vulnerability

Soften Our Hearts

February 15, 2021 — Leave a comment

From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work. So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.

Ephesians 4:16-19

When I think of a hardened heart, I think of the Pharaoh that refused to let the Israelites go even though there was sign after sign of God’s power. The Pharaoh insisted on his oppressive ways and his ego, rather than the safety of his own people and the well-being of those he held captive. I always tripped up over the part where it says God hardened the Pharaoh’s heart, so wasn’t it God’s fault that the Israelites were held captive because God was the puppet master behind Egypt’s cruel systems? God allowed for the Pharaoh’s heart to be hard and allowed for Moses to have the power and might to lead the Israelites into freedom. God can allow for both sides — the cruelty and imperfection of the world and God’s redemption and grace. What the Pharaoh demonstrated is a harm and ignorance that comes out of a hardened heart and unwillingness to take in what is happening which leads to an inability to change.

Sometimes life darkens our thoughts and perspectives so much that we cannot see the grace of God or how God can take this current situation and bring out good. Life can be cruel. Life often is cruel. And over time, this can actually desensitize us, moving us from feeling the pain to feeling that pain is simply reality. This can either happen when we put up walls to not have to feel the world so much. This can happen when we take active steps to disconnect from the world and pain: addictions, unhealthy codependence, survival tactics. When we disconnect from the heartache of the world and the reality that things in this world are not right, we also disconnect from God’s grace and redemption. You need both. They are two sides of the same circumstance. Grief makes room for joy. Incompletion makes room for unity. Longing makes room for fulfillment.

Without this recognition that there is a God that is good, that is on your side, that is looking out for you, that will pull you through, (unsure how), we can seek after other things that do more harm. We can fill up with these things that don’t fully satisfy yet keep returning for more hits. We can have so much, yet feel empty.

Acknowledge the heartache and set backs. Acknowledge the anger and injustice. Acknowledge that you have desires and longings that are not fulfilled. It takes faith and courage to acknowledge and be vulnerable to our humanity. Here, God can do his magic. Here, God can rain down his grace and reminders. Here, God can show you a way that requires patience and faith and a greater purpose that satisfies and connects you with the whole.

The God I cannot fathom

February 5, 2021 — Leave a comment

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine, according to his power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Ephesians 3:20-21

I need this today because I feel like I can’t fully imagine a hopeful and bright possibility. I need this today because I feel like I’ve asked for the same things over and over again and the answer has not been the resounding yes that makes me feel like things will be okay. I need this today because I need a reality and a truth and a God who can imagine and do more than my mind, heart and soul can fathom.

On the days when I want to give up, may I come back to this God who has endurance and perseverance that I can’t fathom.

On the days when I feel so inadequate and want to sneak into a cave to hide, may I come back to this God who has the patience and kindness that I can’t fathom.

On the days when I feel like hope is too scary, may I come back to this God who hopes hundredfold on my behalf.

On the days when I feel too exhausted to seek out this God, may God come to me with a strength and presence I cannot deny.

Pleasure, Praise & Play

January 14, 2021 — Leave a comment

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will — to praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

Ephesians 1:4-6

It is God’s pleasure and will to call us his children. It is out of God’s love that he brings us in. Our ability to praise God’s grace is even a thing God gives us. Pleasure, praise and love are given to us freely and extravagantly.

When was the last time you allowed yourself to feel pleasure, praise freely and love deeply?

Pleasure. What comes to mind for you when you meditate on that word? “I’m not allowed…” “That’s indulgent…” “It’s..dirty.” Do guilt, shame and suppression arise? God started with pleasure! We are part of God’s pleasure! We, too, are allowed to know what is pleasurable, seek after what feels like ease in our body. Pleasure is our inherent coherence with the divine.

Praise… of his glorious grace. There is humility when you praise of God’s grace. There is an awareness when you really hold God’s grace. Not for the grace of God, go I… How can we praise from this deep humility and awareness, aware that you are not entitled to anything and humbled that if it were not for the grace of God, you would not be here? How can be praise in such a way that invites others into God’s grace, not push them away because of tone-deafness, but rather with a desire to share, even give your joy so another can experience it as well?

Love. Love is dangerous. Love demands of us to give so much we risk getting hurt. Love is removing the armor and drawing near and close. Love hopes. Love sees the other with as much worth and ferocity as God sees them. Can you love in this explosive way?

Where can you invite pleasure into your life today? How can you praise through eyes of wonder? Who can you love today that demands faith and courage?

