soul work

CBG: Meek

June 24, 2020 — Leave a comment

And [Jesus] opened his mouth and taught them, saying:
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Matthew 5:2-5

Meek. Who do you see when you envision someone who is meek?

In a capitalistic, patriarchal, white supremacist world, meek isn’t the quality taught to those who want to succeed. Meek gets overpowered. Meek falls to the background. Meek isn’t heard or seen. Meek doesn’t interject. Meek doesn’t shout. Meek isn’t recognized on social media or seeks to go viral. Meek doesn’t vie with its competitors.

Because meek isn’t in competition to be more seen or to get head. Meek roots in worth and visibility. Meek works from the inside. Meek speaks when needed and that clear, wise softness cuts through the jargon and noise. Meek doesn’t need to prove their worth in crowds doing that because the crowd wouldn’t even understand. Meek is on its own race, center and purpose. Meek sees the results and product oriented attitude in capitalism as trivial and creates instead things that feed the soul. Meek sees the fear and ego built into patriarchy and feeds itself love and faith instead. Meek calls out the self-hatred and false set of rules in white supremacy, so lives life from possibility and presence. THIS is the earth they get to live in, and those who know, know.

Prayer: God help me to be fully present to all beings and to see their infinite possibility. Help me to create to expand and to give, and not to horde or lord over others. Help me to love and take risks rather than self-protect.

Where in your life would it be radical to be meek?

CBG COVID Challenge: #2

March 22, 2020 — 1 Comment

Being quarantined in a house with a family has brought up a lot of resentment in me. One, the family is together, planning dinners and game nights, while I am separated from my family and my friends. Two, they can sit back and receive my rent, while I struggle financially and scramble to apply for any employment during this #stayhome season. Three, they seem so happy and it only fuels my own bitterness. What do all these lead to in me? Victimhood. “I have it so much worse.” “No one gets where I’m at.” “Why do I always have to figure things out on my own?” “If this was the end of the world, I don’t want to die with these housemates…” I am a victim.

And a natural step is to continue the cycle of comparison and say, well there are people who have it A LOT worse than me. There are single parents struggling to feed their kids and pay rent. There are families with relatives who have died or are dying. Businesses are closing. Lay offs for people who have worked at a job for over a decade are happening everywhere. So if I want to play the victim card, and then see the state of others in a even grimmer state, I am left with GUILT. While it is helpful, when it gives you perspective to remember those less fortunate, comparison is not the way to get out of a state of victimhood.

What do my resentments reveal? Underneath my “woe is me,” what am I thinking? What is my “victimhood” preserving and protecting? My desires. My hurt. My unmet expectations. Because under the irritation and bitterness are my desires to be with people I love, to have a sense of financial security and to be in joy. All these desires are unmet. And I am scared; and I am hurt. I am sad I don’t have a partner that I’d like to be quarantined with. I am sad that my career after all these years still feels uncertain and stagnant. I realize that my joy is very much wrapped up in circumstances. When I am in this state of thought and meditation, God can work. God can work in our honesty and rawness. He can’t break in fully in our lens of comparison. So what’s the remedy to victimhood? Vulnerability.

Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves one another has fulfilled the law.

Romans 13:8

Prayer: Lay before God your desires, your expectations and your hurt.

Creative: Write a haiku. (5-7-5)

Brave: Let someone know where you’re at, and tell them, you don’t need advice, just a listening ear.

Generous: Venmo $1 to someone to let them know you’re thinking of them, you’re with them!

CBG COVID Challenge: #1

March 21, 2020 — Leave a comment

It is natural and normal to paint the current situation as grim. It is. And it can feel insensitive and fake to simply find the silver lining or to focus on the positive. We as children of God DO NOT and SHOULD NOT do that because God does not silver line or simply zoom past reality to eventual heaven. If anyone and anything exemplifies how to “get through crisis,” it was Jesus f’ng Christ. He lived through humanity aka crisis and pain and hurt. He was with humanity. So as Christians we must set an example of how to live through reality while focusing on the goal and treasure we have already gained. This is our special time to overtly balance things that seem incongruent — here and not yet; fully clean yet needs sanctification; saints and sinners. What would it look like for us to be the truest church today, a church that makes others know and feel, we may be human form but we are Spirit guided.

As I was meditating on what the current situation feels like — anxiety, fear, depression, anger, sorrow, joy, gratitude, the movie Inside Out — I landed on this scripture which I think can be a way in to how we will get through.

For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?

Matthew 16:26

When we have the world, it’s easy to meditate on that scripture and tell ourselves — yes don’t be hoarding, don’t be selfish, meditate on God. We were focused on and we had the world, and we didn’t know it. Until now, when it really feels like we have lost the world. We have. We have lost our plans, our community, our money, our jobs, our hugs, life as we know it. So, now that the world is upside down, I’m going to flip this scripture.

For what will it profit a man if he gains his soul and forfeits the whole world?

That, children of God, is what we have. We have gained our soul and we have lost our world. This special time we have is a time for us to one, meditate and live into what it means to “gain our soul” and two, acknowledge and work through a reality of “forfeiting the world.” Can we do this? Can we do the hard work to shift and mold our character and soul while being real humans about our loss? I think by the Holy Spirit we can and we must!

Not sure if it’s Warren Buffet or Benjamin Graham, one of these old wealthy rich dudes, said to do something creative, brave and generous every day. Through these three categories I hope to make tangible the posture of Matthew 16:26. I also want to share a daily prayer posture. I hope this reset and reframe God has put on humanity will lead to a kinder, more vulnerable, and more overtly interdependent world. We need each other and each other is the funnest way through. Virtually, of course. STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE!

Prayer: Grief. Be real and honest with God with loss you are experiencing and you see the world around you experiencing. Give it to God, hardcore lay it on God. Take a breath and let God really respond however God does.

Creative: Dance and jam to a song. YAS queen.

Brave: Who can you forgive?

Generous: Pray for someone who annoys you.