dumps. Every moment of his life is fogged by this heavy debt. His punishment for non-payment is slavery for his family. Because of his plea, the master forgave everything. The master didn’t give him a deferral or a payment plant. The master wiped the servant of ALL his debt and restored to him freedom and lightness.

This servant, in his freedom, in his newfound power and lightness, sees an opportunity to take advantage and make another person feel what he used to feel. He wants to amplify the power he just received. He wants to hold onto that top position by having someone under him, owe him, be humiliated by him. He used his newfound freedom and power to do the one thing he begged not to happen to him.

His experience of grace and abundance could not penetrate his deepest layer of fear and lack. He was forgiven. He was given the biggest proof that he would be taken care of, that he had the KINDEST MASTER but that was not enough. He still needed his own tangible security, a tangible feel of his power. How often do we experience such grace and abundance yet still listen to our fears and lacks? How often do we get an unexpected provision yet can’t spare a few dollars to a neighbor who needs a meal? How often have you experienced that lightness and freedom from God because you are beloved and that will never change, yet can’t stand someone in our own homes?

I’m guilty of this. It’s a lifelong practice to remember all we have, all we have been given, all the privileges and power we have, and from that lean towards forgiveness, generosity and kindness for others. The person might not deserve it, probably doesn’t! Neither did you. Neither did I. It’s easy to see parables like this and dismiss it as something we won’t do because it’s SO extreme. It’s not in the extremes that pain roots. It’s in the every day choices and words that slowly layer into merciless and hardened hearts. May we hold our power and privilege in ways that reflect God’s character.

Prayer: God help me practice in my daily words and actions a generosity and forgiveness, an unrelenting hope that reflects the truth of my belovedness.

Who can you forgive today even though they don’t deserve it?

CBG: Sacrificial Love 1

June 1, 2020 — Leave a comment

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death — even death on a cross!

Philippians 2:5-8

We preach this passage a lot. It’s the fuzzies. It’s warm. It makes us feel all things are possible. Hope, you know. Humility. AMEN. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. #humility #vibes

Let me break down what Jesus really did, void of the fluffy intentions we think and hope in theory we too “want” to enact. Jesus was GOD. He was safe. He was chillin’ in heaven palace. He was GOOD. He was SO DAMN GOOD, like 100%, Webster’s definition of GOOD. He was privileged. Shout that for those in the nosebleeds. JESUS WAS A GOOD DUDE WHO WAS PRIVILEGED.

And he gave it up. He gave up his status. He gave up his home. He gave up his accolades. He gave up his position. He gave it all up to be a vulnerable baby.

Guess what?! Then he earned that all back! Yes, he did! He learned the Bible like no other. He was the best preacher by far. He was a charismatic leader. People were throwing themselves on him. People were following him. People were sacrificing expensive perfume to wash his dirty feet.

And then he gave it all up. Again. Stripped himself of dignity, of voice, of clothes, of family, of community. Stripped. Humiliated. Silenced. Accused. Mocked. Became nothing. Again.

Why? Because he loved us. He loved us oppressed, up our asses, humans. He loved the vulnerable, the ugly, the messy, the undeserving, the imprisoned, the sick, the healthy, the greedy, the generous. He loved us. He saw what could be possible — a redeemed humanity. A humanity freed from greed and evil, of -ism’s and separations — a humanity restored. He broke himself and broke the system for redemption.

May we, may I, love in this manner. Can I give up my voice? Can I give up my place? Can I give up my status? Can I give up my achievements? Can I give up all the things I’ve earned for the sake of a redeemed humanity? Can I give up my life for the sake of a full soul?

Prayer: God make me this kind of woman, daughter, friend, sister, colleague, human.

What am I holding onto that I am unwilling to give up because I am afraid of losing my place and privilege?

CBG: Sacrificial Love

May 4, 2020 — Leave a comment

Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with out hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

Hebrews 10:19-25

What an elaboration of the summation verse from 1 Corinthians 13, And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.

Why is the blood of Jesus and his flesh necessary for us to enter the holy places? What is the holy places? As a humanity, we too, need a human manifestation to viscerally and holistically know and experience God. That is the significance of God in the flesh, God on earth, God among us as Jesus Christ. It’s our way into the sacred through the profane. It’s our way into our holy through a form our current beings can understand. The blood of Jesus, (if we are willing to look beyond the nature of a violent gruesome capital murder because it eventually leads to the most glorious of rebirths), point to an unfathomable sacrificial love. A love so deep and free from any obligation on our part that it pulls us in. Sacrificial love is the ultimate way into connection and vulnerability. That is what exists in the holy places. It is a sanctuary before and with God that is void of any pretense and armor. In that place the unnecessary burdens and cares of this world fall away and we are built up with hope and faith to reenter to love and encourage others.

Through the sacrificial and visceral love of Jesus Christ, we are able to access a vulnerability that cleanses us and builds us up to in turn love and sacrifice others. Without the former, it can feel exhausting and impossible to do the latter. Without the former, it can feel obligatory and unnecessary to do the latter. Without the former, we cannot fully access vulnerability. It’s all about the love. It has to start from there, and we have full access to it.

Prayer: Lord, help me to always play the love, see the love, know the love that is in you. God help me to lay my armor down. God help me to be an encourager instead of a hater. God help me to live in a confidence marked by sacrificial love.

Character: Where have I let doubts and worries tamper my hope?

Grace: What does it feel like when I am in the holy places?