Choosing Love

January 4, 2021 — 1 Comment

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

1 Corinthians 13:1-3

Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.

James Baldwin

We can have the power and purpose to impact people and the world, but without love, the barrier between humans remains and the connection that enables change cannot be formed. Love is what breaks down our defenses and armors so that we can actually be close enough to each other to see and know each other. Love translates our unique actions into the unique language our recipients can understand. Love removes fear so that play, innocence and leaps of faith can exist. Love removes the fear of not being enough, the fear of being seen and potentially rejected, the fear of doing it wrong, (as if there’s actually something such as doing it right), the fear that that where we are right now is off. Where you are right now reveals the insecurities, the heartaches and challenges that are building up your mask. With that awareness, you can have agency to choose love instead.

Choose love? That’s choosing your unchangeable worth and uniqueness ordained by God above all else. Choosing love is to see yourself the way God sees you — divine, done on purpose and delightful. Out of this knowing and love, we then break these manmade prisons that keep us separate and weary of each other. In this freedom, we then communicate, prophesy, perform miracles, give generously and endure all waves. Only when we recognize our own freedom and live into it can we seek to free others. That is our greatest calling: to usher others into their wholeness and freedom. To point people back to their Garden of Eden.

If you continue on in 1 Corinthians, you will find what love is. When you are not living in those — patience, kindness, opposite of envy, humility, and so forth — you are not in love. Will you dare to ask yourself why you are not living in and out of love? What mindset of comparison are you in? What unhealthy narratives are you imprisoned by? Where are you not believing God’s divine touch and making of you? Press in. Press through. You will find love right there.

Shine in Service

January 3, 2021 — Leave a comment

For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.

2 Corinthians 4:5-10

2020 was a necessary year that showed us our own darkness and our capacity for light. I carry into 2021 the bruises, the breakdowns and the blessings of this past year. The lessons of exhaustion and helplessness are in my body. The feelings and visions of rage and injustice are in my bones. The promises of hope and renewal flow in my blood. Nothing is wasted. Nothing is by accident. We may be foolish and unwise, yet in God’s grace, even those things he can turn into treasures that light the way for a better tomorrow.

My prayer for 2021 is to choose vulnerability and kindness over natural inclinations to defend and shut down. I want to harness the power that is in me, in all of us, through the power of Jesus, for the sake of others. That is the ONLY use of that power. To be a vessel of God’s power is to be a light for the world. Shine my friends. When you sense Jesus’ death in your body, and it leads you to break when you see injustice, pain and suffering in the world, let that stir you into generosity, faithful action and brave connections. When you sense Jesus’ resurrection in your body, and it leads you to see how the pieces do come together and hope does have the last word, let that stir you to share that joy and peace. May we carry the depths of heartache and heights of hope in our body, minds and souls. May we be the #church that blesses the nation, not through super spreader rule-breaking worship concerts, but by being a light in service of others.

  1. What would it look like for you to shine in service of your community?
  2. Who dims that light? You? Loved ones? What does it look like to protect yourself from their shade?
  3. If today you were to choose kindness and vulnerability over the need to right and the need to look cool, what relationships would you work on? What projects? What purpose would you go after?

Do you have a word for the year? I’d love to hear it! xx

Brokenhearted Life

October 1, 2020 — Leave a comment

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.

Psalm 34:18-20

Who needs a break from life? Who feels boxed in? Bruised? Out of breath? Who feels like the tenderness in their heart feels too much? That you’re ready to make it hard.

It may feel broken, but aren’t you standing? Maybe actually you’re stronger than you know. You may feel crushed and tested, but didn’t you make it through yesterday? Maybe you’re actually more rooted than you believe. You may feel surrounded by troubles, but haven’t you always lived a life of troubles yet here you are. Maybe you were created to handle the storms and winds.

A brokenness feeling is equal to a closeness to God. God knows hurt and sorrow and unmet want. What do you need from this closeness of God? What do you need to be reminded of? Where do you need God to lay their hand? For a moment of slowing down, awareness and holding you up.

Be gentle with yourself. You are strong. You are alive and that is your gift to this world.

A surrendering Want

September 28, 2020 — Leave a comment

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself?’ Tell her to help me!’

‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed — or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’

Luke 10:38-42

Here I am at this passage again, which I think is the beauty of God’s living Word. Each read can be fresh or can be a continuation of a past revelation. Today I want to discuss how Mary and Martha’s desire for the Lord differ. Martha loved and cared for God and tried to do the most to manifest that inward desire. However I think her intense outward doing distracted from her heart desire. She got so wrapped up in the result of what she could do for Jesus that it sort of closed her off to how else she can exist before God.

