trust

Day 45: You are a gift

January 30, 2019 — Leave a comment

Numbers 17-18; Psalm 45

God gives the priesthood as a gift to the people. They are appointed with such a specific purpose to be one of blessing and something to generously given. Can we see our lives as such? Can we see wherever we are as a gift to those around us, whether they are under our care or our neighbor? Can we trust that our position and our roles in our community must be seen as a gift?!! You are a gift. You are to be enjoyed and treasured. You are to bring joy. You are to radiate. You are able to change moods. You are able to meet needs. You are able to build connection. You are a gift. Live as such. Live like you are worthy and beautiful. Live like your purpose is fully endowed. Live like you are a gift.

Who’s the gift for? Who asked for the gift? Is this where your calling lies? Is this where your purpose shows up? Who needs you? Is that your community? Who enjoys you? Is that the people you are to generously give your time to? Not in a sick sexual way. Get your minds out of the gutter.

Who can you bless?

Who can you make happy?

Who can you make special?

Because you can and you do!

Day 40: Boring Bible

January 25, 2019 — Leave a comment

Numbers 1-4; Psalm 40

Counting men. Order. Organizing. As the Israelites are about to embark on their journey into the wilderness, it first begins with a very detailed structure. Honestly I haven’t gained that much umph from these four chapters. It’s kinda boring. I don’t really care. I wonder if there have been passionate sermons on the first four chapters of Numbers.

In this Psalm, it acknowledges that God does not want burnt offerings. What God delights in is us following him and being an example everywhere we go so others are drawn in. We Are the living sacrifices. We are an offering. We are God’s. May our lips speak of God’s goodness. May our actions showcase those who are grateful and redeemed. May humility be what goes before everything we do.

Day 38: Strangers & Sojourners

January 23, 2019 — 1 Comment

Leviticus 24-25; Psalm 38

If we lose sight of the heart of God for his people in reading his commandments, we will be offended and disgusted by God. God goes on and on and on about what? Justice. Redemption. Generosity. The interdependence of humanity. If we hold to our dependence on each other, and love each other as we love ourselves (when we have self-love) would it not cover all these relational commandments? If we love, would we not cheat our brother? If we love, would we not cheat on our sister? If we love, would we not ask and give forgiveness? If we love would we not split our piece of toast so that everyone can have a bite? If we love ourselves, would we not harm it? If we love ourselves, would we grow awareness of how our bodies speak to us? If we love, would we not essentially live the commandments of God? God’s commandments seem nit picky and at times weird. When people say love has no borders, it means that we love each person as if we really see their divine created-ness. But love has boundaries. We don’t condone adultery or injustice or greed or bitterness or harm. If we don’t have these boundaries, how do we know what sacrificial love look like? Love has no borders but is rooted by boundaries.

I love that God reminds us that we are strangers and sojourners with God. This means that no matter where we go, we are known and loved and found. No matter where we go, we are home when we are with God. A sojourner with God — a brave faithful adventurer that has eyes on the horizon! A stranger with God — a curious, open member of society ready to connect not for worth but because of divine worth.

Day 34: Touch & taste & all the feels

January 19, 2019 — Leave a comment

Leviticus 14-15; Psalm 34

Did you know that if you lost your sense of smell, food wouldn’t taste as food? Why do you hold your breath when you need to take medicine? You don’t taste it as much! All our senses work together to holistically take in the thing at our attention. Do we experience God like that? With our feelings, our body, our thoughts, our purpose, our everything? Can you feel God’s goodness? Can you see it? Does God overtake your senses? How do we allow for that? How can we be open to this kind of depth of encounter?

1. An openness for it. A belief that it is possible to experience God to depths that make you forget yourself.

2. Awareness and sensitivity. If we look and pay attention, all the signs are around us!

3. Letting go and allowing for what good means to evolve. A faith and a benefit of the doubt perception of a God who loves.

Taste and see and feel and hear and hold and embrace and surrender to and smell and grab the goodness of God. It’s big and you have a seat at the table.

Day 31: Back to one

January 16, 2019 — Leave a comment

Leviticus 5-7; Psalm 31

People were asked to sacrifice from what they had. The rich gave a lamb. The poor could give turtles. These are rituals that demonstrate a deeper meaning. The size of the sacrifice matters less than the willingness to give something of value away to atone. Atonement can be hard to grasp because it assumes we are sinners and we need to be forgiven. What is sin? A propensity to choose ourselves and intentionally/unintentionally wreak havoc in our environment. It doesn’t have to be blatant overt evil. It could be turning a blind eye to those in need. It could be silence in the face of oppression. Sin is the way we break trust with God, each other and even in ourselves. We all do it. What’s the big deal, though? What’s the big deal with a breach of trust here and there? It makes life more veiled and less vulnerable. We work harder to prove our worth. We do things to our benefit and maybe neglect others. Why care about others? We’re interdependent. We are all created in the image of God. We’ve lost that connection to each other, to the earth, to God.

Atonement is to heal this lost and to bring us all back as one. Jesus does that. The Holy Spirit does that. Maybe other things like yoga practices that tell us we are one also do that. But can we simply say we are one without acknowledging the ways we’ve fractured that oneness and answer for it? I acknowledge all the ways I choose myself and selfishly/cowardly not love others fully. How do I shift away from this propensity? How do I choose others and me in all situations? How do I walk with compassion and forgiveness and generosity, without it feeling like an obligation? God help.

Day 30: Conflict Resolution

January 15, 2019 — Leave a comment

Leviticus 1-4; Psalm 30

Burnt. Grain. Peace. Sin. That’s the order of offerings given to God to approach him. It starts with hospitality and thanksgiving. It starts with gratitude and welcome. It starts with laying our defenses down. Then it gets into the nitty gritty of offenses and wrongdoing. The ways of this book may seem laborious and over technical, but it’s also a way of repetition that can make this mindset of gratitude and humility second-nature. In these offerings, God isn’t demanding sacrifices because he thinks he’s so damn good and humans are so damn lucky to even gain access. What if God is showing us, his character requires a mirroring in us of gratitude and humility? He only wants to be on the same playing field as us. No defenses. No pretenses. Meeting at the food table. And then, let’s get into it.

Can we take this same approach to our relationships? How can we begin with gratitude and peace? A second to explain peace: This is not a ways of ignoring offenses and acting Kumbaya as if all things are good. No. It’s a dropping of defenses to actually hear each other! Back to peace. Can we welcome everyone into our time and space with vulnerable and open hospitality before we get into the nitty gritty messy? Wouldn’t the messy and ugly feel more rooted if we know off the bat, we are here for the good of each other, of the other? Couldn’t this actually bring about better conflict resolution?

Acknowledge with gratitude. Drop our defenses. And let’s get into it.

Day 26: What it takes to be with the Holy

January 11, 2019 — Leave a comment

Exodus 28-29; Psalm 26

From clothes to how to use every part of the animal sacrifice, God knows. It’s as if God is trying to put language to the complexity of his holiness. This is what it took to be in the presence of pure goodness. This is what it required. But God trusts that we could follow these steps and wants us near. Doing all this is a daily reminder for Aaron and the priests that there is a distance between humans and God. Our relationship has been severed and it can feel like work to get near to God again. Imagine from the kindest most loving parent, I want you near, but do remember how much you’ve hurt me, for your sake so you remember the depths I went, but I want you. But without that parental guilt. You know what I’m talking about.

In comes Jesus who bridges this, who reminds us daily, minute to minute, that God has gone to the depths for us and when we remember that we are one with God again. When we trust that God wants our good, has our good, has proven he wants that, we are aligned with God. We trust his kingdom. We trust his commandments, because they don’t tell us what to do, but more illuminate what we know is good. God’s heart of good is our heart. If we can trust that God is for us, we can give it all up.

I’m not into selfish rich privileged Christians toting the prosperity gospel exclaiming God is for us! God is for us means you are willing to sacrifice everything material, emotional, mental, spiritual, relational that has filled the places of I’m good enough. I’m enough. God is for us means we are already fully loved.