Mary on the other way, surrendered herself at the feet of Jesus. She was obvious with where her attention was directed. She was obvious with her love and desire for nearness. She was consumed by Jesus’ presence. She showed her want with a sort of vulnerability and surrender that can feel offensive in a world that requires us to mask our wants. We can want, but we also need to be doing and proving. We can want, but you need to deserve it. Mary just went with her desire and stilled herself before what she thought fill her up the most.

Let’s have permission to be vulnerable with our desires. Let us be so vulnerable there’s a risk that people will think it’s kind of absurd. What would it take to remove a layer of armor around our heart desires?

End of Week Revelations

September 28, 2020 — Leave a comment
  • You’re allowed to want. What if want is wrapped up in worship to God and faith in God?
  • You have permission to be in journey and in exploration. On this side of heaven, we are always in process and hopefully in step with progress.
  • It’s vulnerable to show your extreme joy because it’s a kind of release that holds so much hope and love. In this world those expressions are brave and necessary.
  • Be honest with your friends. Be in community to spur each other on, to give the needed compliments and YOU ARE THE PRIZE reminders. Life doesn’t work as well solo, so be honest and vulnerable with your tribe.
  • Remind yourself: I am beautiful. I am enough. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. These are the truths. When you’re already living in these truths, God can then build on them and give you even more truths.
  • Embrace your fears/desires. Can you see the desire under the fear? Can you remove the negative voices and judgment that are under the desire? Be gentle with the fear because it’s only protecting your desire.

The Senselessness of Suffering

September 23, 2020 — Leave a comment

Two other men, both criminals, were also led out with [Jesus] to be executed. When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals – one on his right, the other on his left. Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.’ And they divided up his clothes by casting lots. The people stood watching, and the rulers even sneered at him. They said, ‘He saved others; let him save himself if he is God’s Messiah, the Chosen One.’

Luke 23:32-35

At the peak of Jesus’ exposure and humiliation, he still had compassion for his persecutors. Jesus was stripped and mocked, yet his response was care and compassion. How is this possible? How was he able to hold onto his humanity while everyone around him was trying to strip it away?

There is a strength and power that none of us will ever be able to fathom. This was God in flesh who held both vulnerability and empathy in each hand, in all situations. Jesus experienced pain after pain before he endured this finale: rejection from friends, betrayal by those closest to him, poverty, pressure, the inability to save everyone. He surrendered so fully into his purpose and love for the people, that his present pain was also wrapped into the future renewal.

How do we keep our hearts open and tender especially in the midst of suffering? How do we still pursue the goodness of others even as we are being destroyed? Your pain may not make sense; when does pain ever make sense and feel fair? If we cannot make sense of the suffering, we could instead sow compassion and forgiveness because those do make sense. Compassion helps us see the thread of brokenness in all of humanity. Forgiveness helps us to stay vulnerable and open to renewed connection. These two may not take away your suffering, but they might help you find community and love in unexpected ways.

Blinding Lights

September 21, 2020 — Leave a comment

Meanwhile, Saul was still breathing out murderous threats against the Lord’s disciples. He went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues in Damascus, so that if he found any there who belonged to the Way, whether men or women, he might take them as prisoners to Jerusalem. As he neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, ‘Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?’

‘Who are you, Lord?’ Saul asked.

‘I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,’ he replied. ‘Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.’

The men traveling with Saul stood there speechless; they heard the sound but did not see anyone. Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing. So they led him by the hand into Damascus. For three days he was blind, and did not eat or drink anything.

Acts 9:1-9

Are we imprisoned by certainty & anger? Are we set and determined down a path of destruction, thinking others will get hurt when the resentment is only killing us? Are you being called to let all that shit go?

Saul had all his armor: his achievements, his purpose, his status, his community, his resume on paper. God needed to blind him, to set his eyes on something new. God needed to make him helpless and dependent in order for him to starve out the toxins that were in his body. What will it take for you to let go of your armor, detox and drop whatever is making you tense and tight?

What is your anger covering up? Where do you feel injustice? How would you like the world to be? Why? Who would benefit if you got this world? Would it make you more vulnerable and empathetic? If you got this world, would it bring people together or tear communities apart? I hope that under our righteous anger is a compassion for humanity and a hope that renewal is possible & coming. I pray that you can let the anger point to the compassionate fragile beautiful heart inside that God wants to use, and actually, can only use. Be caring. Be fragile. Let go of that armor.