Day 22: EMO Woe

January 7, 2019 — Leave a comment

Exodus 16-18; Psalm 22

There are days that you are given the double portion in order to have a day of rest. We are given abundance in order to allocate well and plan for the future. That is as much a part of the story as trusting God for daily manna. We need to both trust daily, and take just as much as one needs daily, not more and not less, while being prepared for days when we cannot work and toil. Do we toil sometimes and never enjoy the fruits of our labor on rest days? Let rest exist. Let hard work exist. Let daily trust exist. Let interdependence exist.

Psalm 22 is super emo and desperate sounding. It’s often how I feel inside but I’m afraid to be that open about it. How can one be truthful with how one feels without feeling needy? As I’m typing this I’m in an emo mood. When you’re self-conscious about coming off too desperate or needy, you second guess asking every show of emotion. Or at least I do. Then I just become a bottled up bitter mess. So how can I be present in my feelings such as being forsaken and abandoned without making others eye roll? Do I need to care? Or is it presenting where you’re at in a certain place without needing anything from a human listener? I mean the best thing anyone can do when you’re so stuck and entrenched in your feelings is just listen. Because as you listen, you help unravel the blinders around me and pull me out of my woe is me. I never want to be in my woe is me phase but sometimes I’m there and your clarifying questions and care can help pull me back to the surface.

Day 11: Reality and Redemption together

December 27, 2018 — Leave a comment

Genesis 35-37; Psalm 11

When good arises from bad, people often bring up, what Joseph says: what man intended for bad, God used for good. This is by no means a justification to do bad and condone evil. In the in-between between the evil deed and the redemption ending, we need to uphold how terrible is the former. We should not look at suffering, injustice, cruelty, poor systemic structures, natural disasters, offenses, inhuman relational acts, and lessen their sting by saying well good will come from this, or God has a purpose for this. NO that is missing the point. It’s too separate things and until we reach the other side of redemption, we should not so callously ignore the pain that is often our reality. God is redemptive but until we are there and can look back with healing and forgiveness, those who were hurt can breathe and know God has been with them this whole time, we must stay in this tension of the here and not yet: Evil is the reality and God’s hope exists. How do we straddle acceptance of the present with a confidence of a future hope? How can a future hope help us through a tough present without rose-color-coating the now? How can we be fully here with a mind that holds to a one day God redeems all?

Sides:

1. Reuben is mentioned specifically twice. He sleeps with his fathers’ concubines. Boooo! He tells his brothers not to kill Joseph but to leave him in a well. Eh. What an example of the complicated spectrum of human being?

2. God tests the righteous. Can we replace tests with refines, develops, grows, helps reflect? He tests because he sees our openness to receive and shift. So when you’re being tested, what good quality is God saying you have but merely needs to be kneaded out to the surface?

Day 7: Letting Go to receive better

December 23, 2018 — Leave a comment

Genesis 22-24; Psalm 7

God “tested” Abraham to see where his true love is: is it God or is it God’s blessing? It feels incredibly cruel that God would put Abraham through the ringer like that. Where is the good in this? God isn’t testing Abraham for his own sake, right? He must be doing for Abraham’s sake, so what does Abraham gain from this? Abraham learns he is one that keeps his trust in God regardless of what God can provide. If you can sacrifice the thing you love the most for the one you trust the most, it really means you have it all. Abraham probably experientially knew God is all he needs and that nothing in this world can touch him. If he can let go and surrender fully, he can do anything. He was put through the ringer so that he would know that his life must be a life of faith. It is a life of faith. God desires us to be free from anything in this world that will hold us back from living a life that is beyond our comprehension. And often if we measure by human ways, it doesn’t make sense. I must always go back to God as a God of good and compassion.

When God offers his son on the altar, who was testing him? He need not be tested because he was fully surrendered to his character of grace and forgiveness. Jesus like Isaac did ask once, if there was another way, but when he knew he was the only way to fully prove God’s love for us, he too surrendered. God went through the pain that Abraham didn’t have to go through. Even though he knew glory was to follow, the pain was realer than ever. Do not pass over the reality of pain and of today’s broken world, just because we know one day Revelation 21 will be true. Today we are still here.

God help me to surrender all things that hold me back from living a life of faith — surrender my negative thoughts, my tendency to compare, my narrow expectations. Let me imagine a life of faith — doing the things that make no sense of humanity but are in a vision of kindness, redemption, humility, and compassion.